Tag: encouragement

August 14, 2026 💔😭 GOD, WHAT DO I DO WITH MY BROKEN HEART?

For Me—and Everybody Else Who Is Crying

Today 🫂💞 Beloveds, today I need comfort.

Not a lecture. Not somebody telling me how strong I am.

Not somebody rushing me toward the bright side.

Comfort. 🫂💔

Because today… I am devastated. 😭😭😭

And before somebody mistakes my tears for surrender, let me make something very clear:

I AM NOT DISCOURAGED.

I have not quit. I have not stopped believing. I have not decided my life has no purpose.

I have not stopped trusting God.

My heart just hurts. Badly. 💔😢

And maybe somebody reading this needs permission to understand the difference.

You can have hope… and hurt.

You can trust God… and cry.

You can know you’re going to keep going… and wish with everything inside you that you didn’t have to go through this.

You can be grateful for your life… and grieve what has changed in it.

You can say, “God is good.” and then put your face in your hands and sob. 😭🙏🏽 Those things can live in the same heart.

I know because today… they are living in mine. 💔❤️‍🩹 — 😭

GOD…I MISS ME.

There. I said it.  Sometimes grief isn’t only about losing somebody else. Sometimes you grieve yourself. The person you remember. The things you used to do without thinking about them.

The ordinary pieces of life you never imagined you would one day miss.

And some days the difference between then and now hits harder than others.

Today is one of those days for me. 💔🧠😭

My symptoms are really bad today. And sometimes when things are especially difficult, grief comes knocking again.

Not necessarily because I’ve lost hope. Sometimes because I remember. I remember ME.

And there are pieces of that woman I miss so terribly that I don’t have prettier words for it.

I just… miss her. 😭😭😭

And God, if I’m going to walk this road, I need You to help me understand something:

What do I do with all this LOVE I have for the life I remember? What do I do with the memories? What do I do with the frustration? What do I do when my heart screams: “I WANT IT BACK!”

💔😭🙏🏽 — 🫂

MAYBE I DON’T HAVE TO “DO” ANYTHING WITH IT TODAY.

Maybe that is part of the lesson. Maybe every painful emotion doesn’t immediately require an assignment.

Maybe sometimes grief needs permission to simply be grief.

Today I hurt. Period. No explanation required. No apology required. No inspirational ending required.

I can sit before God and say: “Father, Your daughter is hurting today.” 🙏🏽😭 That’s enough.

And if you don’t believe as I do, perhaps your words are simply:

“Today hurts.” That’s enough too. You don’t owe anybody a performance of strength. 🫂💞 —

🙏🏽 GOD, PLEASE SIT WITH ME HERE. I don’t need You only in my victories. I need You here. In this.

In the tears. In the questions. In the memories. In the frustration. In the moments when I am tired of having to be courageous.

In the moments when I don’t want another lesson. In the moments when I don’t want my pain turned into purpose yet.

Sometimes, God… I just want my heart held. 💔🙏🏽🫂

Your Word says: “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…” — Psalm 34:18 KJV

Then please… come near.

Not tomorrow when I’m feeling inspirational again. Not after I’ve dried my tears. Not after I’ve figured out what I’m supposed to learn. NOW.

Come sit with the crying woman. 😭🙏🏽 — 💔

AND TO SOMEBODY CRYING WITH ME TODAY… Come sit over here. 🫂

You don’t have to explain everything. You don’t even have to talk. I won’t tell you to cheer up. I won’t tell you everything happens for a reason.

I won’t tell you somebody else has it worse. I won’t tell you that you should be grateful because at least you still have ______.

No. Your heartbreak gets to be your heartbreak. 😭💔

Maybe somebody died. Maybe somebody left. Maybe your health changed. Maybe your family changed. Maybe a dream died.

Maybe you received news that knocked the wind out of you.

Maybe you’re grieving a version of yourself you desperately want back. Maybe you don’t even know WHY you’re crying.

You’re just tired. Come anyway. 🫂💞 There is room beside me. — 😭

CRY. Yes. CRY. I mean the ugly one too. The runny-nose, swollen-eyes, can’t-get-the-sentence-out kind. 😭😭😭😩🫠 Cry if you need to.

Because tears aren’t always saying: “I give up.” Sometimes tears are saying: “This mattered.” “I loved deeply.” “I wanted something different.” “I’m disappointed.” “I’m exhausted.” “I miss what was.” “I need somebody to hold me.”

And sometimes… tears don’t say anything at all. They just fall. Let them. 💧💧💧 — ❤️‍🩹

THEN LOVE THE PERSON WHO IS CRYING.

That person is YOU. This is where the HOW of love matters. We talk so much about loving everybody else.

