I cried.
Why?
I finally got the courage to face the refrigerator. I ended up throwing out TWO full bags of spoiled expensive meat, cheese, veggies etc. It takes time to build up meat in the freezer.
I had taken time, and money, to build up my reserves.
Lugging all that food out…smh…*sigh*.
I did NOT intend to cry.
I did not mean to cry.
Just sat, defeated, on my stoop, looking at the wreckage formerly known as my yard, and burst into tears.
It looks and feel like I am living in the middle of an abandoned construction/tree farm!…*sniff*
Trying to make lemonade from these lemons, I made a deliver order.
The delivery order came.
The driver left.
The driver left without delivering 90 percent of my order!
I called the store.
The store apologized. Said she would gather my missing items and have another driver deliver them tonight. She said she would call me ‘in thirty minutes’.
An hour and a half later, I called the store back.
The store had NO idea what I was talking about.
Store said they could redeliver at SEVEN O’CLOCK TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!!!!!
What did I do?
I washed the dishes.
I meal prepped with what food I had left.
I turned up my praise music.
Loud!
Wearing headphones, of course.
Tossed in some chicken strips and Ore Ida coins(two of the five items that were delivered from 28!!!!!!!!!!)
Now, I am waiting for chicken strips and Ore Ida Golden Coins to get done.
Hmm…um, Father, please don’t say ANOTHER tornado coming in a few hours. Speaking of that, we are supposed to get some bad storming tomorrow. A friend texted me to be sure to charge my phone and be prepared in case the lights go out. Again. Wow.
Be encouraged, beloveds.
Keep on washing dishes.
Keep on playing uplifting music.
Keep on doing meal prep.
Keep on living your life.
No matter what happens.
I am learning this the hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaarrrrrrrrrd way.
I no longer ask why or what’s going on.
I am learning just to ask for grace for the day and to keep it moving.
Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!
Know, beloveds, that it IS okay to cry when you experience a loss. If I hear one more person try to dismiss my struggles, now, because ‘you are alive so be thankful’, I am going to scream.
Yes, I am thankful to be alive. It is ALSO true that I tornado tore up my town, my yard and scared me within an inch of my life. My insides are STILL tore up about hearing a freight train outside my front door. Geeeeeeeeeez, God. Cut a sista some slack!
asking for a friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I’m quite proud of me. I’m astonished, truly, about the grace and comfort of God. It really is surpassing understanding. In the past, I would have been flipping out. And, I mean flipping out.
What changed me?
Well, CHOOSING to trust God. I mean REALLY trust Him. With ME. See, beloveds, I had all the faith in the world for you, for others. For me, though, I had hidden doubt that God actually and truly did love ME.
Why?
Because, all my life I have been told to shut up because I was too loud. too happy, too joyful. Too this, that and ALL those other things. Folks wondered, and wonder still, ‘does it really take all that?!”
It does.
I’m passionate. What in the fresh hell is wrong with being passionate?
I’m loud. WHY the world, beloveds, can’t I be loud?! I have never been given the answer to this.
I’m ugly, as far as the world says. To me, I think I am quite beautiful. I have an amazing heart. I care for folk. I tell super dumb jokes that makes me and others laugh.
I am fat from comfort eating. More of me to love until I get the weight off.
I’m black. So what? Black is a beautiful color as are all the other races out there including my white bros and sis.
I’m financially strapped. So? I STILL use my funds to bless others and encourage as many folks as I can.
I’m a bible thumper/Holy Roller. So what?! I love me some Him.
I am many things. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea but some think I am the bomb.com.
I have digressed for a reason. I am needing ALL to know:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Live your lives, beloveds. No matter what.
Cry, when needed.
Laugh, always.
So, my chicken strips are calling me. Who wants some?
living anywho,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
One step.
One step.
One step.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 