Category: Writing

Real Talk: HIS Handwriting.

“You need to start writing”.

*sigh*

There she went, AGAIN! My accountability partner, delivering yet another gentle boot to my rear.

Gentle? Ha!

Her: You need to start writing.

Me: I AM writing.

Her: Handwritten.

Me: You KNOW I have nuero issues which makes writing difficult. Besides, you know I HATE my handwriting. It looks like I should be a doctor or something.

Her: You need to start handwriting. Soon.

Me: Dammit (to myself, of course).

Dammit.

DAMMIT!!!!!

*Cassandra throws a mini tantrum*…..*pout*…..*Cassandra would dearly love to tell her accountability partner, Life, AND God to go kick some rocks already!!!*

*sigh*…..*pout*….*sigh*….okay….fresh hell….

Yikes!

Egads!

Yall too!? What do you mean what’s the big deal about writing, by hand? If I were honest with you, with me, I would have to own the REAL reason I stopped writing, by hand. Years and years ago.

God and Life not playing fair, now. Once They cause us to turn aside, to SEE our burning bush, They are RELENTLESS, in getting us to see, acknowledge and to burn away, EVERY hindrance that gets in our way. EVERY thing that will deter us from LIVING. EVERY focus that keeps us looking down, looking backwards, instead of moving FORWARD, walking STRAIGHT, not crooked….

Okay! Okay! I will stop stalling and fess up…crap….living ain’t always easy, yall…..

I admit it. I have AWFUL handwriting. All scratchy. Near unrecognizable. Looks like something off a heart monitor!

My sisters have beautiful handwriting. I have always admired THEIR handwriting. So fluid. So pretty. Looked like a joy to write.

My handwriting was ALWAYS a struggle. Had to take extra time for folks to understand it. Cursive. Regular. N matter. They BOTH looked the same! HOW printing and cursive can look the same is beyond me.

I loved/love the writing gifts God and Life have given me. Love being able to string words together, in ways that makes sense, makes no sense. I love being able to encourage others, with just a timely word here or there.

Yet, HATED to see those SAME words, coming from such UGLY handwriting! I don’t know why, but I always, secretly that is, thought I was letting my gift down with the awfulness of MY handwriting. The writing gifts I attributed to God. MY handwriting. Well, it was MINE. I was the moron who couldn’t write in pretty, and acceptable, flowing writing ‘for a girl’. Girls were SUPPOSED to have pretty, flowing handwriting.

Girls were also supposed to be, quiet. I was not. I was loud.

Girls were also supposed to be, delicate. I was not. I was strong, athletic, Hercules. Code words for ‘you ain’t girly enough’.

I was so thankful when computers came out. I could type!!! I could hide behind the typed word.

Ah! Hiding. There goes that existing stuff again, eh?

I became very good at hiding behind words. I never thought about it, that way. Thought I was just giving out HIS Encouraging Words. Loved doing so. Loved selecting super pretty font, extra cute stationary. All to showcase HIS Words with. They were beautiful words, to me. Encouraged many a folks with words. Encouraged myself, with those words.

Yet, each time, I dismissed my handwriting, the way God and Life, had birthed me to be, I think I made Them sad. GOD was The One who made me the way He had. ALL of me. Not just the parts I care for. ALL OF THEM makes me….well, they all make me ME.

Even, my handwriting. Especially, my handwriting. When I write, with my hands, my heart comes tumbling out. Always has. I missed that feeling. The feeling of not caring what folks thought of how the words looked, just how they made one feel or see.

I will share what I finally wrote, in my journal, on 5/11/21:

I love writing. Always hated my handwriting. It was never pretty. The words were pretty. The handwriting, me, by extension, never was. Ah! “You have beautiful eyes”. “Write. With your hands”….was right. Dad was right. I am beautiful. My pen never lies. I write. I have nice eyes 🙂

Will admit, writing this, reading this then, made me cry. Rereading those words, makes me want to cry, now.

I AM beautiful. God created me. There is only ONE me. No one has my sense of humor, my way of looking at the world. Nobody will ever think my thoughts, dream my dreams, do the things only I was created to do!

