I asked my friend for HIS opinion.
I VEHEMENTLY disagreed with HIS opinion.
I stated loudly, my FEELINGS on his WRONG opinion. I went on to explain LOUDLY/PROUDLY why MY opinion was the one I should go with.
In truth, I initially only half listened to what he said. I let my passion take over, and ALL I became concerned with was letting passion have her way in defending what I wanted.
Eventually, I realized he was right, coming from HIS standpoint and other factors he had tried to tell me BEFORE I got my huff and puff on.
Now, I was fighting with TWO, self inflicted issues:
Feeling like I wasn’t allowed to be heard because my voice gets super loud when I am super excited. I’m not angry. The opposite, in fact. I’m excited. I want to share that excitement. In real time. As ME. The EXCITED me.
The only problem is the other side hears a raised voice, especially coming from a black woman, and it is almost automatically silenced as being angry, aggressive and shut down.
My friend did NOT do that. I didn’t give him the chance. I immediately became defensive, which led to me being aggressive.
I recognized this and found my act right.
My second issue was not listening all the way through. I jumped in. With two incredibly loud feet. I defeated the whole purpose of asking for HIS opinion/feedback. Oops. I sowwy, my friend.
I HAVE to give a shout out to him. He could have easily terminated the conversation and left me to my dumbness. He didn’t. He let me explain. He explained back. We moved on.
He was right and helped me see important truths I will need moving forward. He helped me see, and work on, the part of my heart, still smarting, from being shut down by others. By me. I’m still a work in progress.
I just stopped by to help someone BEFORE they blow up a relationship by allowing ego to get in the way.
Your people care. They give their opinion and feedback based on their love for you and concern for your future. The ones who are in your corner, that is.
That’s why it’s important to recognize who is giving the feedback. If a critic, LISTEN. Gather, what truth is there. Leave the rest where it is. Don’t worry about the 🚚 delivery. Take advantage of the gold left behind!
I’m glad I recognized and checked ego. Initially, I just kept saying “No” to what he told me to DO. It was in direct conflict with what I wanted to do.
As it turns out, I will need to do his thing AND my thing. In two separate spaces. I was trying to jam too many things into one section. They won’t fit.
My friend is saving me time, struggle, and 😤 frustration by trying to fit the right thing into the wrong vehicle.
I have been praying for months about which way to go/grow. God used my friend. I almost turned said friend away and added a ton of 🗑 wasted time ⌚ I can’t afford to throw away.
I know this is a long piece. Purposefully so. Sometimes, beloveds, it’s important to take your time and share your HEART, not your anger or past wounds, with a friend.
I share both with you, so maybe you can recognize a bit of a boo boo in you.
Just my thoughts.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: This was not an easy piece to write. I’m still working on me. Be gentle with you as you work on yourself and allow yourself to grow and be redirected. Be willing to tell ego to stand down as you show folk who you are. You will be glad you did.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 