Category: Writing

When hard is just too hard.

When hard is just too hard, remember it’s not.

When you know you just can’t, this time, remember you can/will.

When it’s FINALLY over, remember it’s not over, not yet.

When you have lost, this time, remember not all is lost.

When hard is just too damned hard, remember:

Nothing is too hard, for God.

God is there, with/for you.

Which means = Nothing is too hard for you.

Keep going.

going with you even though it’s just too hard,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The last thing I want to do is to attack this day with enthusiasm. Which is why I am begging this day with enthusiasm. Yesterday was a stalemate. Today? Who knows.

*Cassandra laces up her gloves readying, steadying, fixing to land some haymakers of her own.*

Whew.

I can not tell you the last time I was sooooooooooooooo frustrated.

O, yea I can…

It was yesterday!!

LOL.

I have to laugh.

It’s either that or cry for an hour.

I don’t have an hour.

I am tired.

I am discouraged.

I am/have been honest with God and Life and have told both I am soooooooooo over this day.

Yea, yea, I know it’s a day to rejoice and be glad in it. I am rejoicing this damn, frustrating day is almost over!!!

*stamps foot*.

Whew!

Okay, I admit. I don’t want the day to be over. Just the struggle. Just the hard. Just the lemonade making portion of the day.

Can I tell you a secret, beloveds? The best part of the day is fixing to come. How do I know this? Cuz I am about to ‘make it so’ as Picard would say.

I am going to grill me a chopped steak, make me some baby potatoes, turn on my mood lights, listen to some soothing music, climb onto The Father’s Lap and tell Him ALL about my frustrating day He made for me. We shall laugh. He may tell me something interesting. He may tell me nothing. I may not learn a thing. I may not grow one lick. Sounds satisfying.

Life is short. Much too short to waste the rest of a good evening, remaining frustrated about a day that has done it’s work. As have I. I did my try. Nothing I have tried has worked, it seems, today. Maybe, tomorrow. Who knows? Who cares. I have an evening to enjoy.

Taters,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:…*shrug*

If you want to get there faster, slow down.

Time is money.

Especially, in my job.

The faster I can go, the more folks I can help. The more folks I can help….

The trick, however, is to understand the best way to do quality/quick work, is to actually slow down, take an extra minute or two, to ensure everything is being done, correctly.

Otherwise, what’s the point/use in scurrying to the point where things are missed or you miss out on things?

There.

Seems like everyone is tearing around trying to get there. When you ask where they are going?…*shrug*.

Ask me if I know where I am going?

No!

Crap.

I have learned, the hard way, how precious time is. Now, I am no longer in so much of a hurry. I am doing my level best, badly today, to enjoy the journey. Today, I just want to get there already.

I’m tired!

Let’s go!!!!

*Cassandra takes a breath and slows down. So she can get there faster.*

Life, annoyingly, can be a paradox. If I weren’t sooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of being tired, I would have encouraged you by telling you to keep on keeping on. I would have also told you to hang in there for just a little while more. Yes, if I was NOT so blasted over everything I would let you know your dreams are just round the corner waiting to greet you and me. We just have to hang on.

Since I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo over it, alas, I guess one of yall will have to do the encouragement today. I am discouraged. Good egads. Fresh crimeny. Still…

still,

Cassandra

Note: What the hooey you waiting around for a note for? Dontcha know I am too blasted discouraged to tell you to hang in the cuz our change is fixing to come? Hadn’t I told you the hardest time is often right when things are about to change forever?!

What do you mean you need a note?! Well….*Cassandra stomps out to find her note bag*

brb. In the meantime, be encouraged. The ONLY thing you are allowed to tell to kick rocks is quit. Tell quit to take two seats and keep moving….Aite?

Giving up on you is never the right answer.

I give up!

I give up trying to figure things out.

I give up trying to make what it do do what it needs to do so I can get what I need done.

I give up trying to squeez a round peg, me, into a square hole of what the fresh hell is going on.

I give up trying to tell myself I am not a bit discouraged from forever trying and trying not to admit to being a bit discouraged as this past little while has been trying.

I give up on everything else BUT giving up!

