Month: June 2024

I hope you know.

I hope you know.

How priceless you are.

I hope you know.

How special you are.

I hope you know.

How unique you are.

I hope you know.

How loved you are.

I hope you know.

How fearless you are.

I hope you know.

How wonderful you are.

I hope you know.

How determined you are.

I hope you know.

How magnificent you are.

I hope you know.

How wondrous you are.

I hope you know.

How much you are loved.

I hope you know.

Ah, beloveds, IF you KNOW all these things about you, why on earth do you give yourself such a hard time?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Stop being so hard on you, beloveds. You are doing the best you can with what you have. Be encouraged. Keep looking up.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I wish I knew.

I wish I knew.

How to be all things for all people.

I wish I knew.

How to be everywhere, for everyone, every time.

I wish I knew.

How to be humble, always. And, angry, never.

I wish I knew.

How to be there, all while wanting to stay here.

I wish I knew.

How to right every wrong.

I wish I knew.

How to erase every heartache.

I wish I knew.

How to get rid of every doubt.

I wish I knew.

How to embrace hard things without feeling how hard the hard truly is.

I wish I knew.

I don’t.

So, I try.

I give.

I share.

I love.

Anyhow.

wishing I knew,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I disappointed my wombie. I think. In thinking thus, I am disappointed. In me. Ah, God. I wish I knew. 😥❤️❤️‍🩹

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I’m done with the shame game.

I’m done.

Done with the shame game.

Done shaming me.

Done shaming You.

Done shaming me for not being enough.

Done shaming You for not doing enough.

I’m done.

Nuff said.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been spending the weekend forgiving me for all the things I coulda, shoulda and woulda done if I had not been afraid.

If I had not been this.

If I had been that.

If.

IF.

If!

I WASN’T those things!

I WAS that!

So what?

What has been done has been done!

I am over shaming me, beloveds.

Why?

I found myself wishing, desperately, that I could go back to my boring life BEFORE the tornado.

I cried acknowledging that God, that I, that Life, that The Universe, that family, that friends, that money can NOT turn back the hands of the clock.

The tornado happened.

An actual fact.

The aftermath is here STILL.

Also, an actual fact.

Now, the present I wish was not mine, IS, in fact, mine. Now.

Fresh hell.

In acknowledgment, there is also peace. There is nothing left to be done but to accept what is and figure out if I am making lemonade, lemon meringue pie or throwing 🍋 lemons at anyone in the vicinity.

God: Lift up your head.

Me: K.

Lift up your head(s), beloveds. Let’s be done with the shame game, shall we? We have NOTHING to be ashamed of. If you have done something shameful, fix it. Forgive yourself. Move on. Rinse. Repeat.

We have all done things, said things, not did things, not said things we should/should not have. What’s done is done. God forgives. Why can’t/shouldn’t you? And, I don’t mean the false/fake stuff folk appear to be doing in simply saying folk ‘make mistakes’ then do nothing to correct things, make things right or apologize/repent for said stupid/thoughtless/shameful thing(s) said/done.

We got thangs to do, beloveds. Let’s stop wasting the precious moments we have left shaming ourselves and shaming others. How about we offer up some grace and keep it moving? Asking for A Friend…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I’m done with the blame game.

I’m done.

Done with the blame game.

Done blaming me.

Done blaming You.

Done blaming me for all the things I couldn’t.

Done blaming You for all the things You wouldn’t.

Doesn’t even matter why I didn’t.

Doesn’t even matter why You couldn’t.

I’m done.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I’m done, beloveds. No more. Blaming me. Blaming this, that and the other thing for why my life is or has turned out to be what it is. It just is. I have done the best I can/could, with what I had/have.

Be done, beloveds. Your life is your life. Change it, if you deem it needs changing. In the meantime, embrace it. Love you. Love folk and let the rest come out in the wash. You have done all you have known.

Back away from the blame game. Let it have it’s end. Mine ends now. How about yours? Asking for Your Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: God, is this the wilderness?

Me: Is THIS the wilderness?

God: Why do you ask?

Me: It’s hot. It’s dark. It’s devastated. If THIS is not the wilderness, what in the fresh what the what the IS it?

God: Life.

Me: Crap. I KNEW you were going to say that. Smh.

God: Is it important to know what THIS is?

Me: Not really. I guess. I supposed. I wish. I…sigh.

God: I know. Does this not reassure you, beloved? That I know? Can My Kknowledge be enough for both of us.

Me: I guess it will have to be. Crapola.

God: I hear you…sigh.

Me:…sigh…You know, God, it sure is nice to not know with You.

God: I feel the same. Tell me a story. Be sure to include some nice snacks.

