Month: February 2024

God, I want to make You an ashtray.

I wanted to buy mom a house.

She died before I could fulfill this life long dream.

Now, I long to make enough money to buy many homes for many mamas and others.

I was praying about this. This is what I told God almost verbatim:

God,

I want to try. To build something. To make something. With mine own hands. I want to use this gift of words and encouragement that You gave to me.

I want to build a website. MY way. I want to write ridiculous things. In ridiculous ways. I want to make up new words. I want to dream up foolishness that will bless a soul and touch a weary mind.

I want to sing badly. I want to cheer robustly. I want to produce a podcast so deliciously corny it feed the whole of the earth.

I want to sit on my balcony, leaning on aglass railing as I think of dumb words to share with a world who could give two hoots about me.

When fashioned, God, I want to present it to You as a clumsily made ashtray. One fashioned with childlike hands. For You. To do with as YOU see fit.

God, Father, ABBA, I no longer care what Your response might be. I just want to make my ashtray for YOU.

Ah, God, maybe then, You may be proud enough of it to proudly present it to the world. Not for ego’s sake but from the Jus Cuz Love of The Father for His Precious Daughter. Me!

Ah, God. Let me try. I may fail. I may fall flat on my face.

Father, would You bless the work and words of MY hands? Would you bless me, financially and allow me a space of time to work on my ashtray?

If not. Or, if not now, would You give me the grace to keep going in my mini dream? I shall continue to build my blog, my ashtray, and present it to the world, on Your Behalf.

I thank You, God. For the opportunity to continually laugh at hard as I share all that I have. I choose love. I choose to care.

Thank You for loving me and caring about my life. I appreciate all that I have endured these past days. I forgive You for taking mom. For snatching dad. I don’t understand but forgive You anyway.

I trust You. Even though half the time I have not the first clue what the world You are doing with a fool like me.

I love You and receive whatever answer You give. Hurry up, though. I got thangs to do!

your humbled daughter,

Sweetpea aka Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Ah, beloveds. God told me to share this best of me with you. If you pray, pray with me that I can make God an ashtray. Amen.

I love you.❤

I love you.❤

I just HAD to share that with you, beloveds. Love is running all over the floor as I pray for you all and ask for love and peace and blessing be given you today and always.

Just had to take a moment to let you know you are loved and not alone.

Be encouraged, beloveds.

loving me some you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

#HereForIt

Note: If you have not tried giving some unconditional love I invite you to do so. It is fantastic!!🥰😊

Love someone. Start with you.

Remember to give back.

I finished up my pieces for the coming week.

Or, so I thought. Smh.

I had turned off my blogging phone. Yes, I have one phone I use to yak at yall with as I get on about my day.

Anywho, I decided to visit some of my fave blogs. Yayaya!

N-E-Waze, I silently stalk read some. I replied to others. I tried to send a coffee to another.

Why?

For one, it’s just how I be. Also, I got to thinking…uh, oh!🤣.

I got to thinking how I feel when an occasional person comments on a piece. I admit it. I melt.🥰😁

Not because it soothes my ego. It’s because it’s a sign, perhaps, perchance, that my goofy self may have, by accident, by happenstance, may have happened to touch a heart. If only for but a moment.

I rejoice knowing, hoping that I maybe have removed a pebble from someone’s mountain.

I don’t know what others feel when their pieces, when their words, when their song, when there inspiration is not only taken in but RESPONDED to.

I just know how I used to feel when my words were unacknowledged.

Now, I don’t live for likes or responses. I cherish every one, though. Not because I am waiting for a super rich beloved to roll over to my GoFundMe Page and slap a couple hundred or thousand or million in there. Hint.😁🥰🤣🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🙏❤🎤

I just learned to focus on MY why and likes and responses will or won’t come by whosoever will.

In the meantime, beloveds, I am asking on behalf of every blogger, vlogger and every other ‘ger out there so he/she/they can get their particular warm fuzzy.

We all need each other don’t we, beloveds?

I’m supposed to be getting in Superbowl mode. I hear some pregame snacks calling. Care to join me?

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

#HereForIt

Note: What are you still doing here? You are supposed to be blessing someone or heading my way for pregame snacks. Don’t forget the beverage and pass out some love before you leave. Start with you.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Ah,God. I’m ashamed.

Me: Ah, God. I’m ashamed.

God: Ashamed of what?

Me: I’m ashamed of my try.

God: Why?

Me: No matter how hard I try, I can’t.

God: Can’t what?

Me: Get there.

God: Where is there?

Me: On the other side of my dreams.

God: Where are they?

Me: If I knew, I would be with them already.

God: You already are.

Me: How can this be?

