Author: Cassandra S.

Your barrier does not have to be an obstacle.

You may find this odd, beloveds. Until just now, I have NEVER really considered my age, when considering what to do, with my life.

Not really. Yea, I would quip about it. Still, my age was just a number, in my head. In my heart, I have always been 25.

My dad used to say he was “39 and holding”. That always tickled me. I decided I would forever remain 25. Don’t ask why 25. I couldn’t tell you. 25 seemed like a youthful number.

Having turned 56 in November, I feel as far away from 25 as I always have.

Why?

I blame the tornado. That tornado shook me to the core. I still can’t fathom why I can’t yet maintain solid footing.

I have been a Christian for 35 years. Until ths tornado, I had NEVER questioned my belief in God, Himself. Not even losing my mom, Christmas morning 2016, could move my faith.

Yes, for a time, I was angry at God. I blamed Him for not healing her. I blamed Him for not making her way easier. I blamed Him just to take my anger out on someone.

This tornado, though, it roared into my yard and let me know I was little more than a speck of dust.

I’m feeling like a speck of dust. I don’t know how to move past this barrier. I’m trying hard to move forward. I am finding it difficult to move past THAT moment, so I can live in THIS moment.

How do we get past a truly devastating moment?

We have to. How do we, though? I have been wrestling with the tornado for six months now. Exhausting.

I’m doing my lover best to make sure this barrier does not turn into an obstacle. I will overcome this some kind of way. I’m still figuring out how.

I wish this current battle was already over. I fight on. Will you?

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: We fight on…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Give yourself permission to have some Twizzlers.

I know. I know. I talk about food a lot. I can’t help it. I enjoy me some food.

Secretly, I have been wanting Twizzlers. For years. I have not allowed myself to get to them. I have no idea why. I just wouldn’t buy them for myself.

This reminds me of all the things I have not allowed myself to try, have or be. If nothing else, the tornado has given me the freedom and the permission to do those. things I have not allowed myself to do before. In that way, I am grateful for the tornado. I never thought I would live to say those words. I am grateful. I have learned things I may not have learned about myself.

I have had to fight for myself in ways I probably would not have done before. I have no choice now. I looked in the face of death and realized how short life really was. With that knowledge, I can’t just sit idly by and let my dreams stay unfulfilled.

My heart will no longer allow me to sit on the sidelines. Fifty-six refuses to let me stay silent. I’m just going along for the ride.

You don’t have to wait for a tornado. You can change things now if you wish. You can start over anytime you feel the need to. You don’t have to stay in the same place. You don’t have to stay the same person. If you ready for something new, go for it. This time belongs to you. Take advantage of it. That’s all you have.

Just promise yourself you’re going to enjoy every step of the journey. Even the hard steps. Have an amazing day.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I am having a blast learning about me. Who knew I could be such a goof?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Drag it kicking and screaming.

Fear.

Drag it kicking and screaming. Remove it from your presence. Refuse it access to your future.

Your dream.

Drag it kicking and screaming. Allow it to take hold of your present. Make certain it dominates your future.

Hope.

Drag it kicking and screaming. Be certain it swallows your existence. Refuse to remove it from your future.

The unknown can seem like such a scary place, beloveds. Drag it kicking and screaming, into your present.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You’ll never know unless you try. Don’t be afraid to try. Be afraid, but try anyway. Life will pass either way. Wouldn’t you like to see what you can do, before life does you in? Be encouraged.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Own it.

Own your try.

Own your efforts.

Own your failures.

It’s okay, beloveds. You tried. Hard. Things didn’t work out. Nothing to be ashamed of.

I am learning HOW to own my failures. I have been giving myself such a hard time because of my supposed failings. I have beat myself up because of all I ‘should have done’, ‘did not do’, ‘should have tried’, ‘should not have tried’.

On and on, I beat myself down. I didn’t give myself any credit for the effort. I judged myself, harshly I might add, over the OUTCOME of said efforts.

God, in His Infinite Love, has been doing His level best to get me to forgive myself for all the shoulda, coulda and woulda that did or did not happen.

I spend less time lamenting on what did or didn’t happen. Life is much too short to be wasting on that. I’m trying to focus on what I can do today to help me today. And beyond. Today is all we have. I’m doing my best to stay in today. I’m doing my utmost to enjoy today.

I’m doing my best to own what I choose. I made the choice. I made the decision. I chose to go there. I chose not to do this. I chose not to act on that. I stand by my choices. I own my choices. I have made peace with my choices.

I’m giving life everything I have. I’m giving the world the best I can. I’m trying as hard as I know. That’s enough for me. I hope it’s enough for you. If not, there’s nothing I can do about that.

