Fresh hell.
Ack.
Dammit.
Seems like I spend EVERY day muttering and uttering these words. Here. In my normal. My new normal. This new normal sucks!! I hate it. I hate this.
I hate the not knowing.
I hate the standstill.
I hate not having a job.
I hate that I don’t hate not having a job.
I hate my hesitancy.
I hate my whining.
I hate my complaining.
I am hating everything but the main thing I am REALLY hating:
Ah, beloveds, I am beating up on me because I gave my all to a job that only gave me a paycheck. I thought it ought give me more. Tough to swallow. Much needed, though.
This was on me placing my everything, for almost 15 years, into a job that viewed me as a replaceable thing.
That’s what jobs do. Simple as that. This is also why God implores us to set our hearts on things that are eternal, that lasts, that fulfills.
Us folk stubbornly, stupidly(if you ask me), put our faith in making money in order to make us ‘secure’, ‘necessary’, indispensable’ and on and on.
We already ARE those things. Life has to punch us dead in the mouth before some of us wake up to see this. It took a tornado for me.
Uncle! You win, Life.
I am beginning to see, faintly, how much more I am than what I have done. I tell folk this on the regular. I find I am in need of hearing this for ME.
I was hollering at God, just a bit ago, that my encouraging the world is NOT paying my damned rent! When folks get their encouragement, they find no need for ME!
Ouch. Truth, though. Still, God made me His Encourager. Ask me what the hell for and I won’t be able to tell you. I just know I am. So I do. So I shall.
EVEN IF ENCOURAGING THE WHOLE OF THE DAMNED WORLD IS NOT PAYING MY RENT AND I HAVE NO JOB AND THE DAMNED TORNADO TORE UP MY TOWN AND I AM 55 YEARS OLD AND HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE HELL TO TURN OR WHO TO TURN TO OR WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL I AM SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS NEW NORMAL I CAN’T STAND!!!!
Ah, beloveds. Pay me no mind. New normal has moved in and I am pouting at where she is putting the furniture. I liked things the way they were. She says no. Says I have been in a rut it took a blasted tornado to shake me out of.
True that. Ow. New normal could give two hoots about hurting my feels.
Be encouraged, beloveds. Even in your new normal. Especially in your new normal. Cut yourself some slack. The unknown is awfully loud with its huge megaphone.
I have no idea what’s next. I DO know what I am going to DO next:
Rejoice.
Hope.
Laugh.
Love.
Wait.
Patiently.
What about you?
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life is not fair. So what? You got thangs to do. Get out of bed. Take out the trash. Fuss with God. If you must. Just stop with the Superman cape. Asking for Your Friend.
Be encouraged. Be good to you. You have done and are doing all you know. This is enough. The results are not up to us. We have time to do what needs done. As for the rest…*shrug*
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 