Everything does NOT, beloveds, have to be a transaction. We don’t always have to get something out of our giving, do we?
Nowadays, folks are choosing to be transactional over every centimeter of life. How sad. Folks have forgotten the joy of just cuz giving/doing.
There is something priceless about giving/doing for the sheer pleasure of lightening someone’s load.
I apparently don’t get to see my dream come true today. Still, I CAN encourage someone to hang in there. They may get theirs today. Who knows? Mine may sneak in under the wire.
Reach out for someone today.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Okay, so you suppose to be out in these streets encouraging someone. Start with me…
You may find this odd, beloveds. Until just now, I have NEVER really considered my age, when considering what to do, with my life.
Not really. Yea, I would quip about it. Still, my age was just a number, in my head. In my heart, I have always been 25.
My dad used to say he was “39 and holding”. That always tickled me. I decided I would forever remain 25. Don’t ask why 25. I couldn’t tell you. 25 seemed like a youthful number.
Having turned 56 in November, I feel as far away from 25 as I always have.
Why?
I blame the tornado. That tornado shook me to the core. I still can’t fathom why I can’t yet maintain solid footing.
I have been a Christian for 35 years. Until ths tornado, I had NEVER questioned my belief in God, Himself. Not even losing my mom, Christmas morning 2016, could move my faith.
Yes, for a time, I was angry at God. I blamed Him for not healing her. I blamed Him for not making her way easier. I blamed Him just to take my anger out on someone.
This tornado, though, it roared into my yard and let me know I was little more than a speck of dust.
I’m feeling like a speck of dust. I don’t know how to move past this barrier. I’m trying hard to move forward. I am finding it difficult to move past THAT moment, so I can live in THIS moment.
How do we get past a truly devastating moment?
We have to. How do we, though? I have been wrestling with the tornado for six months now. Exhausting.
I’m doing my lover best to make sure this barrier does not turn into an obstacle. I will overcome this some kind of way. I’m still figuring out how.
I wish this current battle was already over. I fight on. Will you?
I know. I know. I talk about food a lot. I can’t help it. I enjoy me some food.
Secretly, I have been wanting Twizzlers. For years. I have not allowed myself to get to them. I have no idea why. I just wouldn’t buy them for myself.
This reminds me of all the things I have not allowed myself to try, have or be. If nothing else, the tornado has given me the freedom and the permission to do those. things I have not allowed myself to do before. In that way, I am grateful for the tornado. I never thought I would live to say those words. I am grateful. I have learned things I may not have learned about myself.
I have had to fight for myself in ways I probably would not have done before. I have no choice now. I looked in the face of death and realized how short life really was. With that knowledge, I can’t just sit idly by and let my dreams stay unfulfilled.
My heart will no longer allow me to sit on the sidelines. Fifty-six refuses to let me stay silent. I’m just going along for the ride.
You don’t have to wait for a tornado. You can change things now if you wish. You can start over anytime you feel the need to. You don’t have to stay in the same place. You don’t have to stay the same person. If you ready for something new, go for it. This time belongs to you. Take advantage of it. That’s all you have.
Just promise yourself you’re going to enjoy every step of the journey. Even the hard steps. Have an amazing day.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I am having a blast learning about me. Who knew I could be such a goof?
Drag it kicking and screaming. Remove it from your presence. Refuse it access to your future.
Your dream.
Drag it kicking and screaming. Allow it to take hold of your present. Make certain it dominates your future.
Hope.
Drag it kicking and screaming. Be certain it swallows your existence. Refuse to remove it from your future.
The unknown can seem like such a scary place, beloveds. Drag it kicking and screaming, into your present.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: You’ll never know unless you try. Don’t be afraid to try. Be afraid, but try anyway. Life will pass either way. Wouldn’t you like to see what you can do, before life does you in? Be encouraged.
*Cassandra did NOT do as she wanted to which was to open the door, toss her phone out said door, and slam said door with a satisfying thump and emphatically emotional harrumph. Thinking this un got it going on like popcorn like, decided to act like a grown up, instead of acting a fool, like she sooooooooooooo wanted to do, and simply…*
Updated her Messenger app.
Tada!
In times past, I would have:
Blamed the universe for forever messing with me as soon as I decided to mess with it and pursue my dreams.
Pouted and blamed God for ALLOWING aforementioned universe to be messing with me whilst I was tryna mess with it and pursue my dreams.
Fussed at Life for…🤷♀️…ANY reason was a good reason to fuss, fume, blame, cajole, curse out, beg, plead, and argue with Life to hurry on up, already, and help me mess with the universe who is forever messing with me whilst I am tryna mess with it to achieve my writing dream.
Losing mom AND turning 50 gave me an endless supply of I no longer give two hoots, three flying flips and the universe can kick ALL the rocks.
Those two things have also afforded me a lifetime supply of kicking ALL people, places and things which have NOT served me, supported me, took and never gave back, belittled, dismissed, ghosted, coasted and generally let me do ALL the work whilst taking ALL the credit, money, time, prayers and love I gave out, to the curb.
Phooey on that!!!
