Category: Writing

I am not strong: Time to feel, Cassandra.

Time to feel, Cassandra.

That’s what God said to me.

NO, I hollered back.

I don’t want to.

Too bad, feels have said to me. They are running around, beloveds, everywhere!

I find them in my sleep. I find them hanging around the coffee pot. I find them in the bathroom. They are in the shower. They have stolen my commas!

My feels are soooooooooooooooooooooo ready, to lament about all the happenings that have befallen me.

I don’t know what to do with them. I don’t know what to do with ME.

Sleep escapes me. Every night.

The next step(s) keeps running up ahead.

Yet, God has been forever silent. Leaving ME to shout liberally and loudly. The silence is just soooooooooooooooooooooooo loud!

I don’t want to feel. Anything. Anytime soon. Anymore.

I am feeling the loss of a job I enjoyed for fourteen and a half years. I’m angry I have not been able to suck it up and go back to work. I am angry I have not been able to trick myself into pulling myself up by my bootstraps so I can keep on going.

I am angry the damned tornado tore up the damned yard!!

I am angry mom is not here to tell me everything is going to be alright!!

I am angry I don’t have a significant other to tell me how significant I am right now. I don’t feel significant!

Fresh hell, beloveds, I am angry. Again! Dammit. Crap. Geeeeeeeeeeeeez.

Just when I think I am okay, I open my door and see all the destruction and start the whole damned angry train all over again!

God, I am angry. Still. Not at You. Just angry. Not because these things have happened to me. Just because they happened at all. To anyone.

Ah, Cassandra. Time to feel.

I am not strong.

weak but here,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been unpacking all this mad so I can enjoy the rest of my day. Don’t allow your feels to keep you held hostage. Feel, process, deal with things then move on with the rest of your day.

It’s okay to be angry with losing that which has meant a lot to you. Who cares, why, eh? Losing sucks. It hurts. When loved ones leave, it hurts. When we leave a job, it hurts. When we lose a relationship, it hurts. When we have to move, it hurts. When we have to give up something, it hurts. The reason(s) why does NOT remove the pain.

Yet, God is there for us as we hurt and heal. Even for non believers. For those who have told God to kick rocks, I pray for you, still. I got you, okay? Don’t judge yourself to harshly. Occasionally, I go off on God about why in the fresh hell He has apparently allowed all manner of foolishness to befall us.

Be encouraged, beloveds. I love you. So does He. Love yourselves, okay? I know this sounds like a ridiculous request. It’s not. There was a time, if you can believe it, when I loved everyone in the world BUT me.

This is why I spend EVERY day praying for each and every person who visits this blog. Whether you join, leave, like or roll your eyes, know you are prayed for. EVERY day. I ask for blessings for you and your family. I ask that the way be made straight for you.

I pray and ask God to show you how. I ask God to give you friends who shall walk with you for the rest of your days. I ask that nothing befalls your precious heart. I ask grace for you. I ask peace for your souls. I ask that God opens your eyes so you can see the truly priceless and person you are.

Mostly, beloveds, I ask that God carry EVERY tear you have ever shared and that He sprinkle them upon your dreams to keep them freshly watered and cared for.

Be encouraged. You are loved and not alone. I promise. As did He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I can’t help what I’m given back. I can help what I’m giving out.

I can’t help what I’m given back.

I can help what I’m giving out.

giving all I have,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Nuff said. Love. Here. Now. In the moment. In the meantime. In the hard. In the rain. After the tornado. After the loss. In spite of the challenges. Despite the fear. Because of others. Asking for A Friend.

In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

All this and more.

A wink.

A nod.

A hug.

A hand.

A shoulder.

A heart.

A boot to rear end.

We are all of this and more.

Let’s use all that we are to lift the soul of another.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have been filling 📬 inboxes with love today. Why? I don’t know how many days I have. I am being about being about it. How about you?

In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Whatever happened. Whatever happens.

Whatever happened.

To caring?

Whatever happens.

I shall care for you.

Whatever happened.

To sharing?

Whatever happens.

You can have some of mine.

Whatever happened.

To emphasizing?

Whatever happens.

I shall seek to understand you.

