Failure contains soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many nuggets, laughter, blessings, experience, tenacity and so many other good things.
I have failed at least fifty million thousand bajillion and 17 times already. Wow. 2026 is starting with a bang.
Failure does NOT make us failures. Failure is just an interesting way of falling flat on our faces…hahahahahahahahahaahahaahahahaha!!
failing graciously(NOT!) Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Have an amazing day. I have had fun digging laughter and joy up from underneath all this failure. Goodness and gravy!
I can NOT tell you how many times I have wanted to throw in the towel and tell the entirety of the world to kick rocks! Ack. Smh.
Keep going, beloveds. If I have to, you certainly have to….
So long as you understand the opposite can feel just as real and true.
Our feelings can be all over the place. They have their use. They are important. They just can’t have the last, the only, the all knowing say.
We must take them into account. We must also acknowledge our feelings can and WILL lead us astray if we don’t add counsel, sound judgment, knowledge, humor, etc. to the equation.
Just remember, just because we feel some kind of way doesn’t make it so.
I’m feeling a bit left out. That’s okay. I think…lol.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Feel what you feel. Then, remind your feels who is in charge…hehe.
Life: You were never meant to, beloved. How would you be able to truly live if the outcome was predictable and predetermined?
Me: Isn’t it, tho?
Life: You tell me.
Me: Ah.
Life: Aha!
*Cassandra begins to look at life in a new/different way*
pondering life, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life is what WE make it. The last few days have been unbelievably painful/sad. My misser just won’t stop missing my twin. My hoper just won’t stop hoping for a gentler/kinder/easier 2026.
Keep going, beloveds. Am currently jamming to some uplifting music. I am also fixing to turn my motivational videos on. I also need to call my friend. I avoided his call. I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know what to tell me.
Today, I know:
“Get up, Cassandra. You got thangs to do”.
Ah, God, I am doing my best to encourage as many as I can with all this hard. Yikes.
I do still love You, Father. I am amazed that I am NOT angry with you for letting sis go home. She was ready. I’m not. Too many unknowns in the playoffs and there are 9 job openings in the NFL. Also, I have to get back to work and figure out how to NOT fail so spectacularly every other five minutes.
Beloveds, get up. Enjoy your day. Embrace your day. Find the joy in there. Sis would be pissed if I spent ALL day in bed wailing about her being gone.
Be encouraged. In case no one has told you today: I love you and so does He.
The emojis saved my fingers but conveyed ALL my feelings after FINALLY finding out WHERE in the fresh heckamiah the stupid bugs were coming from.
Wtw?!
I had to have one of the back walls cut out to fix something going on back there. Then, after the stupid tornado, after they had to replace the roof, I was fighting Armageddon.
I was well equipped. Finally, I got a stash of bombs to go to actual war. First, I had to know where Thanos was hiding his army.
The other day, I was tired. Tired. Tiiiiiiiiiiired. I prayed. I asked God to show me where.
This is where, smh, I have gots to add a PSA…😳
Beloveds, do try to be a tad more specific when you ask God/Life/The Universe to reveal things to you. They got jokes. They can and DO deliver your answer in a variety of ways. Don’t go getting mad at them for giving you what you stupidly, er, hastily, er, not thinkingly asked for.
Back to my story…*sigh*
I prayed and asked to find out where the source of the bugs were coming from. I decided to do a load of laundry. I had music blaring loudly. When I went to put the laundry in the dryer, there was water everywhere! Fresh heckamiah.
Alas, beloveds, the dryer had danced it’s way out of it’s resting place. In its place was water, water, water, and more water. Steam started to come from the wall. The steam, I guess, stirred where the blasted bugs were hiding.
A Thanos battle ensured. Spray went every which a way. I hollered. I screamed. I raged at everything, at everyone, at all of life.
At least, beloveds, I knew where to put the bombs to get rid of these stupid bugs. See, maintenance is rebuilding all the apartments the tornado damaged. It’s a super old building. In tearing out the old, to replace with the new, old irritants, like these stupid bugs, have invaded my space.
