I wanted to make a grand meal for Christmas. My wallet laughed at the notion.
Momentarily, I was embarrassed 😳 to be this age and unable to afford a nice Christmas meal.
I began to reflect on what I DID have. This made me think of all I DO have in my life just now. Which made me grateful.
I have my peace. I have my blog. I have my ☕ coffee. I have my 🎶 music. I can throw myself a party 🎉 anytime I want to.
My soul began to sing. My heart began to dance. I forgot about what I could not buy.
Ah, beloveds, you can’t buy this peace at any price!
Be encouraged. Focus on what you DO have. Rejoice over how far you have come. Keep moving FORWARD.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: This place in time is not here to break you. Have FAITH. In YOU. In God, if He is your cup of tea. I uplift those who can’t/don’t believe so you are covered as well.
Ah, beloveds. You got this. As do I. Sure wish I had a full bank account. Would be nice eh? I love you.
I have yelled at the tornado 🌪, for coming in and smashing up my life.
I have yelled at God for letting the damned tornado come in and smash up my life.
I have yelled at me for not being able to handle something small like an F4 🌪 tornado coming in and smashing up my life.
I have wanted to yell at family for…you get the point, beloveds. I have been wanted to yell at everyone and everything for my life being smashed up just now.
I even want to yell at mom, again, for having the absolute NERVE, to leave us all on Christmas morning 2016. Sheeeeeeeeeuut, mom. You could have waited and helped a sista out through this time.
The weeks, leading up to Christmas, are especially hard now. I have to gear myself up to NOT go into a dark place of unending mom grief.
I have done much better the past two years. This year, however,…whew!
I have fought the darkness ALL week. Relentlessly. I told myself I was okay. I told myself I would be okay.
One morning, the dark arrived and handed me a cup of ☕ coffee. I was too tired to resist. The dark remained. The dark remains. Now, I have one question:
What do you DO with the dark days?
I have thangs to do. I have a job to find. I have pieces to 📝 write. How can I DO these things in the dark?
I have asked God. He is as silent as it is dark.
I have asked The Universe. All I hear are crickets chirping.
I have asked my ♥ heart. My heart is too busy missing mom.
Thankfully, good habits came to the rescue. Good habits and 56 took charge. They sure are bossy!
I find myself dragging hard, fear, lonely, and grief out of bed each day. I ignore them. I make my ☕. I drink said coffee. I keep it pushing. I have thangs to do.
doing thangs in the dark, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be encouraged. Your dark days shall have their end. In the meantime, know of a surety that you do not walk alone.
Remember, beloveds, that it is okay to not be okay until you are okay, once again. Okay?
I needed to remind myself of this. It’s okay to grieve mom. Yet, I shall show grief the door soon. Christmas is coming. I plan on spending it making mom some homemade brownies. Uh, oh!
I was just doing some chores when God laid you on my heart. I prayed for you as I washed dishes. I thanked God for meeting your needs as I prepared a meal.
Be encouraged, Antonia. Be fearless in pursuing all that sets your soul on fire.
Your youth is an asset. Your humor shall be your armor during tough days. Your integrity shall clothe all that you do. Your joy shall sustain you.
Keep standing toes down. Keep moving FORWARD. Don’t waste another moment on whether you can. You WILL.
Beloved, enjoy these days. They are all you have. Keep asking for what you need and want.
Don’t EVER allow quit in your vocabulary. The ONLY reason to do so is to tell yourself to quit complaining or being negative about your life.
Choose you. Love you. Don’t worry about timid souls who are too afraid to step to your brilliance. Keep shining. Keep being the light that you are.
Take a deep breath. Your dreams are fixing to overtake you. I am excited for you. Run towards them. Don’t worry about outcomes. Just enjoy what comes.
My food grows cold. Have an amazing rest of your week.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I have also prayed for everyone on my subscriber list. Don’t worry, I won’t call you out in here. If you would enjoy a personal word, shoot me an email. Be encouraged.
Okay, I ATTEMPTED to make some delightful homemade brownies.
I in fact made…hmmm. I’m STILL doing the autopsy/after action report to determine what emerged from the bowels of the netherworld…🫣🤫🤔
Don’t judge me, beloveds! I saw. I came. I conquered. I tried…🧐😲😳
Just because I ran from the kitchen, shrieking in horror, beloveds, does NOT mean my experiment, er, baking, was NOT a success. It was. It was!
I would post 📸 photos, of said efforts, to prove how valiant I fought. Alas, I was advised by the food judge that I had committed a food crime and could NOT share said crime photos with the world. 😁🥰🤣
Sooooooooo, I decided to turn my disaster into a bit of encouragement for all those trying to bring a dream into fruition. Here goes nuttin’…
I wanted brownies. I wanted to MAKE some brownies. I was afraid to make the brownies.
