What are you counting?

What are you counting?

Days?

Minutes?

Money?

Possessions?

Memories?

Moments?

Monuments?

Trophies?

Slights?

Friends?

Enemies?

What are you counting on?

What are you counting down?

The bible says where a man’s treasure is THERE his heart will be also. In plain language:

What do you value most?

What do you cherish most?

What are you chasing most?

Life is short.

If your answers are pointing towards things that are not or will not edify you or others, you may wish to recalculate and recalibrate. Life is short.

What are you counting?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I’m doing my best to count those things that will serve as many as I can in the time I have left. I’m doing my best to count those things which will help me to rest and to grow. How ’bout you?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Awakening.

Something is awakening.

From deep inside.

Dare I wake her?

Is it safer to leave her sleeping?

She stirs.

I am moved.

Shall I move?

She stirs.

I grow still.

She looks at me.

I stare at her.

Something is awakening.

From deep inside.

She knocks.

I answer.

Here goes nothing.

To be continued?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I feel at the precipice. Of what, I know not. I am ready. I think. Ah, God. Catch me…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

How can I?

How can I?

Be 55 and feel as though I am 20?

How can I?

Be on the edge of disaster and feel on the precipice of a miracle?

How can I?

See impending doom and experience profound serenity?

How can I?

Sense the end of everything but the beginning of all?

How can I?

Have forgotten all I have learned and remembered the slightest details?

How can I?

How can I not?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Ah, God. How can I have lost sight of Your Love for me because of a tornado and loss of a job? I am humbled. How can I? Asking for me. Finally. At last…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Ask yourself.

Ask yourself:

Why NOT me?

Why NOT now?

Why NOT this?

Why NOT this way?

Now, beloveds, get out there and DO.

YOUR way.

With YOUR try.

How YOU say.

You CAN.

You WILL.

rooting for you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You can do this, beloveds. You can. I know. The way has been hard. That’s okay. You will make it. How do I know? Because you have been promised. Be encouraged. Go on, now. Life is short.

Take your fears with you, if you must. Go, though, you must. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

This is going to be an AMAZING Monday!

Repeat after me:

This is going to be an AMAZING Monday!

Now, get on out there and make this an AMAZING Monday!

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Today will be what YOU make it. YOU choose. Configure an outstandingly, amazingly, spectactulously AMAZING Monday!

Do NOT take, last week’s worries, into today. Do NOT take, last year’s fears, into today. Be sure to take plenty of hope with you. Add a smidge of irony and get after it. Remember, you got thangs to do. Speaking of doing, I hear a cup of coffee calling. Who is up for a cup?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Love yourself.

Love yourself.

Not just what you do.

Love yourself.

Not just what you have.

Love yourself.

Not just for what you can produce.

Love yourself.

Not just for how you look.

Love yourself.

Not just because where you live.

Love yourself.

Not just because you are part of a set.

Love yourself.

Even if you have.

Even if you have not.

Just because.

You are:

Amazing.

Awesome.

Incredible.

Love yourself.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been having to remind myself of this, beloveds, ever since the tornado.

Before, I KNEW I was amazing. Why? Because I was good at my job. Because I was a fantastic friend. Because I was a supportive sister. Because I could pay my own way. Because I had plenty of energy to motivate the world.

Now? Tired. Broke. Empty. Having nothing but ME to offer. Ah, Aha!

Am I enough?

Really?

Truly?

Yes.

It just does not FEEL like yes. At the moment. Ever again? I sure hope so. In the meantime, I keep on doing my best. With what I have. Even the not muchness of my broke, not having much self.

Love yourself. ALL of you. Even the little you think you have left to give. It IS enough. As are you. So am I. He says so, anyway….

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Forgive yourself, God said to me.

God: Forgive yourself.

Me: I find it hard.

God: Why?

Me: I feel as if I gave EVERYTHING away. Now, there is nothing left. When I need it.

God: Do you regret giving EVERYTHING?

Me: Of course not.

God: Why do you judge you so harshly then?

Me: Because, my coffers are empty when I am in deep need.

God: Have I not taken your coffers into account?

Me: I think so.

