I find myself in a quandary.
I sooooooooooooooooo want to tell God to kick rocks, today.
I’m angry.
Mom is gone.
Mom is gone, dammit!
I am TIRED of going around this stupid grief mountain!
For the most part, I am okay. Will be sailing along. Okay, until I am not. Then, I will have found grief all snuggled up in my snuggy and waiting for me, cup of coffee, in hand.
Dammit!!…*Cassandra snatches the cup of coffee from grief, and swallow bitter tears*
Fresh hell.
*sigh*.
I’m not angry. Not, really. Just not okay, today. I will be. I don’t let grief stay too long. Grief is much too greedy and will swallow your day, whole, if you allow it. Nah, grief, I got thangs to do.
I told God it’s okay. It’s not. Good thing I know that it is perfectly okay to not be okay until you are okay, again.
I stopped by, beloveds, yet again, to let you know to be as not okay, as you need to be. You don’t have to have it together ALL the time. There are times when the LAST THING you want to do is to be together.
Altogether now:
Ack!!!!!!!!!!!
Whew, okay, we got that scream outta the way. Only about 90 more to go, for me.
I did NOT want to do this day, today. Not, today. I wanted to:
Stay in bed, eating fruit snacks and carrying on about the unfairness of being an orphan at near 55, alone, dreams unfulfilled and have a whale of a time, feeling sorry for me.
Nah, beloveds, I had things to do. So, I got up. Stamped to, the bathroom. Stormed, from the bathroom. Tore, into the kitchen. Angrily, snatched eggs, butter, shredded cheese, from the fridge. Pouting, I madly stirred, said ingredients. Flippantly, I flipped those whipped eggs, into shape.
While doing so, I whipped my angry/sad/mad/frustrated/missing mom self, back into some form of act right. Meaning, I called my wombie, worked her last nerves and hung up, sad/mad/frustrated.
Long story short, I dragged ALL my feels up Joy Mountain. I turned on some uplifting music, ate breakfast, got to work, then got to work telling myself it’s okay to not be okay, for a while.
After a while, I forgot all about being sad. I was too grateful for being able to work from home, the wonderfully uplifting music, for my wombie who listened to my ramblings, and for scrambled eggs!
Longer story made shorter: Life is tough. Grief ain’t no joke. It’s okay. Keep going. NO matter what. Talk with those who love you. Love on you, as best you can. Scramble some eggs. Be encouraged. We got this, eh?
Sad but okay,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: You are loved and not alone….
- THE HAND FROM HEAVEN ✋🏾☁️🧻🤣
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 