God gave me the handwriting I have, today. KNOWING this. FINALLY accepting this, accepting me, do I find he handwriting beautiful? To be honest? No. The fact God gave it to me I find immensely beautiful.

There are days when I wish I were less passionate. Some days where I honestly wished I didn’t care so dammed much about the whole dammed world. Life would be easier, I used to tell myself, if I didn’t care quite as much or tried quite as hard.

I don’t think this way, anymore. I do wish, at times, that the caring did not hurt as much, was not as tough to carry as caring can be.

Caring makes one vulnerable. Sharing our ‘handwriting’ with the world, makes us super vulnerable. Folks, can, and will dismiss it, dismiss us. Being dismissed hurts. Yet, caring, being willing to be open and vulnerable is precious. You learn soooooooooo many things, about yourself, when you give yourself away to others.

Folks can either love you back or think your efforts not enough, for them.

Does this make you any less beautiful, wonderful, cherished? No.

Time for us all to show our ‘handwriting’ to this world. This world NEEDS what we have. This world is desperate for my unique handwriting, for your special handwriting.

We are HIS Handwriting. We are His Hands. We are His Shoulders. We are His Arms. Some folks will never know love save what we show to them. Don’t hold back your ‘handwriting’ thinking your handwriting is ugly.

We were made how we were made for a reason. You were not meant to look like, act like, be like anyone else. Keep on being you. Keep on doing you. Keep on writing. You don’t have to be on ‘fancy paper with fancy fonts’. Just keep ‘writing’ and let God and Life do the rest.

His and yours,

Cassandra LOVED

You are.

You are.

Period.

You ARE:

Enough.

Everything.

Loved.

Cherished.

Protected.

Valued.

Seen.

Heard.

You are.

You are:

Loved, by God.

You are:

So much more than you have EVER given yourself credit for.

You are.

You are:

Amazing.

More than a conqueror.

You are.

You are:

Precious.

Priceless.

You are.

YOU are.

YOU ARE!

Away with you dismissing you!

Away with you believing those who would dismiss you.

Away with ALL that would have you see yourself as anything less than the awesome, loved, adored, cherished, protected, amazing, and valued person God KNOWS you to be, Life KNOWS you to be, and all that loves KNOWS you to be.

As for the rest, tell them to go kicks some rocks! Whatcha lissening to THEIR nonsense for? They don’t even like themselves, let alone see your worth.

God thinks you are awesome. I think you are amazing. Why? Cuz you all up in my blog…..hahahahahahaha…..kidding. You ARE, though, beloved. You ALREADY are. Stop trying to earn the love already freely given to you.

RECEIVE the love, okay?

I got your back in prayer.

I love you, beloveds.

God loves us all.

Jesus thinks we ALL have got in going on, like popcorn! How fantastic is that???!!!!!!

Real talk: How much do YOU like you?

How much do YOU like you?

Ow! That can be a touchy question.

How much do YOU like you?

Do you only like you when others do?

Do you only like you when you have ‘done a good job’?

Do you only like you when you feel as though you have ‘done enough’ for the day, person, situation?

Do you only like you when work has gone well, when your efforts have been well received?

Do you still like you when you have flamed out, royally, at work or with some person or situation?

Do you STILL like you when ALL your efforts seem to have come to naught?

Do you STILL like you when others seem to have rebuffed you, or worse, ignored you, entirely?

How much do YOU like you?

How much do YOU love you?

Do you love you only when you are receiving love from another?

Can you love yourself when you are all alone with no one to fill your love bucket but YOU?

Is your like and love independent of what you do? Of what you have or perceive yourself of not having yet or at all?

CAN you be liked/loved if you are not DOING anything, at the moment?

Does your just showing up qualify as ‘enough’?

For YOU?

I asked myself, these questions, the other day. A week or so ago, God and Life told me to ‘come down from the wall’. Meaning, get down from watching over folk. Time to get some rest, for ME. As a caregiver, tough message to hear/receive. I am used to encouraging folk, used to ‘being there’ in case of a need. I am used to, swooping in, scooping up, saving the day, giving my last, giving my all.

