Month: February 2024

My borders are just too small.

My borders are just too small.

Fresh hell.

I have outgrown these walls.

Crap.

I stretch out and can feel the sides closing in.

Dammit.

Damned.

Doomed?

To a life limited by walls I can’t break free of?

Shhhheeeeeeeeuuuuuuttt!

I tell myself I will not look at these damned borders.

I decorate them.

I tell myself I can learn to live within them.

Ack!

These blasted walls have become a coffin which have buried my hopes and dreams.

I’m tired of snatching them back. I tell myself myself it would do them a service to let them go.

It appears I may not be up to the task.

I whisper to myself that maybe I can learn to live without my yippppeees. My yippppeees call to me, on the other side of my too small borders.

Universe, what do I do with me now?

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: There are days, like today, when I would dearly love to tell my hopes and dreams to shove it!

I would normally pass out encouragement here. I’m empty, today. Someone pass out some love would you please? Let someone know they can and will make it. Let someone know they are loved and not alone. Tell them to be encouraged.

Make sure to tell them to never, ever give up. Maybe give them a hug. Perhaps offer them a prayer. Ah, God. These days have not been fun or funny. Still, I hope…

This sucks. And, it’s okay.

Me: This sucks.

God: It’s okay.

Me: I MEAN it! This absolutely sucks! I am TIRED, God. Tired of wondering where the world You are. Tired of wondering what I am doing wrong. I am just tired!

God: It’s okay.

Me: It’s NOT okay.

God: I know. And, that’s okay.

Me: Fresh hell.

God: I know.

Me: Why won’t You MOVE for ME?

God: Great question(s). Keep asking.

Me: I’m TIRED of asking questions!

God: I know. And, it’s okay.

Me: I want to take off my big girl panties, pull on some pull ups and sit in Your Lap.

God: Why don’t you?

Me: Because, I have to be strong.

God: May I be The Strong One?

Me: ‘Kay.

*Cassandra puts down burdens she can no longer carry, climbs onto The Father’s Lap and lay her head upon His Shoulder.*

resting with A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: This has been a rough day. So much so I cried all over my boss. Virtually. I was done fighting with tech leadership over system issues having nothing to do with me. My boss understood and asked if I wanted to take the rest of the day off. I did. I am.

I just stopped by long enough to tell you to be encouraged, beloveds. Talk to someone if you are struggling. Don’t carry things alone. Know there are folks who care about your life. Stop showing the world your best, all the time. There are times when you need to allow folk to see you at your seeming worse.

Keep believing. Rest, when you need to. You don’t always have to be the strong one. You don’t always have to be strong. It’s okay. You CAN make it through your tough moments. They are but moments. Tough ones, no doubt. But, tough times really do pass. It just feels as if they never will.

I have been shaking myself from a heavy cloak of grief. A friend’s father passed away. Dad’s birthday was day before yesterday. I miss my parents. I’m tired of battling alone. Yet not.

I CHOOSE to remain hopeful. I CHOOSE to remain joyful. This may seem incongruous with grief but it’s not. Grief comes to visit. But, we are the ones who determines how long it is welcome and under what terms it can stick around.

There is ALWAYS something sweet we can find, in our day. Look for it. I found a bit of sweetness in being able to share my tears with a boss who truly understood my frustrations.

Be encouraged. Loved someone. Starting with you. You are loved and NOT alone. Keep on being you.

What do you do when life won’t give you a pillow?

Ow!

Being stuck, beloveds, between a rock and a hard place…

Hurts.

Ow!!

I want to be angry with God.

I want to be livid with Life.

I want to be furious with The Universe.

Why?

Because, the damn hard place is just tooooooooooo hard and none will offer me a pillow.

A pillow to:

Soften, the hard.

Lessen the pain of the wait.

Lighten the load of the weight.

The weight of:

In the meantime.

Not now.

Not yet.

Not you.

Ow, God, why not now?

Ah, Life, why not yet?

Oh, Universe, why not me?

I’ve been looking for a pillow. Just a small one.

What do you do when Life won’t give you a pillow?

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I told God I am sick to death of living in the meantime. Just sick of it! What am I doing? Living, of course. In the meantime. I’ve got thangs to do. As do you. Keep going.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being… YOU!

Let your no mean no.

No!

I will no longer:

Put myself, laugh.

Put myself, down.

Put myself, off.

Because everyone else was:

More, important.

More, necessary.

More, loveable.

No!

I will no longer:

Think my dreams, any less, worthy.

Think me, any less, worthwhile.

Think, my heart, worthless.

No!

I will no longer:

Count me, last.

Count me, out.

Count me, as anything other than the priceless got I am!

No!

NO!

NO!!

