Author: Cassandra S.

Pick up the phone.

Sis sent a text.

She wanted to talk.

I did NOT want to talk.

I wanted to hide.

I picked up the phone.

I dialed.

We talked.

We shared.

We loved.

We lamented.

We cared.

Ah, God. Life is hard just now. I don’t want to talk to You, just now. You let that damned tornado tear up my damned yard!

God: Pick up the phone.

Me: K.

picking up the phone,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep picking up the phone, beloveds. We all need each other. Even when the very last thing we want to do is to reach out. Reach out anywho. Asking for A Friend. Asking for ME.


One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Ten steps forward. Fifty steps back.

Ten steps forward.

50 steps back.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Fresh hell!!!!

I’m a bit fed up, beloveds.

With having to be positive.

With having to be about being about it when the LAST thing I want to do is be about it.

Geeeeeeeeeeez.

So, what am I DOING whilst having these feelings?

Being about it, of course.

Shhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuttttt!

It’s a have to now.

I want to quit.

Badly.

Right here.

Right now.

I just want to flop down in this dead spot and say so what and who gives two hoots and leave me alone.

I won’t.

I can’t.

I have thangs to do.

Crapola.

What shall I do instead?

Take out the trash.

Make coffee.

Make chicken strips.

Hmm.

brb,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Life is short. Keep taking your two steps forward. Not your fault when having to take 50 back…*shrug*. Be encouraged. In case no one has told you today: I love you.

And, if you get a few extra pieces today…*shrug*. It’s either encourage you and me or stay in bed all day lamenting how hard life is. I did that yesterday. Booooooooooooooooooring. Let’s go, beloveds. We got thangs to do.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Sad, why you so mad?

Sad, why you so mad?

Mad, ‘cuz I won’t give in to you.

Mad, cuz I REFUSE to turn my back on me.

Mad, cuz I will NOT give up on my dreams.

Ha!

Don’t be mad, sad.

It’s how God made me.

It’s how hard has helped me to be.

It’s how Life taught me to be.

It’s how The Universe helped shaped me to be:

Joyful.

Hopeful.

Steadfast.

Steady.

Unmoved by all the movement.

Uplifted by all that has been uprooted.

Undaunted by all the daunting things which has befallen me.

Why?

You should know the answer by now:

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

How then, sad, can I STAY sad, knowing these things?

Don’t be mad, sad.

Get gone. Take your friends with you. I have no need of them. Me and joy has thangs to do. If you are going to hang around, sad, you shall do so in the midst of my song!

doing thangs with joy in the midst of sad,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It’s okay, beloveds, to be sad. The bible says weeping may endure for the night but that joy comes in the morning. Til then, I shall cry with you. Then, we shall rise and continue doing our thangs, eh? Be encouraged. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Tell fear no.

Fear: Give me your joy.

Me: No.

Fear: Trust me.

Me: No.

Fear: Give up.

Me: No.

Fear: Stop believing.

Me: No.

Fear: Stop asking for your dreams to come true.

Me: No.

Fear: Think of me first, last and always.

Me: No.

Fear: Don’t trust Him.

Me: Shut it!!

Fear: K…

Tell fear no, beloveds. Don’t waste time trying to convince it you are not afraid of it. Tell it to kick rocks and keep it moving. Stand. On FAITH. Standing on fear only makes it stronger and you feel weaker.

You are not.

You are:

Loved.

NOT alone.

Nuff said,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Psalm 27:5 says: Fir in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; In the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock.

Ah, God, my times are troubled. Help me not to fear this fear that is trying it’s best to best me. I’m afraid, God. Of what may come. Of what has come. Be with me as I try. My try seems terribly insufficient. I need Your Grace. I need You to open the windows of heaven and pour out a financial blessing large enough to drown out all these bills that won’t stop billing. Asking for me and a ton of friends…..

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Reality can kick rocks!

I told Reality to take two seats!

Kick rocks!

Let GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO of my dreams!

I will NOT give up.

Not yet.

Ah, God.

I’m tired.

Ah, Life.

You are hurting soooooooooooooooooo much.

Ah, Universe.

When in the fresh hell shall you work FOR me and get me from underneath Reality’s Laughter.

I stopped my pitiful, beloveds, long enough to remind you that it’s perfectly okay to not be okay until you are okay. Ok?

