Disappointment: Tearing down walls of my own making.

Ow.

Ow!

OWWWW!!!

Disappointment has kicked my tail this year.

Apparently, disappointment has had nothing better to do than to mock me relentlessly.

In my disappointment, I found myself rushing to God to hold up the latest pile of what in the fresh hell is THIS?!

Then, all God has done is told me to take it up with The Universe.

So, I scoop up all THAT disappointment, and rush off to confront The Universe.

Then, The Universe shrugs and tells me to take it up with Life.

Sooooooooooo, I scoop up the now THIS pile of disappointment, and confront life about presenting me with so much THIS and THAT.

Life simply smiles and reminds me I am learning HOW to make mishmash.

How can I argue with that?

In fighting disappointment, I am learning to fight FOR me, not against my current circumstances.

Things change. The only thing consistent is change. I am forcing myself to learn how to graciously accept the change.

Yes, I will continue to try. Yes, I will change what I can/must. Still, I will be good to me until the change comes.

Whatever your circumstances, beloveds, try not to allow disappointment to grow bitter walls within you. Stay open. Tear down your defensive walls.

Allow light to come in. Breathe joy in there.

Whatever you choose, be sure to take a bunch of love to disperse wherever you go.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

All you have to do to stand out is to stand up.

All you have to do to stand out is to stand up.

All you have to do to show out is to show up.

All you have to do to meet the challenge is to meet the need.

Stand up!

Show up!

Meet the need!

The world is in desperate need of folk who will get out there and love it. Warts and all. Faults and all. Misdeeds and all.

Lately, folk have been urging black women to boycott and not work for or shop in corporations that don’t/won’t value us.

I choose the bigger fight. I choose to love. Period. In whatever setting I find myself in. The world will do what it does. I CHOOSE not to respond in kind.

I will:

Stand up!

Show up!

Meet the need!

Can a sista get some help here?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Apathy is for the lazy. Hate is for the misinformed. Gloom and doom is for the haters.

Let’s go, beloveds. We got thangs to do.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Things are NOT what they seem.

I’m taking a break for a few days. I’m relinquishing my need to control things I can NOT control.

The unknown does NOT have to be the terrifying place I have been making it, these last few weeks.

I have been seeing gloom and doom when neither of those things have been near.

I have been secretly prophesying my imminent demise, from my abode.

I have been seeing boogeymen in EVERY corner, when none have been close by.

Unknowingly, I was building a castle of fear. Realizing my error, I gave myself permission to step aside. I needed to regroup. I needed to catch hold of that which had caught hold of me.

I need to step back so I can keep the main thing THE main thing: Standing on FAITH. Standing ten toes down. Waiting PATIENTLY. Free from fear.

Why? Because, I am loved and I am NOT alone. Neither are you, beloveds.

I REFUSE to allow the fear of the unknown to run my right now. Right now, I am here. Right now, I am cared for. Right now, I am enjoying my place. Right now, I have a wonderfully tight relationship with God, a few family members and a couple of friends.

Right now, I have my health, such as it is. Right now, I am in my right mind. Right now, I have amazing life I am reimagining. All I have is right now.

Someone needs to KNOW that things are NOT as they appear. I wonder who has me up this late? Ah, God, we have need. Hear us. I speak also for those who don’t believe in You. Bless them also. Continue to love them also. Give us grace to hang in there. Ah, we are trying so hard not to be tired. We are a smidge on the exhausted side. Be there for us. Uplift every heart. Meet each need. Asking for many friends. Amen.


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Things are NOT what they seem. Be encouraged.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

God, I’m tired.

God, I’m tired.

I’m tired of wondering.

I’m tired of waiting.

I’m tired of wishing.

I’m tired of Your Silence.

I’m tired of of ALWAYS having to keep my act right acting right.

I’m tired of fighting with/against fear.

I’m tired of watching the wicked prosper whilst the gentle/meek inherit hard times.

I’m tired, God. You tell us not to be weary in well doing as in due season we will reap if we faint not. I’m tired of wanting to faint and be weary but not being able to.

That said, I shall NEVER tire of You.

Your Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Sometimes, it’s necessary to let friends know how you feel. Their response is up to them. Never be afraid to be honest with your true feelings. Too many folks are running around in pretend mode.

I AM tired. Doesn’t mean I am giving up. I have too many thangs to do. There is much too much love I have left to give.

My heart wanted to encourage folk. My spirit was tired. Initially, I sided with spirit. I turned off the phone. My heart asked what if there was someone who needed a bit of a boost? I sided with YOU. Be encouraged. Rest as needed.

Give yourself permission to be a tad weary. We are human. We can’t go 100 miles an hour all day. Rest, then keep looking UP. It can be hard to look up when all you see are storm clouds coming.



One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Let them go: Headed in opposite directions.

I feel a pull.

I feel a tug.

From, my heart.

Towards, people.

Away, from people.

At the same time.

AT THE SAME TIME!!

My heart is trying to go one way. This way, is pulling me away from folks and into deep solitude to meditate, to write, to continue healing.

My heart also is trying to go the other way. Towards folks, to share all that I have been learning.

I want to tell folks to go away AND to come here, all at the same time.

Such an odd place to be.

God and Life wants to take me someplace where no one can go but me.

I am ready to go.

I have been longing to go.

Yet, I feel a bit lost.

Just a tad.

Lost as the older I get I want to get closer, not further away.

I hear Him tell me to let them go.

Let things go.

Let, expectations, go.

Let everything go that has been silently holding me back from…

*shrug*

The older I get, the less I expect from folks. Meaning, I am doing my best to release all the strings inadvertently placed on folks.