God: What do you dream of doing?

Me: I dream of writing to and encouraging the entirety of the world.

God: What are you doing, right now?

Me: I’m just blogging.

God: Just? Really? Keep blogging. Perhaps you may run into a dream or two there.

Me: K.

encouraging my tiny piece of the world,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep being you. Perhaps you are the dream you seek? Perchance you may be living your dreams in scale!😳🤔🤣🥰

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Tempura(ry) Insanity.😳🤔

Help me out, beloveds.

My mind is driving 🚘 me up ten walls!

I have been enjoying watching hundreds of hours of folk preparing tempura and upon noodles and delicious looking cutlets and the questions won’t let me alone:

What the world are those tan looking soft looking things that gets boiled and then rice is stuffed in them in a triangle shaped way?

Speaking of triangles, why is the rice put in triangle molds and then wrapped in seaweed? Are triangles symbolic of something or just pleasing to the eye?

Why are eggs put in noodles, over the cutlets, in rice? Is this tasty?

Is the tempura batter sweet? What is it made from? Is it as crunchy and scrumptious as it looks?

Is the food prep as fun to do as it is to watch?

What does Bonito broth taste like? What is it equivalent to?

How can I call someone and phrase my questions in ways I won’t be arrested for being a moron?

How expensive are those neat 🍜 noodle making machines?

Questions. Questions. Help a sista out and feed my mind so I can sleep more in the middle of the night.

Inquiring minds would like to know.🤔

wondering,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t judge me. It was either bugging yall about tempura or crying in despair about the vicissitudes of life.🤷‍♀️

Have awesome Saturday. What do you find fascinating? Inquiring minds would like to know. All random meanderings welcome.

I promise.

God: Give it to me, beloved.

Me: I’m afraid.

God: Give it Me.

Me: I’m afraid, of You.

God: Whatever for, beloved?

Me: You may not give it back. You may hurt it.

God: May I have it, beloved? It belongs to you. I will care for it for you.

Me: Do You promise?

God: I promise.

Me: K…here:

❤️‍🩹

trusting Him,

Cassandra

Note: I am listening to Leona Lewis ‘Footsteps In The Sand’. Today has been bittersweet. I have found myself grieving terribly, the loss of my dad. Strangely, I can almost here mom saying ‘It will be okay’. You would think this would make me doubly sad as I have been missing mom so much it I almost a physical ache.

On top of all, work has been, whew, work as my manager and myself have been fighting and losing with the highest levels of tech management.

It’s hard to work, to fight, to stay positive when life and circumstances are positively kicking one’s arse.😳

I have learned to continue trying and believing and fighting and hoping and standing no matter what is going on. Whew!

I had to force grief and sad out of bed. I told them since they are sticking with me they are going to work with me!

Get up!

Turn on the lights!

Make some coffee!

Work!

Encourage someone!

Let someone know you are struggling!

Get up on God’s Lap and let Him know how you feel!

Okay! Okay!

I arose.

I turned on the lights.

I made some coffee ☕.

I went to work.

I encouraged as many as my voice could reach.

I let folk know I was struggling.

I got up, got on God’s Lap and told Him how I felt.

God: Give it to me, beloved…

to be continued,

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note 2: I can’t remember the last time I felt soooooooo helpless. Oh, yea, it was the day they buried mom…*sigh*

Be encouraged, beloveds. This too shall pass. When going through the hard remember:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

YOU are the impact.

I was sad.

Pitiful.

Forlorn.

Why?

Because I have always wanted to make an impact. I thought I could. I thought I would.

The older I have grown, the smaller my impact looks. To ME.

I look at my life and all I can see is…

My try.

Ha!

I told God I was no longer going to swing for the fence. I told Him I would make my impact from my small corner of the world.

I looked at my corner of the world and felt…

Ridiculous.

Ha!

God told me to look again. I looked. I saw…

You.

Aha!

God: You are the impact. Keep on being…

YOU!

I shall.

being an impact,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Your life IS making an impact. Keep being you. You have no idea how many lives you ARE impacting with your love, your empathy, your try.

I was just complaining, er, praying about the lack of opportunities I had to make an impact. I was tearfully telling God how embarrassing it was that I actually wrote to The Universe and was ghosted BY THE UNIVERSE!

I was hurt, I told God. I also sadly informed Him that I was terribly hurt that even He appeared to have scoffed at me when I offered me, in love, to a world who could give two hoots.

Me: ALL I want(ed) is to make an impact.

God: You are.

Me: I don’t SEE any movement. I don’t SEE any impact!

God: You are.

Me: I am what.

God: The impact that I need. The impact that you seek. The impact The Universe has been waiting for.