Right now, I am looking at some gorgeous waterfalls and uplifting and TRUE scriptures to feed my tired and weary soul.

I made myself a cup of coffee so I can have a good yak with mom and let her know how haaarrrrrrrrd life is being right now.

My headphones are pumping out some fantastically hopeful music. Ah, beloveds, hang on in there!

I know. I know. I sound like a broken record. I am boring me with the sameness of these words. Doesn’t make them less true. Just makes me less interesting….hahahahahahahaha.

Ah, beloveds. Be sure to laugh. Don’t allow ANYTHING to steal your joy, take your laughter, make you run away from the awesomeness of your life. Things shall get better. They shall.

The trick is learning how to maintain and rejoice in the meantime.

I HATE IN THE MEANTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT TAKES FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, beloveds. Just wait. Your turn IS coming. Your turn IS here. In the meantime, make some coffee. Read a book. Take a break. Take a breath. Then, get on back in there and live. Rinse. Repeat.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I love you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I can’t. I can. I will.

I can’t right the wrong(s) of the world.

I can love the world regardless of how the world responds.

I will.

I can’t change the past or what folk did in the past.

I can do my best to create a better future for the world.

I will.

I can’t.

I can.

I will.

We all make the world a better or worse place.

By our choices.

By our actions.

By our inaction(s).

I feel hopeless sometimes.

I feel helpless at times.

I feel hopeful always.

Yet, I try.

doing what I can,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Feeling awfully hopeless. Feeling quite a bit helpless. Feeling a tad hopeful.

I keep wondering when my change might come. Earlier, I cried knowing there is a chance my change will never come. Not as I imagine it should or shall or should.

I did NOT want to get out of bed. I stayed in bed. ALL day. I did NOT want to get up. I got up. I made me make coffee. I made me make me turn on the laptop. I made me make me turn on some uplifting music.

Finally, I made me make me get on here to tell you:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Ah, beloveds. Keep going. Keep walking. Rest when needed. Rinse. Repeat. Be sure, beloveds to turn up the music. Loud. Dance through this hard. Ah, God, why does life have to be so lifery right now?! Asking for many friends…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Rest now, God said to me.

God: Rest now.

Me: I can’t.

God: Rest. Now.

Me: I don’t know how.

God: Rest.

Me: I’m afraid to.

God: Why?

Me: I’m afraid I will/have run out of time.

God: I got you. Rest now.

Me: K.

Today, I rested.

Finally.

FINALLY!

What made me rest?

Finally being honest.

With me.

With God.

With fam.

With friends.

Fam understood.

Friends, seemingly or so I thought, either pretended I didn’t share or ignored me. See, beloveds, folk have been used to me keeping MY hurt/hard to myself, whilst bearing THEIR burden/hard so THEY could keep on keeping on.

God has been trying to get me to stop doing this for years.

Life has been trying to get me to stop doing this, for years.

The Universe has been trying to get me to stop doing this. For years!

What led me to stop doing this?

Sheer:

Exhaustion.

Fatigue.

Anger.

Frustration.

Resignation.

Acceptance.

Release.

I released ME, beloveds. I don’t blame THEM. I was the one who was forever toting water that was meant to be toted by others.

Now, I tote mine. And, I support others as they tote their own.

The main purpose of this blog, beloveds, is to gently try and pry the bucket from your willing hand(s). Put it down, beloveds. Back away. Rest now.

Rest.

Now.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Beloveds, you do NOT owe anyone anything. Yes, you love. Because, you CHOOSE to love. You don’t love simply to win/earn love, in return. Love shall ALWAYS love. It’s all Love knows.

Stop paying rent, beloveds. You do NOT have to perform to be seen, heard, loved and value. I see you. God sees you. The folk who truly care, sees you.

Lift up your head.

Open your heart and watch The Universe fill you with so much love you can’t but share it.

I love me some you. As does He. Love some you, will you? Asking for Your Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

God, can you take it back?

Me: Can you take it back?

God: What?

Me: The tornado.

God: Why?

Me: Because, my life is now before and after. Before the tornado I felt. After the tornado I couldn’t/can’t feel. Anything. Everything.

God: I understand.

Me: I don’t. I’m not sure I ever will.

God: Trust Me?

Me: I do.

God: Then TRUST Me!