But what does love look like when the person falling apart is staring back at us in the mirror? Maybe love says:

“You don’t have to accomplish anything impressive today.” Maybe love says: “Rest.” Maybe love says: “Eat something.”

Maybe love says: “Call somebody safe.”

Maybe love says: “Turn the music on.” 🎶

Maybe love says: “Pray.” 🙏🏽

Maybe love says: “Laugh if something ridiculous happens—even while you’re crying.” 😂😭

And maybe love simply whispers: “I am staying with you through this.” ❤️‍🩹 — 🙏🏽

MY PRAYER FROM A BROKEN HEART:

God, I don’t have a polished prayer today. My heart hurts. You already know why. You know every thought I haven’t found words for. You know what I miss.

You know what I’m afraid to lose. You know what I wish were different. You know the parts of this journey I would NEVER have chosen. 😭🙏🏽

So I’m bringing You exactly what I have. A broken heart. Take it. Hold it.

Please don’t let pain make me bitter. Don’t let grief steal my capacity to love. Don’t let what I have lost make me unable to see what remains.

And when I cannot understand what You are doing… help me trust Your heart. 💔🙏🏽❤️‍🩹

And Father… if this truly is being asked of me… then You already know what I’m going to say. 😭💪🏽 I CAN.

Not because it is easy. I WILL.

Not because I wanted this. I MUST.

Because there is still purpose inside this beating heart. 🙏🏽❤️‍🩹

But God… please hold me while I do it. Amen. —

💞 FOR THOSE WHO PRAY DIFFERENTLY—or DON’T PRAY AT ALL…

May you give yourself permission today to be human. May you stop measuring your strength by how rarely you cry.

May you recognize that grief and hope can occupy the same body. May you treat yourself gently while your heart is hurting.

And may somebody remind you: You do not have to solve your whole life today.

Just stay with today. 🫂💞 — 🌱

TODAY’S LOVE CHALLENGE :

Find somebody—including yourself—who needs comfort. And resist the urge to FIX them. Sit. Listen. Hold a hand.

Send a message. Let them cry. Say: “You don’t have to be okay with me.” That’s love too. 💞🫂 — 🏆 TODAY’S VICTORY

Maybe today’s victory isn’t getting back up immediately. Maybe today’s victory is finally admitting: “This broke my heart.” 💔

And discovering that after saying it… your heart is still beating. ❤️‍🩹 Mine is. It hurts like crazy today. But it’s beating.

And apparently it still has enough life left in it to love somebody else who is crying.

So if you’re crying today… you can borrow some of mine. 💞 I’ll sit with you. You sit with me. We don’t have to pretend. We don’t have to hurry.

And when we’re ready… not when somebody else decides we should be ready… we’ll take another step. 👣 Then another. 👣 And another. 👣 Crying if necessary. Laughing when we can. 😂😭💞

Praying when we have words. 🙏🏽 Sitting quietly when we don’t. 🫂 And believing that a broken heart can still hold an astonishing amount of love.

💔❤️‍🩹💞 Asking for A Friend,

Cassandra #YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU! 💔❤️‍🩹🙏🏽🫂💞

And God? I’m still here. I’m crying. I’m hurting. I’m heartbroken. But I’m still here. If this is being asked of me… I CAN. I WILL. I MUST. Just… hold my hand while I do it. 😭🙏🏽🤝🏽❤️‍🩹

GOD HAS THE FINAL WORD | Your Story Isn’t Over | Heartfelt Gospel R&B Wo…

Beloveds,

Somebody needs this today.  I know I did. Be encouraged. You are loved and appreciated and not alone. 💞😍👋💋😊😅

Cassandra

Happy birthday mom.  I got it from here.

Happy birthday mom. I got it from here.

Love,

Me

Miss you. RIH…

OOPS! — HOW TO LAUGH AT YOUR OOPS WITHOUT JUDGING YOURSELF HARSHLY.😵‍💫😱😍😍

OOPS!!!

Evening, beloveds.

I finally fell asleep and woke up because I had to go to the bathroom.

I looked around.

It was LIGHT outside.

My sleepy brain said:

“Well, now, …IT’S TUESDAY MORNING!”

I was ready to start my Tuesday.

Only one problem…

IT WAS STILL MONDAY!!!

OOPS! ♀️

And you know what?

I LAUGHED.🤣😬😵‍💫🥰

Because what else was I going to do?

But that little moment got me thinking…

How many times do we make an OOPS in life and immediately turn it into a court case against ourselves?

“I should’ve known better.”

“How could I be so stupid?”

“I always mess things up.”

“Why can’t I get anything right?”

“I should be further along by now.”

STOP.

Your mistake may need correcting.

Your behavior may need accountability.

Your decision may need changing.

But YOU do not need to become your own worst enemy because you made an OOPS.

There is a difference between accountability and self-condemnation.