Every day, I let folk know they are loved and not alone. And, every day, I ask God, I ask The Universe, if….ah, if…*sigh*

asking,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Stand up for YOUR heart, beloveds. Your time WILL come. When? I asked God for it to be today. Who knows what the day may bring?

Be encouraged. Love someone. Starting with you.

I must admit, my heart a bit heavy. I grieve for all who are waiting on love and dreams to arrive. The waiting feels interminable, at times. In the meantime, love on you. I have been enjoying some days of true peace and quiet.

I have also bewildered those who were used to me being there every second of every day. I have held to my no so I can have a bit of me solitude time.

Don’t let folk guilt you out of your me time. If they truly care, they will leave you be. If not, time to part ways. Either way, you win. I’m not suggesting kicking everyone in your life to the curb. Just suggesting you park it…lol

What do you LIKE about you?

What do you LIKE about you?

Like, not tolerate.

Like, not despise.

Like, not hide.

I’m loud. Voice wise. This, apparently, has annoyed many.

“Use your indoor voice.”

Outdoors?! Really?!🤷‍♀️🤣😉♥️

Folks said I was too loud:

In school.

Outside.

At church.

At church?!😳🥸😂🥰

Thankfully, God has always told me to just keep on being me. THIS me. This incredibly loud me.

I like this about me. I like being weird. I don’t think I’m weird at all. Weird is in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe, I think you are weird for thinking me weird…lol.

Most will think it weird that I am reaching out to a world who could care less about what I have to offer.

That’s okay. I offer, anyway. Some will enjoy it. Some won’t. I can’t worry about who will and who won’t. I just do.

What do you LIKE about you? Don’t worry that others may not like it. Be you. This world needs what only YOU can offer.

Keep sharing your weird, er, your life, with the world.

sharing my weird,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be the amazing you that you were born to be!

Do the dumb thing.

Do the dumb thing. You know that thing that god and the universe have been trying to get you to do forever.

The dumb thing that will have you go out on a ledge.

The dumb thing that will have you vulnerable.

The dumb thing that will have you alone.

The dumb thing that will have you acting alone.

The dumb thing that can change your life forever for the good.

The dumb thing back and change your life in ways you could never imagine.

The dumb thing that leaves you breathless every time you think about doing it.

Yea, beloveds, THAT dumb thing!

I’m dumb enough to believe maybe I can. Who knows? Maybe I will!

doing the dumb thing,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Do the dumb thing with me, beloveds. Who knows what dreams we can make come true? I’m finally ready to find out. Okay, maybe not ready but willing…lol. Let’s go peeps! We got thangs to do.

One step

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being… YOU!

I have never felt more.

I have never felt more…

Alive.

I have never felt…

Alone.

I have never felt more…

???

I have never felt…

Felt?

Felt?!

I am:

Alive.

Alone.

At home.

Ah.

Aha!

Keep living, beloveds. Don’t be afraid to be alone with you. So many hide beneath distraction. In hopes of hiding from themselves.

Life is short. I’m doing my best to live in the moment.

I give myself permission to feel, to dream, to live…

For me!

feeling more,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t fall for the okie doke in believing you have to come last. You don’t. Your needs matter. Yes, keep doing for others. Just don’t leave you out of the equation. You matter.

Time to focus on you.

It’s time, beloveds.

Time we focus on us.

Time for us to focus on our dreams.

We have done enough fretting about what we don’t have. We have done quite enough worrying on why the hard has been so hard.

Time for us to refocus. It’s our time. Time to do the things we have been putting off. Time to start some new and positive habits. Time to plant. Time to reap our harvest(s).

It’s Fri-yay. The work has been done, for the week. Time to focus on refilling our hearts and minds.

We have done enough, don’t you think, of carrying on about all the hard? Let’s enjoy us some us.

Speaking of which, I have some fantastic double chocolate pound cake. Who has the coffee/tea and other snacks?

focusing on me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been enjoying myself. I have turned off the phone and spent hours hollering at the television. Awesome. Be sure to get some you time in there, beloveds. You are NOT the savior of the world. Speaking of which, Jesus said to say ‘hey’…lol. I have been praying for each and every one of my fellow loud ones.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Add some ‘So What’ to your diet(day).

I have been out of sorts, this year. ALL year, so far. Abnormally so.

Sooooooooooooooooo, I got to scrounging around, within my heart, to find the source of my anxt, my ain’ts, my wherefores, my whys, and my whynots.

Hmmm.

Aha!

It appears I have had too much of contemplating and dwelling on the hard. Normally, I tell hard, ha!, and move on about my day.

I tell hard, ‘So what!?”, and I dare to keep it moving.

For the past few weeks, beloveds, all I have allowed myself to see was the hard. I started missing, the joy. I started dismissing, my try. I started, discounting, well, everything.

