Desperation: When nobody understands but me.

I’m desperate.

I’m tired.

I’m exhausted.

Grief has been hunting me down.

I don’t have TIME for no stinkin’ grief. Quite frankly, beloveds, grief does NOT give two F’s. I am exhausted enough to almost have said the entirety of the word. I’m trying not to be uncouth. Crapola and Apple Dumplings. Yes, those are a stupid combination, of words, but they are the cleanest I know and I am doing my utmost to NOT give in to:

Despair.

Despair.

Despair and more…

Despair.

I don’t dare waste time screaming, hollering, or raging against the dying of the flippin’ night.

Instead, beloveds, I am doing my best to be encouraging, thoughtful, understanding. I’m trying to be a good sis, a knowledgeable worker, a fabulous Christian, a tastefully grieving wombie(so as not to disappoint said dead other wombie), and all the other ‘good’ and ‘approved’ things society/life/folk apparently think a twin SHOULD be, at a time like this.

Dammit….oppps. My bad. My sad wants sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo desperately to behave badly.

I keep getting bothersome news that I have to find a way to turn into positive good. I find myself looking up, moving forward, when ALL I want to do, NEED to do, is to dive into bed and hide under a comforter of solitude.

I’m desperate. I’m tired. Still, nobody understands….but me.

I have been in search of words. ALL day. And, I mean ALL DAY!

I have to be completely honest. I reached out to everyone but God today. I don’t know if I am angry with him or not, but I didn’t reach out to him today. Normally. I would have prayed and asked for grace. I would have prayed and asked for comfort.

For some reason, I didn’t. For some reason, I couldn’t. I didn’t even put on my praise music. Thinking on this, I found myself turning on some praise. I found myself, turning to Him. I found myself, climbing onto His Lap. Ah, God, what on earth, do I DO with ME now?

asking for a friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I don’t know if this was a comfort to anyone. I’m not sure it’s comforting me….

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

• BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
• Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
• Still In Love
• REAL TALK: DESPISE NOT SMALL BEGINNINGS, BELOVEDS.👘🦺🥾👟🥿👞🩴👢🩰👡⛑️🔌🕯️🔎🖌️🖋️📢
• IT ME!