Keep on living. Keep on lifing WITH life. Make the most of things. Make the best of the rest of it.
We got to, beloveds. We got thangs to do.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Beloveds, I honestly don’t know what thangs I am supposed to be doing, just now. My body is fighting with me. My finances are cracking up. Sleep is constantly running from me.
Still, I fight on. Okay, I stagger on. Just barely. Holy Toledo, God. What in the fresh hoohah do I DO with me now? Asking for a friend.
This morning, I did all of these things. I said ow. I said “uncle”. I phoned a friend(my big bros). I reached out to work and let them know grief was louder than my try.
I’m on an LOA for 10 days. Long enough to get some sleep. ALL I have wanted to do, for the past few weeks, is to simply sleep for a few days. Just to catch my breath.
My heart told me to. My spirit told me to. My wallet said to forget about sleep and push through. My body overrode everything and everyone and stubbornly refused to take another step without rest.
I just stopped by to encourage someone to keep on reaching out. Don’t give up. Understand that hard can truly be hard and you are NOT a failure for being human.
I feel like a huge failure today. Sis would think I was being a big baby. She would have encouraged me to BE a big baby and rest. I don’t know how to without her. Crapola!
I just placed an order of grapes and cheese and going to spend the afternoon missing my twin and being okay with missing her.
We got this. Kinda. Sorta. I think…lol.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I appreciate all the care folk have shown these weeks. Doing my best to encourage and uplift best I can with a busted heart. Be encouraged. Joy IS coming for us. Until then, we are NOT alone in our darkness.
Stop tripping when life cuts up, trips the circuit breaker, and stops you from doing a stupid, being stupid, running with stupid, or life is appearing to be stupid.
Life is lifing. Simple as that.
Life is NOT trying to indict you. Life, at times, gets all up in your grill to indict your:
Lack of effort.
Lack of your keeping it 100 with you.
Lack of your being 100 with God.
Lack of keeping your act right acting right.
You allowing YOUR pride to keep you from healing a wound, restoring a relationship, acting in integrity.
You allowing YOUR anger to wreck a relationship, close a door meant to stay open, open a door you KNOW ought stay shut.
Beloveds, when God/Life/The Universe puts up a stop sigh/sign, it would behoove you to:
Stop.
Look.
Listen.
Drop and roll, if need be, to put out the fire. It doesn’t matter who started it. It doesn’t matter why it got started. It’s an emergency. Put out the fire!
You do NOT have time to lament what is burning down. You have ZERO time to be angry over the destruction. Put out the stupid fire! There will be time to assess, process and hopefully not regress.
I have learned, I am learning, I am relearning to make choices, to act, to DO, to stand and act on FAITH. Not fear. Not anger. Not unbelief.
Life is what we make. Life truly is NOT fair, more often than not. That’s okay. Let life do what life does. You keep on being and doing you.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life is incredibly hard just now. Folks tell me to take things a day at a time. I find the minutes excruciating, just now. If someone can help me with that I’d appreciate it.
Be encouraged. I wish I had someone to tell that to me. I am doing my best to make something of these dark days. Morning sure is taking a long time to get here, God. Not sayin. Just sayin…..
I choose that which grows my spirit and uplifts others.
What do YOU choose, beloveds? There ARE no victims here. Life is what we make of it out of the many, many, many choices we choose to make, to ignore, to digress, to abdicate.
We choose or others will choose for us. If you allow that to happen, beloveds, don’t get mad at them for using you, devaluing you, dismissing you, discouraging you. You allowed it.🤷🏿♀️😁🤔
Woulda told myself success not meant for my old/broke/black/woman self.
The old me.
Would have looked at the mountain, looked at my inadequacy, and high tailed it outta there. Secretly, so no one, but God, would see.
The old me.
Would have found a “good” reason to not bet on me.
The old me.
Would have continued to hide from life.
The old me.
Would have quit long time ‘go.
