I can finally say that with the free heart. I haven’t been doing my best to fight to keep a roof over my head. I tried everything that I know and have not been able to secure funds for myself. I have been so afraid I’m going to lose it all.
Last week I had been talking to God about things. He hasn’t been talking back. He has been silent. At first, I was hurt. Then, I became angry. Then, it was on my heart to become still and quiet.
After a while, my heart began to tell me what she needed. What she wanted. what she desired. I started listening to her. I’m glad I did. I agree with her.
All she wanted was a little bit of rest. My dish wanted to spend the rest of her day talking about football and encouraging the world. That’s it. And a daily cup of coffee. And, maybe some chocolate every now and again.
I had a long talk with God. I am running out of the little I have. I told him I’m going to enjoy the little that I have and see what happens after that. In the meantime, I’m going to spend every day that I can encourage in the world and talking about football. Simple as that.
I’m looking forward to launching my channel next week or so. I still need to teach myself how. I am no longer concerned if I will have any universal subscribers. I will enjoy talking to me every day. I do that anyway!
I am done hiding from life. I am done hiding me. I am going to continue offering myself to the world to see the world. sample a bit of me. If nobody does, that’s okay, I will know I left it all on the field, pun unintended.
I just stopped by to encourage you to leave all your all on the field. Don’t be afraid to lose things. We all that leave things from time to time. We will replace those with some awesome memories and moments.
In case no one has told you today: I love you care and about your life. Be encouraged.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life is what you make it. Make it an awesome one.
Keep feeding your good habits, whether you feel like it or not.
The last thing I wanted to do today was to get up and to do the day. Which is precisely why I got up and started on my way.
I made corny videos. I told stupid jokes. I made myself laugh. I was tired of crying.
It feels good listening to the drier tumble and tumble as it dries my clothes. It felt good to have a little something to eat. It felt good dancing in my underwear.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds. The not knowing has been scaring the hell out of me lately. I keep seeing myself homeless and living in my car.
I have made myself get up today so I can move one step closer to my dream. The good habits I have been working on are holding me in good stead.
Keep feeding your good habits, whether you feel like it or not.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Don’t wait until you feel like it. You will never feel like it. Keep doing what needs to be done.
I have had no idea why had been so sad this week. And I mean, sad.
I took to my bed. I slept for two days. My want to got bored. I find myself getting up and getting back after it. Sad and all.
Hard and I are just going to have to get along! Absolutely refuse to give up!!
I made myself do the laundry. I had to restart it four times because I kept forgetting to put the wet clothes in the dryer. I told myself, I will start over as many times as I need to.
I keep creeping closer to starting my channel. I don’t know why these last steps are so scary. I tell myself, I can’t take anymore discouragement.
Discouragement then tells me to get up and try anyway. I’ll find myself trying again.
Be encouraged. promise yourself that you would not give up on yourself, no matter what happens. We still have half the year to make things happen.
I’m feeling pretty good. I only quit twice so far this week.
Are you alive, or are you living? There IS a difference.
Every since the tornado, beloveds, I have been grappling with that question.
Truth be told, I had been wrestling with THAT questions long before the tornado tore up my comfortable, familiar, stifling existence.
Everything I had longed to do for decades was wrapped up in decades of being convinced of all I could/would never be.
I longed to launch out. My try wanted to try. I chose to listen to reality. Reality said I was a broke, black woman. Three strikes before I even picked up the bat.
I left the bat in the corner. I took up pom poms and rooted for everyone else. It was safer being the cheerleader. In fact, being the cheerleader brought satisfaction and admiration.
Still, something deep inside wanted to try. For me. For ME. THAT part of me did not care about striking out. She wanted to try.
I was too afraid to let her out. The tornado changed all of that. It awakened her. It awakened me.
Now, I long to LIVE. Simply existing is no longer satisfactory. Staying safe is no longer my number one pursuit.
I want to try. I want to live. Even if that means never winning. Trying has replaced winning for me. Trying IS winning, now.
God/Life/The Universe has foolishly been telling me, for decades, that MY love IS enough to change this world. Call me foolish. I believe Them. Finally.🥰🤡😎
Live, beloveds. Life is short. Try. Just try. Yes, you are most definitely going to fall on your face. More times than you will be able to count. So what?! We’ve got thangs to do. Let’s go!!
doing thangs, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I have started again, beloveds. For at least the tenth time in two days. I can’t quit you. I can’t give up on me. I keep asking God “what/who am I?!” To which, He continues to declare “Everything!”
YOU are everything, beloveds. You ARE. I shall spend the rest of my days saying these words until folk start believing them. Ah, beloveds, help me. I can’t reach everyone. Help me. Asking for A Friend.
Why? Because, there is ALWAYS hope! There is ALWAYS something to strive towards. There is ALWAYS a way out/over/up/through! You just haven’t found it yet.
Keep moving FORWARD. Keep looking UP. Any old body can give up.
I made old take out the trash. Doubt got to wash the dishes. Fear was smart enough to take off before chores could be assigned to it.
Be sure to do just a little something, beloveds, when you are feeling hopeless. Momentum is hard to stop.
Be encouraged.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I put on some uplifting music and forgot to feel old…lol.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 