So, when God and Life, told me to ‘come down from the wall’ and rest. Well, can I admit to being a bit restless?

Is it okay, to admit, to you, at least, I don’t have the first clue, not really, of REAL rest. Am learning, though. One agonizingly quiet minute/hour/day after the other.

At first, when God and Life told me to take a chill pill, and rest, I was excited. Exhausted, to be honest. This has been a tough last year or so. Tough since my mom passed. EVERY day, since mom passed, I have been doing my utmost to let folks know to love, live, and have joy, best they can as life is so very short. So short.

I have felt like some town crier, shouting into the wind, desperate for folks to NEVER have to experience the feeling of watching a loved one, lowered into precious earth, without KNOWING they had loved him/her/they for as long and as hard as they could.

Have done all that I know, given all I have to give. So folks would KNOW they were loved and cared for. I can’t even tell you why it has been so important to me. Other than God needing folk to know.

So, here I was, hollering as loud and long as I could. Then, God and Life, tapped me on the shoulder and told me to be still, to be quiet, to get some rest.

YIKES!

EGADS!

I have felt like an antsy kid. Not really restless. Not really wondering. Not really.

After a few days, though, I must admit my HEART has begun to wonder. Not wander. But WONDER.

Is quiet me, enough for folks?

Is quiet me, enough for ME?

Is quiet me, enough for God and Life?

Ah!

Back to the ‘enough’ question!

I decided to trust God and Life, and do as they said. I turned off the phone. Put down my pen/laptop and was still. Still, and wondering.

Wondered what all I would discover, about ME, not others. Wondered what it would be like to just BE, not do. Just to BE.

Still.

Silent.

Quiet.

The stillness has been sooooooooooooooo still.

The quiet so very quiet.

Seems like all of heaven, and all of ME, is wondering about this one, ME. This ME who has forever been hollering and wondering ‘Why Can’t I Be Loud?! Wondering what SHE wonders about, while NOT wandering about, wondering about others.

What does SHE, me, think about all this not doing stuff, this not speaking stuff, this not writing stuff.

Will I like her this way? Stiil? Quiet? Not rushing, to and fro, seeking someone to help, encourage, support?

Do I love this quiet her?

Do I like this serious her?

Do I need others, to like her before I will/do?

Do I need to see the seal of approval of a like post, a responded to text or email before I will pat her on the head and say ‘well done, faithful servant?’

Let me tell you, these are NOT easy questions to answer, in the still of the night. Rather, they are not easy to hear one’s hearts answers to them. We have NO idea, what our heart will say to us, unless we find the courage and take the time to ask ourselves these things.

I am glad I asked them, of me. Learned many things about me.

What did I learn about me, you ask?

Ah! Another great question!

I shall save those nuggets for upcoming posts. This is called foreshadowing…..hehe…..for me to know and you to read about, should you be curious…hehe….

As for you….

How much do YOU like you? Do you think you have got it going on, like popcorn? Or, do you have to be validated, stamped and sealed, by other’s approval? Do you have to DO to be okay with thee? Dare you give yourself permission, to come down off the wall, and rest, be still, be quiet and find out what YOU truly think about you?

You may surprise yourself, with what you find out.

Let me know what your answers turned out to be.

Ready. Set. LIVE!

yours,

Cassandra

No Greater Love.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=jRz9oS2WTjs&feature=share

If you have not listened to CeCe Winans ‘Believe For It’ album you are missing out!!!!

YAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Awesome!!!

Her song ‘No Greater’ makes me want to run through a wall or something!!!

The Love God has for us is fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is NO Greater than HE!!!!

Jesus is the Bomb.com!

He is:

AWESOME.

FANTASTIC.

ADORED.

CHERISHED.

His Love for us is:

Relentless.

Never-ending.

Never-changing.

Fathomless.

There is NO depth, He will not go for us.

There is NO place we can go that He is not already there. He goes with us, always. He goes before us. He looks out after us.

How great is that?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whatever you are going through, at this present time, know that Jesus loves Him some you. Whether you know Him or not, He KNOWS and loves you. Whether you receive His Love, it is there for you, regardless.

