Category: faith

Heart check whatever the heck day it is.

Okay, beloveds.

I am here for a heart check. It has been a bit, since the last one I did on you. In fact, I can’t remember the last check. All I can think on is the tornado.

I told myself I would NOT be filling up my blog pages with thoughts and words about the tornado. Yea, beloveds, I told myself I would just ‘move on’ from it. I did NOT want to drag folk down. I did NOT want to drag myself down.

My heart, it appears, has different idea. She REFUSES to allow me to hide. From her. From me. From God. From you. Nope, my heart say the world is in the awful shape it is in because folk are forever hiding what is truly in their hearts.

Too many, are walking around bleeding. Too many, are empty. Too many, are afraid. Afraid to reach out.

So, beloveds, I am being obedient, to my heart and sharing all that is within it. Will it, wil I matter? To you? Doesn’t matter. Not really. Folk need to be loved. Folk need to be heard. Folk need to be held.

I sooooooooooooooooooooooooo wish I could be held, just now. Just a touch of humanity. Somewhere. Some kind of way.

So, I am being a bit of humanity, for those who will allow me to be:

How are YOU?

How is YOUR heart?

Are YOU okay?

If not, wassammattawhicha?

How can I help?

I have been praying for you, if that helps.

Be encouraged. Your end is NOT your end. It’s not. Just another chapter ending. A new one, yet to begin. Don’t be afraid of your future. It shall be glorious. In the meantime, enjoy your now. Right now.

Be good to you. There is only one of ya!

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Nuff said. You shall be okay. K? I can scream. The GoFundMe I did last year expired. I have not been able to get in the old account to create a new one. I feel like an idiot. Geeez, God. I am doing my utmost NOT to panic. Week one of no pay. I pray the internet gets repaird soon.

To be honest, beloveds, I don’t know how to restart work. I will have to. I need time to rest and recover. Rest is hard to come by. Yet, I STILL am thankful. I am grateful. I try not to think on those moments where I thought ‘Yep, mom, I will see you in a few minutes’. Geeez, God, that scared the bejeez out of me.

$Jaybirdforever is my Cash App for any hedge funders in here…lol. That made me laugh out loud.

Today is not funny. Am tired of listening to chain saws. Tired of not having the internet. I can’t even sign up for the free counseling work offers until I can get online and finish signing up. This Hotspot, for whatever reason, is not giving enough juice to bring up anything. It took forever for the blog to come up. I am doing as many pieces as I can just in case the power goes out for another extended period. Yall shall be bored for the next ten days, at least.

I am trying my best to try not to try so damned hard. I am tired. I honestly wish I had someone here who could take the keyboard from my hands and tell me to lay down. I read somewhere that black folk can’t afford to have mental issues. We have too much work to do. We don’t have the time to stop and grieve and heal. I suspect this is the case for many, if not most, of folk.

How is your heart, beloveds? Asking for A Friend. My heart is terribly tired today. Grateful to be alive but awfully tired….

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone.

Me: I’m afraid.

Friend: Pick up the phone. Call and find out what you need to know about your job.

Me: I’m afraid.

Friend: You NEED to call.

Me: I’m afraid.

Friend: Pick up the phone.

Me: K.

I KNEW, beloveds, that I NEEDED to know what was happening. So I could:

Move forward.

Move on.

Have a nice long cry and chocolate, depending on the outcome of said call.

I told myself I absolutely REFUSE to allow myself to live in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the known. Told fear to get the heckamiah jeremiah away from me!!!!!

Taking a breath, I called my boss. He gave me the news I would not be paid beyond today. I cried. I at least found out I would still have my job once the internet reared it’s non-working head.

Then, I started to put on my big girl panties and get about being about it.

Then, my heart was terribly sad. Just sssssssaaaaaaaaaaaad, beloveds, with all the loss. So much loss.

DAMMIT!!

I decided to call my big sis and asked her if I could ‘just be human for a few minutes’. She let me. I was human. I was sad. For a bit. She made me laugh. A lot.

After a good sad/laugh/talk, I put on my big girl pants, made a cup of coffee and got on with whatever in the fresh hell my life is, at the moment.

