Tag: encouragement

Don’t allow the stress to stress you out.

I’m trying to make a memorial video for sis.

So far, I have done NOTHING, but:

Stress out.

Stress some more.

Stress about not stressing.

Stress about telling myself to RELAX.

How stressful!

I could feel wombie telling me to “relax”.

I took a breath.

I took a break.

I told myself not to focus on being perfect. Sis and I never had a perfect relationship. Why would/should I expect her leaving to be perfect, for my grieving to be smooth, for the present to be anything but the 🎢 roller-coaster life has been, since sis passed away. Ah, sis, what do I DO with me now?

Finally, finally, FINALLY, I began to remember what I had forgotten. As we speak, my clumsy attempt at saying goodbye is being downloaded so I can upload the video. Or, was I supposed to upload it so I can download it? 😁🤷‍♀️

We shall see what comes out in the wash. The sound may be spotty, the background music may be too loud, my too loud voice may be too low from grief and fatigue.

That’s okay. It will be the best me I could be for her. For whosoever will happen upon a video one ought never have to make.

I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me. Don’t allow stressful circumstances to stress you out. Do what you can. Reach out for help and support. Stand on FAITH. Tell fear to kick rocks. Pray. Laugh. Rejoice. Live. Love. Live some more. Rinse. Repeat.

Keep moving FORWARD. Keep looking UP. We got this. God has us all.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: This has been THE hardest 7 days of my life. Hands down. Losing all my savings, losing mom, having a 🌪 tornado in the yard was NOTHING compared to the last 7 days. Yikes.😳🌪🎢😥😭😡🧓😴🍍☔️😱

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Definitions: I choose.

I choose not to be defined by hidden anger.

I choose not to be defined by current grief.

I choose not to be defined by misdirected emotions.

I choose.

Ah.

Aha!

What do YOU choose, beloveds. There are no victims here.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Do NOT fall for the foolishness that you are helpless, hopeless, or any of the less that we have been taught to feel.

Be encouraged.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

A little dab will do ya.🥰

Love.

A little dab will do ya.

Hope.

A little dab will do ya.

Laughter.

A little dab will do ya.

Perspective.

A little dab will do ya.

Empathy.

A little dab will do ya.

Add a dab to your day.🥰😎

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be sure to add some love to your day!

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I would have settled for hard today.😳

No words for today.

Nada.

None.

Zilch.

Today was soooooooo beyond hard. So hard, in fact, I could barely see hard in the rearview mirror.

Today was sooooooooo…

Even the writer in me have no words.

Whew.

Whew!

WHEW!!

Still, I am STILL standing!

On FAITH.

Sustained by hope.

Uplifted by ABBA.

Carried by The Spirit.

Floating on the breeze of laughter.

Buoyed by the support of caring fam and friends.

Encouraged by the fight in me.

Ah, God, I hurt. Still, I love. Still, I dream. Still, I rejoice. Still, I am hopeful.

I’m walking straight, wombie.

I’m getting the coffee ready for our chat, mom.

Still, I rise.

Rise, beloveds. You can. Grief comes and goes. Life lifes. Hard can be beyond hard. Yet, we go on. We got thangs to do.

Don’t let anger keep you down. Don’t allow hurt to cause you to walk into a prison of your own making. Come out from there!

In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

I wondered how I would survive work. I did. I wondered if grief would visit. It did. Yet, joy crowded it out and now I am singing, badly. I am listening to my motivational videos. I am fixing to fix me something to eat.

I wondered if I could DO my daily routine WITHOUT twin here. I can. I will. I have to.

Be encouraged.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep doing the day, beloveds. Even when you don’t know how you can. Even when you think you can’t. Even when you can’t see your way out. You WILL find the way. I promise. Better yet, GOD has promised. 😎👍🥰

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

It’s a have to now.🍋

Life has gone and got all up in my face, beloveds.

Life: What are you going to do NOW, Cassandra?

Me: Sheeeeeuuuuit.

It’s a have to, beloveds. Life has challenged me. Life may be challenging you.

Whatcha gonna DO with your hard?

figuring out the doing of this particular brand of wtf,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be encouraged. Keep moving FORWARD. Keep looking UP. Remember, we CAN. We WILL. It just seems impossibly hard, right now. We have overcome many a hard thing, beloveds. We SHALL overcome this later pile of…uh, oh. Smh

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

It WILL be okay, okay?🍋

I am making some lemon meringue pie with the lemons life has brought.

