My dad was hard on us. On me.
He wanted EVERYTHING to be perfect. We were expected to get ALL As in school. An A- minus was not acceptable.
I played basketball in high school. I was expected to be a starter. I was expected to make varsity as a sophomore/junior. I ended up quitting basketball. It stopped being fun. It is my one true regret.
I was good enough, beloveds, to have kept working towards a scholarship. This next part is not easy to talk about. Bear with me, it gets better towards the end.
During my high school years, my mom’s boyfriend did things an adult ought not do to a child. My father did not defend me. His literal words, when asked by me years later in why he had not stood up or spoke up for me was “It wasn’t worth going to jail over”.
This, of course, left me feeling worthless like a failure, like I wasn’t worth any effort. Even from me.
This thinking bled into every area of my life. I stopped believing in me. I stopped fighting for me. My dad wouldn’t. Why should I?
My grades tanked. I quit basketball. I withdrew into myself. I made a bargain with God that if He left my wounds alone, I would spend my days encouraging others so they would not give up on themselves.
Ha! That’s what God said. He set out to help me heal and to let me know He would ALWAYS:
Choose me.
Love me.
Fight for me.
Stand next to me.
Many years later, I learned how to love me some me. Unspeakable things happened to me. My dad was unspeakably cruel in what he had said to me. That didn’t make me a failure. It just meant dad failed me in that moment. It took years to not see God, My Father, as how my earthly father had been.
I say all that, beloveds, to say this:
Things happen. Sometimes, unspeakable things happen. Sometimes, unspeakably hard things happen. We CAN over come those things. We CAN heal from those things.
We are NOT the unspeakable things that has happened to us. We can lead full and healthy lives.
I find great joy in encouraging others. Not because of what I have gone through. But, because it’s what I do and part of who I am.
In not thriving in spite of what happened. I’m thriving because I make the choice to show up every day. I’m thriving because I work on myself EVERY day. Whether I feel like it or not.
I just stopped by to encourage folk to lift up your head. You do NOT have to carry guilt and shame around because of the past or if you are going through something presently.
Be encouraged. You will get beyond some things you thought you will never survive or get over. You will. Be encouraged, this day.
Have an amazing today.
asking for A Friend,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I did not mean for this piece to turn in the direction it did. Someone needed these words. I’m here best I can be. Reach out if you could use a shoulder. Stop carrying around secret pain. You don’t have to bleed to death in the middle of a crowd. ttnette37@yahoo.com
One step.
One step.
One step.
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
- Tell it no.
- I won because I tried.
- Whatcha Doin?
- Running on empty.
- What is your greatest 💪 strength, The Universe 🌌 asked me.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 