I am smack dab in the middle of who in the world knows what. I am learning to care less and less about where I am. I am more focused on where I am, if that makes sense….lol.

Meaning, I KNOW I am with Him.

Enough for me.

Mike drop.

The rest WILL come out in the wash.

Until then, I am going to write, write, read, read, drink coffee, clean maybe, hope always, love folk, love folk some more.

Rinse.

Repeat.

All else is folly, in my humbly boring opinion.

I am hoping someone or someones will be able to find some use, in these words, so they don’t have to go through a horrible tornado, sickness, and all kinds of what the hell is this in order to get some nuggets to grow from and go towards.

In the meantime, beloveds, we had best be get to living in the meantime. Eh?

If you have not worked on your dream today, um, get the hooey out of here and get to working on it!!

Life is so worth living. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

gratefully loved,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Stop letting fear/doubt run your life. Tell them to kick rocks. You CAN. You WILL. You can do this. You can. So can I. And, when you are feeling super doubtful, give yourself an A and keep it moving….

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Use the time you have.

I am trying to teach myself Power Point and Canva.

Ack!

OOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

I am technically challenged so trying to learn all this is driving me up 10 walls.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGG!

Instead of being frustrated I can’t get back to work so I can start getting paid, I have decided to work at my work desk and work on my dreams.

I told God I needed some time off in order to work on things. I told Him I was burnt out. I told Him I can’t do work work AND my dream work.

Alas, the tornado heard me and wiped out all kinds of things and the internet.

Now, I have a bit of time to work on my dreams.

We don’t get to choose how circumstances come upon us. We do get to choose how we navigate and manage our circumstances.

I could have remained in bed. Feeling sorry for my lot. Worrying about bills I can’t pay with pay I am not getting.

Seeing at THAT will not serve one wit of purpose, I CHOSE to get up, get to my work desk and get to working on my dreams.

Beloveds, believe me, I looked longingly at my bed and envisioned hiding my pain beneath covers and chasing sleep so I don’t have to remain awake and live.
Life is short. I don’t have time for that. Neither, beloveds, do you. We got thangs to do.

Get about doing thangs, huh? Folk are waiting for YOU. Your heart is waiting for YOU. Your heart has been longing for you to give it permission to daydream, hope and try ridiculous things you have dared not try.

This blog is for you to practice your try in. It’s meant for you to be safe enough to share your heart. If with no one else but you.


I am soooooooooooooooooo looking forward to learning how to make my inspirational videos and such for ME. Why? I have been wanting to for more than 30 years. I have just decided I am no longer allowing fear and not liking being uncomfortable to keep me from living my dreams out loud, as best as I can.


Use the time you have.

In the meantime, get outside for some fresh air. Get some rest. Let it be okay to do nothing, from time to time. It’s imperative to recharge/reset.
I hear a cup of coffee calling. I best get to it. I hear Maggie replaced the Oreos. Fantastic!
believing in you AND me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Use your time, beloveds. Embrace your now. Live it now. Surely, you have not the slightest idea of what the rest of today, let alone tomorrow, may bring! Ah, God. Help us to live now. Be much with us. Bless us. Keep us. In Jesus AWESOME Name, Amen.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Note: Believe in you, beloveds. Believe that you SHALL find the way. Embrace the journey and laugh at all the super dumb things you have done and are fixing to do on the way to your miracles. YOU are the miracle you have been seeking this whole time!

Adapt.

I am adapting.

Making lemonaid out of lemons.

Keeping my act right acting right.

Keeping on with keeping on.

Boring!

I would much rather being lying on a beach whilst having some muscular manly man feeding me grapes and telling me of all the amazing things about me.
Alas,…sigh…., I am doing the absolutely BORING work of being about it whilst waiting for only God knows what to show up from only God knows where. Geeeeeeeeeeeez.

I was going to spend the day pouting since finding out I am not getting paid whilst waiting for the internet to be repaired.

Instead, I figured I would do some writing, some reading and some daydreaming. Also, figured I would bug all in here since I have nothing better to do….lol.
You already KNOW what I am fixing to say so lemme go ahead and get it out the way:

Be encouraged.

Laugh.

Love someone. Starting with you.