Whatever happened.

Whatever happens.

I am here.

caring for all as best I can,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It saddens me folk have chosen to see different and chosen to see different as detriment. Let’s do better, beloveds. Asking for A Friend. If this touched you, share it with someone. We are all we got but all we need. This world is what WE make it. Let’s make it a beautifully messy tapestry.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

More than.

We are more than, beloveds.

We are more than a job.

We are more than a wallet.

We are more than a womb.

We are more than a protector.

We are more than a builder.

We are more than a carpenter.

We are more than a healer.

We are more than a comforter.

We are more than our try.

We are more than our faith.

We are more than our gender.

We are more than our vote.

We are a person.

We are deserving of love.

We are immeasurably unique.

We are unquestionably worth knowing.

I just wanted to take the time to let someone know he/she/they are valuable. This society dismisses those deemed unworthy because they don’t have a million followers.

I say to hell with all that. All I have to give is me but you can have all my love. I have plenty as God fills me as I empty my all.

Someone needs to hear that they do NOT have to keep paying rent to The Universe to be loved. You are.

Be encouraged.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have felt like a worthless idiot since the tornado. Save Mags, my ask for help was for naught. I feel like an idiot. That said, I am proud of me from reaching out. Be encouraged. God HAS heard you. Even though it appears no one on earth has.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

All I got to give is me.

All I got to give is me.

God said all He needs is me.

I told God all I got ain’t enough for Him.

God said me is more than enough for Him.

All I got to give is me, I said to The Universe.

Good thing, The Universe replied, stating me is all that has ever been asked to be seen.

Life then showed up and asked for what I had.

All I got to give is me, I stated.

Your me is more than plenty, Life exclaimed.

I’m giving me, beloveds.

It’s all I have.

As it turns out, miraculously, I am just what is called for.

So are you.

enough,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Your nothing means something to someone.

I feel like nothing today.

I feel as though my efforts have accomplished nothing.

Nothing I have tried seems to have worked.

Nothing I say has moved a thing it appears to me.

It looks as though ALL my try has done nothing but waste the time of everyone.

Except to God.

All day, He has told me that my nothing means EVERYTHING. To Him. I’m not quite sure I believe Him.

Not today.

My bank account is empty.

My inbox is empty.

My tank is empty.

My phone is silent.

My lonely is awfully loud.

I feel like nothing today.

It’s a good thing our feels are not always accurate.

My try is enough.

I am enough.

I just feel like nothing I have is worth much to most today.

Be encouraged, beloveds.

Your try is enough.

You are enough.

What you perceive to be nothing means EVERYTHING. So do you.

Your nothing means something to someone.

To me.

To God.

You are priceless. You don’t have to do a thing to be loved. Just keep on being you. Be good to you. Keep loving you. The rest will come out in the wash.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You are more than what you do. You are more than what you have. There’s only one you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I am not strong: Here for a reason.

I should not be here.

I should not BE.

Here.

Alive.

Today.

I am here.

Alive.

Today.

Therefore, I am here for a reason. Just because I don’t know the reason doesn’t mean I can’t fulfill my purpose. I have been asking God what my purpose is for 55 years. I ‘m certain I shall be asking on my last day.

I’m making my peace with feeling like a helpless/hapless little birdie. I don’t have to feel like an eagle EVERY day, do I?

I’m doing my best to make the best of these days. I wonder why God chose to leave me behind following the tornado.

Ah, God. Why was I left here? Why was I left, here, in THESE circumstances? Why was I left, here, all alone to make my way through endless days of wondering what in the fresh hell?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I am not strong. I am here. For a reason. Two things that are not congruous right now. Why the world would God leave a helpless/hapless birdie? Who the world can I help when I can’t help ME? How can I be of service when I have been left, gasping, from a tornado that has snatched my want to? What good am I serving now that my spirit is too broken to work just now? Asking for a friend(me).

Whilst I am figuring out me, I stopped by to remind you to hang in there. Hang in there, okay? Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Repeat after me: I AM enough.

Repeat after me:

I am enough.

I AM.

Enough.

