Author: Cassandra S.

Make a new one.

I was working on a long piece. I thought it was fantastic. When I went to save it, the worst disappeared. Most of them, were lost.

For writer, this is agony. I didn’t waste time getting angry. I cannot reproduce the words. So I made up new ones. Who knows? Maybe, the new words were better words. Maybe, those new words, what have a greater effect. I know, make it a new piece, has made a great affect on me.

Before, I would have wasted time, having a fit about what was lost. Instead, I used the time, to create a new piece. A new part of me. Open, for the whole world to see. I am satisfied.

I’m supposed to be resting today. My try, just won’t let me. My try, is used to try. My dreams, just won’t let me be. They are yearning, to be free. God, please help me to set them free. I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do with these words. I just know these words are remaking me hopefully, they are helping others. I don’t know. So, I write.

Today, I’m trying to make a new me, I guess. Too tired to know.

Trying to still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: when life hands you lemons, lemonade is quite tasty!

My try just wants to try.

I told myself I was take Monday off to rest. My try, however, just wants to keep trying.

So, I find myself up, at the crack of dawn, writing. Trying. Hoping. Dreaming. Dreaming, of a world, in which I can spend, the rest of my days writing, trying, hoping, dreaming.

Ah.

Aha!

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep trying. Who knows what your try may bring…

Don’t let the darkness stop you.

Well phooey!

*Cassandra peers into pitch blackness*

Egads!

So, it’s hot. I’m not feeling well. I have kept it moving. Just barely.

I cheered myself by tossing some tater tots, into the air fryer. Happily, I awaited said golden brown morsels of wonderfulness. 🤗

One extremely loud boom later, I found myself sitting, in the dark, wondering what the what the?!!

Thankfully, I was prepared and pulled my power pack from its location. I also had/have extra USB cords to power my phone and fan, while waiting for power company to get me back going. In five hours…*sigh*.

So, I am romantically writing to you, beloveds, by the light of my power pack. In times past, I would have wasted this time whining and complaining, to The Universe, about how not fair this was. I know. I know. Smh.

Since mom passed away, Christmas morning 2016, I no longer waste time carrying on about things I:

Can’t change.

Don’t matter.

Can’t change, so what does it matter?!

Now, I do my level best to, well, make the best out of the situation.

I’m also giving myself more of a break. I no longer require perfection. Yes, I still strive for excellence. But, now I laugh at my mess ups and don’t allow those times to mess ME up!

There will be times, beloveds, when the power WILL go out on your tater tots. The trick is how you RESPOND.

Prepare.

Put your preparation, in ACTION.

Then, keep it moving.

Don’t allow anything to keep you from:

Moving, FORWARD.

Giving, your ALL.

Trying, your BEST.

My heart, is now used to, keeping it moving, no matter what. My body, is now used to trying, no matter what.

It takes time. It takes effort. It takes your commitment to stay committed, to you.

You are worthy of great effort. You are!

Get going, beloveds. Even, when it’s dark.

living in the darkness with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Heart check.

I’m taking the day off, just to rest. It’s been a long week. A long year, in fact.

I’m tired. Tired of trying to figure things out. Tired of trying to put the commas, in a right places. Tired, of wondering. Tired, of wandering. Wandering, looking, asking, praying, hoping, trying, to make my writing dreams come true. I’m not even sure what that dream looks like. Not, anymore. Not, after so many decades of…

I don’t even know. Now. Now what?

I’m tired. Of asking, why. Today, I just wanted to be. So, I am. Yesterday, I told my boss I wasn’t feeling well and am taking today off. I chose, me. I chose, my rest. In the past, I would’ve kept working tired. I would’ve kept working sick. I would’ve just kept working. Simple as that.

I find, however, life is just not simple anymore. I simply want to be… me. I just want to spend my days telling you to be you…

I’m too tired to cheer, today. Today, I cheer for you. Hopefully, you are cheering a bit for me.

I just wanted to take a bit of time, to do a heart check on you, beloveds. Be sure to choose you sometimes. You matter. A lot. I wish more people would show more love to one another. I wish more people would reach out when they need love. I wish for so many things that I may never see your have. I try. Still.

Take care of yourself today, beloveds. Remember, you are loved and you are not alone. Stay hopeful. Remain joyful. Remember, you are not your pain. Remember, all you can do is try. Remember, to live your life unapologetically. Remember, there’s only one you. And all of the world, there is only one you. Amazing! You, are amazing.

Love someone. Start with you. Do something, today, yet been wanting to do. Life is short. Why can’t I? Why can’t you? We can. We will!

Hoping for us all,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I wish I could take care of all that concerns you, beloved. I can’t. I know who can. I’ll be talking to Him about you, today…

Why can’t I?

Why can’t I?

Why won’t it be me?

Why should not go there?

Why didn’t I do that?

It can be me. I could go there. I may do that.

Why can’t I?

Invent something new. Read do something old. Start an amazing thing. Finished a spectacular something.

Why can’t I?

I could be the one. My life could change things, for the better. And maybe to make a difference, somehow.

Why can’t I?

Have love.

Be loved.

Why can’t I?

Maybe, I can.

I shall try.

Trying,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: why can’t I? Why can’t you? Maybe, we can. Let’s try…

Who are you doing your why for?

WHO are you doing your why for?

Who are you for?

Why for, are you for, who you are for?

lol.