There is no low too low for Him to reach down and lift you up. No height that is too high for Him to reach, on your behalf.

You could search the whole world over and will NEVER find any beside Him, like Him, as bad as He. NOWHERE. NONE!!!

That’s what’s up, beloveds.

WE BE LOVED!!!!!!!!!!

We have unmerited love, peace, grace, joy available for us ANY moment we choose to receive them.

How great is that to know??????!!!!!!

Just wanting to share some good news, today. Someone needs to know they are valued, loved, cared for.

You don’t have to earn love. Is ready for you.

Be blessed, this day. As am I.

Cassandra LOVED

#YouMatterToMe

Love them/you a new way.

CeCe Winans – No Greater (Official Audio): https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=jRz9oS2WTjs

Sitting in my car, jamming to ‘No Greater ‘, yakking with mom, in my heart, out loud, just enjoying time with her.

Yes, I ache, not being able to be with her, physically. Some days, the ache aches so much it is almost a physical one. I want to snatch my heart out, want to hold it up to God and Life and ask them to take the ache away…*sigh*.

I have learned to love her, a different way. Our new way, now. When I am missing her, the most, I sit in my car, the last place I heard her voice, made her laugh, cried when she told me ‘I love you’.

One would think this would be the last place I would want to be, being the last place I was ‘with’ her. Could not even tell you why it brings me so much peace and comfort. If anyone knows, feel free to let me know. Would be truly interested to know folks thoughts on this one.

Anywho, just sitting here, loving on mom a different way. A new way. Can’t say it’s better seeing as she is gone.

No longer looking for better, easier, faster etc in life. I have learned, am learning STILL the harder, longer, tougher, etc. way has introduced me to someone awesome/amazing: ME!

I am doing things, never done. Trying things, never tried. Living large, not existing as small as possible.

I cry more, try more, give more, hope more, believe more.

I stress less, fuss less, distress less, give in less.

In fact, I have removed LESS completely from my vocab. No more hopeless. No more helpless.

The ONLY ‘less’ I allow myself is RELENTLESS!😎💃🔥

Lift up your head, beloveds. Yes, you have lost some great loves, situations, places, etc. Love them, though, in a different way. In a new way. Only YOU will know what that way will look like.

The eggs are already broken, the milk already spilled. All we can do now, beloved, is to clean up, let them go, let it go, as it was, and embrace the NOW.

In the meantime, keep on loving. In the car, in the house, where ever you need to.

Just because we have to love different, love someone different, doesn’t mean we have lost or we have failed. Life just did life.

Keep going, beloved.

I go with.

Cassandra BLESSED

Real talk: Later comes much sooner than you think.

Dammit.

*sigh*

DAMMIT!

This is the conversation had EVERY morning now, with this beautiful, money saving water filtration system.

EVERY morning! Every fantastic, cold, delicious sip of water from this 20 dollar system I thought cost entirely too much right now when I can pay 99 cents for a jug of water’.

OMG, Cassandra! How COULD you have fallen for that lazy, lazy, lazy, costly 99 cent lie?!!

Takes me a few minutes to get over myself.

I tell myself I am saving NOW. There truly is nothing I can do about things not done, THEN, than dealing with those things NOW.

A lesson I shall never forget. Until I remember the next dumb thing I need to correct, fix, move, remove, replace, etc.

It’s okay, though. God and Life have ALREADY figured in EVERY dumbness we could ever do or come up with. 🤣

My morning beatdowns have gotten much shorter. I am loving on me, more. Giving myself a hard time over mistakes made, less.

I am doing my utmost, to count the cost NOW. To pay the price of standing, living, loving, enduring, hoping, giving NOW. In order to have them all built up and waiting tough times LATER.

Count the cost, NOW. Do the hard thing, NOW. Do the standing, NOW. DO the LIVING, NOW.

Life is short, beloved. Don’t waste a moment chastising yourself for not having replaced your filter then. Do it, now. Then, move on and keep it moving.

As long as you are doing all you know, God and Life WILL and ARE taking care of all else in you, in your life, for you, for your life.

We got this.