Accountability says:

“I messed up. Let me figure out what happened.”

Self-condemnation says:

“I messed up. Therefore, something is wrong with ME.”

NOPE.

We are human.

We misunderstand things.

We get tired.

We misread situations.

We make assumptions.

We forget.

We react emotionally.

Sometimes our brains are operating on about 3% battery and still trying to run 47 applications at once.

OOPS HAPPENS!

The question isn’t:

“How could I be so stupid?”

The better question is:

“What can this OOPS teach me?”

Maybe the lesson is patience.

Maybe it’s slowing down.

Maybe it’s listening.

Maybe it’s asking for help.

Maybe it’s admitting, “Yep…that one was on me.”

Maybe it’s simply learning to laugh and say:

“Well, Cassandra…that wasn’t your finest moment. Now let’s keep moving.”

THAT is growth.

And please hear me:

Laughing at yourself does NOT mean minimizing what happened.

It means you refuse to let shame have the final word.

You can apologize and laugh.

You can correct yourself and laugh.

You can learn and laugh.

You can take responsibility and still give yourself grace.

Because grace doesn’t mean we never make mistakes.

Grace means our mistakes don’t get to become our identity. ❤️

And sometimes, beloveds, we need to stop taking ourselves so seriously.

Not because life isn’t serious.

But because sometimes laughter is the little bit of oxygen our souls need.

❤️

So today, I’m giving myself permission to say:

OOPS!

Not:

“I’m terrible.”

Not:

“I can’t do anything right.”

Not:

“I should have known better.”

Just…

OOPS.

Learn.

Adjust.

Laugh.

Keep moving.

And try again.

Because I don’t want to live a life where I’m so afraid of making mistakes that I forget how to LIVE.

And neither should you.

❤️

YOUR TURN:

What’s one OOPS you’ve made that you can finally laugh about today?

Tell us.

Let’s normalize being human.

Let’s normalize accountability WITHOUT humiliation.

Let’s normalize learning WITHOUT beating ourselves up.

And let’s learn HOW to love ourselves through our mistakes—not just when we get everything right.

Because THAT is where the work gets real.

And if you’re ready to learn the HOW and WHY of love—how we give it, receive it, practice it, repair what we’ve damaged, and grow through the messy parts—

Come walk this new path with me. ❤️

We’re learning together.

One OOPS.

One lesson.

One laugh.

One act of love at a time. ❤️

Asking for A Friend, Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

NOTE: You don’t have to be perfect to keep becoming better. Headed back to bed…🛌🥰🤣😊🤗😘

One step. One step. One step.

You are loved. You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU! ❤️

❤️ AUGUST 10, 2026 ❤️#TEACHMELOVE

WHEN LOVE ASKS ME TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR ❤️

For those who believe:

God, give me the courage today to look at myself honestly—not through shame, not through pride, not through the eyes of people who have misunderstood me, but through Your truth.

Show me the places where I need to grow.

Show me the places where I need to apologize.

Show me the places where I need to forgive.

And most of all…

teach me how to love.

Amen. ❤️

For those who don’t share my faith, here’s today’s invitation:

Take a deep breath.

Give yourself permission to look inward without beating yourself up.

You don’t have to believe in God to believe that growth begins when we’re willing to tell ourselves the truth.

❤️

Now let’s talk.

Sometimes we say we want love.

We want healthy relationships.

We want peace.

We want understanding.

We want people to communicate better.

We want people to apologize.

We want people to listen.

We want people to give us grace.

But here’s the uncomfortable question:

WHAT ABOUT ME?

Yep. Ack. Yikes.

I said it.

Because it is VERY easy to make a list of everything somebody else needs to change.

They need to communicate better.

They need to stop being so defensive.

They need to apologize.

They need to listen.

They need to stop bringing up the past.

They need to forgive.

They need to show me grace.

They need to understand me.

They need to change.

And sometimes…

WE’RE RIGHT.

Let’s not play.

Sometimes the other person really DID hurt us.

Sometimes we really WERE treated unfairly.

Sometimes somebody really DOES need to apologize.

But love asks us a harder question:

What part is mine?

Whew.

❤️

That question can humble you QUICK.

Because accountability doesn’t mean saying:

“Everything was my fault.”

That’s not accountability.

That’s shame.

Accountability says:

“This part was mine.”

Maybe I said something I shouldn’t have said.

Maybe I reacted instead of responded.

Maybe I was so busy trying to be heard that I stopped listening.

Maybe I was protecting my pride.

Maybe I wanted to win the argument instead of protect the relationship.

Maybe I kept score.

Maybe I brought up something from five years ago because I knew it would hurt.

Maybe I apologized…

but then followed it with:

“I’m sorry, BUT…”

Oooooh.

That little “BUT” has gotten a whole lot of us in trouble.

