Time to feel, Cassandra.
That’s what God said to me.
NO, I hollered back.
I don’t want to.
Too bad, feels have said to me. They are running around, beloveds, everywhere!
I find them in my sleep. I find them hanging around the coffee pot. I find them in the bathroom. They are in the shower. They have stolen my commas!
My feels are soooooooooooooooooooooo ready, to lament about all the happenings that have befallen me.
I don’t know what to do with them. I don’t know what to do with ME.
Sleep escapes me. Every night.
The next step(s) keeps running up ahead.
Yet, God has been forever silent. Leaving ME to shout liberally and loudly. The silence is just soooooooooooooooooooooooo loud!
I don’t want to feel. Anything. Anytime soon. Anymore.
I am feeling the loss of a job I enjoyed for fourteen and a half years. I’m angry I have not been able to suck it up and go back to work. I am angry I have not been able to trick myself into pulling myself up by my bootstraps so I can keep on going.
I am angry the damned tornado tore up the damned yard!!
I am angry mom is not here to tell me everything is going to be alright!!
I am angry I don’t have a significant other to tell me how significant I am right now. I don’t feel significant!
Fresh hell, beloveds, I am angry. Again! Dammit. Crap. Geeeeeeeeeeeeez.
Just when I think I am okay, I open my door and see all the destruction and start the whole damned angry train all over again!
God, I am angry. Still. Not at You. Just angry. Not because these things have happened to me. Just because they happened at all. To anyone.
Ah, Cassandra. Time to feel.
I am not strong.
weak but here,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I have been unpacking all this mad so I can enjoy the rest of my day. Don’t allow your feels to keep you held hostage. Feel, process, deal with things then move on with the rest of your day.
It’s okay to be angry with losing that which has meant a lot to you. Who cares, why, eh? Losing sucks. It hurts. When loved ones leave, it hurts. When we leave a job, it hurts. When we lose a relationship, it hurts. When we have to move, it hurts. When we have to give up something, it hurts. The reason(s) why does NOT remove the pain.
Yet, God is there for us as we hurt and heal. Even for non believers. For those who have told God to kick rocks, I pray for you, still. I got you, okay? Don’t judge yourself to harshly. Occasionally, I go off on God about why in the fresh hell He has apparently allowed all manner of foolishness to befall us.
Be encouraged, beloveds. I love you. So does He. Love yourselves, okay? I know this sounds like a ridiculous request. It’s not. There was a time, if you can believe it, when I loved everyone in the world BUT me.
This is why I spend EVERY day praying for each and every person who visits this blog. Whether you join, leave, like or roll your eyes, know you are prayed for. EVERY day. I ask for blessings for you and your family. I ask that the way be made straight for you.
I pray and ask God to show you how. I ask God to give you friends who shall walk with you for the rest of your days. I ask that nothing befalls your precious heart. I ask grace for you. I ask peace for your souls. I ask that God opens your eyes so you can see the truly priceless and person you are.
Mostly, beloveds, I ask that God carry EVERY tear you have ever shared and that He sprinkle them upon your dreams to keep them freshly watered and cared for.
Be encouraged. You are loved and not alone. I promise. As did He.
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
- THE HAND FROM HEAVEN ✋🏾☁️🧻🤣
- COME SIT AT MY TABLE 🪑❤️🩹
- BELOVEDS, YOU CAN HAVE MY FLOWERS. I DON’T NEED THEM ANYMORE.
- Forgive them, Cassandra, God said to me
- Still In Love
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 