Month: October 2023

Thanks.

Thanks, wombie.

For, watching my back.

Thanks, fam.

For, loving me.

Thanks, friends.

For, caring for a blockhead, like me.

Thanks, Father.

For, loving me, mess ups and all.

Thanks, Universe.

For, believing I could ask and receive.

Thanks, me.

For, trying.

Thanks, beloveds.

For, taking the time, to be loved by a goofhead, like me.

I thank you.

all my love,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It’s good to give thanks. Who are you grateful for? Let them know. Love someone. Start with you. And the people said:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Dear 55: May I tell you the truth?

Dear 55,

May I, tell you the truth?

You will be coming soon, for me. I look forward to your coming.

That said, I don’t want to celebrate you with fanfare. Truth be told, all I want to do is spend the day alone. Doing nothing. I don’t want to cake. I don’t want balloons. I don’t want a special meal. I just want silence. All day.

I don’t know why. Correction, I didn’t know why. Until, today. It’s because mom won’t be here to celebrate with me. Ah, mom.

I don’t know why that is. Mom wasn’t here for my 50th birthday. Still, I celebrated. I’m not sure why I don’t want to celebrate this year. At least, not around people. I guess it’s because the one person I want to spend the day with is no longer here. Sigh.

I still don’t know how to do this life without my mom. I feel so inadequate to the task. I’m trying to be a big girl. All I want to do, however, is to be a little girl crying for her mom. I can’t do that. I have a life to live. Mom of one that for me. I want that. For me.

Dear 55, I wait for you. What shall we do with my day? Ask mom for me, would you please?

Sigh,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: there are no words…

Note 2: it’s okay to miss loved ones. Yet, we have to keep on living. Life is short. Live it well. I don’t know what I will do on my birthday. Who knows what the day may bring…

I told hurt it doesn’t hurt. I lied.

I told hurt it doesn’t hurt. I lied.

I was excited. I thought I had wrestled my dreams to the ground. Finally. Finally!!

I rushed to the door.

Flung the door wide, excitedly told dreams to come right on in. Nothing was there. Again. Again!

Tiredly, I close the door. Again. Again!

I told myself it didn’t hurt. I told myself I was okay. I wasn’t. I lied.

Apparently, this was just another test. Another opportunity to write an inspiring piece to encourage the world. Crap! Why the hell can I inspire the world with a piece about a fulfilled dream?!

I woke, to another bill I could not pay. I woke, to test news, from a friend, a could not fix. I woke, to horrible global news that I could not fix. I told myself, I was okay about these things. I told myself, I did not hurt. I lied.

Today, hurts.

A lot.

No smiles, today. Not yet, anyway. I shall sit, with my hurt. For a while, anyway. It’s not okay, today. But then again, that’s okay.

Hurting today,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Today hurt. I used the hurt, to fuel me. I wrote. I encouraged, others. I encouraged, myself. I worked. Life goes on. Sometimes, life sure is hard. And, that’s completely okay. As we shall be. Be encouraged. Remember your loving you are not alone. Neither, am I.

I told disappointment it’s okay. It’s not. But that’s okay.

I told disappointment it’s okay. It’s not. But that’s okay.

I’m disappointed.

Again.

Initially, I told myself that it was okay. That I was okay. It’s not. I’m not. But, that’s okay.

I will be.

I will try, again.

When, I’m okay.

It hurts, today.

Again.

But, that’s, okay.

I will be, okay.

Crap!

disappointedly here,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was certain, today would be the day. I was certain, something I had been hoping for would be available, today. It wasn’t. At first, I started to tell myself, it was okay. It wasn’t. It’s not. And, that’s okay.

I must admit, beloveds, there are days, when remaining hopeful, is awfully difficult. Today, is one of those days. I want to cry. I don’t have time. I have to work. So, I was good to myself. I turned on some uplifting music. It soothed my soul. Yet, my heart remains broken. Still, I am hopeful. Maybe, tomorrow.

One step.

One step.

One step.

Keep going. Even when it’s hard. Especially, when it’s hard.

I was feeling extra pitiful. I was listening to some beautiful piano music. I looked up at the screen and saw the Scripture:

Romans 12:12 – rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.

I admit it. I wanted to pout. I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to carry on about feeling picked on. I wanted to hide in bed, eating mini brownies for the rest of the day.

I did none of those things. I got to work.

I prayed. I rejoiced. I remain steadfast. Sigh.

I want to tell my try to kick rocks. My try, you see, just won’t let me give up on me in my dreams. Crap! Sigh…

I wish…

I hope…

I dream…

Dreaming still…

Broken: I have fallen but I shall get up.

Wow!

So THAT just happened.

*Cassandra stairs at the shattered computer screen while shaking her head in disbelief.*

I was just writing some pieces about staying encouraged and not giving up no matter what. I have been writing, on my work break. The work break, was over. I feel. I hurt my knee. The only thing saving me, from serious injury, was bracing myself using my laptop. It was either the laptop or me. Or, my 50 inch television. I chose the laptop.