Yea,

You have not been forsaken. You have not been forgotten.

You have not been forsaken.

You have not been forgotten.

If you are reading these words, beloveds, they are meant for YOU. Yes, YOU. How do I know this? Because, I have prayed and asked God to bring them to he/she/they who are in the most need.

I have NEVER felt more forsaken or more forgotten in all of my 56 years of life. Even losing mom wasn’t THIS hard.

The more, I have tried, to move FORWARD, the more it appears that I have, in fact, moved fifty steps backwards.

Fear has been trying to get me to go back to the comfortableness of not doing too much, not giving too much, not trying to much. It’s much easier, it seems, to give as little as possible. It feels as though it would be better to stop hoping for anything more than the bare minimum.

Hooey on THAT! There is too much out there for us, beloveds. We will NOT go backwards.

We have NOT been forgotten. We have NOT been forsaken. It just feels like that, at times. Isn’t it a good thing that feels do NOT run our lives? WE run them. WE choose how we respond. WE decide if we will waste time being angry and bitter over the happenstances that have happened.

WE choose to be free, by our thoughts and habits. WE decide if we will be imprisoned by our choices, by our inactions/actions.

Be encouraged. Get up. Turn on the lights. Breathe. Then, begin. Again. You CAN. You WILL.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: These hard days are just that: hard days. They are NOT a mandate for how the rest of your life will play out. You will move beyond the hard and into the greatness The Universe is fixing to reward your tenacity/integrity with. Get excited. Your best days truly are before you. You simply must get through this hard. That’s it. Simple, huh?…lol. Keep going. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I am not…

It’s comforting to know we’re much more than the mistakes we have made.


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You are not alone. Even when it feels like it…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Stop! πŸ›‘ 🚨🚧

God: 🚧 Stop.

Me: I can’t.

The Universe: 🚨 Stop!

Me: I can’t afford to.

Life: πŸ›‘ STOP!

Me: I’m afraid to.

God/Life/The Universe:

I needed to stop, to take a break, long before the tornado brought this life to a screeching halt.

I needed to stop after my dad died and I couldn’t get to his funeral. I didn’t. I had also just recently lost my home care position as my client had passed away. It was a double whammy: Lost job. Lost father. I had to immediately get on unemployment, find a job, have stupid weekly unemployment checks/meetings.

I needed to stop after Hurricane Katrina. I didn’t. Not only did I NOT stop, I did an extreme amount of overtime to ‘make due’.

I needed to stop after mom died. I didn’t. I stopped long enough for an 11 day binder. Then, I put on my ‘big girl panties’ put my head down, and hid in overtime for years.

I needed to stop many times, after that. I didn’t. I didn’t feel as if I could. I HAD to pay the bills. I just HAD to be available, round the clock, for family, for work, for the church, for friends, for…you get the point.

In all that ‘working’ I stopped working, for my work. I worked for work’s sake. I worked for the sake of work. I worked because I knew nothing else.

I’m learning how to stop. For my mental health sake. For my heart sake. For me. I have needed to stop for a long time now. I have given myself permission to stop. I have to learn how to begin again, slowly. I have to learn how to take my time. To be sure to give myself time to grow and learn and prosper.

We do ourselves a disservice when we run ourselves into the ground. We do not honor our family and God when we do this. We have to love ourselves while we are loving others.

Be sure to stop and rest as needed. Make sure not to live your life running on empty.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The life is just as important as all the people you take care of. Make sure you love yourself as well.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Learning to do good for you, while being good to me.

I’m learning.

I’m learning, slowly, clumsily, frustratingly, patiently.

I’m learning, slowly, clumsily, frustratingly, patiently, world, to do good for you, while being good to me.

All my life, I have been taught/trained to do/be good to you, world, at the expense of, and/or the detriment of me.

I’m learning to do good for you, while being good to me. We can do both. We must do both.

I’m learning how to communicate more effectively. I’m trying hard to understand. I’m trying to hold myself to another standard. A standard where I choose love. Always. Whether that love is returned or not.

Today, I tried to communicate. It didn’t go very well. I tried. I can live with that. in the past, I would’ve blamed myself because the other person didn’t understand what I was trying to say. I now understand that’s not my issue. I articulated as best as I could. I was not understood. I could not understand where they were coming from. That’s okay. it happens. I will try again.

I don’t know when it became fashionable for folks to give up on one another so easily. We have to keep talking to one another. We have to keep trying to find the common ground. We have to keep being the light.

I refuse to believe that folks can’t come together in communication and love. Life is what we each make it out to be. Let’s keep loving one another. We can all do better than what we are doing currently. I believe in the best of us. I believe we can all rise above the lowest common denominator. I believe there’s more in us that wants to do right and to live right.

Make sure you are doing good for you as you help others. Be sure to keep yourself full of love. Make sure you’re taking care of that beautiful heart of yours.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Nuff said.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.

Sing a new song.

Sing a new song.

Write a new chapter.

Clear a new path.

Try it a different way.

Routines are comforting. They are familiar. They can also get us into a rut. I’m trying new things. I am getting up at different times. I am trying new dishes. I am opening my heart up to new experiences.

I am taking the sting out of the unknown. I am welcoming the unknown as a friend. I wonder what this day shall bring to me, today?

In doing this, beloveds, I find myself racing to get to the day. I no longer dread it because of what may, perhaps, could happen. I am letting life happen. I am happening to life. I am living in the NOW. Right NOW.

This time has been precious. Priceless even. I’m trying new things. I’m allowing myself to do things in a new way.

Sing a new song. Write a new chapter. Start a new journey. It’s never too late.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The only thing you have to lose is fear. Go for it. You can do it. You will do it.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.