I try.

I give.

Nothing happens.

I try.

Again.

Nothing happens.

Again.

Crap.

Fresh hell.

*Cassandra stares up at Mt. Hard and prepares to make the exhausting trip, yet again.

Egads.

Drat it all.

*Cassandra pouts about going up Mt. Hard sans Lucky Charms*

What are you looking at, beloveds? You got your own Mt. Hard to get up.

Let’s go!

going,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When nothing works, take a breath. A deep one. Then, pout a bit, if you must, but get back after it. I know. I know. It is taking forever. So long, in fact, you question if you are going the right way. You wonder if you have missed a turn. You wonder if YOU will ever get a turn. Who knows? You will never find out if you allow yourself to give up. Crap.

Stupid gnats!

Stupid gnats!

Stupid dreams!

Stupid life!

Stupid heat!

I quit!!

*stamps foot*

*Cassandra quits carrying on and keeps on keeping on*.

Ha!

Fooled you, didn’t I?

No quit in us.

Nope.

Nopers.

It’s hot. Gnats have invaded, my apartment, after maintenance left the door open and did some drywall work. The stuppiiiiddddd gnats about to drive me up ten walls and back. I would like to abandon my apartment to them but there are more bugs outside.

I was/am annoyed enough to tell God, Life, my try, and all of YOU, beloveds, to go ahead and take two seats and kick some rocks. I told God AND Life what in fresh hell is the point when it takes forever to continue to hear and see nothing but frustration on the way to my dreams!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, the real reason I am carrying on is I finished off the last of the Lucky Charms so have to fight with life on my own and comfort foodless. Darnitall. I do NOT want to take the high road. Not today, anyway.

It’s hot.

I’m old.

It’s hot.

I’m ancient.

It’s hot.

I’m…

You get the drill, right?

Instead of getting all up in my feels, I tricked feels and did the opposite:

I laughed.

I wrote.

I fussed with sis.

I reached out.

Again.

Silence has greeted me.

Again.

*sigh*

I fight on.

Again.

againing,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When you are ready to give up….DON’T. Nuff said. Carry on…

I no longer question.

I no longer question.

Myself, that is.

Before, I questioned EVERYTHING about me.

Rather, I allowed others questioning, of me, to make ME question me.

NO more.

I no longer question my:

Worth.

Value.

Try.

Love.

Abilities.

Dreams.

I am.

Just that.

I am…me.

That is enough for me.

I no longer question.

I no longer question if I can.

I will.

I no longer question if things will work out.

They will work out as the outcome(s) deems fit.

I no longer question.

I no longer wonder if God loves me.

God loves me.

Without question!

loved,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

My dream(s) awakened: I dreamed of dad.

This morning, as I lay in silence and complete darkness, as yesterday, I dreamed of dad.

I was with one of my sisters. We were full grown, yet not, somehow.

It was odd. It was like watching myself, in an after school special. It was like two young actresses were playing the role of me and one of my sisters.

We were in a classroom. We were sitting, with our heads bowed low. We were silent.

Our dad stood, before us.

Demanding.

Demanding for us to recite for him.

Told us we had ‘better’ read to him and recite the ABCs.

The young girl, playing my sister, with head still bowed low, started to recite the ABCs.

I, me, grown me, entered the dream.

I, as me, grown me, jumped from my chair, defiant.

I was defiant.

For the first time.

No longer afraid.

Of him.

My dad.

I shouted.

I SHOUTED!

We will NOT recite no XYZLMNOPs for you!

What will you do if we don’t?!

We are grown!

I awakened from my dream.

What does this mean?

Only the day can tell me now.

There are miles to go before I sleep.

I have time for another nap.

I am headed back to bed for another nap.

Who shall visit me in my dreams next?

God and Life know but They are not telling.

awakened by my dreams,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was really smart as a child. My dad used to call me his little monkey. This was not an endearment to me.

He paraded my smartness around. He toted me around making me show my smarts via my writing. Or, via sports which I was good at.

He would show off my report card. Not because of me but because I was his kid. I felt like a trophy. I never liked feeling like someone’s trophy.

I dreamed of dad.