Me: K

Beloveds, I know life can be terribly hard to look at, to go through, to figure out. Loss may have happened. May be on the horizon. May be taunting you, just know. Be encouraged. You SHALL survive it. Some kind of way. As shall I. Yea, life may hurt a bit. Yet, it is STILL good, eh? LIft up your head. There is much to see. To experience. To wonder/wander about.

Let’s get to loving on a world which does NOT deserve us. It needs love anywho. As do you. As do I.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo maddening working off of this stupid Hotspot!!!!!!!! I need my internet!…pout. Ah, another piece in the making…smh. I am certain to come up with something incrediby inspiring about allow our Hotspot to do some blasted bloody inspiring thing when I need the internet working already Godddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!….whew.

Be encouraged. You can do this thing called life. So can I.


One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: Shaken AND stirred.

I find myself:

Shaken.

Stirred.

Scared?

Not really.

I am…

Something.

I just don’t know what this something IS, beloveds.

A new stranger has shown up. This woman, though, she is:

Hesitant?

Hesitating?

Waiting?

For what, I wonder?

For WHOM, I wonder?

I know not. I just know that she, that I, am waiting.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!

I just popped ’round to remind you that it is perfectly okay to be shaken AND stirred.

I have found myself twisting myself into pretzels performing performative art to ‘prove’ to folk I am okay so they won’t feel bad about me being in my present condition.

My heart has said to hooey with that! I have had two blasted tornadoes in my yard! I have a reason to be flipping out just now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I find myself looking for ME, beloveds. Where is she, I ask? Where AM I, I ask The Universe?

I have no idea where I am. I DO know I am safe in His Hands.

Sunday is Father’s Day. My dad long passed away. I get to fight with Father’s Day, alone, in the midst of rubble outside my door. Thanks God. Appreciate Cha!…stamps foot.

I find myself shaken.

AND stirred.

Crap.

God, what in the fresh hell do I DO with me NOW?

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to not quite be okay. It’s okay to be both shaken AND stirred, beloveds. STOP trying to ace every test. You are loved whether you receive an A or an F. Your worth is NOT in your grade. Your worth is NOT in what you have. Your worth is NOT in what you do. Your worth is in the simple fact you were born. Simple as that.

Ah, beloveds, put down the weight of expectation that you have. The expectation that you have to be perfect and serve the entirety of the world without asking for a thing for yourself. To hoooey with that lie from the very pits of hell!!

Ask for what you need. Keep reaching for love. Keep living a life of integrity. You SHALL be rewarded for being the you you were meant to be. You don’t have to be me. I don’t have to be me. We just have to…be. Let’s get on with it, shall we? Asking for A Friend.


One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

What are you doing with your disaster?

What are you doing with your disaster?

What are you doing with your disaster? I know this is a ridiculous question. Worded that way for a reason.

I have had to ask myself the same question, when it comes to moving past this stupid tornado happening.

Some things, beloveds, can’t be dismissed. Some disasters, just won’t be ignored. They MUST be dealt with.

How?

How, God!!??

I do NOT appreciate this, God!!!

I am doing my best to be….fresh hell. I don’t KNOW how to be! Crap.

Yet, God says I must….be.

The Universe says I must…be.

Life says I must…be.

NOBODY WILL TELL ME HOW TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What in the world am I supposed to do with THIS me!?

THIS me is:

Angry.

Subdued.

Snappy.

Still.

Exhausted.

Frustrated.

Terrriby sad.

This me is also:

Joyful.

Hopeful.

Seeking.

Trying.

I want to tell BOTH mes to go ahead and kick rocks and leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz!

Me: What good is THIS ME doing for the world?! Why in the fresh hell…

God: ALL of you are needed.

Me: For what? What possible good can/could THIS me do for the world when I can’t even turn my own world right side up again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God: Keep going. Asking for…

Me: I know. I know. A Friend.

God: That’s right. Everything will be okay. Okay?

Me: K.

I am trying to make lemonade, beloveds. Truly I am. It seems I have run out of sugar. Anybody have some to spare? Asking for A Friend.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: What a day I am having. Think I will break out my blue screwdriver and drive out the darkness with a song/dance. Who wants to join me?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Do NOT fear/focus on upcoming storms.

Beloveds, hear me. If you don’t hear another thing I say, hear this:

Do NOT fear/focus on upcoming storms!

Do NOT waste another moment of your life worrying about how bad it will be.

Do NOT waste a second on how YOU will be.

The ONLY thing you need to concern yourself with is where and upon what you are standing on and Who you are standing with.

That’s it!

Ah.

Aha!