Me: K.

I find myself stupidly, beloveds, wanting to ask God to take back the tornado. Literally. Yes, I KNOW this is irrational AND impossible.

I want to be writing of other things. Random things. Dumb thing like singing in my underwear.

I don’t want to be telling you to hang in there all the while wondering what in the fresh hell are we holding onto and what for?!

Be encouraged, beloveds. Hard times truly do happen to good people. To all people.

Hard times do not discriminate. Hard times could care less what color you are let alone how much money you have in the bank.

The one thing I hold on during this time is this:

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

I have to keep telling myself this. Outloud.

I AM LOVED!

I AM NOT ALONE!!

I have never felt so:

Lost.

Alone.

Bereft.

Confused.

Afraid/sorta/kinda/maybe just a smide?

I have also never felt so:

Loved.

Not alone.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing!

I won’t lie and say my faith has not been tested. And, surprisingly so. For me, or so I thought, my faith would never be in doubt or in question, during this latest hard.

Ha!

Tell THAT to the tornado that tore through and snatched all of my:

Confidence.

Belief that such a thing would not befall me.

Knowledge that everything would remain the same after every storm.

God would storm, loudly, and would make sure I could SEE His Hand in such a terribly dark and hard place.

Nope, He sure did not show up and show out. In fact, the opposite has happened. God sits. Silently. Quietly. Watching. Watching. Watching and doing I have not the first clue what!

Watching my faith.

Watching my try.

Watching MY actions.

It’s NOT what happens, beloveds, which determines our faith. It is what we allow/choose/make happen within us.

We can choose to be:

Bitter.

Angry.

Hopeless.

Or, we can choose to be:

Prayerful.

Hopeful.

Resourceful.

Resilient.

Joyful.

I can not tell you how many times, beloveds, I bargained and bartered with God to turn back the hands of the clock!

Ah, God. Why did You take my mom?

Oh, God. WHY did You ALLOW this happening to happen?!

Ow, God. WHY did you not tell me that my before will now forever be my after?!

Before the tornado…

After the tornado…

I hate those words!

I am making peace with my now. It’s a slow process. It’s frustrating. It’s sad. It’s stunning.

Still, I sing.

Badly.

Still, I dance.

Awkwardly.

Still, I enjoy my coffee and yaks with mom and The Father as I lament these happenings.

Still, I write.

Still, I hope.

Ah, God. I hope!

Hope with me, beloveds.

For you.

For me.

For others.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My heart is at peace. Though stirred, I KNOW all shall be well. I think. I hope. Ah, God. Hurry. We are tired. Be there for us. Asking for many friends…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: Keep pushing through.

Keep pushing through.

Even when frustrating things happen.

Especially when frustrating things happen.

Due to the tornado, our infrastructures are all tore up. The power has been going off and on, again. Ack.

Right now, we are in an ‘it is what it is’ phase. Maddening.

I am doing my utmost to not scream and throw things, in frustration.

I am doing my best to stay PATIENT and UNDERSTANDING.

With me.

With my current circustances.

Be good to you, beloveds, as you work your way through your new normal.

NOTHING is normal for me. Not anymore. I wish I had known that my old would never again be.

Now, I have a new. This new is unfamiliar. Ack. Ah, God, what in the fresh hell do we DO with ourselves as we work with and through this new normal? We did NOT ask for this. We did NOT want to go this way.

Yet, we go. Why? Because, You need us going this way.

Why? The heck if I know. I no longer ask why. Now, I just ask for grace.

Gimme grace, Lord. Asking for a friend.

Geeeeeeeeeeez, beloveds. WHEN is this hard going to be not so hard?

wondering/waiting/wandering a bit,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was ready to throw something. Instead, I decided to work on a few more pieces. I am doing my level best to make as many positive choices as I can. Goodness and gravy already.

Be encouraged. Keep going. Laugh a bit. Cry if needed. Rinse. Repeat. We got this. God has us all. Be encouraged. I love you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Use it all.

Use it ALL, beloveds.

And, I mean ALL of it!

The bad things that happens to you.

The bad folk that happens into your life.

The frustrating things.

The hard things.

The lonely things.

The upsetting things.

The losses.

The wins.

The embarrassing things.

The impossible to get over things.

Use ALL of these things as ⛽ fuel/motivation as you:

Carry on.

