Okay, I can admit when I have been all up in my feels.
I was.
Was a bit miffed, peeved really, with God, with Life, with me, with you, with the world, with The Universe, with my this, that and EVERYTHING.
I know. Mom’s birthday is coming up. My world a bit shaken, but not stirred.
I am doing my best to:
Acknowledge, my feels.
Respect, my feels.
Give my heart permission, to FEEL.
Too many, equate a positive attitude with acting like everything is okay when things are clearly NOT okay.
I have learned, through being lovingly supported by God and Life, to let the hurt, well, hurt.
See, as a sista, a black women, we are ALWAYS expected to be:
Strong.
On.
Able.
Capable.
Not only are we expected to be all these things, plus fifty others. We are also expected to tote ALL the world’s problems and be there for everyone in the wide world.
Whilst doing this, we are expected to pray folk through their mess and leave our messes to…*shrug *. Don’t ask me. We are not allowed to have, much less take care of OUR heart and needs.
Anywho, God and I have been in a silent argument, this past little while. The conversation, if it could be heard, goes like this:
God: You can do this, Cassandra.
Me: God, I can NOT!
God: Why not?
Me: You won’t show me how. You won’t tell me how!!…*stamps foot*.
God: You CAN. You WILL.
Me: Stop saying that! How do you KNOW?!
God: I believe in you. Try, beloved. Just, try. I shall take care of the rest.
This is normally where I will pout, just a tasteful teeny bit and then…try.
Hhm.
Ah.
Aha!
At this point, God and Life, will give me a wink and let me know I CAN and WILL if I but keep TRYing.
I find myself, fighting, still.
I find myself TRYing, still.
I feel, faith muscles growing, ever stronger.
I feel, my lungs fill with unexplainable peace, joy, hope and love.
I feel, my heart…
???
!!!!!
I feel?
I FEEL!!!
A new, feeling. A needed, feeling. The space and freedom to FEEL.
So many are walking around, bleeding inside, trying their level best not to feel. They have themselves surrounded by white noise.
Desperate, to quiet the cry of their heart. I am sooooooo thankful that God and Life loves us enough to pursue us, relentlessly, in order to get us to STOP in order to get some healing.
Keep fighting.
Keep arguing, er, talking to God and Life. Things WILL work out as they need to.
Be encouraged.
Joy really does come, in the morning. If your night holds weeping, joy shall come for you. It will.
Til then, know, of a surety, of a certainty, that you are loved and not alone.
Ah, beloveds, be encouraged.
Let someone know how you are doing. Your tears are much too precious to cry alone.
here,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Oftentimes, the world will throw everything at you, including the kitchen sink, to stop you from touching the many lives you have NO idea you are touching. Your life has had more impact, than you realize. Keep on being…YOU.
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
- REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 