I can’t be mad at these dumb bugs. They were here first. All I can do, now, is to keep on fighting until they decide to move on. A life metaphor. I think.
I HAVE to think that way. Why? Because I would move the heck out of dodge! I detest bugs!!!….*shiver*.
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
Don’t get mad when truth shows up in ways you did not expect. It may not be delivered on a bed of roses. It may be delivered on a pile of, uh-oh. Receive truth where it can be found. Don’t get mad when truth shows up to show you where the bugs are. Just get to fighting those bad boys when they show up…lol.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life sure has been lifing. That’s okay. I’m still being about being about it. I don’t recognize this me. The me I am becoming. I look at her with curiosity. This me. This particular shade of me has been more resilient, more shaky, more unsure, more humble, more peculiar, more grateful than I would have thought or suspected.
Ah, me, what do I do now? Asking for a friend.
Be encouraged, beloveds. We can do so much more than we ever imagined.
I’m living for ME. Not for sis. Not because she died. She died. I will miss her for the rest of my life. Still, my life was meant to go on without her HERE. I still love her. She still loves me. I just have to love her in a different way.
Beloveds, lay down the weight of anger at life having given you a loss. Yes, loss hurts. Still, WE are here. Still, we have opportunity to grow, to love, to laugh, to rejoice.
We can STILL do all the things we wanted. Without some loved ones. Without some things we thought we would take with us. That’s okay. We have what we need to advance, to love, to grow.
Keep going. Keep moving FORWARD. Keep looking UP. It’s hard. I’m not saying it’s easy. I AM saying it is doable. How do I know? I fight my way out of bed EVERY day. I fight on. Why? Life needs me. Life needs YOU, beloveds.
The world NEEDS what only we can share. The world NEEDS our words. The world NEEDS our joy. The world NEEDS our resilience. The world NEEDS our dreams. The world NEEDS our light. The world NEEDS…you get my point.
Now, beloveds, get on out there and LIVE. For you. Let those who have done their time, rest. Then, get on with YOUR life. We have to, beloveds. We have to.
There are so many moments, in EVERY second, of EVERY day, when I wonder how, in the name of all that is holy, I will find the want to to even want to keep it moving, without mom, without sis.
Then, my want to lets me know how much I very much want to. I do. I want to live. I want to experience joy. I want to find out what is around the next corner.
Don’t dread your day. You have NO idea what has been prepared for you.
Nuff said. Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Enjoy your day. You have no idea what is in store for you. Whatever may come, be sure to take joy with you. Include plenty of laughter and sunshine. Sprinkle your day with thanksgiving and gratitude. Rinse and repeat.
Note: I spent time cleaning, organizing, taking out the trash.
My vertigo forced me to stop frequently. In times past, I would have been frustrated 😤 and dissatisfied with the slow pace and lack of visible results.
I know I did a lot. If someone came in and saw. Yikes.
Too often, beloveds, we allow shame and guilt to enter because of what we think others may think of our efforts:
Lazy!
Is that ALL you have done?
Is that ALL you have saved?
Is THAT what you are wearing?
You work THERE?
You work for the man?
You live there?
You want to live where?
You don’t have THIS?
Are you REALLY satisfied with THAT?
You LIKE to hang out with THEM/HIM/HER/THEY/THOSE?
Add the requisite amount of explanation points, and you get my point.
It’s high time, beloveds, we tell all those voices, those lies, to shut up, to kick rocks, to keep it moving.
Take your time. Go as slow as you need to. Rest, when you need to. Stop when YOU are done.
Who cares what others think? Especially, those who are not even trying themselves! Let them sit on the sidelines and judge that which they know not. We got much too much to do, eh?
We have waste so much too much time worrying about what others think about what we are doing with our lives. This is our lives. This is our truth. This is our time to do with as we please. Be encourage.
I’m trying to tiptoe around this grief. I find it hiding, in plain sight. Everywhere. Dammit, it’s everwhere!
