Category: faith

Rest now, God said to me.

God: Rest now.

Me: I can’t.

God: Rest. Now.

Me: I don’t know how.

God: Rest.

Me: I’m afraid to.

God: Why?

Me: I’m afraid I will/have run out of time.

God: I got you. Rest now.

Me: K.

Today, I rested.

Finally.

FINALLY!

What made me rest?

Finally being honest.

With me.

With God.

With fam.

With friends.

Fam understood.

Friends, seemingly or so I thought, either pretended I didn’t share or ignored me. See, beloveds, folk have been used to me keeping MY hurt/hard to myself, whilst bearing THEIR burden/hard so THEY could keep on keeping on.

God has been trying to get me to stop doing this for years.

Life has been trying to get me to stop doing this, for years.

The Universe has been trying to get me to stop doing this. For years!

What led me to stop doing this?

Sheer:

Exhaustion.

Fatigue.

Anger.

Frustration.

Resignation.

Acceptance.

Release.

I released ME, beloveds. I don’t blame THEM. I was the one who was forever toting water that was meant to be toted by others.

Now, I tote mine. And, I support others as they tote their own.

The main purpose of this blog, beloveds, is to gently try and pry the bucket from your willing hand(s). Put it down, beloveds. Back away. Rest now.

Rest.

Now.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Beloveds, you do NOT owe anyone anything. Yes, you love. Because, you CHOOSE to love. You don’t love simply to win/earn love, in return. Love shall ALWAYS love. It’s all Love knows.

Stop paying rent, beloveds. You do NOT have to perform to be seen, heard, loved and value. I see you. God sees you. The folk who truly care, sees you.

Lift up your head.

Open your heart and watch The Universe fill you with so much love you can’t but share it.

I love me some you. As does He. Love some you, will you? Asking for Your Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

God, can you take it back?

Me: Can you take it back?

God: What?

Me: The tornado.

God: Why?

Me: Because, my life is now before and after. Before the tornado I felt. After the tornado I couldn’t/can’t feel. Anything. Everything.

God: I understand.

Me: I don’t. I’m not sure I ever will.

God: Trust Me?

Me: I do.

God: Then TRUST Me!

Me: K.

I find myself stupidly, beloveds, wanting to ask God to take back the tornado. Literally. Yes, I KNOW this is irrational AND impossible.

I want to be writing of other things. Random things. Dumb thing like singing in my underwear.

I don’t want to be telling you to hang in there all the while wondering what in the fresh hell are we holding onto and what for?!

Be encouraged, beloveds. Hard times truly do happen to good people. To all people.

Hard times do not discriminate. Hard times could care less what color you are let alone how much money you have in the bank.

The one thing I hold on during this time is this:

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

I have to keep telling myself this. Outloud.

I AM LOVED!

I AM NOT ALONE!!

I have never felt so:

Lost.

Alone.

Bereft.

Confused.

Afraid/sorta/kinda/maybe just a smide?

I have also never felt so:

Loved.

Not alone.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing!

I won’t lie and say my faith has not been tested. And, surprisingly so. For me, or so I thought, my faith would never be in doubt or in question, during this latest hard.

Ha!

Tell THAT to the tornado that tore through and snatched all of my:

Confidence.

Belief that such a thing would not befall me.

Knowledge that everything would remain the same after every storm.

God would storm, loudly, and would make sure I could SEE His Hand in such a terribly dark and hard place.

Nope, He sure did not show up and show out. In fact, the opposite has happened. God sits. Silently. Quietly. Watching. Watching. Watching and doing I have not the first clue what!

Watching my faith.

Watching my try.

Watching MY actions.

It’s NOT what happens, beloveds, which determines our faith. It is what we allow/choose/make happen within us.

We can choose to be:

Bitter.

Angry.

Hopeless.

Or, we can choose to be:

Prayerful.

Hopeful.

Resourceful.

Resilient.

Joyful.

I can not tell you how many times, beloveds, I bargained and bartered with God to turn back the hands of the clock!

Ah, God. Why did You take my mom?

Oh, God. WHY did You ALLOW this happening to happen?!

Ow, God. WHY did you not tell me that my before will now forever be my after?!

Before the tornado…

After the tornado…

I hate those words!

I am making peace with my now. It’s a slow process. It’s frustrating. It’s sad. It’s stunning.

Still, I sing.

Badly.

Still, I dance.

Awkwardly.

Still, I enjoy my coffee and yaks with mom and The Father as I lament these happenings.