Because sometimes “I’m sorry, but…” isn’t an apology.

It’s a defense attorney. ⚖️

And I’m learning:

LOVE doesn’t require me to defend every mistake I make.

Sometimes love requires me to say:

“I was wrong.”

Period.

No paragraph.

No explanation.

No courtroom presentation.

No PowerPoint.

Just:

“I was wrong. I’m sorry. What can I do differently?”

❤️

THAT is accountability.

And accountability is not the enemy of love.

Accountability IS love.

Because if I love you, I should care about how my actions affect you.

And if I love myself, I should care about the person I’m becoming.

❤️‍

Here’s another uncomfortable truth:

Sometimes pride doesn’t look like arrogance.

Sometimes pride looks like:

“I shouldn’t have to apologize first.”

“They need to come to me.”

“I wouldn’t have done that if they hadn’t…”

“They started it.”

“I’m only reacting.”

“I have every right to be angry.”

“They should know what I need.”

“I shouldn’t have to explain myself.”

“I’ve already apologized once.”

“I don’t owe anybody anything.”

Now…

Before anybody throws a shoe at me…

I’m not saying you should accept disrespect.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have boundaries.

I’m not saying you should apologize for things you didn’t do.

I’m not saying forgiveness means allowing somebody to keep hurting you.

I’m saying:

LOVE REQUIRES ME TO EXAMINE MY OWN HEART TOO.

❤️

I can’t demand accountability from everyone else while giving myself an exemption.

I can’t ask people to communicate with me while refusing to listen.

I can’t ask people to forgive me while keeping a permanent record of their mistakes.

I can’t demand grace while refusing to give it.

I can’t ask people to grow while insisting that I don’t need to.

And I can’t say:

“I love you.”

while repeatedly behaving in ways that tell you:

“Your feelings don’t matter to me.”

That’s not easy to hear.

But it is necessary.

Because we’re not just learning how to SAY love.

We’re learning how to DO love.

❤️‍

So here’s today’s challenge:

Before you make a list of everything somebody else needs to work on…

make a list of what YOU need to work on.

Not to shame yourself.

Not to beat yourself up.

Not to make yourself smaller.

But because growth requires honesty.

Ask yourself:

Where have I been defensive?

Where have I been prideful?

Where have I refused to apologize?

Where have I expected grace but struggled to give it?

Where have I demanded to be understood without trying to understand?

Where have I reacted instead of responded?

Where have I used anger to protect hurt?

Where have I kept score?

Where have I made excuses?

Where do I need to say, “I was wrong”?

And then ask the question that may change everything:

WHAT WOULD LOVE HAVE ME DO DIFFERENTLY NEXT TIME?

❤️‍

Not:

“What should THEY do?”

Not:

“How do I make them understand?”

Not:

“How do I win?”

But:

“What would love have ME do?”

That’s the HOW.

And baby…

we’re just getting started. ❤️‍

Because tomorrow, we’re going deeper.

We’re going to talk about what happens when you’re hurt—because loving well when everything is peaceful is one thing.

Loving well when your feelings are bruised?

That’s where the real work begins.

❤️‍

So if you’re willing…

come learn with me.

Not because I have mastered this.

I’m learning too.

Let’s stop pretending love is something we’re automatically good at.

Let’s learn it.

Practice it.

Mess it up.

Apologize.

Try again.

Grow.

And keep choosing love.

❤️

Because sometimes the most loving thing we can say is:

“I see what you did to me.”

And sometimes the most courageous thing we can say is:

“Now let me look at what I did to you.”

That’s not weakness.

That’s growth.

That’s humility.

That’s love.

❤️‍

Asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

NOTE: Beloveds, I’m fighting ME this morning. I have to make the decision to go to the Skilled Nursing Facility. Ah, God this hurts. 😢

One step.

One step.

One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!

August 10, 2026❤️ When You KNOW You’re Wrong…But You Still Don’t Want to Admit It

HOW to Get Past the Battle Between Your Pride & Your Integrity

Beloveds,

Okay…we talked about being wrong and actually admitting it.

But let’s get REAL.

Because sometimes the problem isn’t that we don’t KNOW we’re wrong.

WE KNOW.

Oh, we KNOW.

You replay the conversation in your head…

You know what you said.
You know what you did.
You know how you handled it.

And somewhere deep down inside, there’s a little voice saying:

“Yeah…you probably shouldn’t have done that.”

And your pride says:

“SHHHHHHHHHH!”

Ohhhhh, the struggle!

Because now you’ve got a battle going on inside:

❤️ Integrity: “Go apologize.”

Pride: “Absolutely NOT.”

❤️ Integrity: “You were wrong.”

Pride: “They were wrong too!”

❤️ Integrity: “That doesn’t change YOUR part.”

