Don’t be afraid of the dark.

Inspiration, Music, Poetry, Running, Song, walking, Writing 2 Minutes

I have been fighting with grief for a while now. Rather grief has been fighting with me.

Turn me loose!

Leave me alone!

I’m actually glad grief showed up.  I was forced to confront what in the world I was grieving.

?????

!!!!!!!!

😡🤒🥵😳☹🙏

For days, I wrestled. I cried. I slept little. I slept none. Crap. Ack! Fresh hell!

Finally!

I realized I was grieving…*sigh*… for my dad who passed away a dozen years ago now. I think.

To this day, I don’t/won’t/can’t think on the time of his passing. Until now.

It seems that I have healed enough so God and The Universe can walk me through this next level of hell, er, healing. Crap! Fresh hell…*pout*.

My heart is finally giving me permission to grieve. Okay. Okay! I am finally giving my heart permission to grieve.

Up until a week or so ago I was feeling too ashamed to grieve. I had not been able to attend his service and secretly never forgave myself for being a horrible daughter for not attending.

I had good reason. I had recently lost my private care job due to my client having passed away. He was more than a client.😥

So, I had to stay in town and look for another job to pay the bills. I also had to stick around for reporting to unemployment so I could receive my weekly $211 check. 211! Do you know how tough it is living on that! Don’t get me started.

In any event, I brutally told myself he was dead and we were alive and I had to beat the streets to find a job and keep it moving.

I eventually found a job. I kept it moving. Secretly, I beat hell out of myself for having to keep it moving.

A dear friend of mine lost her dad, recently. I prayed for her. I felt bad with and for her. I tried to move on and get on with getting on with it.

To my surprise, I found I was stuck. In the dark. Somewhere.

What the what the?!

I found myself:

Restless.

In tears.

Inconsolable.

????!!!!

It was only when I asked myself, over and over, that my heart spoke loud enough for me to hear over my grief.

I was grieving the loss of my dad.

I was grieving the loss of my dad?!

I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY DAD!!

Finally, my heart said.

Finally, my spirit said.

Finally, my soul said.

Finally, God said.

Finally, The Universe said.

Finally, Life said.

Finally, Jesus said and stretched out His Nail-scarred Hand.

Ah.

Aha!

I find this fitting for this to be my last piece for the week.

I miss you, dad. Tell mom hi, for me.😥

I am grateful for the dark. The darkness forced me to fight my way back to the light and living.

Don’t be afraid of the dark, beloveds. You don’t go through your darkness alone.

I love you and care for your life. Be encouraged. Take care and allow me to sit with you as you come out of your own dark place or space.

here as best as can,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:❤

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Published by Cassandra S.

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