There is no getting around the fact that sometimes getting around is awful difficult. Doesn’t mean we still can’t enjoy the journey.


I plan on keeping on.

How ’bout you?

asking for A Friend,

Note: There is NOTHING wrong with becoming frustrated when obstacles pop up their annoying/frustrating heads. I am learning to work with them, learn from them, remove what I can and enjoy the PROCESS. All these things are happening for a reason. Even if you never find out what those reasons are, you can STILL make them work FOR your good.

Don’t let hard times convince you that you are on the wrong path. The very fact the fight is so hard is proof positive you ARE!


Be proud of your try. Be proud of YOU. Even when you fail. Especially when you fail.

Get back up and try again. I had to make myself get up and make my coffee and have some ME time. I didn’t want to. Yet, it was a have to.

We can NEVER allow our circumstances to dictate us being unkind to ourselves or others. In case no one has told you yet today: I love you.

I am still not up to scrubbing out the fridge and other clean up. Maybe, tomorrow. Maybe, not.

Be encouraged. You SHALL make it through the aftermath.

Be encouraged. You SHALL make it through the aftermath. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8IFSm5OUHR/?igsh=YTNoNGJ5NHV6b3J2

Be encouraged.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be encouraged.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I didn’t want to. I did.

I didn’t want to.

I did.

I didn’t want to get up today.

I did.

I didn’t want to write today.

I did.

I didn’t want to go on my balcony and record encouraging videos to post to Instagram later.

I did.

I didn’t want to make coffee.

I did.

I didn’t want to tell God how very tired I am.

I did.

I didn’t want to be honest with myself over how hard EVERY minute has been since the tornado ended.

I did(was).

I didn’t want to, beloveds.

I did.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Today has been hard. Opening my front door has been hard. Trying to stay positive has been hard. Doing my best NOT to worry about not being paid, until the internet is repaired so I can start working, has been hard.

EVERY step has been hard. My heart hurts too much today to say ‘so what’. Today, I’m letting it be okay to not be okay for the day. I don’t know HOW I will make it.

I truly thought I was fixing to die with the TWO tornadoes tearing up the yard, my neighborhood, my town. It’s hard looking at all this devastation.

I can also say that God IS good. Even when life is hard. Especially when life is hard.

Be encouraged, beloveds. I shall make it. Some kind of way. In the meantime, I shall continue to love and encourage as many folk as I can so long as I have breath.

Love someone. Starting with you. This tornado was a reminder how life can and does change in an instant.  Make as many memories as you can. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Extend grace.

Extend grace.

Folks could use it.

Extend grace.

Folks need it.

Extend grace.

Folk don’t deserve it.

Extend grace.

Folk may not reciprocate.

Extend grace.

Folk may not acknowledge it.

Extend grace.

Folk may dismiss it.

Extend grace.

Folk may waste it.

Extend grace.

Rinse.

Repeat.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Folk need grace. We lobe because love is called for. Period. Love without transaction. Just love. Extend someone some grace. Starting with you!

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Emptied: It’s okay to cry.

I cried.

Why?

I finally got the courage to face the refrigerator. I ended up throwing out TWO full bags of spoiled expensive meat, cheese, veggies etc. It takes time to build up meat in the freezer.

I had taken time, and money, to build up my reserves.

Lugging all that food out…smh…*sigh*.

I did NOT intend to cry.

I did not mean to cry.

Just sat, defeated, on my stoop, looking at the wreckage formerly known as my yard, and burst into tears.

It looks and feel like I am living in the middle of an abandoned construction/tree farm!…*sniff*

Trying to make lemonade from these lemons, I made a deliver order.

The delivery order came.

The driver left.

The driver left without delivering 90 percent of my order!

I called the store.

The store apologized. Said she would gather my missing items and have another driver deliver them tonight. She said she would call me ‘in thirty minutes’.

An hour and a half later, I called the store back.

The store had NO idea what I was talking about.

Store said they could redeliver at SEVEN O’CLOCK TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!!!!!

What did I do?

I washed the dishes.

I meal prepped with what food I had left.

I turned up my praise music.

Loud!

Wearing headphones, of course.