Pride: “But they need to apologize first!”

COME ON!

Have you ever been there?!

Because I have.

And let me tell you something:

Knowing you’re wrong and being willing to admit you’re wrong are two different skills.

That’s why we’re learning the HOW.

❤️ HOW DO YOU GET YOURSELF TO ADMIT YOU’RE WRONG?

1️⃣ STOP TRYING TO WIN.

Sometimes we aren’t trying to solve the problem.

We’re trying to win the argument.

And baby…

You can WIN the argument and LOSE the relationship.

You can prove your point…

and still hurt somebody.

You can have facts…

and still lack compassion.

You can be technically correct…

and still handle the situation completely wrong.

So ask yourself:

“Am I trying to make this right—or am I trying to make myself right?”

WHEW.

That’s a question worth sitting with.

2️⃣ OWN YOUR PART WITHOUT WAITING FOR THEM TO OWN THEIRS.

This one is HARD.

Because our pride loves keeping score.

“Well, THEY did this!”

Maybe they did.

But their behavior belongs to them.

Your behavior belongs to YOU.

You don’t have to wait for somebody else to become accountable before you become accountable.

That’s maturity.

❤️

3️⃣ DON’T MAKE YOUR APOLOGY A NEGOTIATION.

An apology isn’t:

“I’ll apologize if you apologize.”

That’s not an apology.

That’s a hostage negotiation.

You apologize because you have something to apologize for.

Whether they apologize back is between them and their conscience.

4️⃣ LEARN TO SAY THESE THREE WORDS:

“I was wrong.”

That’s it.

No dissertation.

No 47-page defense brief. 

No historical timeline beginning in 1987.

Just:

“I was wrong.”

And then…

“I’m sorry.”

That’s powerful.

5️⃣ DON’T CONFUSE SHAME WITH ACCOUNTABILITY.

This is important.

Admitting:

“I did something wrong”

does NOT mean:

“I am a horrible person.”

Those are two different things.

Healthy accountability says:

“I made a mistake, and I can learn from it.”

Shame says:

“I made a mistake, therefore I AM the mistake.”

Nope.

We don’t have to destroy ourselves to take responsibility.❤️

We can own it.

Repair it.

Learn from it.

And grow.

AND SOMETIMES…

The apology you need to make isn’t even the hardest part.

The hardest part is changing the behavior afterward.

Because anybody can say:

“I’m sorry.”

But what happens the NEXT time you’re angry?

What happens the NEXT time you feel disrespected?

What happens the NEXT time your pride gets poked?

That’s where we’re going to learn something important:

An apology is not the finish line.

It’s the beginning of accountability.❤️

Because I don’t want us to become people who are really good at saying:

“Sorry.”

I want us to become people who are learning:

HOW to recognize our patterns.


HOW to regulate ourselves.


HOW to communicate when we’re hurt.


HOW to listen without preparing our defense.


HOW to disagree without destroying each other.


HOW to repair what we’ve damaged.


HOW to forgive without pretending nothing happened.


HOW to love people while still holding healthy boundaries.

THAT’S the work.

And we’re going to do it together. ❤️

YOUR HOMEWORK:

The next time you KNOW you were wrong but your pride says:

“Don’t you dare apologize!”

Don’t immediately react.

Stop.

Breathe.

Ask yourself:

“What would integrity ask me to do right now?”

Then listen.

Not to your pride.

Not to your fear.

Not to your need to win.

Listen to what is true.

And if you’re wrong?

Baby…

BE WRONG WELL. ❤️

Admit it.

Apologize.

Make it right where you can.

Change what needs changing.

And keep growing.

Because we’re not chasing perfection over here.

We’re practicing love.

And love isn’t just something we FEEL.

We’re learning the HOW. ❤️

───

❤️ COME WALK THIS PATH WITH ME

If you’re tired of inspirational words that tell you WHAT to do but never teach you HOW to actually do it…

FOLLOW ALONG. ❤️

Because that’s what we’re going to be doing here.

We’re going to talk about the uncomfortable stuff.

The pride.

The fear.

The anger.

The hurt.

The forgiveness.

The boundaries.

The communication.

The mistakes.

The repair.

The REAL LIFE stuff.

And we’re going to learn HOW to love better—not just talk about love better. ❤️

COMING UP: We’re going to talk about HOW to apologize without making excuses…

Because, Lord have mercy…

“I’m sorry, BUT…”

is sometimes where a perfectly good apology goes to DIE.

We’re going there.

And we’re going to learn HOW to listen when somebody tells us we’ve hurt them—without immediately becoming defensive.

Yep.

We’re going there too. ❤️

So…

Follow me.

Come learn with me.

Come laugh with me.

Come grow with me.

And when you realize you’re a knucklehead sometimes…

WELCOME TO THE CLUB. ❤️

Asking for A Friend, Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe ❤️

NOTE: You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love.