Nuff said. Now, get out there and live YOUR life, beloveds. You do NOT have to keep ‘paying rent’. You do NOT have to keep emptying your wallet in order to be loved and to be seen.

You are enough. Already. Just as you are.

Yes, we grow. Yes, we improve. Still and yet, we are enough. We are.

Stop wasting your life chasing behind folk who only see you for what you can give and do for them. This world is full of those who will love, desire and care for you just for YOU. As you are. Right now.

Be encouraged, beloveds. You are NOT an accident. God did NOT make a mistake. The Universe was not crazy in believing in you. Life has been incredibly tough on you just to get you to fighting FOR you.

Repeat after me:

I AM enough.

Life is short. Time for you to start doing those ridiculous things God and Life has been asking you to do. Yea, those truly dumb things that don’t appear to have a whole lot of cash waiting at the end of that rainbow. Go, still. You will be rewarded for beyond monetary blessings you seek.

I am flat broke. Busted. Disgusted. Happy. Joyful. Hopeful.

There is love out there for me. Until love shows up, I am showing up for others. To love them. To encourage them. To pray for them. To fight for them.

What do I look for in exchange? Nothing. Yes, it would and will be nice should said given love be given back to me. Yet, I love just because there are billions of hearts needing to be loved.

Help me, beloveds. Love someone. Starting with you. Move on to those around you. Folk are hurting with many afraid to raise their hands. They fear being ghosted. They have been ghosted. Being ignored, when one shows their heart, is terribly embarrassing and hurtful. I know. I have a billion of those tshirts in my closet.

Still, I love. Why? Love asks me to. I am asking you to do the same.

Be encouraged.

In case no one has told you today: I love you.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You ARE enough. Live. Stop surviving life. You got this. Now get on out there and do it. It doesn’t have to be perfect. You do NOT have to be perfect. All you need to do is try. That’s it. Allow your try to be enough. You are loved. Be encouraged this day.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

The Universe called me a liar.

There’s nothing like a natural disaster that can shake some sense into you.

Literally.

Fresh hell.

Before the tornado, I had been lying to myself. I was unhappy at work. Not happy WITH work. Just not happy because I have wanted to move on.

Except, I have been too afraid to move on. I have been afraid I wouldn’t find something else. I was afraid I would not be chosen because of my age, my race, my you can add whatever you want here.

A week ago, I was presented with a choice. No choice really. I could force myself back to work or I could choose my mental health and step away.

I chose my mental health. I stepped away. In stepping away, beloveds, I have set off a war within.

All because The Universe called me a liar. How rude!

I had convinced myself I could remain, at work, and continue to ‘fake it til I make it’. I told myself I could. I told myself I could continue to pretend I could be satisfied with what I was doing.

The Universe said:

Ha!

Liar!

Fraidy cat!

Defiant, I told The Universe to kick rocks. Then, I apologized and went about reclaiming the truth.

I’m tired. I’m ready to move forward. I’m ready to move in another direction. I just don’t know which direction to move towards.

I guess WHERE I move is not as important, beloveds, in THAT I move, eh?

I have moved. Now, I wait. I am giving myself a month just to rest and to breathe. A week in and I am ready to run away from home just to get away from this restless me. Ack!

I won’t pretend anxt has not visited me in the past few days. It has. I keep telling my anxt to take two seats and go away from me!

I am on my second cup of coffee. I think I may have a spot of tea. Who wants to join?

asking for A friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. Best to stop wasting time lying to ourselves about what we are truly feeling and hoping for. I am thankful I FINALLY made the decision to move. I spent more time miserable, at work then working.

Be encouraged. Move. In any direction. Just move. Your heart will whisper to you where it has been hankering to go. The Universe will let you know if you are lying to It and yourself. Get going, beloveds. You have folk who are waiting to love you. You have friendships to experience. You have boundless joy to run into. You have sooooooooooooooooooo much ahead of you. Your life is NOT over. It’s not.

The hard shall have it’s end. In the meantime, keep looking up. Keep getting out of bed. Keep being good to yourself. Keep showing care to one another. Life is hard. For all of us right now. Yikes. In case no one has told you yet today: I love you. So does He. Jesus says ‘hi’.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!