Now, I write these words through the small bit of screen left. Still, I write. With scraped up knees, I write. With sore fingers, I write. With tears in my eyes, I write.

Ironically, I was in mid sentence talking about the need to continue doing what was necessary, even when it’s hard. I look at the spiderweb, now called my computer screen, and cry. I love my laptop. They don’t make them this way anymore.

I spent the next 15 minutes texting some a few friends and my family. A friend called and prayed for me. She told me she loves me. She told me I should know how much I was loved. Tell that to my shattered dreams, my heart says. Tell that to my shattered computer, my tired souls says.

I’m trying, desperately, to make lemonade out of these lemons. I can’t. My hand hurts. My heart hurts. Ah, well. What a week I am having, I tell myself, with a laugh. I think I should go talk to The Father about this. Maybe, He will say words that will comfort my spirit. I hope so.

No weapon…

I have fallen. I shall get up! I have to. Life is short. I have pieces to finish. I have a life to live. I refuse to live in fear. I refuse to stop encouraging people. If I have to do that from a shattered screen, so be it.

I don’t know how I will make my way, financially. God knows. I trust Him. I shall wait, patiently. That said, I hear a good cry calling for me.

Be encouraged, beloved. No matter what happens. All things really will work for your good. I don’t know what lesson today was supposed to teach me. All I know, as I refuse to allow how I feel to stop me from encouraging you. From encouraging me.

You’re a know what I’m about to say:

You are loved.

You are not alone. Keep on being you.

Broken but joyful still,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: keep moving forward, beloved. Always, forward. The rest, if you must. Then, keep moving…

Forward. Life is what to make it. Make it a good one. I promised me that I would have allowed nothing to get in my way. Including, me. Especially, me! In the past, I would have been distraught I would have blamed the universe. I would’ve blamed God. I do what have taken to my bed.

Now, I don’t have time. I have a life to live. So you. Shattered, broken, no matter. We are still here. Life is still worth living. God is still good.. I’m so thankful for all that I have. I’m so thankful for all the hard floor, hard just keeps introducing me to another side of me. I like this me.

The Universe said ask.

The Universe: Ask.

Me: I am afraid.

The Universe: Ask.

Me: I may fail.

The Universe: Ask.

Me: I will.

asking,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Hhmm…

Until…

Until…

You lose the one thing, you never thought, you could…live without.

Until…

You turn loose of, the one person, you never thought, you could…breathe without.

Until…

You walk away, from the one dream, you never thought, you could…survive without.

You will never know…you can:

Live.

Breathe.

Survive.

Ah.

Aha!

I have lost.

A lot.

I have given.

A lot.

I have loved.

A lot.

I have been hated.

A lot.

So what?

I shall love.

A lot.

I shall give.

A lot.

For how long?

Until…

I have, lost.

I have, turned loose.

I have, walked away.

From:

Fear.

Doubt.

Apathy.

until,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Until, I have told this whole damn world, you are loved and you are not alone, I write. Alone. I care. Alone. Yet, I am NOT alone. Yet, I am loved. So are you. Call me a fool, if you must. I am. #HisGoofhead #HereForIt

Ask for what you want.❤

Ask for what you want.❤ https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyMpiezOucN/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

😁🤣

Decided to ask. For ME…hehe.

Don’t be afraid to ask. Who knows what the answer may be?

asking,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Take the hint…hahahaha. Just kidding. Of course, you may, if you like. Life is short. I’m doing all I know, and letting Life take care of the rest.

I was telling God I have no idea how to monetize ME. Who the world want to pay for THIS?! 🤣. Why, I am enough free.🤣🤣🤷‍♀️. Be encouraged. The world needs more of me, dontchathink?

Remember:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Nuff said.

Be encouraged. You are loved. You are not alone. https://www.instagram.com/reel/CyMcYSgO7Cd/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Nuff said,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

All I have to give.

All I have to give, is me.

I give, you, me.

All I have to give, is my love.

I give, the world, my love.

You, may not receive, me.

That’s okay. I give, me, anyway.

The world, may not receive, me.

That’s okay. I give the world, me, anyway.

All I can do, is all I can do.

THAT is enough, for me.

Will THAT, be enough, for you?

Maybe.

Maybe, not.

That’s okay.

I’m okay.

So are you.

And, if not, its perfectly okay, to NOT be okay, until you are okay, once again.

Be encouraged.

Allow this week to be wonderful. Your moments are what you CHOOSE them to be. Choose, joy. Choose, love. Choose, hope. Choose, peace.

Yes, the world will mock you and try to convince you all is lost, ugly and hopeless. Tell the world to kick rocks! Love, best you can. The rest, will come out in the wash.

thinking of you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I love you. Nuff said. Love me back, won’t you? Asking for Your Friend…