The lights went out. Turns out it was a circuit breaker that had tripped. I turned the power back on. The flip of one tiny switch.
I wish life could be that simple. It’s not. I wish I could hide from life right now. I can’t.
Right now, I’m afraid. My blood pressure is through the roof. ALL I see is a lifetime, of emptiness, without my twin. I want to scream. I keep getting well-meaning advice.
I keep being told to keep trying, keep working, keep on keeping on.
I’M TRYING TO DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I try. Every damned minute of every damned day since my twin died. I keep wanting to scream:
“She DIED yall!”
She is NOT coming back. All this talk of moving forward and moving on is too damned fast. For me, anyway.
I just stopped ’round, truly, to talk to someone who is going through a tough patch. Be encouraged. It’s okay to NOT be okay until you are okay. Then, you may backslide and find yourself a heaping helping of WTH. That’s okay. It has to be.
I have been working on a beautifully inspirational piece about God knowing sis would not make it to 2026 and would help me find my way there. To hell with all that right now, God! What in the actual heckamiah?
I’m too tired to be mad. I can’t be mad at sis. She was ready to kick it with Jesus. I don’t blame her. Fresh hell, sis. How in all that is holy, didja leave me at THIS time? Could you have, at the very least, spent a last Christmas with me? Lingered and celebrated New Year’s? Stayed around and got me til Spring…crapola.
Don’t trip, beloveds. Reach up and flip the circuit breaker. It’s what that box is for. Neatly labeled. Ready. Just waiting for life, er, the lights, to trip and go off. Don’t sweat it. Turn the lights back on.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Be encouraged. We can. We have to. Some kind of way. Life goes on, doesn’t it?
Still, I made sure to spend quality time via text/call/prayer to fam and friends and loved ones gone.
I determined NOT to use the holidays as reason to be sad because I am physically alone. I can love folk other ways. I can allow myself to be loved.
After loving on some them, I wanted to love on some me. I wanted to enjoy some YouTube shorts that are either uplifting or that make me laugh out loud, in the dark.
I looked at the clock. It was late. Not too late, I told myself. I gave myself half an hour to enjoy me some me.🤗
Be sure to get in your ME time, beloveds. It’s important. You need to be sure to refresh and replenish.
It’s late. Bed is hollering for me. I got thangs to do.
Be encouraged. Be sure to get some thangs done, okay?
Note: 🥰 I love yall. I truly do. I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to see my fellow man/woman/child as my/the enemy. No way, nada, not a chance, get the hecks on already!!
Beloveds, life is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo very short. Love folks. Who gives two hoots in ALL that is holy who voted for who, who got what in the bank, who lives where, who has this many followers, who has that 100,000 car they can NOT afford, who lives in that multi million dollar home the Jones can NOT afford the furniture for and are eating ramen noodles anyways!!!!!!????????
Whew. Yall going to have to excuse me. My twin is dead. My mom is gone. My dad is gone. I survived a tornado that did 30 million plus damage. I am learning job after having had to go 17 months to find. I ain’t got time for this world’s foolishness and neither do you.
Tomorrow is NOT promised. If you one of the 1% who is counting your stash whilst elderly/kids/veterans/disabled folks can’t eat, is the money worth it? If you are part of the 99% who are blaming those who do not look like you, for all/some/quite a bit of your problems and don’t think there is enough to go around to feed/clothe/sustain us all…*sigh*. No comment.
Yall, we can all do better by one another, can’t we? I’m trying to shine my light. I am trying to be a light. I am loving this hard-headed world the best I can, as hard as I can, for as long as I can. Some folk help me out wouldja please/thanks. Asking for A Friend. I love me some you.
writing when even as I don’t know what to say now other than “what in the actual fuck, sis?”,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: God gave me this same mandate, beloveds, just after mom passed away. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
Back then, I was ready for the words clamoring to burst from my tattered soul. So, I didn’t. So, I couldn’t. For years. Eventually, pen jumped into my unwilling hands. I wrote.
Now, I am not ready for the words clamoring to burst from my tattered soul. I write anyway. I have no idea what my heart shall reveal.
We shall see, beloveds, in real time. Together. Ah, God. What do I DO with me now. Asking for a friend.
Be encouraged. Life is good. Even when unbelievably cruel, heartless, mean, fucked up, whacked out.😳😢😡🤯😭🤬😠🤯☔️☔️🤮🤢🤦♀️😵💫😲😥☕️🏈📺🚽
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 