Just sending a bit of love your way, beloveds. Today is a tough one for me. Christmas Eve. I tread lightly through it now. I don’t know how my heart shall greet Christmas. If lucky, it will be just a day spent alone thinking nice thoughts of mom and other fam now gone.
Hopefully, Christmas will be just Christmas.
Anywho, I stopped by to send some care. This has been a long year. Be sure to rest up and look forward to the coming year.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Ah, mom. I miss you. I’m praying and thinking of all who are hurting from the loss of loved ones or those who are alone at this time of year. Lonely has been a tad lonely this week. Be encouraged.
I have yelled at the tornado 🌪, for coming in and smashing up my life.
I have yelled at God for letting the damned tornado come in and smash up my life.
I have yelled at me for not being able to handle something small like an F4 🌪 tornado coming in and smashing up my life.
I have wanted to yell at family for…you get the point, beloveds. I have been wanted to yell at everyone and everything for my life being smashed up just now.
I even want to yell at mom, again, for having the absolute NERVE, to leave us all on Christmas morning 2016. Sheeeeeeeeeuut, mom. You could have waited and helped a sista out through this time.
The weeks, leading up to Christmas, are especially hard now. I have to gear myself up to NOT go into a dark place of unending mom grief.
I have done much better the past two years. This year, however,…whew!
I have fought the darkness ALL week. Relentlessly. I told myself I was okay. I told myself I would be okay.
One morning, the dark arrived and handed me a cup of ☕ coffee. I was too tired to resist. The dark remained. The dark remains. Now, I have one question:
What do you DO with the dark days?
I have thangs to do. I have a job to find. I have pieces to 📝 write. How can I DO these things in the dark?
I have asked God. He is as silent as it is dark.
I have asked The Universe. All I hear are crickets chirping.
I have asked my ♥ heart. My heart is too busy missing mom.
Thankfully, good habits came to the rescue. Good habits and 56 took charge. They sure are bossy!
I find myself dragging hard, fear, lonely, and grief out of bed each day. I ignore them. I make my ☕. I drink said coffee. I keep it pushing. I have thangs to do.
doing thangs in the dark, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be encouraged. Your dark days shall have their end. In the meantime, know of a surety that you do not walk alone.
Remember, beloveds, that it is okay to not be okay until you are okay, once again. Okay?
I needed to remind myself of this. It’s okay to grieve mom. Yet, I shall show grief the door soon. Christmas is coming. I plan on spending it making mom some homemade brownies. Uh, oh!
Meet my annoying friend want to. Want to is forever standing behind me, ready to apply a swift kick somewhere, to ensure my get up and go’s, get up and go…*pout*.
I keep reminding myself to be good to me, even when I don’t feel like it. Currently, I’m waging a war with lazy. Lazy does NOT want to begin this day. It looks as though it will be the SAME same old. Again. Stale!…*pout*.
My dreams are tantalizing me. They whisper today just may be THE day. Ha! I fell for THAT yesterday! And, the day before that. And, the day before that!!!!
Still, today just may be our day, eh? In any event, beloveds, we have to be good to ourselves. In the meantime. During the waiting.
Get out of bed. Take a walk. Tell lazy and fear to take a hike.
Then, do SOMETHING towards bringing your dream into reality. Doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just a something. Take just ONE step.
What do you do when life happens at the worst time?
I’ve been asking myself that question for the last 6 months. I have been trying to figure out the answer for the last 6 months. This is the absolute worst time to be trying to find a job. This could not be a worst time to be 56 without a job. The tornado could not have picked the worst time to have happened.
Now I am left with trying to figure things out. in real time. Having been left with nothing, I have to do the best I can with what I have left. which has been a whole lot of nothing. Go figure.
It’s hard to learn a lesson when you’re trying to figure out how to keep the lights on. It’s not easy remaining calm when disaster seems near.
Living in the meantime can be awfully difficult when in the meantime, life is especially troublesome and tiring. The fairy tales don’t tell you what to do after the credits stops rolling.
These times are here for a reason. It’s up to me to work to find out what those reasons are. I wish I could tell reason to kiss my uh oh. I can’t. I have to be the mature 56 year old I am. Yikes.
I’m trying my utmost not to be angry about having to start over at 56 in this manner. I could have done this easily 30 years ago. Youth would have been on my side. Now I have an old body and a tired mind.