I am NOT your trophy!

I am ME.

I shall NOT perform and recite your XYZLMNOPs!

I shall be me.

I shall live out MY dreams.

I shall stand.

I shall lift up my head.

I shall use my voice.

The voice you gave me.

The voice God gave me.

The voice I made me.

Ah.

Aha!

My dream(s) awakened: I dreamed of mom.

Yesterday morning,  I dreamed of mom.

We were walking together.

Her and I.

She never looked at me.

She walked beside me.

I walked beside her.

It felt so real.

I gazed at her.

It was good to see her.

I thought, to myself, it was good to see mom.

It had been such a long time since I saw her.

I awakened from my slumber and had an awesome day.

It was a joyous day.

Joyous, even though I had to work.

Joyful,  even without my sabbatical.

The day ended.

I slept.

Thanks for visiting me in my dreams mom.

Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Normally,  I sleep with the tv on. I used to do so as it helped quiet my racing mind. The tv gave my mind something to do so my body could rest.

A while ago, I had started shutting off the tv and letting my mind and body rest in complete silence. For whatever reason, I had gotten out of the habit.

Yesterday morning, the show stopped which woke me. I turned off the tv and tested in darkness with no sound. I dreamed of mom.

I didn’t think of it again. Until this morning.

This morning, the tv show ended. I turned off the tv and tested in silence and complete darkness.

I dreamed of dad.

To be continued…

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Don’t be afraid to reimagine.

Decided to make chili.

The Cassandra way.

Tossed in some of this.

Topped off with a bit of that.

Put in couple cans of whatsthis?

HHmm….

It turned out…

Aite.

Shrug.

Hmm.

Decided not to throw it out.

Let the Cassandra way chili sit, overnight.

Revisited.

Reimagined.

Hmm….

Tossed in some why nots?

Added a bit of hmmms.

Let it all simmer.

Ah.

Aha!

Tonight, I shall have a fantastic bowl of reimagined chili. Yummers.

In times past, I would have dumped it, ate it and not been satisfied, ate it not being satisfied and complaining the whole time, or, ate it and pouted until the next time I made chili and then would not have attempted to change things up.

Change is good. Change is necessary. The trick is to be patient with yourself as you learn to create new things.

Get on in there and start concocting, peeps!

Life and interesting fare await you. Yikes!

lol,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. Time to get on in it and mess some recipes up. If nothing else, you will give yourself something to laugh at…YOU!…hahahahaha!!

Beat the heat: Don’t let the heat beat you.

It’s hot.

*stamps foot*

IT’S HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

I HATE being hot. Detest it. Get to pouting, in the midst of it.

I must admit, sadly so, I used to get up all in my feels, when super hot, and refused to keep on stacking the day(s). So much so, I would:

Pout.

Stomp around.

Tell the rest of the day, up to and including a work day, to kick rocks and would fuss and fume amongst a pile of cool comforting eating.

How did this help, you may ask?

It didn’t.

Why did I act a complete fool when super hot?

hhhmm….

NO good reason, to be honest. I just did a lot of all up in my feels feeling and gave myself permission to act ten kinds of fools and feel sorry for myself because God, Life, fam, work, or whatever/whoever was getting on my last nerves were on my last nerves and the heat was just the last straw!…lol.

I have learned, over time, life is just too short to be wasting allowing heat, real or imagined, to keep me from doing all I know and all I can to keep moving forward.

There is something that happens inside when a mama gets lowered into the never regions, of the earth, where you can not follow. It makes one not want to waste too many more seconds acting ten kinds of fool when heat, life, situations, circumstances, were all up in the high 100s.

I must admit, it’s not easy, when life keeps smoking ones hind end. Whew!

During those times, just keep pressing on. The best you know how. Then, leave the results to do whatever the world they do.

Be sure to keep your joy with you. When you find it has been buried under the heat of life, scrounge it out of there, dust it off, and keep going.

This day, hot though it may be, is fantastic. The only day, today, I shall have. Tomorrow, should she graciously come, shall be completely different then today, THIS day.

Besides, there is nothing hotter than your will to succeed! Ha!

chiling in the heat of life with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe