Every since mom passed, I have been running around like the scarecrow, in The Wizard of Oz. Afraid, of my own shadow. Afraid, of what to do, next. Afraid, of what to do, now.
Afraid. Ack!
I’m no longer afraid to admit to being afraid, so there is that. It was only after finding the courage, to say ‘I am not strong’ that I found the courage to admit to having lived a life full of fear.
Not for others. Just me. I could fight, and did, valiantly, for everyone on earth, except me. What on earth is that????????????!
Get it together, Cassandra, The Universe said to me. I listened. I got it together. For ME, this time.
It’s amazing what happens when one decides NOT to focus on the what ifs, of life. Instead, choosing to focus on the why nots?
Why not?
Why NOT, me?
Why not, ME?
Why not, I ask 55?
Maybe, perchance, perhaps, I may stumble upon dreams, once imagined, never imagined, unimaginable?
Could this be?
Could this actually BE?
In the here?
In my now?
MY now?
Not something I have read about.
Ah, Cassandra. Do you have the guts to try?
No.
So what!?
I will.
Do what?
Beats me.
*shrug*.
God and Life know and They ain’t tellin’.
Yeppers, I was most efficient, beloveds, taking on the full weight of the world. I heaved everyone else’s rocks/buckets and filled them. For them. Exhausted, I had little, to nothing, to spare for me.
So, my rocks, stayed, at the bottom of the hill. And, my bucket(s), stayed, empty.
Ack! Yikes! Egads!
betting on me,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I told hard to shut up, this morning. Rather, I told my feels to shut up. Life was being hard. So what? I had been so focused on how hard life was being, I forgot to just be. I forgot to keep on keeping on. I forgot to be about being about it.
All I saw, beloveds, all I FELT was the hard. Which, made me exhausted. Too exhausted, I told myself, to keep my act right acting right.
This morning, I found myself enjoying my job. I forgot about system issues. I forgot about troublesome life issues. I forgot the hard. I remembered to embrace my day. ALL of it!.
Life is short, beloveds. Don’t let the hard discourage you. Hard is your bestie. Hard keeps you focused. Hard keeps you trying. Keep going. You CAN. You SHALL. You already have. Simply by trying. Still.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
- SUNDAY WITH CASSANDRA. IT ME!
- MOVIE SATURDAY WITH CASSANDRA🌎🎬👩🏿🦼🍿🌎
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- Today…
- 🎬 MAYBE THEY WEREN’T “TOO BLACK.” MAYBE I WAS STILL HOLDING THE RULER. 🪑🔑Beloveds,I told you I caught myself watching Black romance movies and thinking:Too loud.Too boisterous.Too Black.😳And the Holy Spirit convicted me.Then I watched Deliver Us from Eva.WHEW.👀Because suddenly I wasn’t only watching Eva.I was looking at the ruler I sometimes used to measure everybody.Let’s start with Eva.She’s intelligent, professional, beautiful, protective, loving, bossy, controlling, loyal and complicated.All of it.🔑She doesn’t have to become either the Angry Black Woman Who Needs Taming or the Strong Black Woman Whose Every Choice Must Be Defended.Eva needs correction AND Eva deserves dignity.She helped raise her sisters after their parents died. Protection became part of her identity.But eventually protection sometimes became control.⛓️ If I don’t manage everybody, everything will fall apart.🔑 I can love grown people without controlling grown people.Her sisters need a key too.You cannot keep handing somebody the clipboard to your life and then get mad because she keeps writing on it.🤣Eva has to stop managing.Her sisters have to start owning.Everybody gets a chair.🪑And YES—THE MEN TOO.🤣🪑🪑🪑🪑Ray begins by deceiving Eva.That matters.But eventually “the problem” becomes a person to him.Eva.And Ray changes.🔑 Sometimes genuinely knowing somebody destroys the caricature we created from a distance.But Ray deserves his own humanity too.He’s working, dreaming, saving, flawed, funny, romantic, masculine and tender.He doesn’t need to become a CEO before he’s worthy of love.There’s that ten-times-better ruler again.👀Then Mike.Mike has a legitimate frustration with Eva’s interference.His solution?SIR. SIT DOWN.🪑🤣Because here’s another key:🔑 A legitimate grievance does not automatically make every remedy legitimate.Pain deserves acknowledgment.Choices still require accountability.Then Tim made me ask:What does a Black man have to look like before we consider him “man enough”?Dominant?Always in charge?Never soft?Never uncertain?Why?Tim doesn’t need more masculinity.He needs his voice.🔑A loud Black woman shouldn’t have to shrink.A quieter Black man shouldn’t have to perform dominance.Both get chairs.And Darrell?🤣Some people are intellectual heavyweights.And some people are…Darrell.🤣❤️HE GETS A CHAIR TOO.Intelligence isn’t the admission price for dignity.Sophistication isn’t the admission price for love.Black people are allowed to be ordinary.Goofy.Messy.Wrong.Funny.Tender.Brilliant.Ridiculous.Rich.Poor.Loud.Quiet.Human.And suddenly the Holy Spirit’s conviction went deeper.Maybe I had become nervous when Black characters weren’t representing us “well enough.”What will THEY think?Why are they so loud?Why aren’t they more polished?More educated?More professional?More respectable?More…acceptable?😳And suddenly I’m not watching a movie.I’m conducting a performance review of Blackness.⛓️That’s exhausting.Because Black characters should not have to carry the reputation of an entire people on their backs.And sometimes, without realizing it—we help load the backpack.That was part of what the Holy Spirit showed me.Not merely:Cassandra, look at them.But:Cassandra, look at your ruler.👀Who handed it to you?Why are you still carrying it?And I knew part of the answer.Ten times better.There was love and survival inside what Black folk taught me.They were preparing me for an unfair world.But:“You may have to be ten times better to receive the opportunity”can quietly become:“Black people SHOULD be ten times better.”NO.❤️🩹I reject that.Black excellence is beautiful.Black dignity is unconditional.Eva gets correction and dignity.Ray gets tenderness and accountability.Mike gets frustration and responsibility.Tim gets quietness and voice.Darrell gets goofiness and dignity.The sisters get love and agency.Nobody has to become less Black.Nobody has to become ten times more human.EVERYBODY GETS A CHAIR.🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑And maybe that’s what the Holy Spirit was really asking me:Cassandra, why are you still holding the ruler?😳My answer?I’m learning to put it down.🔑And maybe you have one too.Race.Education.Disability.Age.Money.Accent.Religion.Politics.Body size.Mental illness.Addiction.Sexuality.Somebody whose life simply doesn’t look like yours.Don’t perform an answer for me.Be honest with you. For, HIM.🙏🏿What ruler are you carrying?Who handed it to you?Who have you measured with it?Have you measured yourself with it too?And if the Holy Spirit is showing it to you, maybe He isn’t giving you the ruler so you can beat yourself with it.Maybe He’s saying:Child. You don’t need that anymore.Put it down.🔑❤️🩹Pull up your chair.🪑Let somebody else pull up theirs.And let people be fully human in front of you.Including—you.👩🏿🦼💃🏿❤️🔥🌎Asking for A Friend,Cassandra#YourLifeMattersToMeNote: One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!Unapologetically His.Unapologetically yours.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 