Good Yikes! though! Do you know how much money I have wasted these past five years! CASSANDRA!!!! OMG!!!…*shrug*. Lotsa money, yall. Omg!!😱🤷‍♀️

Keep going.

His and yours,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

What are you willing to lose, in order to win?

What are you willing to lose, in order to win?

What are you willing to give up, in order to gain?

What are you willing to lose, in order to find again?

Will you, at all costs, think the sacrifice is worth it all?

All may be required. Your all, may be required. Are you willing to give?

Your all?

To Him, without knowing outcomes end?

Do you need to know the ending, His Ending, before you are willing to begin?

What are you willing to lose, in order to win?

Are you willing to lose all, in order to win all, not knowing what ALL, giving your all, will entail?

If the answer is yes, then proceed, without caution.

For caution, too often, has caused you to fail.

Fail, to move. Fail, to try. Caution, your caution, in fear resides.

Toss caution, aside. Tell caution, you’ll win. In beginning, you are winning, winning ALL, you’ll see.

What are you willing to lose, in order to gain?

How much, is too much, before you will take a chance.

Take a chance, take THE chance, on YOU.

In being willing, to end things, in order to begin things, you have ALREADY won.

In ending, without seeing the ending, a beginning, you have begun anew.

You have launched out, despite knowing, if all will be found, and won, by you.

In going, without knowing, with fear showing, darkness growing, your steps never slowing, you have won the greatest prize.

This prize, called FAITH, God and Life have granted thee. THEIR Faith given thee which contains:

Certainty.

Stability.

Assurity.

Ability.

Tranquility.

Sustainability.

Now that you have given all, to win, all, God and Life shall do all, to ensure all…that touches you, touches your life SHALL be blessed.

Keep going.

You got this.

I got this.

WE got this.

We in this…..together.

I love you. I pray for you. Daily. On the regular.

I have your back. Be encouraged, beloveds. Be at peace.

We have ALREADY won.

winning with you,

Cassandra VICTORIOUS

Real talk: Pressure. Bring it on. We making diamonds!

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=orPr3M_fCH4&feature=share

Owww!

Circumstances, situations, the world, the enemy, applying pressure something fierce, here lately.

Oww!!

I must admit, I got clipped, nicely today. Roundhouse to the chops. Minding my own business, standing, doing my utmost to do my utmost and….

POW!

After getting over the shock of being unfairly targeted by foolishness, I proceeded to stand, regally. I gracefully sidestepped the bombs, thereafter, and had a glorious and pain free rest of the day.

NOT!

Had some hardship. Fell flat on my face. Pouted. Got mad. Pouted, some more. Got mad, some more. Rinsed and repeated the aforementioned dumbness. Added a sprinkle of ‘feeling sorry for myself’. Stormed about, in my mind, carrying on and wondering, whining, rather, where God and Life were.

Did they NOT know I was tarrying, working, getting punched, in the face, for THEIR sakes?????!

Climbed on my high horse, and did a fine soliloquey on the unfairness of Life, of God, for having me toil, try and get pounded on, for no good reason, I am tellin ya….smh….*sigh*….*Cassandra has to shake her head knowing she KNOWS better than to be wasting time on tantrums such as these*….*sigh*….

I admit it. Acted quite the fool. Asked for prayer, from my accountability partner. Got said prayer. What was more important, I got a nice hind end kicking. Much deserved.

I know better!

I KNOW BETTER!!!

These tough days, these hard things, these lonely, rock filled, snake infested roads are ONLY providing the needed pressure to form this diamond, called me!

Diamonds are formed by heat and pressure, over a long period of time. Buried, deep within the Earth’s crust. Down deep, where they must be ferreted out. A costly endeavor. Diamonds are valuable because of their:

Rarity.

Time they took to form.

Expense it takes to ferret them out.

People’s perceptions of their value.

Yes, man has found a way to reproduce diamonds. Yet, NOTHING can top the diamonds God and Life have made! Man made diamonds will ALWAYS have their flaws, their occlusions. Even man made diamonds, though, have their beauty. Still have to pressure to make them.

So, don’t sweat the pressure, when it comes. The pressure won’t break you. Just feels as though it can, or will, at times.