The new me, the standing on BUSINESS me, the standing on FAITH me, the me that KNOWS she is loved by God, gently tells the old me to shut up, take two seats, get out her feels, keep on moving FORWARD, keep on looking UP, keep on trusting God, seize these moments, take joy/laughter/love, and rinse and repeat and I keep on being about being about it.
Don’t allow the old you, to keep the new you from a wonderful present AND future.
We got this. Let’s go!!
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: If you KNEW how hard today was, beloveds, you would understand that you really CAN do more than you give yourself credit for!
I don’t have TIME for no stinkin’ grief. Quite frankly, beloveds, grief does NOT give two F’s. I am exhausted enough to almost have said the entirety of the word. I’m trying not to be uncouth. Crapola and Apple Dumplings. Yes, those are a stupid combination, of words, but they are the cleanest I know and I am doing my utmost to NOT give in to:
Despair.
Despair.
Despair and more…
Despair.
I don’t dare waste time screaming, hollering, or raging against the dying of the flippin’ night.
Instead, beloveds, I am doing my best to be encouraging, thoughtful, understanding. I’m trying to be a good sis, a knowledgeable worker, a fabulous Christian, a tastefully grieving wombie(so as not to disappoint said dead other wombie), and all the other ‘good’ and ‘approved’ things society/life/folk apparently think a twin SHOULD be, at a time like this.
Dammit….oppps. My bad. My sad wants sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo desperately to behave badly.
I keep getting bothersome news that I have to find a way to turn into positive good. I find myself looking up, moving forward, when ALL I want to do, NEED to do, is to dive into bed and hide under a comforter of solitude.
I have been in search of words. ALL day. And, I mean ALL DAY!
I have to be completely honest. I reached out to everyone but God today. I don’t know if I am angry with him or not, but I didn’t reach out to him today. Normally. I would have prayed and asked for grace. I would have prayed and asked for comfort.
For some reason, I didn’t. For some reason, I couldn’t. I didn’t even put on my praise music. Thinking on this, I found myself turning on some praise. I found myself, turning to Him. I found myself, climbing onto His Lap. Ah, God, what on earth, do I DO with ME now?
asking for a friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I don’t know if this was a comfort to anyone. I’m not sure it’s comforting me….
I owe You an apology. A big one. A huge one. A grateful one.
I’m sorry.
For doubting You.
For questioning You during Your Silence.
For doubting AND questioning ME because of Your Silence.
For, Your Silence sent failure my way. And, failure sat many a question outside my door.
God, I SEE now why You allowed failure to come along.
Why?
Ah, God. Let me tell You. Better yet, let me SHOW You.
To be continued, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: This letter has been a long time coming. Stay tuned, beloveds. You may find yourself within it’s page.🥰
I have much to say. I have much to share. Be patient with me. Be patient with YOU. I don’t know when or how this shall end. I don’t know how I shall end. Neither do you.
You are watching the birth, the rebrand of “The Storyteller”. Who is she? Ah. Aha! Great question! You shall be meeting her soon. I have missed her.
God woke me up to tell me a story. He woke me so I could tell you. I am going to tell it within a video. Look for it soon.
In the meantime, beloveds, think it not strange, as the bible says, when fiery trials come upon you. You SHALL come forth from them as gold. Your tests were NEVER about failure. Yet, ALL tests are about dealing with failure, with possible failure, with overcoming failure, with allowing failure to…
Ah, I am getting ahead of myself! I digress. Be encouraged. We got this. God has us all. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He. 😎🥰👍
Still, I made sure to spend quality time via text/call/prayer to fam and friends and loved ones gone.
I determined NOT to use the holidays as reason to be sad because I am physically alone. I can love folk other ways. I can allow myself to be loved.
After loving on some them, I wanted to love on some me. I wanted to enjoy some YouTube shorts that are either uplifting or that make me laugh out loud, in the dark.
I looked at the clock. It was late. Not too late, I told myself. I gave myself half an hour to enjoy me some me.🤗
Be sure to get in your ME time, beloveds. It’s important. You need to be sure to refresh and replenish.
It’s late. Bed is hollering for me. I got thangs to do.
Be encouraged. Be sure to get some thangs done, okay?