Me: Ah.

God: Aha! Your try is all I have ever asked for. Just try. We shall do the rest.

Me: What shall you DO with/for me?

God: Keep asking.

I will.

Asking for A Friend.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being… YOU!

Ah, God: Don’t be afraid of the dark.

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQEwHsjT1DOmR4lzSpI4FWC_JUiPNvFyj&si=EgnJci6wR1ROnogn

So, beloveds, grief and sad just would not leave me alone. They chased me. ALL day. ALL DAY!

Enough!

Since they refused to leave, I snatched up my trusty blue screwdriver, mixed up a playlist and serenaded grief and sad.

They took off a couple songs 🤔 hhm. Am wondering if it was my singing or my joy that has run them off.

N-E-Waze, I have lost my dance partners and was wondering if anyone could use some sad and grief killers. If so, help yourself to the playlist above, snatch up a screwdriver and let some light in your darkness.

singing badly,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be encouraged. You are loved and you are not alone…

Make YOUR decision.

😳

😭

🫣

🤐

🤯

OMG!!!!!

WHY?!!!!!

Whew!

*stamps foot*

😡🤡💔❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥💣💥💢💯🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Okay, beloveds. I can be calm now. I think. It is past the horrors and wonders of The Championship game where some won, some lost and some COACHES MADE THE DUMBEST DECISIONS IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY MAKING!

WHY IN THE FRESH HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!!!!!!!🥺🤯😡😭😱😖😣😩😫

Scuze me, beloveds. I’ma need another cup of coffee ☕ to soothe my annoyed soul. I can not tell you how loudly I screamed, to mom in heaven, over the dumb…*pout*…*Cassandra puts on some horrid elevator music 🎶 and takes a commercial break*.

Sooooooo, now the world is up in arms. Why? Because one coach followed his heart, which lead to disaster. Another team, did NOT follow their normal strategy, which also led to disaster.

Two teams lost by choosing strategies but championed and railed against.

I must admit, I was frustrated with the coach who went with his gut. I understood, though. I respected his willingness to go for it even as the entirety of the world was yelling NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!

I can also admit to being frustrated with the other team who played completely out of it’s character. I think they were more afraid of what folk thought about HOW they played. I wished they would have just played and lived with the outcome.

Which brings me to you, beloveds. And, me. I have learned to just be me. Just me. I am okay with me. I like me. I don’t have to try and be someone I am not. Whew!

Keep being YOU! The world is going to judge you no matter how you live your life. So what? Respect folk. Love folk. Honor their try. Then do YOU!

Make your own decisions. Don’t worry about who will accept you or not. This world is so busy clout chasing it has forgotten the true purpose of life.

What’s that, you ask?

Great question!

Keep asking.

making my own decisions,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be you. Make your own choices. Embrace the outcome of your efforts. Be encouraged.

You are loved

You are NOT alone.

❤️‍🩹My heart is being mended.

Ow!❤️‍🩹

Proverbs 13:12 – Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

This Bible scripture describes me. Basically It means when our hope(dreams) are deferred(delayed/put on hold), we be tripping(frustrated/sad/mad/annoyed/disappointed/discouraged).

I am heartsick. Meaning, my heart is sick of:

Waiting.

Hoping.

Waiting.

Hoping.

Waiting!

Ack!!!!!!

So, I have tucked my heartsick heart, into 🛏 bed whilst I continue to hope and to wait. Ah, God. Ack!

Be encouraged, beloveds. It’s okay to get hearsick from time to time. We got thangs to do and just want to be doing those thangs NOW!

I told Doritoes to get gone and to take Lay’s with them! I told comfort eating I shall find my comfort in my try, in God, in faith, in joy.

I told me that everything WILL be okay. It will.

I told my twin that my yipppeees have appeared to have deserted me. My yipppees can no longer tolerate living outside my realized dream(s). I am uncertain HOW to live without my yipppeees. I wonder if they are coming back.

Ah, God, my yipppeees have gone. I think they went in search of my dreams. My yipppeees can no longer sit idly by and watch my heart cry from being so heartsick ❤️‍🩹

Where are my dreams, God? Life is short. 55 says for You to hurry. I am finding it harder to keep faking it til I make it.

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be encouraged. Embrace your life. Enjoy your life. Even if your life currently remains void of your dreams. I have taken another day off. Financially, ow. Emotionally, needed. I just couldn’t do my work day. Not today. Not with hope deferred still. Maybe tomorrow.

It’s okay to be weary. Rest. Then, continue taking one step. Just one. Then try another. Ah, God, please hurry. We got thangs we would like to try and do.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being… YOU!