God: Ah. You THINK so. Do you think or do you BELIEVE?

Me: I choose to believe.

God: Believe then. Forgive yourself for that which requires no forgiveness. Not by Me, anyway.

Me: K.

I did NOT want to keep my writing promise. Not today. I wanted to wallow, just a smidge, in a tad bit of self-pity. Don’t I have the RIGHT to be pitiful, I want to rage at The Universe?!!

A flipping tornado, TWO IN FACT, showed up, OUT OF NOWHERE AND TORE A HOLE IN MY LIFE WITHOUT A DAMNED HEADS UP AND HAVE COSTED ME MY JOB, MY PEACE OF MIND, MY SLEEP, MY SUPPOSED FRIENDS AND ASSURITY THAT MY BLASTED PRAYERS WERE DOING SOMETHING ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew.

Now that I have had a mini rant….whew.

I have been chastising myself for days. Days!

I am fussing, with myself, for allowing my age to keep me from doing things YEARS ago. Dammit and fresh hell.

I am fussing. With God. For? Not being more forceful. Demanding I do things. Whether I was afraid or not. Okay, He has forever encouraged me. I was forever using Him as an excuse. I was ‘waiting’. On some kind of sign. Or boom. Or flame. Or some kind of SOMETHING…

To let me know which way to go.

I am fussing. With The Universe. For? For not being more forceful. In nudging me. Over the cliff of ‘just do it already’. Okay, The Universe has forever encouraged me. I was forever using The Universe as an excuse. I was ‘waiting’. On some kind of cosmic letter. Delivered to…

Show me which way to go.

I am fussing. With Life. For? For not being more forceful. In pushing me. Up. Over the mountain of ‘your dreams can be found here’. Okay, Life has forever encouraged me to just try. Something. Anything. My way.

Soooooooooooooo, I find myself in need of forgiveness. To me. For?

Being afraid? Nothing wrong with being afraid at times.

Being TOO afraid to try? We have all been there; Too afraid to move forward. Too afraid to move back. Too afraid to move. Ack.

Ah, God. Okay. I choose to forgive. Me. You. Me. You, again. Me. Me. The Universe. Life. Me. You. Everybody. Geeeeeeez, God, this forgiveness business can be exhausting.

forgiving myself,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short, beloveds. Much too short to keep pounding yourself over things you were too afraid to do and try. You did the best you could, with what you had.

Be encouraged. Pick up the pieces. Make new pieces. Dust off old pieces. Begin again. And, again. And, again. As many times as required. As long as you have breath, you still have time.

You got this. As do and. What’s more, God has us all. You CAN. You WILL. Believing in you for A Friend…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Putting in my application(s) to The Universe.

I have been sitting here. Quietly. Praying.

Then, I found myself talking to The Universe. About what I wanted to DO. With my life.

I told The Universe that I do NOT want to spend another second pursuing anything other than encouraging folk to keep going. Not another second.

After the tornado, I found myself in darkness. It was hot. I was hungry. All the food was ruined. There was no air. There was no power.

I felt helpless. I felt hopeless. Still, ALL I thought of was how soon I could get back to encouraging folk.

My phone had no battery life. My laptop had long since ran out of power. EVERYTHING I had that had power was long used up.

Still, I wondered what I could DO, when the lights came on.

The lights came on. I wonder, now, what I can DO. I feel helpless. I feel powerless. I have nothing. Save my words. Save me. Me is all I have ever had. Doesn’t seem enough. Not now.

Will it ever? Will I ever? Matter? I hope so. I pray so.

I am betting on me. Finally. So, I find myself putting in applications to The Universe. I am sending cover letters of what I hope to bring to the world. I am selling my skills, my try, my want to, my have to.

I am letting The Universe know of all I hope to give, to plan and to do in what time I have left here.

Ah, Universe. Open the door(s) for me. Allow me to spend ALL my day(s) letting folk know how truly special they are. Oh, Universe, expand yourself so I can reach in/up/down/through so I can help make and pave the way for others who seek to do the same as me. Ow, Universe. Your slowness is breaking my heart. Let this be my time.

asking for a friend(me),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Let The Universe know what you want. You don’t get what you don’t ask for…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Uprooted: You shall have your fruit.