Tossed in some chicken strips and Ore Ida coins(two of the five items that were delivered from 28!!!!!!!!!!)

Now, I am waiting for chicken strips and Ore Ida Golden Coins to get done.

Hmm…um, Father, please don’t say ANOTHER tornado coming in a few hours. Speaking of that, we are supposed to get some bad storming tomorrow. A friend texted me to be sure to charge my phone and be prepared in case the lights go out. Again. Wow.

Be encouraged, beloveds.

Keep on washing dishes.

Keep on playing uplifting music.

Keep on doing meal prep.

Keep on living your life.

No matter what happens.

I am learning this the hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaarrrrrrrrrd way.

I no longer ask why or what’s going on.

I am learning just to ask for grace for the day and to keep it moving.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!

Know, beloveds, that it IS okay to cry when you experience a loss. If I hear one more person try to dismiss my struggles, now, because ‘you are alive so be thankful’, I am going to scream.

Yes, I am thankful to be alive. It is ALSO true that I tornado tore up my town, my yard and scared me within an inch of my life. My insides are STILL tore up about hearing a freight train outside my front door. Geeeeeeeeeez, God. Cut a sista some slack!

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I’m quite proud of me. I’m astonished, truly, about the grace and comfort of God. It really is surpassing understanding. In the past, I would have been flipping out. And, I mean flipping out.

What changed me?

Well, CHOOSING to trust God. I mean REALLY trust Him. With ME. See, beloveds, I had all the faith in the world for you, for others. For me, though, I had hidden doubt that God actually and truly did love ME.

Why?

Because, all my life I have been told to shut up because I was too loud. too happy, too joyful. Too this, that and ALL those other things. Folks wondered, and wonder still, ‘does it really take all that?!”

It does.

I’m passionate. What in the fresh hell is wrong with being passionate?

I’m loud. WHY the world, beloveds, can’t I be loud?! I have never been given the answer to this.

I’m ugly, as far as the world says. To me, I think I am quite beautiful. I have an amazing heart. I care for folk. I tell super dumb jokes that makes me and others laugh.

I am fat from comfort eating. More of me to love until I get the weight off.

I’m black. So what? Black is a beautiful color as are all the other races out there including my white bros and sis.

I’m financially strapped. So? I STILL use my funds to bless others and encourage as many folks as I can.

I’m a bible thumper/Holy Roller. So what?! I love me some Him.

I am many things. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea but some think I am the bomb.com.

I have digressed for a reason. I am needing ALL to know:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Live your lives, beloveds. No matter what.

Cry, when needed.

Laugh, always.

So, my chicken strips are calling me. Who wants some?

living anywho,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

One step.

One step.

One step.

Real talk: Get out of bed, Cassandra!

I did NOT want to get out of bed.

I got out of bed.

I did NOT want to start the process of setting up some counseling sessions to help deal with trauma regarding the tornado.

I started the process.

I did NOT want to reach out and let fam/friends know I am struggling.

I let fam/friends know.

I have been snappish.

I have apologized to said fam/friends.

Even though I can’t yet work, I am working on my dreams as best as I can.

Get out of bed, beloveds. Even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you are tired and the last thing you want to do is get out of bed.

I am sitting at my work desk working on my dream(s). Use your circumstances to imporve your circumstances.

If you find yourself with spare time, for whatever reason, USE that time. Don’t just sit and lament and carry on about what happened. Life happened. Get up, beloveds, at happen TO life. You have thangs to do. As do I.

doing thangs,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Note: There are times when you just don’t want to do anything. At those times, you are just going to have to break out some ‘so what’ and get on with life.

Moving forward: The Mirror Has Two Faces.

I’m watching ‘The Mirror Has Two Faces’ starring Barbara Streisand.🥰

I love that movie!

A tale of a woman’s quest and ultimate journey of SELF love. Fantastic.

How sad that most people don’t love themselves. Most don’t know HOW to love themselves. How terribly sad.

I spend so much time in this blog in hopes of filling folk with so much love they can’t help but learn to love themselves and others.

Ah, beloveds, you are soooooooooooooo worth loving!

Look in the mirror and love the priceless soul looking back at you!

loving me some you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: ❤️‍🩹♥️

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!