Sustained anger, beloveds, can and WILL turn destructive. IF we let it.

I CHOOSE to tell anger to kick rocks. I have thangs to do. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I want to kick and scream.

Alas, I do have a job to prepare for. I DO have a life to live in the middle of all this freshly painted what in the fresh hell.

I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.

Hurt as you must. Rage as you will. Then, love someone. Starting with you.

We SHALL find a way. Some kind of what. Sure is tough to stay pissed for long when you are called and meant to be an encourager. Crap.😳🤔🤗

It’s okay to let grief have her say. Just don’t allow her to be a permanent resident…

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be good to you whilst life appears to be picking on your life. Life is just lifing. Fresh heckamiah. I am currently listening to some praise music and praying for all needing comfort. Starting with me. Let me hear from you. You may encourage someone who really do need some comfort…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

What in the actual 🤬

I was just about to get on the fake it til you make it train. I decided NOT to board. I told my mad that SHE was in charge today!

I can NOT bring back my twin. I can NOT stop this bouquet of lemons. I CAN and DO decide to let my mad do with them AND me as she pleases. It shall be an interesting today. These are her first morning salvo texts:

I am NOT okay. I don’t have the bandwidth to pretend I am. I realize ALL I have done since sis passed, since ALL this job hard/ridiculous when it doesn’t/shouldn’t have to be, 17 months of trying to find work hell, tornado, trying to overcome tornado, find a job AND maintain fam relationships, AND make sure twin was okay by calling EVERY day, doing/saying/giving ALL that I have/had has led up to a passed away twin, a damned test on things we don’t know what the hell as we literally have not been able to use the system has all led up to… a pile of hot garbage. Dammit, Lynette, what in the actual fuck have you gone and done at THIS blasted time when it has taken ALL this time to come back from hell just to be put back in it and HAVE to fake it til I make it today?! ANFW.🤬😳😥

One of my bro responded and told me to feel what I feel. I said:

What in the actual fuck? I am angry. I want to call and cuss her out. I can’t which is making me more angry! I don’t swear 🤬. Crap.

This shall be an interesting day. I shall endeavor to be civil and uplifting in this space as I already have a week’s worth of uplifting posts WRITTEN WHEN MY STUPID TWIN WAS ALIVE BUT NOW SHE IS NOT AND I HAVE TO TRY AND MOVE FORWARD AND MOVE PAST AND STAND TEN TOES DOWN ON FAITH AND TRY ANX PASS A DAMNED TEST I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS GOING ON WHILE TRYING TO CONSOLE SIBLINGS WHEN NONE OF THIS IS EVEN REAL AND WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK, SIS?!

aski

wondering what in the actual fuck,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I am embarrassed. I have blogged for FIVE years. I have encouraged the entire world for five years. I needed the world. The world was it’s usual silent self. Embarrassing. I checked an empty inbox. Embarrassing.

Thanks, Britta, and the few who at least gave a like. My heart was glad.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

When the longest day of your life, truly has been THE absolute longest day of your life.

Wtf, sis?

What in the actual fuck?

Dammit, sis.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Throw in some well meaning platitudes, from folk having NO idea what to say and you have lived my day.

I have scraped through it.

Barely.

Horrified.

Sleepy.

Grief wanted to stay in bed. I allowed my mad to tell grief to shut the fuck up. I don’t swear. Yet, the swearing FEELS good.

I can’t yet FEEL much, beloveds, so am taking what I can get. The numb is a welcome blanket.

I need to call and check on my siblings. I almost called woman to ask if she can BELIEVE this shit?! I can’t. Dammit. Fuck. Shit.

Excuse me, God, if my language is offensive today. I don’t have the energy to worry about Your Feelings. I have not yet determined if I am angry with You.

I don’t think so. You have been gently preparing my spirit. For days. For weeks.

Yea, God. I knew. I knew sis was NOT okay. I did/said/tried all I knew.

Our last conversation was disjointed. I tried anyway. Til, she stopped answering the phone. Til, she stopped texting back. Til, she stopped trying.

Shit, sis.

