Month: June 2023

He removed the weight(wait): He gave me everything but what I asked for. Which was everything.

God gave me everything.

Everything but money.

I had asked for money so I could get me some:

Peace, of mind.

Rest, of spirit.

Time, to write.

Lightened shoulders, from having bore so much financial weight pressure.

Time to deal with loss of loved ones, lost dreams, tough things I have been saving up to deal with ‘when I found the time’.

All of those things added up to one awfully tired soul. Me. Me, to the core of me. I was soul tired. Only someone who has been, who is currently soul tired will know what it means to be tired to the depths of all you are.

Lately, I have been feeling every bit of my 54 years. Usually, I enjoy being my age. Means I have been through hell and back and am STILL kicking hind end and taking names. Recently, I have been feeling my mortality. I have been wondering if I have done all I know to be the best version of me I can. I think so. I hope so.

In the meantime, my secret soul tired was dragging down the days. Silently. Secretly. Stalking me at every turn. Around EVERY corner, this death gripping tired was making me…

TIRED.

Sleep, did not help this kind of tired.

Distractions, did not help this kind of soul crushing kind of tired.

Talking to God helped.

Reading the bible helped.

Yakking with Jesus helped.

Talking to fam helped.

For a while.

Then….

WHAM!

I would awake and soul tired would tap me on the shoulder and remind me it was time to get going. I would strap soul tired, onto stooped, weary, old shoulders and be about it as best as could. Not easy with soul tired dogging my every move.

For the last little while, I have been climbing on The Father’s Lap and telling Him all about my soul tired. I didn’t use to. I used to hide THAT from Him. Couldn’t very well admit to THAT, could I?

One day, soul tired told me she was tired and told me to let Him know. So, I began to take soul tired with me as I sat on His Lap. Little by litle, The Father and soul tired became fast friends. Over time, they would shoo me away and talk quietly together: soul tired and He.

And, He would never tell me what they spoke about. All I know is each time I left them, soul tired and The Father, I felt lighter. It was as though they were keeping a pebble and restoring my soul.

Soon, my shoulders were free from the soul crushing tired. I felt light. I felt free!

Amazing.

See, I had been praying for, stubbornly, money so I could take time off so I could get free of soul tired. Who knew I didn’t need money at all?!

ALL I needed, was to place my soul tired, in HIS Hands and let Him do His work in my heart, in my life, in my spirit, in my situation, in my…everything.

Ah.

Aha!

Life is fantastic.

Now, I no longer have to wait, for God and Life to remove the weight, from all that weight me down.

It feels good to be at peace.

Finally.

Free.

Weight-less.

Weighted down, by love.

His.

Mine.

He gave me everything but what I asked for.

Which was everything I needed.

content,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The weight you carry need not be carried. Let Him take the weight. Be encouraged. Rest. Remember you are loved and you are not alone.

You are loved.

You are loved.

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Sometimes, you just need to hear/know you are loved. You are. Be encouraged.

What a game!

What a game!

Fantastic!

Awesome!!

Okay, have great night peeps.

WHAT a fantastic, awesome game.

Huh?

Where is your encouragement/edification?

Whatcha mean?

Are you sayin’ I have to be entertainin’, upliftin’, and all the other ing’s, as per usual?

Really.

Really??

HHmm…

Brb….

*Cassandra tears out of the room to find her Notes bag so she can find SOMETHING apparently encouraging, uplifting and other ings and things*

HHmm.

Ah!

Aha!

Note: Life is short. You have worked hard all week. It is time to lay down the shovel/broom/keyboard or whatever you to fight back the I ain’t got no money things and all other life things that are currently besetting/beseeching/befalling you.

You have tried. Let your try be enough. The outcome(s) will be whatever they shall be. It’s not your job to worry about that. Not your job to worry, anywho. So, stop that fretting!

Okay, was that enough?

No?

Desert you need?

Hmm.

Okay, lemme see here….

*Cassandra shakes ner Note bag to see what falls out*

Ow.

P.S. Rinse and repeat above aforementioned note.

*shrug*

Don’t blame me. Blame the Notes bag.

Now, may I please get back to my enjoyment of the game?

What a game!

Fantastic.

Awesome…

living life to the fullest,

Jaybird(aka Cassandra)

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note #2: It’s good to laugh, don’t you think? Rejoice in all you have accomplished this week. What shall come, of the rest, will come and do it’s thing. For now, rest. Be encouraged. Be well. Be at peace. Look around at all you have. Love some folks. Starting with you.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

I love me some you.