I have been through two other tornadoes. Geez, I must be a 🌪 magnet!😳🤣. Yet NOTHING prepared me for these days.

Nada.

Nope.

Nary a thing.

It has been beautifully, terrifyingly difficult. I want to tell the whole tore up world to kick rocks. That I didn’t start this fight. That I did and do NOT want to be in this fight.

God: Fight!

Me: I’m tired.

Life: Fight!

Me: I’m afraid.

The Universe: Get your tired and frightened honey in there and fight!

Me: K.

Life is good. Even when it is hard. I am having a cup of coffee ☕. I am 📝 writing. I am talking with fam. I am thinking of super dumb things.

Sure sounds like me in every other day, eh?🤣❤️‍🩹❤️🥰

Enjoy your life. Embrace the hard. Acknowledge the ow. Keep it moving.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Think it not strange, beloveds. Life happens. Keep on making moments. Even amongst the ruins. Ya know, some ruins are famous and have folk flocking to them centuries later. Keep building a legacy folk will come see long after we are all gone…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: I told Reality to kiss my uh oh!😳😡

Reality has been working my nerves, beloveds.

ALL night.

Dammit.

Then, Reality had the NERVE to wake me BEFORE the sun rose.

Teasing me.

Taunting me.

Encouraging me to:

Quit.

Walk away.

From:

God.

My wasted, as Reality tells it, dreams.

You, as Reality tells it, could give two figs about your dumbness anyway.

Yea, boy, Reality is starting to get desperate. Got to reminding me I am JUST:

One voice.

One try.

A nobody.

A nothing.

One being amongst millions, billions and how will I EVER stand out?

This made me stop being 😡 mad long enough to say:

Reality, you little dummy, don’t you KNOW by now that there is NOTHING just about me!

What’s more, little dummy Reality, One Voice, One Nobody, One Nothing, One Try changed the whole world! His Name is Jesus!

Further more, little dummy Reality, God sees me. God LOVES me. God CARES DEEPLY for my life.

Lastly, all I can do is love folk. Period. They will love me back or they won’t. Period.

My worth has absolutely NOTHING to do with what I give or what is or is not given back to me!😡

Ha!

Reality: 😳

Me:😡💪🥊 🥊!! Shut it!! Get gone!

Reality: K.

Last night I quit. Just a smidge. I was tired. Exhausted. From living in this aftermath. I wanted to hide and pretend all this hard isn’t so hard.

I lie. It’s harder than that. Yet, so is God. I ran to Him and told Him I did NOT want to do another second of this. He said ‘I Know. Keep going’. I got up. I go. Just barely.

going kinda,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I write these days for those who have secretly given up. Yea, beloveds, I see you. God sees you. It’s why you were sent here. God knew you would need these words. God knew I would need them. Get back up, beloveds. We got thangs to do!

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Use the bad for your good.

Sooooooooooooooooooo, Egads!

Yikes!

Whew!

What the what the???!!

Okay, so now I have had my mini fit, after finding out I won’t be getting paid until the internet gets back to internetting so I can get back to working from home…whew.

I can make a plan.

I can determine how I am going to be about being about it.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, God, why the world do these tests have to keep being sooooooooooooooooooo hard?????

How about letting a sista learn on a beach somewhere whilst being grapes by a hunka hunka burnin’ love or sumpin’?

Anywho, I snagged a cup of coffee, jumped on the new laptop my big bro sent me….*hugs self deliciously*, and decided to pound out some pieces whilst determining what to DO with the time I have.

No since in wasting much of it lamenting about the money I am NOT earning and get to focusing on HOW to turn my gifts into actual cash, in my bank account…hhmm.

I am going to use this horribly tough/bad/sad/maddening time for my good.

I have MADE myself get up.

I have MADE myself get in my me time.

I have MADE myself reach out to fam/friends.

I have MADE myself call my boss to see what next steps are.

I have MADE myself continue to fight for my dreams.

I have MADE myself continue to be honest with ME.

I have MADE myself continue to be honest with God.

I have NO ide where God is.

I just know He is.

Enough for me.

Ah, beloveds, too many folk are wasting too much time on things that truly do not matter.

Believe me, folk, when those twin tornadoes were in my yard/town, the LAST thing on my mind was how bills were going to be paid!

The ONLY thing I was wanting to do was talked to the folk I loved. Period. End of story.

And, when the lights came on, the ONLY thing I want to do, STILL, is to love folk and let them know they are NOT alone.

I have NEVER, ever felt so lonely in the whole of my life. i have also never felt so loved and NOT alone. Such a weird dichotomy and space to be in.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Get up. Look up. Go on. Asking forA Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!