Have an amazing rest of your day. Seize these moments. Make the most of them. Make the most of you.

Building my dream outloud: Sometimes, an update is needed/necessary.

I tried to send a post to someone.

Nada.

I tried to send a message to another.

Nuttin.

I tried to send a photo to a third.

Nary a photo could be sent.

Hmmm.

*Cassandra did NOT do as she wanted to which was to open the door, toss her phone out said door, and slam said door with a satisfying thump and emphatically emotional harrumph. Thinking this un got it going on like popcorn like, decided to act like a grown up, instead of acting a fool, like she sooooooooooooo wanted to do, and simply…*

Updated her Messenger app.

Tada!

In times past, I would have:

Blamed the universe for forever messing with me as soon as I decided to mess with it and pursue my dreams.

Pouted and blamed God for ALLOWING aforementioned universe to be messing with me whilst I was tryna mess with it and pursue my dreams.

Fussed at Life for…🤷‍♀️…ANY reason was a good reason to fuss, fume, blame, cajole, curse out, beg, plead, and argue with Life to hurry on up, already, and help me mess with the universe who is forever messing with me whilst I am tryna mess with it to achieve my writing dream.

Losing mom AND turning 50 gave me an endless supply of I no longer give two hoots, three flying flips and the universe can kick ALL the rocks.

Those two things have also afforded me a lifetime supply of kicking ALL people, places and things which have NOT served me, supported me, took and never gave back, belittled, dismissed, ghosted, coasted and generally let me do ALL the work whilst taking ALL the credit, money, time, prayers and love I gave out, to the curb.

Phooey on that!!!

Now, I have learned to:

Stop – don’t waste energy on something not currently working.

Assess – look at the situation from ALL sides. You may, in fact, be on the wrong side of a thing. Nothing wrong with being wrong. You may not have been privy to all the details. The person who gave you the details may have not been privy to all the details. All may have been given the details and you were ALL wrong.🤣🤷‍♀️. Don’t be afraid to turn around. No need in driving off the cliff because Thelma and Louise did!🤦‍♀️

Ask – if you follow God, ask for His Thoughts and Guidance. If you are not about that God life due to mankind’s using God to act ten kinds of fools…smh, go ahead and ask Life to give you some ideas. Ponder, aloud. Will tell you a secret: God can hear you even when you are talking to Life and will sneak, in disguise, into your situation and will love you through it. Don’t tell Him I told you this….sshhh!

Act – after you have taken everything into account, act.

Stop. Assess. Ask. Act. These things I do now. Hopefully, I will keep my act right acting right enough to continue to do so. On the daily. On the regular.

I am going to continue to build my dreams. Out loud. Out in the open, where the whole of the world can see/judge/assess/act upon. Or not.

I encourage you, beloveds, to keep working on your dream. Heckamiah, your dream just may be what the world I have been waiting for to finish off mine!

Get after it.

getting after it with you,

Faith can be such a tough pill to swallow.

Real talk, faith can be such a tough pill to swallow.

When God asks you to follow Him. Or, He asks you go somewhere you would rather not.

Geeeeeeeez!

I find myself in a place I would rather not be, at the moment. That said, I here as a willing participant because I chose to continue this way.

I could have made other choices. Instead, I chose to do as I was led to do. Super real talk, beloveds, I have given myself a bit of a hard time for being dumb enough to choose to go this way.

I know. I know. Christian folk are not supposed to be real enough to share how the sausage is truly made.

Apparently, we are supposed to remain calm and pious at ALL times. We are never allowed to be pissed off. Oops. We are never supposed to get mad at God for getting us in tight spots. We are not to have any emotions, other than gratitude, when we are handed a fresh basket of fresh what in the hell is this/that?!

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Repeat after me: Your time is NOW.

Repeat after me:

My time is NOW.

Now, beloveds, get up, get out and FIGHT!

For you.

For your dreams.

For your rest.

For your joy.

For all that life is waiting for YOU to seize. What the world are you waiting for!? Get going!

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: To hear the world tell it, beloveds, I may as well pack it in. Why?

I am 56.

I am a woman.

I am a BLACK woman.

I am a 56 year old, black woman…*gasp*. EVERY report has me being let go off, dispatched, dismissed, unwanted, unseen, unheard. Apparently, I ought shrivel up, shut up, shut down and go away.

The hooey with that! I have heard THAT nonsense for the whole of my existence. I am forever being told what I can’t do, where I can’t go, what I can’t have. By EVERYBODY.

To THAT, I continue to call BS. I AM:

Capable.