Climb higher.

Reach further.

Go longer.

Push onward.

Run faster.

Walk slowly.

Maintain.

Sustain.

Look up.

Reach.

Stretch.

Grow.

Go.

Use it ALL, beloveds, to help keep you:

Humble.

Loving.

Unique.

Prayerful.

Spirit-led.

Life affirming.

God seeking.

Joyful.

Resourceful.

Hopeful.

Yes, beloveds, use it.

ALL of it.

For believers, the bible says that ‘All things work together for the good..’. For non-believers, this is STILL true, IF you all ALL things to work for your good.

How?

By sifting through the hard and extracting the lessons, the tears, the laughter, the admonitions, the encouragements and all the millions of goodies to be found in hard times and places.

I no longer curse the hard. Okay, sometimes I fuss at it…lol. I am learning, slowly/agonizingly to embrace ALL that happens and work to ensure my attitude is in the right place.

I peeled myself out of bed, slowly, and made myself take out the trash. Taking out the trash, now, is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo discouraging/depressing.

I have to walk amongst all the debris/destruction of the long gone tornado…*sigh*. Yesterday, I just didn’t have the heart, beloveds. I gave myself the day. To cry. To lament. To beg God to take this hard from me. He didn’t. I understood.

So, today, I arose and took out the trash.

I have also FINALLY been completely 100 with all my fam/friends. Before, I sugar-coated things so they wouldn’t ‘feel so bad’ about me being, here, in this rubble, on the daily.

I was sooooooooooooo focused on how THEY may/could/would feel, I had completely dismissed how I was actually feeling. Geeeeeez, Cassandra.

Don’t get on me too badly, beloveds. You, I suspect, have and DO do the same, dontcha? Sure you do and have.

We are sooooooooooooooo very busy trying to earn love/validation/care/attention etcetera that we supplant our own needs with those of others.

Why?

In hopes we are not being ‘too needy’ or ‘too much of a burden’ or all the other ridiculous lies we have been sold and bought from the very pits of hell itself.

No more!

Now that I have been completely honest, I have been able to begin the process of beginning the process of beginning the process of beginning. Again.

Yesterday, I cried.

Today, I smile.

Why?

Because, I am loved and I am NOT alone.

It has been a real struggle, beloveds, to force myself to write these words. Not because I don’t believe them. I do. It’s just a struggle because EVERYTHING has been a struggle. Since the damnable tornado, every second feels like a hundred years of whatnow, what in the fresh hell is THIS, and how in the world am I going to make its.

Yet, beloveds, I can truly say I am blessed. Still. Still. Amazing. Who woulda thunk it?

Be encouraged.

Use what you have.

ALL of it.

This time has NOT come to break you. You SHALL come forth as gold. Trust God. Trust the process. Trust your gifts and skills. Trust YOU.

Beloveds, you are and have been so used to being dismissed that you have begun to dismiss you. Don’t do this.

Haters are going to hate. Love them and leave them to their devices. Pray for them and keep it moving. Don’t waste your life trying to convince folk you are this, that and the other.

Be, beloveds. Simply be and what what The Universe shall do to, through and FOR you.

Huh?

Whazzat?

Oh!

I have to go, beloveds. The Father is waiting for me with a nice pot of coffee and some Double Chocolate Chip Muffins! You are welcome to join me. Hurry, Craig is coming for the snacks…lol….love you, Craig. You have been much on my heart today. Thanks for all you do for the folk in your life. Thanks, Mags. Just cuz. Your comments give me hope that maybe this old lady CAN and WILL.

Thanks to all the newbies. Yall are welcome and I have been praying for you ALL day. Thanks to all the old-bies. Yall keep me encouraged, on the daily. I look at your blogs and gain strength from them. I can’t let myself start with the commenting as good grief I would yammer forever. Yall check out Silent Knight as the pieces are eclectic and will have you swooning and thinking. Don’t get me started on Britta! I have to save her for delicious treat on weekend mornings!

Take care, all. Keep sharing your heart. You HAVE been seen, heard and loved. Your time WILL come. Greatness takes a while, dontcha know?

using it all,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Okay, so, um, Mags, what the world are you still doing here? Craig, put down the muffin and back away slowly! The rest of yall are supposed to be out there loving the world, being about it and using it ALL. Get going.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!