Fear: Keep fighting your way free.

I have been writing about fear, here lately.

Why so much?

Cuz fear keeps trying to visit me.

EVERY where.

I find it wanting to pop up every which way.

Mostly, do to finances. Okay, all the way, right now, due to finances. Daily, here lately, fear and I have been in a whale of a boxing match. Fear has shown up, in my dreams. I wake and pop fear upside the head and tell it to kick rocks.

Then, I would find fear, in the shower. I would drown fear, in the shower.

After getting the day going, I found more stupid fear, patiently waiting for me on the job. Doggedly, I sicked some joy on it and fear took off quick, fast and in a hurry.

Stubbornly, I blasted praise music to give fear something to dance to. It did not like this and stormed outside, pouting about the music being just too lively for it to remain.

For the last little while, fear and I have been throwing haymakers, at one another. God and Life just sit there. Staring. Silent. Nodding, each time I have chosen to go another round. Knowing, I would win the round. Again. And, again. And, again.

How long must I wage war with this fear, my fear? Until it is gone. Until, I have left it, finally, with God and Life. How long will THAT take? Beats me. Til then, I shall continue beating the hooey out of fear EVERY time it shows up.

kicking fear in rear,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit when you are afraid. Look beyond the fear to see what it is that is scarying you half to death. Admit it. Deal with it. Then tell it to go on ahead and take two seats. Life is short. I vowed to never allow fear to let me waste another day paralyzed to move forward. Keep it moving. You can do this. You already have.

Rest: Don’t be ashamed to show your fraidy.

I have been trying to rest.

Cassandra rest:

R – Relax

E – eh?

S – Stop

T – Trippin’

HAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Works for me.

I have been wresting a bit of fear, doubt AND anxiety, down to the ground. Shheeeeeeesh, these puppies do NOT like to go without a major fight.

What’s more, they snatch your very soul, or, at the very least, your belief in your faith and yourself.

It is of utmost importance, to rush fear, doubt and anxiety to the daylight. See, beloveds, they love, love, love to hide in darkness. They can appear super scary, in the darkness. They can be absolutely TERRIFYING in the darkness.

Bills tend to grow supernaturally big, in the darkness.

Mountains seem insurmountable, in the darkness.

Tears never seem to end, in the darkness.

Lonely gets to howling, in the darkness.

That is, until you remember that God and Life are right there, WITH you, in the darkness.

When you realize this, you can breathe, rest your head upon His Shoulder and REST, in the darkness.

God won’t turn the light on for you.

Life won’t turn the light on for you.

You must do so.

You must also know you don’t have to turn on the light.

All you must do is to:

Be honest.

With YOU.

With God.

With Life.

With fam.

With friends.

Don’t be afraid to share your fraidy catness.

Don’t be ashamed to BE a fraidy cat, for a time.

It’s understandable. Those stomping feet, that awful raging and roaring, can be enough to scare the bejeez out of the hardiest of souls.

The wonderful thing about what God and Life does, AFTER we show our fraidy, is wonderful. Neither will smash your face in your fraidy cat. No, They just lift up your timid heart and give it a nice big bowl of cream. A reward, you see, for your having revealed your fraidy to Them.

For so many years, I worked soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to not have weakness, let alone to show any. Heck no. That was NOT allowed. Yep, I had to toil and strain around a mountain of toil and strain for no other reason than to appear super strong toiling and straining around a mountain of toil and strain God said I didn’t have to toil and strain over. He told me to take on HIS yoke as His Yoke was easy and His Burden was light.

Of course, my stubborn, I can do this myself dummmmmmmmmmmmmy self, hoisted ALL the toil and strain, upon my weak/feeble shoulders, just cuz…*shrug*….don’t ask me. I was just doing what I had seen a million other Christian folk do.

It is amazing, truly, to be able to just be me, to rely on HIS Strength, lean on HIS Faithfulness and not have to worry about the fickleness of my own heart. We all do the best we can to love and do the best we can.

Rest, beloveds, and let your try be enough. Even when it does not look like it. Even when it does not feel like it. Even when folks roll their eyes at your try. Let them. You go on ahead and rest. Rest. I rest with you.

resting with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Don’t be afraid to share your cringe.

I was feeling some type of way.

Not exactly sure what type of way.

Okay, if I HAVE to be honest I would admit I was afraid.

I had been afraid to tell God how afraid I was.

HOW could I admit to being afraid when every blasted day I remind folk not to be afraid and to drown fear in the shower? Still, I was afraid. Still.

