WHEN LOVE ASKS ME TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR ❤️
For those who believe:
God, give me the courage today to look at myself honestly—not through shame, not through pride, not through the eyes of people who have misunderstood me, but through Your truth.
Show me the places where I need to grow.
Show me the places where I need to apologize.
Show me the places where I need to forgive.
And most of all…
teach me how to love.
Amen. ❤️
For those who don’t share my faith, here’s today’s invitation:
Take a deep breath.
Give yourself permission to look inward without beating yourself up.
You don’t have to believe in God to believe that growth begins when we’re willing to tell ourselves the truth.
❤️
Now let’s talk.
Sometimes we say we want love.
We want healthy relationships.
We want peace.
We want understanding.
We want people to communicate better.
We want people to apologize.
We want people to listen.
We want people to give us grace.
But here’s the uncomfortable question:
WHAT ABOUT ME?
Yep. Ack. Yikes.
I said it.
Because it is VERY easy to make a list of everything somebody else needs to change.
They need to communicate better.
They need to stop being so defensive.
They need to apologize.
They need to listen.
They need to stop bringing up the past.
They need to forgive.
They need to show me grace.
They need to understand me.
They need to change.
And sometimes…
WE’RE RIGHT.
Let’s not play.
Sometimes the other person really DID hurt us.
Sometimes we really WERE treated unfairly.
Sometimes somebody really DOES need to apologize.
But love asks us a harder question:
What part is mine?
Whew.
❤️
That question can humble you QUICK.
Because accountability doesn’t mean saying:
“Everything was my fault.”
That’s not accountability.
That’s shame.
Accountability says:
“This part was mine.”
Maybe I said something I shouldn’t have said.
Maybe I reacted instead of responded.
Maybe I was so busy trying to be heard that I stopped listening.
Maybe I was protecting my pride.
Maybe I wanted to win the argument instead of protect the relationship.
Maybe I kept score.
Maybe I brought up something from five years ago because I knew it would hurt.
Maybe I apologized…
but then followed it with:
“I’m sorry, BUT…”
Oooooh.
That little “BUT” has gotten a whole lot of us in trouble.
Because sometimes “I’m sorry, but…” isn’t an apology.
It’s a defense attorney. ⚖️
And I’m learning:
LOVE doesn’t require me to defend every mistake I make.
Sometimes love requires me to say:
“I was wrong.”
Period.
No paragraph.
No explanation.
No courtroom presentation.
No PowerPoint.
Just:
“I was wrong. I’m sorry. What can I do differently?”
❤️
THAT is accountability.
And accountability is not the enemy of love.
Accountability IS love.
Because if I love you, I should care about how my actions affect you.
And if I love myself, I should care about the person I’m becoming.
❤️
Here’s another uncomfortable truth:
Sometimes pride doesn’t look like arrogance.
Sometimes pride looks like:
“I shouldn’t have to apologize first.”
“They need to come to me.”
“I wouldn’t have done that if they hadn’t…”
“They started it.”
“I’m only reacting.”
“I have every right to be angry.”
“They should know what I need.”
“I shouldn’t have to explain myself.”
“I’ve already apologized once.”
“I don’t owe anybody anything.”
Now…
Before anybody throws a shoe at me…
I’m not saying you should accept disrespect.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have boundaries.
I’m not saying you should apologize for things you didn’t do.
I’m not saying forgiveness means allowing somebody to keep hurting you.
I’m saying:
LOVE REQUIRES ME TO EXAMINE MY OWN HEART TOO.
❤️
I can’t demand accountability from everyone else while giving myself an exemption.
I can’t ask people to communicate with me while refusing to listen.
I can’t ask people to forgive me while keeping a permanent record of their mistakes.
I can’t demand grace while refusing to give it.
I can’t ask people to grow while insisting that I don’t need to.
And I can’t say:
“I love you.”
while repeatedly behaving in ways that tell you:
“Your feelings don’t matter to me.”
That’s not easy to hear.
But it is necessary.
Because we’re not just learning how to SAY love.
We’re learning how to DO love.
❤️
So here’s today’s challenge:
Before you make a list of everything somebody else needs to work on…
make a list of what YOU need to work on.
Not to shame yourself.
Not to beat yourself up.
Not to make yourself smaller.
But because growth requires honesty.
Ask yourself:
Where have I been defensive?
Where have I been prideful?
Where have I refused to apologize?
Where have I expected grace but struggled to give it?
Where have I demanded to be understood without trying to understand?
Where have I reacted instead of responded?
Where have I used anger to protect hurt?
Where have I kept score?
Where have I made excuses?
Where do I need to say, “I was wrong”?
And then ask the question that may change everything:
WHAT WOULD LOVE HAVE ME DO DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME?
❤️
Not:
“What should THEY do?”
Not:
“How do I make them understand?”
Not:
“How do I win?”
But:
“What would love have ME do?”
That’s the HOW.
And baby…
we’re just getting started. ❤️
Because tomorrow, we’re going deeper.
We’re going to talk about what happens when you’re hurt—because loving well when everything is peaceful is one thing.
Loving well when your feelings are bruised?
That’s where the real work begins.
❤️
So if you’re willing…
come learn with me.
Not because I have mastered this.
I’m learning too.
Let’s stop pretending love is something we’re automatically good at.
Let’s learn it.
Practice it.
Mess it up.
Apologize.
Try again.
Grow.
And keep choosing love.
❤️
Because sometimes the most loving thing we can say is:
“I see what you did to me.”
And sometimes the most courageous thing we can say is:
“Now let me look at what I did to you.”
That’s not weakness.
That’s growth.
That’s humility.
That’s love.
❤️
Asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
NOTE: Beloveds, I’m fighting ME this morning. I have to make the decision to go to the Skilled Nursing Facility. Ah, God this hurts. 😢
One step.
One step.
One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!
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