You just have to be willing to be honest, own what belongs to you, learn from your mistakes, and keep growing.

One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU! ❤️

JESUS, HEAL WHAT I CAN’T SAY 🙏 Deep Healing Worship Prayer for a Broken…

Me today…😢

Be encouraged, beloveds. Today is already lifing. My heart has changed directions, beloveds.  Trying to teach myself and others HOW to love.

Right now  I’m fighting for with  being open. Part of me wants to rebel. To say “to hooey with this!

Holding oneself accountable has been hard today.  I want to let pride give me permission to get “angry”

Someone say OUCH with me. Whew!!

Askingfor A Friend,

Cassandra

P.S. I ❤️ my new direction! Don’t leave me hanging!🤪😙🥰🤣

Thankful.

Nuff Said.

Cassandra…*sigh *…

August 8, 2026

❤️‍WHEN THE NEWS IS BAD: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH FEAR? ➡️❤️

Beloveds,

Let’s have another real conversation.

Because yesterday we talked about learning how to love when life gets hard.

Today?

Let’s talk about what happens when somebody walks into the room and gives you news you REALLY didn’t want to hear.

You know the kind.

The kind that makes your stomach drop.

The kind that makes your heart race.

The kind where your mind immediately starts running 100 miles an hour. ♀️

“What does this mean?”

“What’s going to happen to me?”

“What am I going to do?”

“What happens now?”

And sometimes before we’ve even heard the whole story…

FEAR has already written the ending. 

I know something about that.

So let’s learn what to do.

Not just “don’t be afraid.”

That’s easy to say.

Let’s talk about HOW to deal with fear when it shows up.

❤️ FIRST: STOP.

Don’t make a major decision in the first five minutes of panic if you don’t have to.

Take a breath.

Sit down.

Drink some water.

Give your nervous system a moment to catch up with what your ears just heard.

You don’t have to solve your entire life in one conversation.

Pause.

❤️ SECOND: GET THE FACTS.

Fear LOVES a blank space.

And if we don’t have information, our minds will often fill that space with the worst possible scenario.

So ask questions.

“What exactly are you telling me?”

“What do you know for certain?”

“What don’t you know yet?”

“What are my options?”

“What happens if I say no?”

“What happens if I say yes?”

“Can I have some time to think about this?”

Information doesn’t make every situation easy.

But it can make the situation clearer.

❤️ THIRD: SEPARATE FACT FROM FEAR.

This is HUGE.

Write two columns if you need to.

WHAT I KNOW:
The facts I have right now.

WHAT I’M AFRAID OF:
Everything my mind is imagining might happen.

Those are NOT necessarily the same thing.

Fear says:

“This is the end.”

Facts may simply say:

“We need to figure out what comes next.”

That’s a BIG difference.

❤️ FOURTH: DON’T LET FEAR MAKE YOU CRUEL.

This one is hard.

When we’re scared, we can become defensive.

We can snap.

We can accuse.

We can push people away.

We can say things we don’t really mean.

And afterward?

We may still have the original problem PLUS a damaged relationship. 

So if you feel yourself getting ready to explode…

PAUSE.

Try:

“I’m scared right now. I need a minute.”

That’s much healthier than:

“Leave me alone!”

Even though sometimes…

YOU MAY VERY MUCH WANT TO SAY “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Take the minute.

Then come back to the conversation.

❤️ FIFTH: DON’T CONFUSE ADVOCATING FOR YOURSELF WITH FIGHTING EVERYBODY.

You are allowed to say:

“I don’t agree.”

You are allowed to ask for another opinion.

You are allowed to ask questions.

You are allowed to say:

“I need to understand why you’re recommending this.”

You are allowed to say:

“What alternatives do I have?”

You are allowed to have a voice.

But here’s the lesson:

You can stand up for yourself without tearing somebody else down. ❤️

That’s strength.

❤️ SIXTH: ASK FOR HELP.

Fear loves isolation.

Love says:

“Come sit with me.”

Call somebody.

Text somebody.

Ask somebody to sit beside you.

Ask someone to help you write down the information.

If you’re overwhelmed, say:

“I’m having trouble processing everything you’re telling me. Can you slow down?”

You don’t have to carry every difficult moment alone.

❤️ SEVENTH: DON’T MAKE FEAR YOUR DECISION-MAKER.

Fear can give you information.

It can tell you:

“Pay attention.”

“Something feels uncertain.”

“Ask more questions.”

That’s useful.

But fear should not automatically get the final vote.

Because fear doesn’t always know the future.

Fear knows what it’s afraid of.

That’s different.

❤️ EIGHTH: IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, TAKE THE FEAR TO GOD.

❤️

Not because believers never get scared.