Now, I have learned to:
Stop – don’t waste energy on something not currently working.
Assess – look at the situation from ALL sides. You may, in fact, be on the wrong side of a thing. Nothing wrong with being wrong. You may not have been privy to all the details. The person who gave you the details may have not been privy to all the details. All may have been given the details and you were ALL wrong.🤣🤷♀️. Don’t be afraid to turn around. No need in driving off the cliff because Thelma and Louise did!🤦♀️
Ask – if you follow God, ask for His Thoughts and Guidance. If you are not about that God life due to mankind’s using God to act ten kinds of fools…smh, go ahead and ask Life to give you some ideas. Ponder, aloud. Will tell you a secret: God can hear you even when you are talking to Life and will sneak, in disguise, into your situation and will love you through it. Don’t tell Him I told you this….sshhh!
Act – after you have taken everything into account, act.
Stop. Assess. Ask. Act. These things I do now. Hopefully, I will keep my act right acting right enough to continue to do so. On the daily. On the regular.
I am going to continue to build my dreams. Out loud. Out in the open, where the whole of the world can see/judge/assess/act upon. Or not.
I encourage you, beloveds, to keep working on your dream. Heckamiah, your dream just may be what the world I have been waiting for to finish off mine!
Real talk, faith can be such a tough pill to swallow.
When God asks you to follow Him. Or, He asks you go somewhere you would rather not.
Geeeeeeeez!
I find myself in a place I would rather not be, at the moment. That said, I here as a willing participant because I chose to continue this way.
I could have made other choices. Instead, I chose to do as I was led to do. Super real talk, beloveds, I have given myself a bit of a hard time for being dumb enough to choose to go this way.
I know. I know. Christian folk are not supposed to be real enough to share how the sausage is truly made.
Apparently, we are supposed to remain calm and pious at ALL times. We are never allowed to be pissed off. Oops. We are never supposed to get mad at God for getting us in tight spots. We are not to have any emotions, other than gratitude, when we are handed a fresh basket of fresh what in the hell is this/that?!
For all that life is waiting for YOU to seize. What the world are you waiting for!? Get going!
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: To hear the world tell it, beloveds, I may as well pack it in. Why?
I am 56.
I am a woman.
I am a BLACK woman.
I am a 56 year old, black woman…*gasp*. EVERY report has me being let go off, dispatched, dismissed, unwanted, unseen, unheard. Apparently, I ought shrivel up, shut up, shut down and go away.
The hooey with that! I have heard THAT nonsense for the whole of my existence. I am forever being told what I can’t do, where I can’t go, what I can’t have. By EVERYBODY.
To THAT, I continue to call BS. I AM:
Capable.
Able.
Loving.
Lovely.
Tenacious.
Lovable.
I SHALL continue to live a rich life. At the moment, I have a few 💵 dollars, in the bank. Right now, I live in a super dated apartment. At the present, I live alone. So what? I love my place. I enjoy my solitude. I am rich in the love of God, with the love of family, a couple friends and love of self.
I determine my value. I determine my steps. I determine my actions. I determine my try. By doing this, I make my life priceless. As do you, beloveds.
STOP wasting your life chasing the approval of others. You are NOT going to get it from most folk. Most folk have an agenda for your life. You are merely a transaction in the eyes of this world. That’s okay. Be sure the transaction is a win for both parties and keep it moving.
In the meantime, beloveds, keep living a life of integrity. Stop meeting transactions! Meet PEOPLE! LOVE people. The Universe will make sure you get what you need. Smh.
God knows I am not yet ready to return to work. Mentally, my heart is still terribly shaken from hollering, at the tops of my lungs, not to die in the bathroom, while an F4 🌪 tornado danced around the yard and neighborhood. I have not yet found the statute of limitations on when one is supposed to be over it already…😳😭😱
Believe me when I tell you that life is short. Use the time you have. I say this not to frighten you. I say these words, with love, to encourage you to get up and to try. Just try. Experience how much joy you find in the trying. Even in the hard. Be encouraged. You CAN. You WILL.
There has been some mighty disappointing days in this year.
So much so, beloveds, I have made disappointment a friend. A friend who brings me fresh ideas and new opportunities to stand on FAITH.
I don’t enjoy disappointment. I find disappointment terribly discouraging and disappointing.
Keeping my promise to myself to use EVERYTHING for my good, I have had to be creative with feelings of disappointment.
I rename things. I reclaim ownership of other things. I ponder why. I wonder what comes next.
I dismiss thoughts of quitting. I laugh at suggestions to walk away.
I try something. Then, I try something else.
I am relentless. I am reluctant.
I am bold. I am hesitant.
I burst forward. I scurry back.
All the while, disappointment shows herself to be a considerate friend. She is consistent. She does not demand to be tended to. She waits patiently for ME to act. Or not.
What’s that? Disappointment has come calling through my empty mailbox. I was waiting on two much needed checks. Fresh hell.
I have to go tend to disappointment. If I don’t, she will make way for fear and doubt to come in. I have too many thangs to do to allow that to happen.
Be encouraged.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: When you figure out what to DO with disappointment, please let me know.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 