Refusing to give way to fear, I determined to make the blasted brownies.
The only problem is I couldn’t remember WHERE, o dear Lord, WHERE, I had tossed the measuring cups(done in a fit of cleaning rage).
All I could find was 1 cup, 2/3 cup and 1/2 cup. How bad could this get?
NEVA, EVER, EVA, beloveds, ask oneself “How bad can this get?” when attempting to make homemade brownies, in an air fryer no less, for the first time at 56. Smh. The audacity of this can scarce be articulated. Smh 🤦♀️. Geeeeeeeez, Cassandra.
The ingredients called for:
1/4 cup water.
1/3 cup oil.
TWO eggs.
One box of generic brownie mix. Don’t judge me. I happen to love generic on most thangs.🫠😉😊
I forgot to mention I had cracked THREE 🥚 eggs to see if they still were good. They were good. I was going to have ham and eggs. I was too lazy to make ham and eggs.
Now, armed with THREE eggs. The brownie recipe specifically advised to use TWO eggs as using THREE would make the brownies “cake like”. I had no idea what the deal was with having “cake like” brownies. I would soon find out…
*Foreboding, foreshadowing music fo sho begins playing ominously…*
Armed with my trusty 2/3 cup, I tossed in oil, water, eggs and began beating for all I was worth. Smh.
Masterpiece mixed, I ceremoniously placed the baking dish in the air fryer. 🤦♀️ SMH. Dear God, WHY, Cassandra…
Theatrically setting the time of my demise, er, cooking time, I waited breathlessly for these perfect pan of brownies to emerge.
Hhmmm.
Hhmm?
What emerged had me feeling like…
Alas, I experienced, first hand, what “cake-like” truly LOOKS like. It looked like a chocolate mountain had been birthed smack dab in the middle of a pan of perfect brownies?!!
Of COURSE, the outside brownies were perfect. And, of COURSE, the blasted brownie mountain was NOT DONE BAKING!!!!
Refusing to be defeated by this monstrous brownie mountain, I lept into action! I donned my surgical garb and commenced doing emergency surgery on my dessert. I HAD to save it!!
Hours passed. Meteors rained down outside. Still, I allowed nothing to distract me as I worked to save my creation…
FINALLY, greatness arrived. Okay, not so much greatness as a huge pile of Cassandra CHOCOLATE Mishmash.
Hahahahahaha!!!
In my defense, beloveds, they were tasty. Terribly ugly. Wonderfully delicious. Much as our lives can turn out to be sometimes.
Sometimes, we use what we have and produce some interesting results. The moral of the story?
Don’t be afraid to use what you have. Don’t waste time being upset about not having all the utensils the recipe calls for.
Don’t be afraid to try. With what you have. Right NOW. Life is much too short to keep using the excuse you don’t have the right things.
Use what you have. 2/3 does not equal 1/4. So what? Make brownies anyway.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Stop waiting until things are perfect. They may never be. Get out there and LIVE. I love you.
Not even me. Perhaps this is a good thing. Perhaps I can give up on the foolishness nothing that THIS old woman can produce something, with words, that will move mountains.
Am I a fool? Maybe so. I have been this fool for 56 years. I am foolish enough to believe still. Crapola.
I tell myself all this losing is leading me to finding something! I think. I hope. I wonder.
If you have experienced great loss, hang in there. Healing comes. It does.
I will NEVER get over losing mom on Christmas morning 2016. Still, I will enjoy her THIS Christmas as best as I can.
If you are feeling lost within your circumstance, you are not alone. You are not lost. Just a bit discombobulated. We shall find our footing again.
Be encouraged.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Our lives are not a dumpster fire. It just feels like it at times…😂
Have you been taking care of yourself, beloveds? If not, ten lashes with a wet noodle for you.
We spend entirely too much time caring for everything other than us. Yes, we love others. Still, we MUST find the time to LOVE US.
I can not believe it took more than two months to even begin to REST after leaving my job. But for the panic attacks, after the tornado, I would probably still be taking my burnt out self to work. I would have kept working whilst exhausted. I would still have been running my life into the ground tended to everyone save me. Smh.
The tornado did me a favor. Dumb thing to say, eh? I am hoping someone will take something from these words and decide to rest.
Wherever you find yourself, be sure to include plenty of selfcare.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Your life is much to priceless to treat as you have, eh? Value YOU. Yea, I know it hurts when others don’t seem to value what we have to offer.
A few hours ago, I admitted to my wombie that I almost decided to stop writing. Then, I thought of the person who needed to hear that they were loved and not alone. So, here I am. Tada.
Be, beloveds. Love SHALL find us. Wait. Patiently. In the meantime, love someone. Starting with you.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 