Still, I write.

Still, I hope.

Ah, God. I hope!

Hope with me, beloveds.

For you.

For me.

For others.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My heart is at peace. Though stirred, I KNOW all shall be well. I think. I hope. Ah, God. Hurry. We are tired. Be there for us. Asking for many friends…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Use it all.

Use it ALL, beloveds.

And, I mean ALL of it!

The bad things that happens to you.

The bad folk that happens into your life.

The frustrating things.

The hard things.

The lonely things.

The upsetting things.

The losses.

The wins.

The embarrassing things.

The impossible to get over things.

Use ALL of these things as ⛽ fuel/motivation as you:

Carry on.

Climb higher.

Reach further.

Go longer.

Push onward.

Run faster.

Walk slowly.

Maintain.

Sustain.

Look up.

Reach.

Stretch.

Grow.

Go.

Use it ALL, beloveds, to help keep you:

Humble.

Loving.

Unique.

Prayerful.

Spirit-led.

Life affirming.

God seeking.

Joyful.

Resourceful.

Hopeful.

Yes, beloveds, use it.

ALL of it.

For believers, the bible says that ‘All things work together for the good..’. For non-believers, this is STILL true, IF you all ALL things to work for your good.

How?

By sifting through the hard and extracting the lessons, the tears, the laughter, the admonitions, the encouragements and all the millions of goodies to be found in hard times and places.

I no longer curse the hard. Okay, sometimes I fuss at it…lol. I am learning, slowly/agonizingly to embrace ALL that happens and work to ensure my attitude is in the right place.

I peeled myself out of bed, slowly, and made myself take out the trash. Taking out the trash, now, is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo discouraging/depressing.

I have to walk amongst all the debris/destruction of the long gone tornado…*sigh*. Yesterday, I just didn’t have the heart, beloveds. I gave myself the day. To cry. To lament. To beg God to take this hard from me. He didn’t. I understood.

So, today, I arose and took out the trash.

I have also FINALLY been completely 100 with all my fam/friends. Before, I sugar-coated things so they wouldn’t ‘feel so bad’ about me being, here, in this rubble, on the daily.

I was sooooooooooooo focused on how THEY may/could/would feel, I had completely dismissed how I was actually feeling. Geeeeeez, Cassandra.

Don’t get on me too badly, beloveds. You, I suspect, have and DO do the same, dontcha? Sure you do and have.

We are sooooooooooooooo very busy trying to earn love/validation/care/attention etcetera that we supplant our own needs with those of others.

Why?

In hopes we are not being ‘too needy’ or ‘too much of a burden’ or all the other ridiculous lies we have been sold and bought from the very pits of hell itself.

No more!

Now that I have been completely honest, I have been able to begin the process of beginning the process of beginning the process of beginning. Again.

Yesterday, I cried.

Today, I smile.

Why?

Because, I am loved and I am NOT alone.

It has been a real struggle, beloveds, to force myself to write these words. Not because I don’t believe them. I do. It’s just a struggle because EVERYTHING has been a struggle. Since the damnable tornado, every second feels like a hundred years of whatnow, what in the fresh hell is THIS, and how in the world am I going to make its.

Yet, beloveds, I can truly say I am blessed. Still. Still. Amazing. Who woulda thunk it?

Be encouraged.

Use what you have.

ALL of it.

This time has NOT come to break you. You SHALL come forth as gold. Trust God. Trust the process. Trust your gifts and skills. Trust YOU.

Beloveds, you are and have been so used to being dismissed that you have begun to dismiss you. Don’t do this.

Haters are going to hate. Love them and leave them to their devices. Pray for them and keep it moving. Don’t waste your life trying to convince folk you are this, that and the other.

Be, beloveds. Simply be and what what The Universe shall do to, through and FOR you.

Huh?

Whazzat?

Oh!

I have to go, beloveds. The Father is waiting for me with a nice pot of coffee and some Double Chocolate Chip Muffins! You are welcome to join me. Hurry, Craig is coming for the snacks…lol….love you, Craig. You have been much on my heart today. Thanks for all you do for the folk in your life. Thanks, Mags. Just cuz. Your comments give me hope that maybe this old lady CAN and WILL.

Thanks to all the newbies. Yall are welcome and I have been praying for you ALL day. Thanks to all the old-bies. Yall keep me encouraged, on the daily. I look at your blogs and gain strength from them. I can’t let myself start with the commenting as good grief I would yammer forever. Yall check out Silent Knight as the pieces are eclectic and will have you swooning and thinking. Don’t get me started on Britta! I have to save her for delicious treat on weekend mornings!