The ONLY thing we need to allow pressure to break is our pride, our fear, our discouragement, (insert whatever words you like here).

When you feel you are being squeezed, rejoice.

When you feel you are being pressured, rejoice.

When you feel you are under intense heat, rejoice.

When you feel you can’t take ANOTHER step, rejoice.

You are being tried, tested, pressured, pressed, above measure. The priceless diamond, called YOU is being formed.

Stay, in the fight.

Stay, in the fire.

Stay, in the waiting.

Stay, in the standing.

Stay, in the trying.

You SHALL come out as gold. You shall come out the diamond.

Tried.

Tested.

Priceless.

Precious.

Keep going.

I go with.

Cassandra TESTED.

Quitting is NOT an option.

You got this. STILL!

Yea, circumstances seems to have showed up and showed out, today.

Yea, life sure seemed to have wopped you upside the head, for NO, apparent reason, today.

Yea, your get up and go, seemingly got up and went sometime, during the night.

Yea, you gave your all and your all looked at you, today, and said ‘No idea what you thinking but we ain’t winning today’.

Yea, your spirit was willing but your flesh said, ‘Not today, partner’.

In ALL these things, however, YOU STILL win!

Why?

Because, you are still:

Standing.

Trying.

Striving.

Hoping.

Growing.

Living.

The best you can, uyou are doing these things.

Keep going.

Do NOT look at today’s outcome. The outcome is besides the point.

God and Life just trying to keep your ‘try’ going. This is ALL that is required, today, and EVERY day.

ONLY ONE QUESTION NEEDED TO BE ASKED:

Did you ‘try’, today?

If the answer is yes, well, EVERYTHING that has transpired and has come after, are just gravy!

Look at you!

You are LIVING life, not simply surviving it.

You GOT this!!

The world, the enemy, circumstances, situations, and people look to make you jump through hoops to ‘earn’ your spot, to earn your shot.

Beloved, God loves YOU. Yes, He appreciates your effort. Yes, He champions your ‘want to’. Yet, God and Life does NOT expect you to toil and scrape by, wondering if They are there for you. They are. Always!

You are NOT your efforts, beloved. Yes, your efforts are important. However, your efforts are just that: effort.

Keep going.

Keep doing you.

Keep trying.

Keep loving.

Keep LIVING!

Living can get frustrating when we are not where we think we could/should/would be. God and Life understands.

Cut yourself some slack.

Keep going.

Keep trying.

Quitting is NOT an option.

Ever.

Never.

Hang in there.

The light will NEVER relinquish.

We are the light.

We shall NEVER relinquish to ANY darkness!

We shall NOT relinquish, extinguish, diminish or dismiss our light.

WE hold back the darkness.

WE provide hope, for the hopeless.

WE point the way to freedom and healing.

WE carry ALL that is needed, inside us.

WE uplift:

Ourselves.

Others.

God and Life NEED us, beloveds.

We be THE LIGHT.

We be THE FIGHT!

I absolutely REFUSE to give up this country, my community, my family, my brothers, my sisters, my others.

I got you!

We got this, beloveds.

Keep on shining the light, called YOU. Shine in whatever form, fashion, manner YOU deem fit. It’s not for others to tell you how to shine.

I don’t care how long it takes. I am going to keep on, keeping on. If I have to go, by myself, I am a goin.

Who goin’ with me?

We will NOT leave things to folks tearing down things, wreaking havoc in 240 characters or less.

I am the light. I shall NEVER relinquish to the darkness.

YOU are the light. Don’t you DARE relinquish your spot to the darkness.

We SHALL beat back this darkness. One light, at a time. One voice, at a time. One step, at a time.

Life is short. When we going to do this, beloveds, if not now?

Who else will do this, if not me, if not you, if not us?

Us livers of life, has got to get to some of these survivors of life.

Darkness, you can go ahead and kick some rocks! Get up out of here!!!

WE, run this show.

WE, love each other.

WE, fight for one another.

Keep on being the burning bush, the light.

As ever shall I.

burning with and for you,

Cassandra UNITED AND LIT!!