Category: Song

Recovery: Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.❤️‍🩹♥️

I used to absolutely DETEST being uncomfortable.

I hated, hated, haaaaaaaaatttted feeling like an idiot in not knowing how to do something well. No matter I had never done it before. I just HAD to be able to do the thing well.

Learning takes:

Time.

Effort.

More time.

More effort.

And a whole lotta feelings of dumbness, what the fresh hell is this, mixed up with am array of whose stupid idea was THIS and I will NEVER learn THAT!!

Thankfully, God, Life and The Universe kept forcing me into corners, circumstances and situations to teach me how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations.

This came handy right after the tornado. I was able to parlay my what in the fresh hell is THIS with a whole lot of ‘so what’, ‘shut up Reality’ and a bunch of ‘we got this I THINK’.

Eventually, the lights came on. Leaving me feeling:

Helpless?

Wondering?

Wandering?

???

My feels are all over the place. I have spent the past few days apologizing to fam and friends for being snappish and moody and I have no idea what the what I am feeling and growing/going through.

This new normal is quite uncomfortable.

I made myself get up, FINALLY, and make a cup of ☕ coffee. I needed to get some ‘normal’ back but didn’t know HOW.

God: Go wash the dishes.

Me: K.

Life: Make a cup of ☕ coffee.

Me: K.

The Universe: Reach out to your fam and friends and let them know you need help and don’t quite know how to ask for it.

Me: K.

If you are struggling with something, beloveds,  cut yourself some slack. Be good to yourself as you maneuver through your new normal, or your same old same old, or your I am soooooooooooooo tired of THIS.

This too SHALL pass, beloveds. Whatever your THIS is.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Yes, it feels icky. So what? The ick will pass and in it’s place will be the sense of fulfillment that accompanies hard work, faith and your try.

I hear a cup of ☕ coffee calling me. Who is up for a cup?

content even after the storm,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t fear the coming storms. They pass. You will be alright. As will I. Eventually. Until then, we got thangs to do.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: It’s okay to feel how you feel.❤️‍🩹♥️

It’s storming again.

It’s supposed to storm, with high winds, tomorrow.

I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about that.

I don’t know how I am supposed to feel about anything.

I’m trying to be honest AND encouraging. Right now, I don’t know if I am doing both. I hope you read these words and find some kind of comfort somewhere.

Yea, things suck right now. Yet, everything WILL be alright. Between now and then…*shrug*.

In the meantime, it’s okay to feel however you feel.

in my feels and that’s okay,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: How is your heart, beloveds? Be sure to be good to yourself. Asking for A Friend.❤️‍🩹♥️

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Emptied: It’s okay to cry.

I cried.

Why?

I finally got the courage to face the refrigerator. I ended up throwing out TWO full bags of spoiled expensive meat, cheese, veggies etc. It takes time to build up meat in the freezer.

I had taken time, and money, to build up my reserves.

Lugging all that food out…smh…*sigh*.

I did NOT intend to cry.

I did not mean to cry.

Just sat, defeated, on my stoop, looking at the wreckage formerly known as my yard, and burst into tears.

It looks and feel like I am living in the middle of an abandoned construction/tree farm!…*sniff*

Trying to make lemonade from these lemons, I made a deliver order.

The delivery order came.

The driver left.

The driver left without delivering 90 percent of my order!

I called the store.

The store apologized. Said she would gather my missing items and have another driver deliver them tonight. She said she would call me ‘in thirty minutes’.

An hour and a half later, I called the store back.

The store had NO idea what I was talking about.

Store said they could redeliver at SEVEN O’CLOCK TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!!!!!

What did I do?

I washed the dishes.

I meal prepped with what food I had left.

I turned up my praise music.

Loud!

Wearing headphones, of course.

Tossed in some chicken strips and Ore Ida coins(two of the five items that were delivered from 28!!!!!!!!!!)

Now, I am waiting for chicken strips and Ore Ida Golden Coins to get done.

Hmm…um, Father, please don’t say ANOTHER tornado coming in a few hours. Speaking of that, we are supposed to get some bad storming tomorrow. A friend texted me to be sure to charge my phone and be prepared in case the lights go out. Again. Wow.

Be encouraged, beloveds.

Keep on washing dishes.

Keep on playing uplifting music.

Keep on doing meal prep.

Keep on living your life.

No matter what happens.

I am learning this the hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaarrrrrrrrrd way.

I no longer ask why or what’s going on.

I am learning just to ask for grace for the day and to keep it moving.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!

Know, beloveds, that it IS okay to cry when you experience a loss. If I hear one more person try to dismiss my struggles, now, because ‘you are alive so be thankful’, I am going to scream.

Yes, I am thankful to be alive. It is ALSO true that I tornado tore up my town, my yard and scared me within an inch of my life. My insides are STILL tore up about hearing a freight train outside my front door. Geeeeeeeeeez, God. Cut a sista some slack!

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I’m quite proud of me. I’m astonished, truly, about the grace and comfort of God. It really is surpassing understanding. In the past, I would have been flipping out. And, I mean flipping out.

What changed me?

Well, CHOOSING to trust God. I mean REALLY trust Him. With ME. See, beloveds, I had all the faith in the world for you, for others. For me, though, I had hidden doubt that God actually and truly did love ME.

Why?

Because, all my life I have been told to shut up because I was too loud. too happy, too joyful. Too this, that and ALL those other things. Folks wondered, and wonder still, ‘does it really take all that?!”

It does.

I’m passionate. What in the fresh hell is wrong with being passionate?