Take care, all. Keep sharing your heart. You HAVE been seen, heard and loved. Your time WILL come. Greatness takes a while, dontcha know?

using it all,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Okay, so, um, Mags, what the world are you still doing here? Craig, put down the muffin and back away slowly! The rest of yall are supposed to be out there loving the world, being about it and using it ALL. Get going.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: Keep pushing through.

Keep pushing through.

Even when frustrating things happen.

Especially when frustrating things happen.

Due to the tornado, our infrastructures are all tore up. The power has been going off and on, again. Ack.

Right now, we are in an ‘it is what it is’ phase. Maddening.

I am doing my utmost to not scream and throw things, in frustration.

I am doing my best to stay PATIENT and UNDERSTANDING.

With me.

With my current circustances.

Be good to you, beloveds, as you work your way through your new normal.

NOTHING is normal for me. Not anymore. I wish I had known that my old would never again be.

Now, I have a new. This new is unfamiliar. Ack. Ah, God, what in the fresh hell do we DO with ourselves as we work with and through this new normal? We did NOT ask for this. We did NOT want to go this way.

Yet, we go. Why? Because, You need us going this way.

Why? The heck if I know. I no longer ask why. Now, I just ask for grace.

Gimme grace, Lord. Asking for a friend.

Geeeeeeeeeeez, beloveds. WHEN is this hard going to be not so hard?

wondering/waiting/wandering a bit,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was ready to throw something. Instead, I decided to work on a few more pieces. I am doing my level best to make as many positive choices as I can. Goodness and gravy already.

Be encouraged. Keep going. Laugh a bit. Cry if needed. Rinse. Repeat. We got this. God has us all. Be encouraged. I love you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Keeping it real: Hard times…

Hard times…

Teaches you to fight.

Hard times…

Forces you to fight.

Hard times…

Reveals your fight.

So get up and FIGHT, beloveds!

Stop fighting against the fact things are hard.

Stop fighting with God because things are hard.

Stop fighting with Life for being so damned hard.

Get in there and fight!

For:

Your dreams.

Your values.

Your family.

Your job.

Your community.

Your faith.

Your voice.

Your causes.

Anybody can quit.

Just about everyone makes excuses.

The world gave up on you long time ago.

So what?!

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep going. Hard times or not. Yes, this message gets old. I am tired of saying it to myself, let alone you. SMH. Keep going. We got thangs to do….

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Don’t dim your light for others.

Don’t dim your light for others, beloveds.

Don’t pick up your love toys and go home when folk have not enough bandwidth for you.

Don’t run away and hide your heart when others do the same. That’s a THEIR problem, not yours.

Too often, we allow what others do to determine what WE do. I have been doing my utmost to not allow circumstances or how others do, to determine how I shall:

Act.

Respond.

Try.

We all have our journeys. We don’t all travel at the same speeds. None of truly know the heart of another.

All we can do is be us and allow others the opportunity to love and get to know us.

I am doing my level best not to pick up my love toys and go home. There are ooodles and ooodles of folk who are longing to play with a loud, old lady like me….lol.

Keep on being you, beloveds. You are just right for many. Yet, you won’t meet your many until you get out there and wade through all the wanna bes, the nots and the what the hells.

Be encouraged. Enjoy you. God does. The Universe cracks up whilst thinking of you in all of your goofness.

Embrace ALL that is you. ALL of it. I mean it.

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I love me some you. Love someone today. Starting with you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: Intermittent Power Outages.

Fresh hell!

The power keeps going out.

Intermittently.

Frustratingly.

The surge has gotten my television acting a fool. Again! It took hours to get it back going. For it’s own safety, and mine, I have decided to leave it off before I chuck it over the balcony and onto the wasteland now known as the yard. Crap!!!

I have to laugh to keep from crying. It is much too hot for a headache from tears that won’t wash away these darned power surges.

I keep reminding myself life can be just like these dumb surges: Intermittent. Slow. Annoying. Frustrating. Getting in the way!!!!

Instead of beating the telly to death, I beat the fresh hell out of some eggs and made some scrumptious eggs, hamsteak and potatoe thingamajigs.