Able.

Loving.

Lovely.

Tenacious.

Lovable.

I SHALL continue to live a rich life. At the moment, I have a few 💵 dollars, in the bank. Right now, I live in a super dated apartment. At the present, I live alone. So what? I love my place. I enjoy my solitude. I am rich in the love of God, with the love of family, a couple friends and love of self.

I determine my value. I determine my steps. I determine my actions. I determine my try. By doing this, I make my life priceless. As do you, beloveds.

STOP wasting your life chasing the approval of others. You are NOT going to get it from most folk. Most folk have an agenda for your life. You are merely a transaction in the eyes of this world. That’s okay. Be sure the transaction is a win for both parties and keep it moving.

In the meantime, beloveds, keep living a life of integrity. Stop meeting transactions! Meet PEOPLE! LOVE people. The Universe will make sure you get what you need. Smh.

God knows I am not yet ready to return to work. Mentally, my heart is still terribly shaken from hollering, at the tops of my lungs, not to die in the bathroom, while an F4 🌪 tornado danced around the yard and neighborhood. I have not yet found the statute of limitations on when one is supposed to be over it already…😳😭😱

Believe me when I tell you that life is short. Use the time you have. I say this not to frighten you. I say these words, with love, to encourage you to get up and to try. Just try. Experience how much joy you find in the trying. Even in the hard. Be encouraged.  You CAN. You WILL.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Make disappointment your best friend.

There has been some mighty disappointing days in this year.

So much so, beloveds, I have made disappointment a friend. A friend who brings me fresh ideas and new opportunities to stand on FAITH.

I don’t enjoy disappointment. I find disappointment terribly discouraging and disappointing.

Keeping my promise to myself to use EVERYTHING for my good, I have had to be creative with feelings of disappointment.

I rename things. I reclaim ownership of other things. I ponder why. I wonder what comes next.

I dismiss thoughts of quitting. I laugh at suggestions to walk away.

I try something. Then, I try something else.

I am relentless. I am reluctant.

I am bold. I am hesitant.

I burst forward. I scurry back.

All the while, disappointment shows herself to be a considerate friend. She is consistent. She does not demand to be tended to. She waits patiently for ME to act. Or not.

What’s that? Disappointment has come calling through my empty mailbox. I was waiting on two much needed checks. Fresh hell.

I have to go tend to disappointment. If I don’t, she will make way for fear and doubt to come in. I have too many thangs to do to allow that to happen.

Be encouraged.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When you figure out what to DO with disappointment, please let me know.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I woke with song in my heart.

Ah.

Aha!

I woke with song in my heart. My heart wanted to sing.

I sang.

Badly.

Still, I sung.

MY song.

MY way.

Just cuz.

I sung to The Universe with gratitude.

I sung to God with love.

I sung to Life with joy.

Ah, beloveds. Sing. YOUR song. YOUR way. Sing with gusto. Sing badly, if you must. Just sing.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

It’s not you, it’s Me, The Universe said to me.

Me: I don’t know what I am doing WRONG!

The Universe: You are doing everything right.

Me: Why, then, am I not SUCCEEDING?

The Universe: You are much more successful than you know. Keep going.

Me: How? Where?

The Universe: Great questions! Keep asking. I will tell you a secret:

It’s not you, it’s Me. Getting in the way. Preparing the way. Making the way.

Me: Why?

The Universe: You shall run into the answers as you try. You will understand as you continue to strive.

I hate to say this for fear some may misunderstand…

Going through this tornado may have saved my life. Prior to it, beloveds, I was in the midst of running myself into the ground for any and everyone.

I had worked too hard. I had worked too long. I had ignored my body’s tells for far too long.

I had been burnt out for months. Okay, for the last two years at least. I told myself I could not afford to rest. I told myself folk could not afford for me to rest. Hogwash!

I did us ALL a disservice: Me, fam, friends, work, my community. I had nothing substantial left to give.

The tornado was like a huge needle being scraped over the vinyl record called my life.

I honestly do not know if I would have stopped abusing myself as I had. Abuse is a harsh word. A true one.

Don’t get it twisted, beloveds. The Universe is NOT served when we drive ourselves into the ground and rise as empty husks.

That said, I have promised to use EVERYTHING for my good. I don’t know why the doors have not opened yet. Yet. Three words driving me cra cra!😳😭

Hang in there, beloveds. It’s not you. Life has to make it do what it do. You just have to keep standing on business and doing all you know.

THEN…rest.

We got this.

believing in us all,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Have FAITH. DON’T quit. Not just yet. Yet…*sigh*. Be encouraged. I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!