I’m loud. WHY the world, beloveds, can’t I be loud?! I have never been given the answer to this.

I’m ugly, as far as the world says. To me, I think I am quite beautiful. I have an amazing heart. I care for folk. I tell super dumb jokes that makes me and others laugh.

I am fat from comfort eating. More of me to love until I get the weight off.

I’m black. So what? Black is a beautiful color as are all the other races out there including my white bros and sis.

I’m financially strapped. So? I STILL use my funds to bless others and encourage as many folks as I can.

I’m a bible thumper/Holy Roller. So what?! I love me some Him.

I am many things. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea but some think I am the bomb.com.

I have digressed for a reason. I am needing ALL to know:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Live your lives, beloveds. No matter what.

Cry, when needed.

Laugh, always.

So, my chicken strips are calling me. Who wants some?

living anywho,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

One step.

One step.

One step.

Real talk: Get out of bed, Cassandra!

I did NOT want to get out of bed.

I got out of bed.

I did NOT want to start the process of setting up some counseling sessions to help deal with trauma regarding the tornado.

I started the process.

I did NOT want to reach out and let fam/friends know I am struggling.

I let fam/friends know.

I have been snappish.

I have apologized to said fam/friends.

Even though I can’t yet work, I am working on my dreams as best as I can.

Get out of bed, beloveds. Even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you are tired and the last thing you want to do is get out of bed.

I am sitting at my work desk working on my dream(s). Use your circumstances to imporve your circumstances.

If you find yourself with spare time, for whatever reason, USE that time. Don’t just sit and lament and carry on about what happened. Life happened. Get up, beloveds, at happen TO life. You have thangs to do. As do I.

doing thangs,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Note: There are times when you just don’t want to do anything. At those times, you are just going to have to break out some ‘so what’ and get on with life.

Moving forward: The Mirror Has Two Faces.

I’m watching ‘The Mirror Has Two Faces’ starring Barbara Streisand.🥰

I love that movie!

A tale of a woman’s quest and ultimate journey of SELF love. Fantastic.

How sad that most people don’t love themselves. Most don’t know HOW to love themselves. How terribly sad.

I spend so much time in this blog in hopes of filling folk with so much love they can’t help but learn to love themselves and others.

Ah, beloveds, you are soooooooooooooo worth loving!

Look in the mirror and love the priceless soul looking back at you!

loving me some you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: ❤️‍🩹♥️

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 6: I give me an F.

I screamed.

I cried.

I screamed AND cried.

I cried AND screamed.

And that was all BEFORE the tornado.

🤣😁

Just a little waiting for the lights to come on humor.

Day 6!

I must admit, beloveds, I didn’t think I would make it past Day 3. Too much 🔥 hot. Too much darkness. Too much 😩 waiting!

Waiting! That’s ALL I have been DOING, Lord!

Wait, You say.

Wait patiently, You say.

Really?

REALLLY?!

In THIS?

God: Especially this.

Me: K.

waiting patiently sorta,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Waiting patiently. I know. I don’t care for veggies either but we must eat them as well. Geeeeez. Be encouraged. We can do this. I think. He knows.😁🤣🥰❤️‍🩹♥️

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: Everything WILL be alright.

Everything WILL be alright.

I am choosing to stand on FAITH.

Things are dire.

Yet, God is God.

I thought of starting another GoFundMe to ask for help until I can help myself. Why do that when I can’t get help from the GoFundMe I started a year ago. I feel like a damned idiot.

In any event, I REFUSE to stand on fear today. I’m going to continue to encourage you, beloveds, to keep going.

No matter what.

I don’t know why God has been soooooooooo silent after this terrifyingly loud tornado 🌪.

I DO know this:

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

Be encouraged, beloveds. Don’t let your circumstances scare you away from believing. Tell Reality to shut it(up). Keep pursuing your dreams.

Keep reaching out for love.

Above all, if anyone knows a good hedge fund person, have them hook a sista up. Tell them Ms. C IS an awesome person. Someone go viral on Tik Tok or something for me.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When you are between a rock and a hard place, be sure to take your joy with you. Also, sprinkle in some laughs.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I need a miracle.

I need a miracle.

Friday is the last day they are paying for us not able to work because of the tornado event.

We have to find alternate place to work from home that is not a hotel.

I am here alone.

The approved states do not include anyone I know.

I can’t afford a ham sandwich right now or funds to move across the street.

Thoughts, God?

Asking for me now,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I am.

I am.

I am:

More than a writer.

More than what I give.

More than what I know.

And, so, beloveds, are you.

I am.

I am:

Enough.

More than enough.

More than a conqueror.

And, so, beloveds, are you.

I am.

I am:

Me.

Unique.

Uniquely me.

And, so, beloveds, are you.

I am.

I am!

And, so, beloveds, are you.

Ah.

Aha!

🥰

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You are amazing! You are infinitely loved! You are fearfully and wonderfully made(the Bible says). You are incredible! You are!🥰❤️‍🩹♥️

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 4: Alone with my thoughts: Dear God why?!😳

Alone.

With MY thoughts??!!

Dear God!

Why?!!!

Don’t You know I have an ENDLESS supply of random dumbness?!!!

Who shall rescue me from ME!?

Geeeeeeez.

Hmmm…

*Cassandra scrounges around in her random dumbness bag and sees all types of goodies she can get into*

thinking randomly dumb things whilst waiting for the lights to come on,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Day who cares…*pout*. Hang in there, beloveds. Make sure to laugh today. No need in pouting over whatever you are pouting and fretting over. Someone have a cup of coffee for me. Asking for a friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!