We DO.

Faith isn’t pretending you aren’t afraid.

Faith can sound like:

“God, I’m scared. I don’t understand this. I don’t know what happens next. But I’m giving You the part I cannot carry.”

And if you’re not a believer?

You are still welcome here. ❤️

You can breathe.

You can ground yourself.

You can talk to someone you trust.

You can sit quietly.

You can write.

You can remind yourself:

“I don’t know the future yet.”

You don’t have to share my faith to practice hope.

❤️ NINTH: DON’T MAKE PERMANENT CONCLUSIONS FROM TEMPORARY PANIC.

This is a big one.

When you’re overwhelmed, your brain may tell you:

“Everything is over.”

“Nothing will ever get better.”

“I can’t handle this.”

Slow down.

You may be exhausted.

You may be frightened.

You may be overwhelmed.

But you don’t necessarily know what tomorrow holds.

So don’t force yourself to answer tomorrow’s questions today.

Today’s job is today.

One conversation.

One decision.

One question.

One breath.

❤️ AND FINALLY: GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO FEEL.

You don’t have to be the strong one every second.

Cry.

Be angry.

Be disappointed.

Be scared.

Say:

“This is hard.”

Because pretending something doesn’t hurt doesn’t make you stronger.

Learning how to move through the hurt without allowing it to destroy you?

THAT is strength. ❤️‍

And here’s the part I really want us to remember:

Sometimes the person delivering the difficult news is uncomfortable too.

They may be scared for you.

They may be worried about making the wrong recommendation.

They may be carrying their own pressure.

That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them.

But it DOES mean we can remember:

There are human beings on both sides of the difficult conversation. ❤️

So let’s try something different.

When hard news comes…

Pause.

Breathe.

Listen.

Ask questions.

Separate facts from fear.

Ask for help.

Advocate for yourself.

Don’t make decisions from panic when you can give yourself time.

Don’t let fear turn you against people who are trying to help.

And above all…

DON’T LET BAD NEWS STEAL YOUR CAPACITY TO LOVE. ❤️‍

The news may be difficult.

The road may be difficult.

The decision may be difficult.

But you?

You can learn how to walk through difficult things without becoming a difficult person.

That’s what we’re learning here.

Not how to avoid hard things.

How to face them.

With courage.

With compassion.

With wisdom.

With hope.

With love. ❤️

And for those who believe…

with faith.

Because sometimes the greatest victory isn’t that the news changed.

Sometimes the victory is that the news didn’t change who you decided to be. ❤️‍

Asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

NOTE:
If difficult news finds you today, don’t rush to become tomorrow’s version of yourself.

Stay here.

Breathe here.

Ask questions here.

Love here.

One step. One step. One step.
You are loved. You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU! ❤️‍

WHEN LIFE HURTS… YOU STILL HAVE A CHOICE.❤

❤️

Beloveds,

Whew.

Whew!

WHEW!!!

I came home from the hospital FREEZING.

And when I say freezing, I mean FREEZING! 🥶

I had been in excruciating pain. I was left uncovered for hours, lying on a hard surface, hurting and uncomfortable, and wondering how much more my body was going to have to endure.

And yet here I am.

HOME. ❤️

Still talking.
Still thinking.
Still laughing.
Still loving. ❤️
Still believing.
Still choosing.

And THAT is what I want us to talk about today.

Because sometimes life doesn’t give you a choice about what happens to you.

But there are still choices you can make about what happens INSIDE of you because of what happened to you.

Whew! Now THAT will preach! 🤗

You may not be able to choose the diagnosis.

You may not be able to choose the disappointment.

You may not be able to choose who hurts you.

You may not be able to choose the loss.

You may not be able to choose the circumstances surrounding you.

But there are moments when you CAN choose:

How will I respond?

Will I let this make me bitter?

Will I let this steal every ounce of joy?

Will I stop loving?

Will I stop hoping?

Will I stop believing that tomorrow can be different?

OR…

Will I say:

“This hurts. This is hard. I don’t understand it. BUT this isn’t going to take EVERYTHING from me.” ❤️

That doesn’t mean you pretend the pain isn’t real.

Oh, please don’t misunderstand me.

Laughing doesn’t mean you’re not hurting.

Sometimes laughter is how we remind ourselves:

“Pain is here… but so am I.” ❤️

Sometimes you have to laugh because if you don’t, you might cry!

Sometimes you laugh while tears are still sitting in your eyes.

Sometimes you smile while your heart is still healing.

Sometimes you say, “Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing!”

And then you take ONE MORE STEP.

That’s not denial.

That’s resilience.

That’s choosing life.

That’s choosing hope.

That’s choosing love.

And Scripture gives us a beautiful picture of what that kind of love looks like.

1 Corinthians 13:7 (NIV) says:

«“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”»

Did y’all catch that?