I said a mouthful, eh? What I am asking, is why are you doing, your why? For, whom? You? Or, for someone else?

Is your try, for you? Or, are you trying in order to meet someone else’s expectations?

It’s important to know WHY and for WHO you are trying.

Why?

Because, life gets awfully trying, if you are trying, simply to try to win the love, respect, eyes, of another.

I have been asking myself why. On just about everything.

Why?

Forever, and a day, I had been doing because I was so used to doing. Everything. For, everybody. Now, I don’t regret this. Far from it. I just wish I had done more, for ME.

Why?

Because, I had put off soooooooooooooo many things, working myself into a ball of exhaustion. I had given all, to all, leaving not very much, for ME.

Why?

I rarely, asked why.

Okay, I never asked why.

Why?

I was raised, to take care of everyone’s care. I was raised, to care less, for me and my cares. I was raised, to pretend I didn’t care.

Why?

It’s just how us women are often raised. Mom told me she was teaching me to cook, so I could win the heart, of a man.

Also, I was forever being told I would be ‘pregnant before you turn 16.’ Still waiting for that, at 54.

I spent decades, essentially, working myself into the ground. To prove I was NOT:

A young, black, lazy, loud, unintelligent woman who just wanted to make her way, through life, living ‘off the system’.

Real talk, and I am purposely digressing, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A PERSON OF COLOR THAT HAS TO TIPTOE QUIETLY, THROUGH THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD, IN ORDER TO PROVE, SOMEHOW, TO WHITE FOLK, THAT I AM A ‘GOOD’ BLACK PERSON WHO IS QUIET AND A BOTHER TO NO ONE. TO HELL WITH THAT?!! LET ME BE ME!! I AM LOUD. SO WHAT?! GET USED TO ME AND MY PASSION!!

Whew! That felt great. I bet some of yall, beloveds, are just as annoyed, to have been told to be this, that, or the other thing.

I am unapologetically me, now.

Why?

It was time for me to start doing my why for me.

It’s important to know why. It’s important to know for whom.

Why?

Good question!

Keep asking,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: so often, we’re placed into a box. We only get out of that box, when it suits the world. To heck with that! Be you, beloved. Unapologetically. Loudly, if necessary. Quietly, only if you want to be quiet. Our timeliness is short. Live the life you want to lead. Not the life that has been chosen for you by others. You don’t have to do the things your parents did. You don’t have to follow, in the footsteps, of your peers. Take new steps. Take your steps. Then, keep moving forward…

You are not…

You are not…

Your, pain.

You are not…

What has happened to you.

Things have happened, no getting around it.

Those things, have not, shall not, can NOT, keep you from living a fantastically joyful and fulfilled life!

You are not…

Giving up on you and your dreams. Nope. Nada. Not going to happen.

Hurt.

Heal.

Move on.

Simple as that.

It takes courage, to begin, again, again, again….

Begin.

You are not…

A quitter.

Stop hating on you. Cut yourself a break and move on. So, you messed up. I mess up about 50 times, a day, feels like. So what?

So what now?

Beats me.

Let’s figure out, together, eh?

here(?),

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You are not…

I’m not afraid. Not anymore.

I’m not afraid.

Not anymore.

I’m not afraid to admit being afraid.

Not anymore.

I no longer fear rejection.

Not anymore.

I, now, embrace, my imperfections.

I love me.

Now.

THIS me.

This MESS.

My messes.

I’m not afraid.

Not anymore.

I’m no longer afraid to admit to being a mess.

I’m not afraid.

Not..anymore.

loving this mess called me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I’m not afraid. Not anymore…

Go. You’ll never be ready.

Go.

Now.

You’ll rarely feel ready.

Live.

Now.

You may never feel needed.

Love.

Now.

You might never get another chance.

Do.

Now.

You won’t always have the opportunity.

Go. Live. Love. Do. Life is short.

doing with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t wait until you feel like it. Don’t wait until your fear subsides. Don’t wait. Do. Go now, beloveds. This world needs you. You need to be able to expand your borders. The Universe is calling you. Go on now. You can do this…

Don’t be afraid to say ow!

Ow!

Whew. My back has been kicking my tail.

I hurt. ALL day. What made me feel better, almost, was talking to my fam and letting them know I hurt.

In times past, I would keep my ow, to myself. I would bear the weight, of the world, whilst grimacing from, my own.

I have learned, the hard way, to allow others to share ALL of me. It comforted, me. It comforted, them.

I also was strong enough, to admit feeling weak. I was weak. I AM weak. It feels good, to not HAVE to be strong.

When I am done here, I am going to grab my binkie, crawl onto The Father’s Lap, and let Him know that I am feeling every bit of my 54 years.

I am enjoying living alone. Yet, the more me I find, whilst pursuing my dreams. The more I want to share me, with Life, with The Universe, with God, with others.

The more me, I find, leaves me thinking of you, beloveds. I don’t want you to spend decades thinking that you and your dreams, don’t matter. They do. As do you. So do I.

Ow!

Seems like my back is in need of a hug or ibuprofen, or some such. I just stopped by to encourage you to share YOUR ow.

Let’s say it together, shall we, as life has NOT been playing…OW!!

still here,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The very last thing, I FEEL like doing, is writing. Which is EXACTLY why, I am writing! Don’t let your ow, keep you from living and enjoying your life. I am content. Even in the midst of my ow. Be encouraged.

Lemme, here it now:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU