Category: walking

Stop laying down on your fear.

I was afraid.

WAS.

Not now. Why? I made myself get out of bed and FACE my fear(s).

I told the boogeyman, fear, we are going to get up, have coffee, and talk about all these lies it has been telling me.

I got up.

I told fear to go on ahead and take two seats.

Then, I got on about my day.

I made coffee.

I wrote.

I called my wombie.

I cried a bit.

I laughed a lot.

I allowed love in.

Now, beloveds, I could have chosen to stay in bed. Afraid. Terrified. Listening to the lies I would not recover from all the happenings which have happened upon me.

I could have chosen to blame a variety of things or folks.

I could have chosen to allow bitterness to secretly snatch my hopes, dreams and joy.

I could have chosen to dismiss my feelings and pretend I was NOT afraid.

I chose to be honest.

I WAS afraid.

I WAS dispirited.

I WAS lonely.

I WAS missing mom.

I WAS afraid I may have made a mistake.

I WAS missing mom.

I WAS missing the confident me.

I CHOSE to be honest.

With me.

With my wombie.

With God.

It helped. A lot. I was able to say the scary parts OUT LOUD. Sometimes, we just have to say the hard stuff out loud. So, we can deal with them. Or, not. It’s our choice.

Be encouraged. You CAN face the things needing to be faced. You CAN survive your happenings. You WILL experience peace. You WILL know joy. Until then, I got you. As does He.

here as best I can,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: For whomever was wondering if they matter…yea, I was talking to YOU. Be encouraged. You got this.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Be ruthless with your me time.

24 hours in the day.

Yikes!

I find 24 is not enough for all that I wish to do.

In the past, I would allow my ‘me time’ to be ruthlessly snatched by this, that and the other thing. I allowed folk to ruthlessly tap into my ‘me time’ and make it their time. I dared not be there for folk…*gasp*. How dare?!

The more I have learned how short life is, the more I am ruthless with my ‘me time’. I guard it now. Ruthlessly. Religiously. Vigorously. Relentlessy.

I have to. No one else will. Folk will blithely use all your ‘me time’ and dare not spare a drop of THEIR ‘me time’!…*gasp*. How dare I ask for a smidge of THEIR ‘me time’. SMH.

Guard your ‘me time’, beloveds. Cherish it. Spend it liberally. On YOU. You can’t give out what you don’t have.

It serves no purpose to empty yourself to the point where you are of no good to anyone or anything.

I find it terribly troubling to admit I would probably still be exhausting myself and overwhelming myself with too much work with too little ‘me time’ and rest.

But for a horrible tornado that turned all upside down, I would STILL be killing myself, slowly, with too much work, too much hidden worry, not enough faith in ME, nowhere near enough try in and for MY dreams.

Sadly, beloveds, I would have continued killing myself for a job I could no longer financially afford to stay at with the pay offered. I should have jumped off the ‘just barely enough’ train long time ago.

No matter. I forgive me. For being too damned afraid to bet on me. I am betting on me. Now. Right now. I may well lose. No matter. I try. I shall see what God and Life and The Universe shall say to me and my try.

Be ruthless with your me time, beloveds. No one else will. Most will care less about your being less because of having given all of your ‘me time’ to them. Guard your ‘me time’ jealously. Ruthlessly. Covetously.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been enjoying my ‘me time’ tonight. I have already written my promised ten pieces. Am doing some ‘extra credit’ pieces. Just cuz. I am humming, badly, to some love songs and loving up on my heart.

I am daydreaming. I am dreaming about making stupidly weird and fantastical things happen in the coming days. They may never come to pass. No matter. I shall joy in the try. My try is enough. As am I.

Ah.

Aha!

Get out there and LIVE, beloveds. We only get this ONE go around. Make the most of it. Asking for A Friend. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He. Jesus says ‘What’s up with that?”

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Enjoying me.

I’m learning how to enjoy me.

Who knew doing so would be sooooooooooooooooooooo hard?!

I don’t know how to:

Rest.

Not really. I’m like a shark: Ever moving. Thrashing about. Looking for sustenance. Somewhere. Somehow. Some kind of way.

I’m tired. Of circling. Of seeking and NOT finding.

God, in His Wisdom, saw fit to ask me to rest. For a while. For the sake of rest.

I have not been asked to save the world. I have not even been asked to try and save me. Just save some me time. To rest.

Ack.

There are moments when I find rest terribly draining. Rather, the seeking of the rest is the draining thing. One would think this would be easy. One would be wrong! At least for me.

The world tells us we are to be forever working and striving to build up a chest deep enough to sustain us for the rainy day.

What the world has NOT told us is what do we do on all the days until the ‘rainy days’ shows up. So we march on. And on. And on. And on. Until, we are broken, tired and wondering what in the holy fresh hell is all this and have we been wasting our time this entire time!!?

So I am back to trying to enjoy me.

What do I like?

What do I enjoy?

What do I want to do just for the sake of doing something I may like or enjoy?

55 keeps hollering for me to get back to the grind.

Reality keeps hollering for me to get back to the grind.

Fear keeps demanding I get back to the grind.

Doubt keeps reminding me what COULD happen if I don’t get back to the grind.

My heart says it is tired and ground up.

My empty bank account says hurry and get back to the grind.

God says to get off the grind and enjoy me.

My spirit says if I want to choose grind, make it be coffee grounds and grind my workaholic self to a standstill….hahahahahahahahahahaha! COFFEE GROUNDS!…*Cassandra thinks she is a hoot*.

I’m scared, beloveds. What if I run out of time to enjoy the time that I have? What if I choose wrong? What if I take too much time off? What if I choose the wrong steps? What if I go the wrong way? What do I do if I don’t…

Okay. Okay! I’m going!

*Cassandra gets off the grind and goes in search of some ‘enjoy’*….*Cassandra scrounges through the enjoyment bag and finds…*….hhmm.

Take care, beloveds. Enjoy your life. Just a bit.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been enjoying The Olympics. Simone Biles is HER! If you don’t know what that means you are NOT a sports fan…lol.

If you find yourself on an endless grind of trying to fill your bank account, take some time to take some stock to see if this is fulfilling you. Are you happy? Are you going to continue on this path forever? When are you going to choose YOU and get off the chasing things grind?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Move: In any direction.

It’s time to move, beloveds.

In any direction.

Time to stop taking stock.

Time to move.

In ANY direction.

If the step is a wrong one, Life shall redirect you.

If the step is the right one, The Universe shall cheer you forward.

If the step be an awkward one, God shall laugh with you and move forward WITH you.

Move, beloveds.

In any direction.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is waiting for you, beloveds. You do NOT have to wait for disaster to strike before you take a leap of faith. I have taken many. Just not in the one truly needed to change my financial future. I have been allowing ‘just enough’ to keep me from seeking the amazing.

This stupid tornado forced me to make the decision to continue to burn myself out, whilst earning nowhere near enough. Or, to choose me and bet on my try and God’s Ability to help me make an amazing successful future for ME. Whilst encouraging others.

Months before the tornado happened, God began asking me some tough questions. I started writing many pieces, on these tough questions. They are still waiting for me to finish. I have been stalking them, slowly. Sneakingly. Worryingly. Pensively. Wonderingly.

Why? Because many of the answers, I fear, are answers I am going to fear hearing. After hearing, you see, action may be needed. I won’t have excuses, once questions have been answered. Now I can say “I didn’t know”.

I am ready to start answering His Questions. You shall be witness to my foolishness. Or growth. Or tantrums. Or all of the above.

In the meantime, move. In any direction. Take fear with you if you must. Just go. Life is waiting for you. The Universe is waiting to help you. There are oodles of folk out there who have been waiting all their lives to meet and love you. Get going now. What you still doing here? Since you are, let’s have a cup of coffee.

In case no one has told you: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

What are you counting?

What are you counting?

Days?

Minutes?

Money?

Possessions?

Memories?

Moments?

Monuments?

Trophies?

Slights?

Friends?

Enemies?

What are you counting on?

What are you counting down?

The bible says where a man’s treasure is THERE his heart will be also. In plain language:

What do you value most?

What do you cherish most?

What are you chasing most?

Life is short.

If your answers are pointing towards things that are not or will not edify you or others, you may wish to recalculate and recalibrate. Life is short.

What are you counting?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I’m doing my best to count those things that will serve as many as I can in the time I have left. I’m doing my best to count those things which will help me to rest and to grow. How ’bout you?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Awakening.

Something is awakening.

From deep inside.

Dare I wake her?

Is it safer to leave her sleeping?

She stirs.

I am moved.

Shall I move?

She stirs.

I grow still.

She looks at me.

I stare at her.

Something is awakening.

From deep inside.

She knocks.

I answer.

Here goes nothing.

To be continued?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I feel at the precipice. Of what, I know not. I am ready. I think. Ah, God. Catch me…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

How can I?

How can I?

Be 55 and feel as though I am 20?

How can I?

Be on the edge of disaster and feel on the precipice of a miracle?

How can I?

See impending doom and experience profound serenity?

How can I?

Sense the end of everything but the beginning of all?

How can I?

Have forgotten all I have learned and remembered the slightest details?

How can I?

How can I not?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Ah, God. How can I have lost sight of Your Love for me because of a tornado and loss of a job? I am humbled. How can I? Asking for me. Finally. At last…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Ask yourself.

Ask yourself:

Why NOT me?

Why NOT now?

Why NOT this?

Why NOT this way?

Now, beloveds, get out there and DO.

YOUR way.

With YOUR try.

How YOU say.

You CAN.

You WILL.

rooting for you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You can do this, beloveds. You can. I know. The way has been hard. That’s okay. You will make it. How do I know? Because you have been promised. Be encouraged. Go on, now. Life is short.

Take your fears with you, if you must. Go, though, you must. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

This is going to be an AMAZING Monday!

Repeat after me:

This is going to be an AMAZING Monday!

Now, get on out there and make this an AMAZING Monday!

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Today will be what YOU make it. YOU choose. Configure an outstandingly, amazingly, spectactulously AMAZING Monday!

Do NOT take, last week’s worries, into today. Do NOT take, last year’s fears, into today. Be sure to take plenty of hope with you. Add a smidge of irony and get after it. Remember, you got thangs to do. Speaking of doing, I hear a cup of coffee calling. Who is up for a cup?

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Love yourself.

Love yourself.

Not just what you do.

Love yourself.

Not just what you have.

Love yourself.

Not just for what you can produce.

Love yourself.

Not just for how you look.

Love yourself.

Not just because where you live.

Love yourself.

Not just because you are part of a set.

Love yourself.

Even if you have.

Even if you have not.

Just because.

You are:

Amazing.

Awesome.

Incredible.

Love yourself.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been having to remind myself of this, beloveds, ever since the tornado.

Before, I KNEW I was amazing. Why? Because I was good at my job. Because I was a fantastic friend. Because I was a supportive sister. Because I could pay my own way. Because I had plenty of energy to motivate the world.

Now? Tired. Broke. Empty. Having nothing but ME to offer. Ah, Aha!

Am I enough?

Really?

Truly?

Yes.

It just does not FEEL like yes. At the moment. Ever again? I sure hope so. In the meantime, I keep on doing my best. With what I have. Even the not muchness of my broke, not having much self.

Love yourself. ALL of you. Even the little you think you have left to give. It IS enough. As are you. So am I. He says so, anyway….

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!