The news is full of nothing but gloom and doom. I refuse to see it with my fear. I pour the oxygen of praise, love and joy over the sad tidings. I find that 56 is a valiant warrior. She refused to give up. She laughs at hard. 56 is an encourager. She tells me to keep going. She tells me that everything truly will work out. She tells me that everything will come out in a wash. I am beginning to enjoy 56.
56 is relentless. Maybe she recognizes how truly short life is. I’m doing the best I can with the days I have. I have to. So do you. There’s too much left unfinished.
I still don’t know how to quite answer. What do you do when life happens at the worst time? I’m still figuring that out in real time. I’ll let you know on the other side. There will be another side for me. I will make it there. as will you.
In the meantime, keep doing the best you can. For as long as you can. Rest, then begin again.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: God has never lost a battle. He never will. Be encouraged.
Sad came to visit. Sad wanted to hang out a bit and commiserate about mom.
I invited sad for ☕ coffee.
Me and sad talked of sad things:
Losing mom.
Losing my job.
Losing supposed friends.
Thanksgiving alone.
Then, I presented sad with it’s cap 🧢 and sent sad on it’s way. I told sad to send joy around.
Joy stopped by for some 🎶 music and fun. Want to join us?
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: It’s okay to be sad, at times. Be sad, beloveds, then keep it moving. You have too much life to live. You have too much love inside you to share. You have too much love to receive.
Open your heart and receive. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.
I tried a new Cassandra dish. The dish was missing something.
I added some sauce. It was still missing something.
I added one thing more.
Aha!
Yum!
Life will ALWAYS throw us curve balls, beloveds. It’s up to US to adapt to the changes. I know it can get frustrating. Well, I know how disappointing this can be.
Instead, I CHOOSE to see disappointment and the like by new lenses: Challenges! Nothing more. Just challenges to make my faith muscles stronger.
I just turn it into another piece. Beloveds, use those adverse winds to propel you FORWARD.
I am already concocting a new dish with the fresh 🍋 lemons delivered today. How ’bout you?
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: There is something about hearing a full grown 🌪 tornado, outside your door, that tends to male one a tad less afraid of the everyday nonsense that shows up!
Yes, I have grown weary of scammers but I no longer rush to the mad button. I am more:
Thoughtful.
Hopeful.
Resilient.
Persistent.
Faithful.
I promised myself I would continue to remain faithful to my try. No matter what.
Keep trying. You have NO idea what your try is doing. Neither do I. I have NO idea who has needed these words. I give them. Weary or not.
Keep giving YOU. You will be glad you did. Your legacy thanks you. The Universe thanks you. I thank you. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.
I just wrote a piece that meant a lot to me. I was just about to reread it. My wombie was able to read it once. She thought it impactful.
Before our eyes, it was overwritten by the next piece.
Gone.
Finito.
History.
All the writers out there will understand the hurt that comes with losing words that can never be retrieved again. It’s like losing a loved one. I HAVE lost these precious words…*sigh*.
Of course, sis is now highly hacked. I am doing my best to console her. To console ME.
What else can I DO, beloveds, except to make some 🍋 lemonade out of THIS?
The piece I lost was called “God, how do I get over THIS?
It was a piece about trying to, learning to get over loss. Ironic. Insert laugh here.
HOW, beloveds, do we get over THIS?
We are never quite the same after THIS.
We don’t know what our lives will look like after THIS. WE would have dealt with THAT better.
We wonder why THIS has happened to us.
We feel different after THIS happened.
Ah, God, how do we get over THIS? HOW do we make our way PAST our THIS? HOW do we MOVE ON from our THIS?
We never asked for THIS to happen. Why us, God? Why, NOW, God? What have we done to deserve THIS?
I can’t speak to your THIS, beloveds. My THIS, the damned tornado and losing my job, has my world turned upside down. I have been trying to right it for five months.
Be encouraged. THIS too shall pass…lol.
Don’t get mad when you have suffered a setback. Okay, you can get mad. Just don’t waste too much time there. Throw mad in the 🗑 trash and keep it moving.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Keep choosing joy, love, hope and peace. Everything really will be okay. It will. Until then, enjoy your day. I enjoyed writing the piece I lost. I have THAT. Sure am annoyed THIS happened to it. Crapola.