Everything was just hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaarrrrrrrd, I carried on. I stopped climbing onto The Father’s Lap. I began hiding. From, Him. From, Me. Afraid. Afraid, He would be disappointed with me. Disappointed IN me.

Then, I decided I was going to sit with Him, anyway. Afraid. A disappointment. Slowly, I admitted to God, to myself, I was feeling so much I didn’t know what to feel. Or, not.

I shared how afraid I felt. I shared how afraid that I was afraid that He would be annoyed with me being and feeling so damned afraid about everything, right now. I told Him I was disappointed. With me. I felt I should ‘know better’. That, I should ‘be better’.

I’m glad God understood. He sat with me. He let me be…me. I didn’t have to perform. I didn’t have to put on a happy face. I wasn’t happy. I was:

Sad.

Mad?

Disappointed?

Afterwards, I got my ‘So what’ back.

Life was being hard.

So what?

Things were not fair.

So what?

I was a bit lonely.

So what?

So what: What are you going to DO, Cassandra?

Me: I am going to live. As best as I can.

Today, I am tired. So what? I have things to do. I am dragging my tired with me. I am making my tired do the dishes…lol.

When you are discouraged/tired/frustrated and the like, be sure to add some ‘So what’ to your diet(day).

Take care of you. You are the only you that you have.

Be encouraged and know that you are loved and not alone. I never tire of saying this to you. You are. Take care of you. You are much too precious to keep running yourself into the ground the way you do.

grateful,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Someone needs to hear from you. Someone needs to be loved by you. You need to be loved by someone(s). If you don’t have them, start with me…hehe…

My Daily Prompt.

I’m new at this blogging thing.

Yes, I know, beloveds, I have been blogging for a few years, now. Still, I know little. I know nothing, really.

My heart does not care. Nope. Nary, a whit. Blog, she says. Write, she entreats. Share, she whispers.

I blog.

I write.

I share.

I tag.

I categorize.

Mind you, beloveds, I have NO idea what happens by selecting tags/categories. I just know that in doing so, a newbie or two or three happens to happen by the blog.

One day, don’t ask me why, I selected ‘Daily Prompt’. I had noticed it in some other blogs I enjoy. Zero idea what it meant but slapped on my page. Then, I saw an uncategorized option. I used to never hit that. Yet, I did, one day. To my astonishment, a few trickled in.

So, now, I slap this. I try, that. I have no idea what is successful. Still, I try. In times past, I used to only want to try things I was good at. Ha!

It was only after being put into terribly hard/new challenges, at work, that I found I was still enough. Mistakes, and all. Dumb feeling, and all. Little to no progress, and all.

Through it all, I found, well, ME. I found my try WAS enough. I found, beloveds, I was enough. God, had been telling me this, for years. The Universe, had been telling me this, for years. Life, had been telling me this, for years.

I had been afraid to listen. I had been afraid, to look up. Afraid I would see:

Disappointment.

Disapproval.

Dismissal.

One day, I had failed. And, failed. And, failed. So much so I cried. And, cried. And, cried. I felt like such a FAILURE!. Until, I heard:

God: Look up. Look at Me.

Me: I’m afraid, God. What if, You are disappointed with me. IN me? My heart, could not bear that.

The Universe: Look up. Look at Me.

Me: I’m afraid, Universe. What if, You disapprove of ME? My spirit, could not stand that.

Life: Look up. Look at Me.

Me: I’m afraid, Life. What if, You dismiss me? My efforts?

LOOK UP!

One day, I found the courage to look up. Gazing back at me was…

Love.

Love?

LOVE!

Yes, God loved me. Always. No matter what. I was much more than my try. I was much more than what I did. I was much more than what I gave.

Now, I spend as many days as I can, letting folks know they are enough. I had a true friend, years ago, who kept telling me I was enough. I didn’t believe her. Not at first. I HAD to give. I HAD to do. I HAD to serve. To be loved. To be cherished. To be seen. To be heard.

Yes, I loved doing all those things because I was born to serve, to give, to love. I love doing those things. Still, my heart was trapped in the prison of ‘paying rent’ as I call it. Paying rent, to the universe so I could, perhaps, swallow a bit of air and receive a few scraps of life. Smh.

Now, I know. Now, I see. Now, I do. The best I can. It’s all that I can do.

My Daily Prompt:

Try.

Live.

Love.

Say.

Life is short. Keep on living and doing even when you don’t know what the fresh hell you are doing. You don’t have to know exactly where you are going. Not, now. Just keep going. As best you can.

Keep on doing your own daily prompt(s). Get in your me time. You are important. Your dreams are important. They are.

Be encouraged, beloveds.

Remember:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

being about being about it,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. Enjoy your life. Embrace what happens therein. I am enjoying with you. Lemme know how you are.