ALWAYS HOPES.
ALWAYS PERSEVERES.

Not because everything is easy.

Not because everything makes sense.

Not because we aren’t hurting.

But because love refuses to give up.

And then we get to one of my FAVORITE passages:

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NIV):

«“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”»

Now here’s where I want us to LEARN HOW.

Because telling somebody, “Choose love,” sounds wonderful.

But HOW?

How do I choose love when I’m hurting?

How do I choose hope when I’m disappointed?

How do I laugh when my heart wants to cry?

How do I keep believing when circumstances are screaming, “Give up!”?

We start by recognizing that our first emotional reaction doesn’t have to become our final decision.

I can be angry…

AND choose not to hurt somebody.

I can be disappointed…

AND choose not to become bitter.

I can be afraid…

AND choose to keep moving.

I can cry…

AND still have hope.

I can hurt…

AND still love.

I can have a terrible day…

AND still find SOMETHING to laugh about.

That’s a choice.

And sometimes it’s a choice we have to make over and over and over again.

Now let me ask YOU something…

Have you ever been in a situation where your CHOICE changed everything?

Maybe you were going through something that could have broken you.

Maybe somebody hurt you.

Maybe you lost something you thought you couldn’t live without.

Maybe your plans fell apart.

Maybe you sat in a hospital room wondering what was going to happen next.

Maybe you went home exhausted, hurting, disappointed and wondering, “How am I going to get through this?”

And somewhere in the middle of it…

YOU MADE A CHOICE.

Maybe it was:

“I’m going to try again.”

Maybe it was:

“I’m going to forgive.”

Maybe it was:

“I’m going to laugh.”

Maybe it was:

“I’m going to trust God.”

Maybe it was simply:

“I’m getting out of this bed today.”

Don’t underestimate that choice.

Sometimes the biggest victories don’t look like victories to anybody else.

Sometimes victory looks like getting dressed.

Sometimes victory looks like taking a shower.

Sometimes victory looks like making that phone call.

Sometimes victory looks like saying, “I’m not giving up today.”

And sometimes…

Victory looks like coming home from the hospital FREEZING and still finding something to laugh about! ❤️

That’s where I am.

I’m not telling you that pain isn’t real.

I KNOW pain is real.

I’m telling you that pain doesn’t get to have the final word.

And neither does sorrow.

Neither does disappointment.

Neither does fear.

Neither does yesterday.

Because hope still has something to say.

Romans 12:12 (NIV) tells us:

«“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”»

JOYFUL IN HOPE.

PATIENT IN AFFLICTION.

FAITHFUL IN PRAYER.

That’s not saying life won’t hurt.

It’s teaching us HOW to live while it hurts.

And that’s what I want us to learn together.

Not how to fake happiness.

Not how to pretend everything is okay.

Not how to put a smile on our face and hide our pain.

But how to say:

“This hurts… and I’m still going to choose love.” ❤️

“This is hard… and I’m still going to choose hope.”

“I’m tired… and I’m still going to take one more step.”

“I don’t understand… and I’m still going to believe there can be something beautiful on the other side.”

And when I can’t do anything else?

Maybe I’ll laugh.

Because sometimes…

YOU JUST HAVE TO LAUGH!

So today, I’m inviting you to think about your own life.

Where are you being asked to make a choice?

What situation has you believing you have no power?

What would change if you stopped asking only:

“Why is this happening to me?”

…and started asking:

“How do I want to respond to what is happening to me?”

That’s where the power begins.

Because you may not control the storm.

But you can learn how to stand in it.

You may not control the pain.

But you can learn how to carry yourself through it.

And you may not be able to choose everything that happens to you…

BUT SOMETIMES YOUR CHOICE CHANGES EVERYTHING. ❤️

So today…

Choose love.

Choose hope.

Choose grace.

Choose laughter when you can.

Choose compassion.

Choose forgiveness when you’re ready.

Choose to keep going.

And if all you can manage today is ONE STEP…

Baby, TAKE THAT ONE STEP!❤️

Then tomorrow…

We’ll see about the next one.

Because we are learning how to live—not just when life is good…

but when life hurts, too.

And we’re going to learn how to do it with GRACE, HOPE, LOVE AND JOY. ❤️

What choice have YOU made in the middle of a difficult situation that changed everything?

Tell me.

Somebody reading your story may need to know they’re not the only one struggling to choose hope. ❤️

Asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe

NOTE:
You don’t have to be a believer to belong here. ❤️
You don’t have to have all the answers.
You don’t have to have everything figured out.

Believer.
Atheist.
Agnostic.
Questioning.
Searching.
Somewhere in between.

Come as you are.

I’m here to love.

And I believe love can meet us right in the middle of the mess. ❤️

One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU! ❤️