Instead of letting life frustrate you, come and have some breakfast with me. Don’t forget the coffee and desert.

wondering what in the fresh hell all this life nonsense is about,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t let life get you down, beloveds. Find some joy in there. Dig out a few laughs. Turn on some music. Read a book. Get some fresh air. Do a chair dance with me. We got thangs to do. Life is too short lamenting about power surges you can do absolutely nothing about. Let God do His Work. You be about yours. Let’s go.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: Both things can be true at the same time.

I’m okay.

I’m NOT okay.

Both things are true.

I’m incredibly sad.

I’m extremely grateful.

Both things are true.

I’m waiting on God.

I’m wondering where the world God is.

Both things are true.

I’m super tired.

I’m super hopeful/energized.

Both things are true.

I never want to get out of bed.

I am ready to move forward.

Both things are true.

Ah, God. What in the fresh hell is all of thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?

I want to run away and hide.

I want to rest.

Both things are true.

I have never felt more alone.

I want to be alone.

Both things are true.

I think I shall allow myself to be both things, all things, all at once. Just for today.

hurt/healing,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I did not want to get out of bed. I got out of bed. I have been wanting to write. All day. Truth be told, beloveds, I have been beating the fresh hell out of Reality, Fear, Doubt and ALL their friends all damned day. I am tired of figthing with them. Fight with them I must. As do you. Why I have drug myself out of bed, made a cup of coffee and wanderered in here to see what Mags or Craig have torn up now…lol.

Be encouraged, beloveds. I reached out to a friend who said they ‘didn’t have the bandwith for me today’. Wow. Ow. I just wanted to let yall know I ALWAYS have the bandwith to love you and care for your lives. Yes, I am tired. Yes, I am going through. Yet, beloveds, I REFUSE to allow myself to cut off the hurt of another because of being tired. Life is short. Keep on keeping on. No matter what. We SHALL be okay. Even when it feels as though Thanos has snatched everything. He has not. He was only able to wipe out HALF, remember….hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.


One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Turn the music up. Loud!

I was feeling mighty low. Fighting not to look outside. Knowing outside is STILL outside, whether I look at it or not.

What did I do? I hid in bed, of course. ALL day. ALL DAY!

Finally, I made myself get up. Yes, it was after 11 pm…..shrug….better than nothing, I say.

Presently, am baying at the moon to some Cee Cee Winans. Thankfully, my headsets still have a bit of juice else would be waking up half the neighborhood.

I just popped round to tell you to keep on turning up the music. Loud!

Fear, doubt, hopelessness and despair can NOT stand when we turn up the music. You see, beloveds, all those dummies want is for you to lisen to THEM and not to HIM(God) about what is going on.

Truth be told, it’s really not necessary to know. The older I get, the more I know I don’t NEED to know every blasted thing. I used to HAVE to KNOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW…..lol.

All I know, NOW, is all I really need to know is that I am loved and that I am NOT alone. Both things are true.

Life is full of choices. Every day. ALL day. Choose to keep getting out of bed. Choose to keep fighting. Choose to keep standing on FAITH, not fear. Tell fear to kick rocks and take two seats. We have too much to do to waste time afraid about everything.

For me, the awful thing has happened. It already has. Now, I am trying to pick up the pieces.

Why?

I have a life to live. Some kind of way.

In the meantime, I am turning up the music. I have dummies to keep out.

What about you?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: CHOOSE. Don’t let the frightfully frightening outside mess too much with your insides. Asking for A Friend.


One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Cultures: Take another look.

I have spent a delicious day/night/evening visiting folk from all over the world:

I spent countless hours watching a couple who had gone to France and purchased an abandoned convent to restore. The gratitude the people of France expressed did my heart good.

I spent time watching a woman from I have no idea where, travel to Italy and buy a small home she called heaven. The pride she showed, in her new country, blessed my soul.

I watched an Australian man restore and renovate gardens for elderly folk for free. The heartfelt thanks the elders showed made me teary.

I watched an American go around cleaning up yards and lots and sidewalks and such so the neighborhood could look better and folk could enjoy their property and views.

I watched Asian folk and Japanese folk and others preparing delicious pies, cakes, breads etcetera for the world to enjoy.

I watched folk restore things, build things from scratch, tear things down, move thing in, take things out. All to make their world and ours a better place.

Ah, beloveds. Let’s ALL take another look. At one another. Inside our hearts. Let’s come together. Let’s shine our lights and turn back the divide.

I have to go. Another part of the world is calling for me. Care to join me?

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: We are all we have, beloveds. We are all we need. Love someone. Starting with you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!