I found myself raising my voice with four different siblings. For, four different reason. For, four unacceptable reasons.
I issued four different apologies.
I come from a large family. 13 brothers and sisters. Wow, mom and dad you all had a whole lot of kids! When I asked dad why the world he had sooooooooo many chillun, he said:
The radio did not work and the television was broken.
😳
🤣😂😉🤦♀️🤷♀️🥰❤
Being in such a large family, in order to be heard, we found ourselves shouting over one another. At time, we talk over one another, still.
I have been working to correct this, in me. I am doing MY work. I no longer use the excuse of this is how we were raised.
We all grow. Leastwise, I am doing my best to grow and love the best way I know how.
I no longer choose to participate in a dialogue where I have to raise my voice, to be heard.
The second, the very instant, you raise your voice, the temperature gets raised. I don’t want to speak to a tender heart, in the heat of anger. I want to calm down, THEN calmly have my say. Yes, I can still speak passionately. Yet, with no malice, intended, or otherwise.
I am about to step on a few toes. I apologize, in advance. Bandaid for boo boos, will follow:
Men use their voices, to intimidate. Yall do men. Because yall have been taught you can have your way over women and children, by raising your voice.
Women, in times past, when they hear a man, raise his voice, often back off and out of the conversation or situations.
Why?
Because, sadly, physical/emotional/sexual abuse often followed. And, even if it didn’t, just the hint is/was enough to silence a woman, a child.
Yet, those silent women and children, were/are simmering, with silent anger of their own.
When women try to point this out, to a man, he immediately becomes defensive and either hollers louder or mansplains himself. Either way, both sides lose out.
That said, women have been dismissed and dismissing their own needs, in need to protect men, they are seething with hidden anger and are taking hidden anger out on their bodies through food, sex with married men, sex with no men, sex as distraction, sex as a weapon, dropping the ball of motherhood to party cuz they have raised them kids alone and all manner of things.
As a society, men and women are each raising his/her voice to the other side with no side hearing the side speaking.
I say all that to say this: Hurt people, hurt people. I no longer choose to inadvertently or purposely hurt another soul because of how I was raised or how I was treated or how this or how that.
How about we, each of us, choose to raise our voices, in unity, in love, in solidarity, in integrity, in truth, in joy, in laughter, in as many ways as we possibly can to defuse anger and deal with the deep hurt, pain and wounds we have and hold inside our hearts?
As for me and mine:
I love you.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
ttnette37@yahoo.com
Note: I find, as I write these words, tears are streaming down my face. Ah. Aha!
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