AUGUST 24, 2026
💩 PEARL CLUTCHERS, THIS ONE MAY NOT BE FOR YOU
It’s okay to Make/ Be A Mess Series with Cassandra — Piece One
Beloveds,
We need to talk about 💩.
There.
I said it.
I’ll give the pearl clutchers a moment.
👀
Everybody okay?
Good.
Now let’s talk about dignity.
Because that’s what this is really about.
After my stroke, there have been things about recovery that aren’t particularly inspirational-looking.
There are victories nobody puts on greeting cards.
There are things bodies do that we’d rather not announce.
There are moments when independence and dignity suddenly become very complicated words.
And yes, beloveds…
Sometimes there is 💩.
🤣
I could pretend otherwise.
I could clean up the story before I hand it to you.
Make recovery prettier.
Make myself more comfortable for public consumption.
But what good would that do?
Because somebody reading this has their own mess.
Maybe yours doesn’t require toilet paper.
Maybe your marriage is hurting.
Maybe you’re lonely.
Maybe you’ve made a mistake you’re ashamed of.
Maybe your body has changed.
Maybe depression has made brushing your teeth feel enormous.
Maybe somebody has to help you do something you once did without thinking.
Maybe you’ve hurt somebody and don’t know how to make it right.
Maybe you’re holding together a life that looks perfectly respectable from the sidewalk.
Mess comes in many forms.
And shame loves every last one of them.
🫀 WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?
Because shame grows beautifully in secrecy.
It whispers:
Don’t let anybody know.
They’ll look at you differently.
You’re supposed to have this together.
Other people don’t struggle like this.
And eventually we don’t merely hide the mess.
We start hiding ourselves.
That’s the part I want us to challenge.
Your humanity is not something you need to apologize for.
And neither is mine.
I am learning that dignity cannot depend upon my body behaving perfectly.
It cannot depend upon how much assistance I need.
It cannot depend upon whether my life looks tidy today.
And your dignity cannot depend upon those things either.
📖 WHY I BELIEVE THAT
Psalm 139:14 says:
“I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Notice what it doesn’t say.
Fearfully and wonderfully made—as long as nothing embarrassing ever happens.
Nope.
And Romans 8:1 begins with another truth I need sometimes:
“There is therefore now no condemnation…”
I know the theological context is bigger than embarrassment or recovery.
But the principle reminds me of something important:
God is not standing over my humanity with His arms folded, disgusted by me.
So why am I?
And why would I treat somebody else’s vulnerable humanity that way?
👀
🧰 NOW COMES THE HOW
It isn’t enough for us to say:
“Don’t be ashamed.”
Okay.
Lovely.
HOW?
Start by separating:
WHAT HAPPENED
from
WHO I AM.
I had an accident.
That is an event.
I am disgusting is an identity judgment.
I needed help.
That is information.
I am a burden is a conclusion.
I failed at something.
That’s something I did.
I am a failure is something entirely different.
Beloveds, we have got to stop turning difficult moments into definitions of ourselves.
👓 YOUR WORK
Think about something you’ve been ashamed of.
Not necessarily your deepest secret.
We’re not trying to emotionally body-slam ourselves before breakfast. 🤣
Start somewhere safe.
Write two sentences:
What happened: _______
What I decided it meant about me: _______
Then look at that second sentence.
Is it actually true?
Or have you been carrying a verdict that nobody had the authority to hand you?
❤️🔥 YOUR LOVE CHALLENGE
Today, protect somebody’s dignity.
Quietly.
No announcement.
No picture.
No Facebook post about what a wonderful human being you were.
🤣
If somebody needs help, help without making them feel small.
If somebody tells you something embarrassing, don’t turn it into entertainment later.
If somebody struggles to do something you can easily do, don’t rush them unnecessarily.
If somebody makes a mistake, correct without humiliating.
And if you are the somebody who needs help?
Here’s your challenge:
Receive one act of kindness without apologizing for needing it.
👀📬
Yes.
That counts as love too.
💞 WHY THIS IS LOVE
Because love doesn’t only show up when people are polished.
Love becomes recognizable when humanity gets inconvenient.
Anybody can say:
“I love people.”
Okay.
What happens when they’re messy?
What happens when they’re slow?
What happens when they’re embarrassed?
What happens when they cannot repay you?
What happens when loving them requires protecting something fragile?
That’s where love stops being a slogan.
That’s where we learn HOW.
🌱 TODAY’S INSPIRATION
Your mess is something you’re experiencing.
It is not your name.
Clean what needs cleaning.
Repair what needs repairing.
Apologize where you need to apologize.
Ask for help where you need help.
Learn what needs learning.
But don’t climb into the trash with what you’re throwing away.
You still belong here.
❤️🩹
🙏🏿 FOR THOSE WHO PRAY
Father,
Teach us how to see ourselves and one another with compassion and truth.
Show us where shame has convinced us to hide.
Give us courage to take responsibility where responsibility belongs without condemning ourselves for being human.
Teach us to help without superiority and receive without shame.
And when we encounter somebody in a vulnerable moment, make us safe enough to protect their dignity.
Teach us not merely to talk about love.
Teach us HOW to love.
And Father, as I prepare to begin Outpatient Therapy tomorrow, help me practice these words myself.
When I need assistance, let me receive it.
When something is difficult, keep me from making difficulty a verdict about who I am.
When progress seems small, help me see it.
And when I am tired, remind me:
the woman trying to love Your world is part of Your world too.
Amen.
🌎 FOR MY BELOVEDS WHO DON’T PRAY
You don’t have to believe what I believe to belong in this conversation.
So here’s what I hope you carry today:
May you discover that being human was never something you needed to hide.
May you find people who don’t weaponize your vulnerable moments.
May you become that kind of person for somebody else.
May you take responsibility for what is yours without accepting shame that isn’t.
May you receive help without believing you’ve become less valuable because you needed it.
And may you remember:
Dignity isn’t something you earn by keeping your life tidy.
It belongs to you in the mess too.
❤️🩹
🫀 ONE LAST THING
I’m about to begin another chapter of my recovery.
And while I’m doing that work, I wanted to leave some words here that might soothe a soul and maybe change a life or two.
Starting with mine, beloveds.
Because I don’t have to spend my entire recovery proving I’m still a giver.
I already am one.
Maybe part of recovery is discovering that the woman who loves the world…
is part of the world she’s trying to love.
🌎🫀👩🏿🦼
So yes.
We started this series talking about 💩.
🤣
Pearl clutchers, you survived.
Tomorrow we graduate to toilet paper.
🧻
And underneath all our foolishness, we’re going to keep asking two questions:
WHY does love matter here?
And:
HOW do we actually do it?
One messy, beautiful, human lesson at a time.
Asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!
Unapologetically His.
Unapologetically yours.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 