In music.
In sleep.
In quiet times.
I find it, hidden amongst movie trailers.
It’s in every book I try to read.
SHHHHHHEEEEEEEEUUOOOOTT!
It dogs my dreams. It brings me coffee, the instant my eyes open. Heckamiah.
HOW am I supposed to live THIS way?
Oddly, amazingly, I still find things to smile about.
I enjoyed the playoff games. I enjoyed the mid game naps.
I have enjoyed quiet cups of coffee. I have enjoyed reruns of “The Good Wife”.
I have even found myself wondering what this year holds for me.
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
I HAD to get out of bed. I HAD to.
I HAD to turn on some praise music. I HAD to.
I HAD to turn the phone back on. I HAD to.
Be encouraged. We really DO have to keep moving FORWARD. Especially when things are especially hard.
Why? Because, we can end up allowing the darkness to swallow us whole. We ain’t got time for that, beloveds. We got thangs to do.
My big bro annoyed me telling me to get up and move. He was right.
Get up, beloveds! Move!…*sigh*.
No getting around it, these hard days have been and are the hardest yet. It’s okay to say ow.
OW!!
Still, promise yourself you will NOT:
Allow despair to run your show.
Give in to hopelessness.
Allow pity to enter for even a moment.
Give yourself room to feel. Process your feels. Then, put your feels to work loving and living and hoping and giving and as many positive ings and things that you can.
Use this time to grow. Don’t let weeds of anger or apathy or dismay to grow in your faith garden.
You got this. As do I. Just doesn’t feel like it. We just don’t know what to do with ourselves just now. That’s okay.
My heart was tired. It needed the rest. It needed to be loved. By me.
I gave my heart the rest it needed.
I ordered some cheese and grapes. I don’t know why, but eating cheese and grapes makes me feel special. It makes me feel pampered. I pampered myself. I loved myself.
We need to love ourselves more. We need to stop waiting for others to love us and love ourselves.
I just stopped to offer someone some grapes and cheese with me. Love yourself today.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life is shorter than any of us knows or understands.
I HAD to. I got bills to pay. Grief wanted to wallow, wanted to stay in bed.
Real talk, beloveds, I wanted to indulge grief. For a time, I did. I didn’t boil my eggs. I didn’t make my morning coffee. I didn’t have my early morning quiet time.
I allowed grief to stay in bed. Grief shoulda told me the grumps would wake up with me!😳🤨
I told grief we were going to work. We were going to stay ALL day. We were going to figure it out. Some kind of way.
Grief was mad. Grief wanted to hide from life. I wanted to hide. I couldn’t. I can’t.
I HAVE to keep being about being about it. Some kind of way.
I was smart enough to reach out for support. I was smart enough to CHOOSE to encourage others. Doing so comforted me. Okay, it didn’t. But, still.🤷🏿♀️😎
Yea, beloveds, I started the day. I drug grief to work with me. I told grief to shut it.
Grief, in it’s wisdom, got mad at me. Knowing I NEEDED to grieve. Grief told Grace. Grace told Love. Love (ABBA), swept me up into His Arms. He whispered something to my heart. I don’t know what He said.
My heart asked me to trust her. I did. My heart walked me over to Grief. They negotiated a bit of space for me to grieve. Love stood close by. Grace stood outside the door. Jesus quietly took my hand and promised to guard my tears.
I was no longer mad at Grief. I appreciate the space to let my heart do as it needs to. Fresh hell.
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
I promise, beloveds, not to fill my year with loss. I do look forward to 2026. I am hopeful. Okay, not quite yet but I get closer to joy every day.
I’m back to making my coffee. I’m back to getting out of bed and spending my me time of coffee and yakking with mom and now sis.
I’m even back to sharing me with fam and friends. Before, I was giving folk the sanitized version so they wouldn’t worry.
It was because of y’all’s honesty, here, that gave me the courage and permission to be 100 with everyone. Even with me. Especially, with me.
My coffee is getting cold. Would enjoy some company…
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 