I have felt useless today.

Rootless.

Fruitless.

I cried.

I told God it feels like everything I have planted has been for nought.

I don’t SEE the fruits of my labors.

My bank account is empty.

My love tank is empty.

I give out on the daily.

Not a lot returned.

I told God that encouraging the world, on the daily, is NOT paying the bills.

He is silent. Except to say to keep encouraging folk.

Geeeeeeeeeez.

I stopped by to encourage you to keep going. Your efforts SHALL bear fruit. Maybe not the fruit you were expecting or hoping for.

Yet, it SHALL be life-giving. It shall be life-affirming.

For who(m)?

Ah.

Aha!

Great question.

Keep doing you. Keep being you. The rest shall come out in the wash.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My me just doesn’t feel enough lately…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Everything.

Me: 😥

God: What troubles you?

Me: I have nothing. Nothing to give. Nothing of import.

God: What do you give?

Me: Everything.

God: Why is this not enough?

Me: I have nothing to SHOW for my life. All I have is the love in my heart. What does THAT mean?

God: Everything.

Me: To whom?

God: Me.

Me: Now, THAT means everything. To me.

God: As do you. Be encouraged.

Me: K.

I have felt like a whole lot of nothing, lately. Empty of bank account. Empty of fortitude. Empty of peace of mind for long.

Every moment of every day has been hard, since the damned tornado came and tore a whole in what used to be my life.

I have to take out the trash. I get the ‘fun’ job of walking to the dumpster whilst pretending not to see the devastation all around me.

Then, I get to check the mail and gather bills I have no idea how they are going to be paid.

Then, I get to check grocery supplies knowing there is no more money for another delivery.

Then, I get to play the wonderous game of cringing EVERY time I have to turn on the air conditioner under another heat advisory that will NOT end.

Then, I must scrounge around, in my tired heart, to find encouragement for myself and others who are awfully tired of having to be about being about things in a world turned upside down by loss or hard/tough things/days.

Ah, beloveds. Be encouraged. This too shall pass. All things do.

Currently, I am listening to ‘It Is Well’. I wonder when it will be well. For me. For you. For all who are struggling with the lemons life keeps depositing every which way.

Yet, I am here. As are you. Soon, I shall be sipping on a cup of coffee, yakking at God and partaking in some Olympics.

Life is going to life. So, beloveds, must you. So, must I.

Don’t wait for a tornado or a disaster to happen to examine, take stock and take ACTION.

I have been needing to take action, workwise, for years. Years! I have had fam fuss at me. Friends fuss at me. God fuss at me. The Universe holler at me.

Finally, Life had to drop kick me in the face to get me to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE, Cassandra!

I could no longer ignore my fatigue, my dissatisfaction, my dreams and HAD to choose my mental health over a meager work check.

Yea, beloveds, I KNEW I have not been making enough. I was making ‘just enough’ to scrape by. ‘Just enough’ to help fam/friends as they needed. ‘Just enough’ to save a few dollars. ‘Just enough’ to need those few saved dollars for eventual expensive disasters forever popping up.

My ‘just enough’ was keeping me for reaching out and trying for ‘more than enough’, ‘more than plenty’ and all the other things God has been gently asking me to try for.

Dammit.

I am angry, beloveds. At ME. I gave everything. To everyone. But me. Now, I am:

Broke.

Busted.

Disgusted.

Tired.

Yet, I am also:

Joyful.

Hopeful.

Satisfied.

I have given everything. All I have. That IS enough. For God. For me. Hopefully, for you. If not, that’s a YOU problem.

Be not discouraged, beloveds, when it seems like you have given everything and have been left with nothing.

Your everything really has meant everything to more than you know. Your everything HAS been appreciated. God appreciates it. The Universe honors it. Life needed it. Still does.

Keep on being you. Even when being you seems to have brought you to a what in the fresh hell portion of life, just now.

Lift up your head. Look not at what appears empty just now. You shall be filled. As shall I. We just don’t know when…*sigh*.

When, God?

asking for many friends,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep moving forward. You CAN. You WILL. IN case no one has told you: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!