I think I’m okay.
Now.
Maybe I should say, I think I am okay, now.
There’s a world of difference in the two.
ONLY those who have been, or are going through, their own version of what in the fresh hell is THIS will know of which I speaketh.
Yikes!
Whew!
What the what the?!!
Hard has been especially hard. And, I mean hhhaaarrrrrrdddddd!🤯😳😳😵💫🥵
Shout out to my wombie who has had the unfortunate task of dragging me all up on The Father’s Lap.
Circumstances, or lack thereof, tipped me over reliving when my job was displaced and I only had 60 days to move etc. I didn’t realize it until wombie reminded me I has gone through much worse things then right now.
On top of financial Armageddon and some health what the world, life tossed a hand grenade on a relationship more dear to me than I can describe. I am still tore up about it. Still! Crap!…*stamps foot*
I haven’t been able to work. Which is creating its own brand of financial Armageddon. One in which I am blaming myself now.
I tell myself I should be over grieving now.
I tell myself I should be able to suck it up and work now.
I tell myself I should be able to sleep now.
I tell myself I should be able to be about being about it now.
I tell myself I should be able to 🧗♀️ climb this extreme hard now.
Yet, none of those things were true.
I found old foes shame and embarrassment rearing old heads and moving in. They brought terror and lamentation with them.
I was too afraid to tell them to go. I was too embarrassed to climb on The Father’s Lap. I was too ashamed I would see disappointment in His Eyes. There was too much disappointment, in mine, to take the chance.
Shame thought this was extremely funny. Shame told me I should be ashamed of myself because of my fear.
“Weakling!”
“Idiot!”
“God is a li…”
*Cassandra stood over shame, 🤜 all up in shame face, and laughed*
Ha! Don’t you EVER!
It’s okay to doubt ME, I told shame. But, don’t you EVER speak on My Father’s Honor or His Love for ME!
I think I’m okay.
Now.
At least, I have been able to get out of bed.
At least, I can maybe do the day.
Maybe.
At least, I shall try.
Ah.
Aha!
Perhaps it’s all He has been waiting for.
trying today I think,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I just wanted to shout out to all who are living a life of quiet despair, er, desperation at the moment. This time WILL pass. Until it does, be as good to yourself as you can. Don’t add kicking your own arse to the storm.
Rest as best you can.
Share your heart, your hurt with someone. And, you can’t say you don’t have anyone if you can see these words.
We SHALL get through this. The super hard time I went through, back THEN…well, it’s helping me through my NOW.
THIS time, beloveds, is only building our faith muscles to help us with future what in the fresh hell is THIS. 🥰💯🤣
Yea, I think I’m okay. Now. Be encouraged.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