I don’t have time to be angry. I have an important assessment to take tomorrow. My new job depends upon a pass. I can’t afford to fail.

How in the holy fresh hell did you decide to choose NOW to leave me behind and struggling to hang to:

My sanity.

My job.

My hope.

My joy.

I’m pissed, sis. Pissed that I had to scrape my joy from the midst of despair so deep I can not yet feel it.

I’m mad. I FINALLY moved past Christmas being the day mom died.

Worse, I can’t rejoice over my new job. Now, you have made it the week you decided you had to go. Fresh hell.

Your hurt, hurt too much. I hurt that you didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t trust me with the worst of it.

Still, I choose to remember our yaks. I choose to remember our ridiculous endings to our calls.

I called you most nights. I told you that I would call you still.

Goodnight, big stister. Later, gator, tomater…🤣 The call would end with my laugh. Now, I  shall try and smile. Just a smidge.

Your pain has ended. You are free. Look out for me. Help me to pass my test. Even the work one tomorrow. I know you caught the pun.

Be encouraged, sis.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: This day has been years long. Now, I get to fight the evening until dawn shows up. Shit.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Goodbye, wombie. 😥

Beloveds, I sure hate to share this news…

My twin, my wombie, my friend was found deceased in her apartment yesterday. I just found out a few hours ago.

I think she was waiting for me to get through the first week of training. I KNEW something was wrong.

For months, for weeks I have done all I could, said all I could, prayed all I could, hoped all I could, loved on her all I could.

The bible says God won’t put on us more than we can bear. He surely must think I’m a tough old broad. Geeez, God.

I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me. I can’t afford to take off the three days of bereavement leave. Perhaps, work will be a distraction.

Wombie is with mom now. Wow. Wow.

Don’t give up, beloveds. Life truly IS worth living. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.

I am standing on my faith. Just barely. Am sure I will be pissed off with wombie when the shock wears off. May tell off God a bit also. Could have waited until AFTER Christmas. Holy Jehoshaphat.

If there are ANY praying folk in here, a sister surely could use one or two or fifty. Condolence via email at ttnette37@yahoo.com would be of comfort but ONLY if done out of love and care and NOT guilt.

Life goes on. It has to. I have to. Sis would be holy hacked if I didn’t.

Dammit wombie. What in the actual fuck have you done? Yall going to have to forgive the swear word. I think God will understand, as well.

P.S. Britta, ask your mom to look after my twin for me. Fresh hell.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Wow, sis. What the f…?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Love them through THEIR hard.

I learned a valuable lesson today.

Sis has been going through SOMETHING. I can hear it in her voice. I kept asking her “what’s wrong “? She keeps saying “nothing”.

My spidey senses wouldn’t let me leave her be. I kept calling. She kept saying she was fine. She stopped texting.

Initially, I magnanimously advised I was going to leave her be. Said she was being rude. Smh.

Today, God whispered for me to just love on her. He told me to take up the texting/yakking end and NOT allow HER silence to cause ME to withdraw and become silent.

See, beloveds, foolishness only wants us to join in and act a fool. Anger wants us to get angry regardless if we understand what’s going on.

Not knowing does NOT like not knowing. NOT knowing causes curiosity to get all up in it’s feelings. That’s why God tells us to just love folk.

We do NOT have to understand to love. Yes, it does help knowing where to pray and support.

Still, beloveds, can’t we simply love on folk when we see or sense they could use extra love, care, hope, laughter  prayer etc?

Must life ALWAYS be about US? Surely, not. I am doing my utmost to love folk UNCONDITIONALLY. I admit that I initially failed.

For a few moments, I allowed HER silence to cause ME to feel some kind of way. Just because my inner dialogue was admonishing me that my love wasn’t enough to make her speak.

I told those lies to shut up, already! I REFUSE to apply strings to my love and my care.

I hope someone can understand what I am desperate to convey.

Sis needs her silence. She also needs my love. Simple as that.

I love you, wombie. I’m here as best as I can be.

I share this with you, beloveds, in the hope that some may have their own lightbulb turned on. Love is NOT meant to be a business transaction.

Have an amazing weekend. Training this week has been something. More on that later. Geeeeeeeeeeeez.😳🥰🤣

Be encouraged. Love someone. Starting with you!

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I love you. Just cuz.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!