That is, until I admitted, I was afraid. Once I admitted, to ME, I was afraid…

I was able to admit to my wombie, I was afraid….

Once I was able to admit to my wombie, I was afraid…

I was able to climb onto The Father’s Lap and shared my cringey, I’m afraid self, with Him. I felt like an idiot, at first. Until, He took my cringe, turned it inside and out. He shook my cringe, just a bit, put it to His Ear and listened to it like He was listening to some oyster shell. Finally, He said ‘Hmm’ gave it back to me, gently, told me to hold onto it and keep it as a souvenir. When I asked why, He told me to hold it to my ear.

Wondering why, I held my cringe to my ear and…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Yippeeee, Yikes! and Egads! were having a whale of a time, in my cringe. They were hooting and hollering in my cringe. So much so joy began to spill every which way.

God told me to never be afraid to share my cringe. Cringe is nothing more than the heart’s sheepish cry to make sure we are seen, valued, cherished and loved. The world wants us to be ashamed of our cringe. Don’t be.

It take courage to put one’s heart out there for the world to love or dismiss. Makes one want to cringe and shy away. Don’t. Love, let your heart feel all those squishy, cringey feelings, it sometimes feels, when we don’t know how our try will be received.

Your cringe is just your hearts way of letting you know you are living, in the moment. Keep living. Keep loving. Keep trying. Give Him your cringe. He shall protect and cherish it for you. He knows you are most vulnerable when you have made yourself most vulnerable in trying new things, scary things, hard things, frustrating things. Keep on keeping on. Much cringe, er, joy, awaits.

cringing with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Your too much is somebody’s just right.

I have been thinking about life. Mine, to be exact. I have been wondering why this and why that. I have been wondering who the world cares why I am wondering why this and why that.

Then, I get to thinking someone may be out there, wondering, why theirs. So, I am wandering around. Looking for them. While looking for mine.

I am doing my best to keep being fully me. Being fully me has caused me many a blooming friendship. Too much. Too loud. Talk about God too much. Talk about mom too much. Talk about sports too much.

Too much.

*sigh*.

Have heard these two words my whole life.

For the whole of my life.

Too much this.

Not enough of that.

Ah, that I was somebody’s just right.

I look for him.

I look for her.

I look for them.

Life, is there somebodies, out there, who find me, Cassandra, Sweetpea, Jaybird, just right?

God, is there someone, even one, who find me, Cassandra, Sweetpea, Jaybird, just right?

Lord, are the tears, streaming down my cheeks, valuable to someone?

*Jesus stretched His Nail-Scarred Hand, tenderly wiped the tears from Cassandra’s eyes, and led her to the lap of The Father. Laying her head upon His Shoulder, Cassandra sighed and wondered.*

wondering still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep on being YOU. Everyone is not meant for you. Your too much, however, is perfect for God and Life. Your too much is also wonderful for those who care for you. If you have not met them yet, be encouraged. They are coming. Be encouraged. You are loved. You are NOT alone.

You are the reason why.

Did you know, beloveds, that YOU are the reason why?

The reason why:

The day was made. Rejoice in it.

Jesus gave His Life. Receive it.

God smiles. He joys over you.

Life fights. Life wars against all that comes against you.

YOU are the reason why.

The reason why:

Pride does everything, in it’s power, to keep you down. You are such a powerful force of nature. Allow NOTHING to keep you from being all you can be.

Fear does everything, in it’s power, to dissuade you. When you are fearless, NOTHING much shall be impossible for you. You shall eat hard, for breakfast. You shall scoff at tough circumstances. You shall dance, through the worst of storms.

Anger does everything, in it’s power, to keep you focused on past slights. When you choose to forgive, you release all. When you choose to, release all, you free all. When you free all, you shall have much more than you ever thought/dreamed possible.

Yes, beloveds, YOU are the reason why.

Keep striving.

If your life wasn’t so special, why the world do you think you are being fought so hard to give up on you and your dreams?

Don’t you ever, ever, ever, ever, never, for one second give up on you and your dreams. Keep on dragging those puppies around until they grow up.

You CAN.

You WILL.

You already have more than you know.

rooting for you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have learned the more my doubts tell me I can’t, the more I fight to keep going/trying. Doubts will ALWAYS try to have their say in our lives. It is up to us to tell doubts to go on ahead and take two seats! Ha! There is NO reason you can’t/won’t have a fabulous life. It’s all in your perspective. Life is short. There are awesome nuggets left in this day. Go in search of some. That’s what I am fixing to do…..brb….