Category: God

Emptied: It’s okay to cry.

I cried.

Why?

I finally got the courage to face the refrigerator. I ended up throwing out TWO full bags of spoiled expensive meat, cheese, veggies etc. It takes time to build up meat in the freezer.

I had taken time, and money, to build up my reserves.

Lugging all that food out…smh…*sigh*.

I did NOT intend to cry.

I did not mean to cry.

Just sat, defeated, on my stoop, looking at the wreckage formerly known as my yard, and burst into tears.

It looks and feel like I am living in the middle of an abandoned construction/tree farm!…*sniff*

Trying to make lemonade from these lemons, I made a deliver order.

The delivery order came.

The driver left.

The driver left without delivering 90 percent of my order!

I called the store.

The store apologized. Said she would gather my missing items and have another driver deliver them tonight. She said she would call me ‘in thirty minutes’.

An hour and a half later, I called the store back.

The store had NO idea what I was talking about.

Store said they could redeliver at SEVEN O’CLOCK TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!!!!!

What did I do?

I washed the dishes.

I meal prepped with what food I had left.

I turned up my praise music.

Loud!

Wearing headphones, of course.

Tossed in some chicken strips and Ore Ida coins(two of the five items that were delivered from 28!!!!!!!!!!)

Now, I am waiting for chicken strips and Ore Ida Golden Coins to get done.

Hmm…um, Father, please don’t say ANOTHER tornado coming in a few hours. Speaking of that, we are supposed to get some bad storming tomorrow. A friend texted me to be sure to charge my phone and be prepared in case the lights go out. Again. Wow.

Be encouraged, beloveds.

Keep on washing dishes.

Keep on playing uplifting music.

Keep on doing meal prep.

Keep on living your life.

No matter what happens.

I am learning this the hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaarrrrrrrrrd way.

I no longer ask why or what’s going on.

I am learning just to ask for grace for the day and to keep it moving.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!!

Know, beloveds, that it IS okay to cry when you experience a loss. If I hear one more person try to dismiss my struggles, now, because ‘you are alive so be thankful’, I am going to scream.

Yes, I am thankful to be alive. It is ALSO true that I tornado tore up my town, my yard and scared me within an inch of my life. My insides are STILL tore up about hearing a freight train outside my front door. Geeeeeeeeeez, God. Cut a sista some slack!

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I’m quite proud of me. I’m astonished, truly, about the grace and comfort of God. It really is surpassing understanding. In the past, I would have been flipping out. And, I mean flipping out.

What changed me?

Well, CHOOSING to trust God. I mean REALLY trust Him. With ME. See, beloveds, I had all the faith in the world for you, for others. For me, though, I had hidden doubt that God actually and truly did love ME.

Why?

Because, all my life I have been told to shut up because I was too loud. too happy, too joyful. Too this, that and ALL those other things. Folks wondered, and wonder still, ‘does it really take all that?!”

It does.

I’m passionate. What in the fresh hell is wrong with being passionate?

I’m loud. WHY the world, beloveds, can’t I be loud?! I have never been given the answer to this.

I’m ugly, as far as the world says. To me, I think I am quite beautiful. I have an amazing heart. I care for folk. I tell super dumb jokes that makes me and others laugh.

I am fat from comfort eating. More of me to love until I get the weight off.

I’m black. So what? Black is a beautiful color as are all the other races out there including my white bros and sis.

I’m financially strapped. So? I STILL use my funds to bless others and encourage as many folks as I can.

I’m a bible thumper/Holy Roller. So what?! I love me some Him.

I am many things. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea but some think I am the bomb.com.

I have digressed for a reason. I am needing ALL to know:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Live your lives, beloveds. No matter what.

Cry, when needed.

Laugh, always.

So, my chicken strips are calling me. Who wants some?

living anywho,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

One step.

One step.

One step.

Real talk: Get out of bed, Cassandra!

I did NOT want to get out of bed.

I got out of bed.

I did NOT want to start the process of setting up some counseling sessions to help deal with trauma regarding the tornado.

I started the process.

I did NOT want to reach out and let fam/friends know I am struggling.

I let fam/friends know.

I have been snappish.

I have apologized to said fam/friends.

Even though I can’t yet work, I am working on my dreams as best as I can.

Get out of bed, beloveds. Even when you don’t feel like it. Especially when you are tired and the last thing you want to do is get out of bed.

I am sitting at my work desk working on my dream(s). Use your circumstances to imporve your circumstances.

If you find yourself with spare time, for whatever reason, USE that time. Don’t just sit and lament and carry on about what happened. Life happened. Get up, beloveds, at happen TO life. You have thangs to do. As do I.

doing thangs,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note:

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Note: There are times when you just don’t want to do anything. At those times, you are just going to have to break out some ‘so what’ and get on with life.

I am.

I am.

I am:

More than a writer.

More than what I give.

More than what I know.

And, so, beloveds, are you.

I am.

I am:

Enough.

More than enough.

More than a conqueror.

And, so, beloveds, are you.

I am.

I am:

Me.

Unique.

Uniquely me.

And, so, beloveds, are you.

I am.

I am!

And, so, beloveds, are you.

Ah.

Aha!

🥰

being me,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You are amazing! You are infinitely loved! You are fearfully and wonderfully made(the Bible says). You are incredible! You are!🥰❤️‍🩹♥️

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 4: Alone with my thoughts: Dear God why?!😳

Alone.

With MY thoughts??!!

Dear God!

Why?!!!

Don’t You know I have an ENDLESS supply of random dumbness?!!!

Who shall rescue me from ME!?

Geeeeeeez.

Hmmm…

*Cassandra scrounges around in her random dumbness bag and sees all types of goodies she can get into*

thinking randomly dumb things whilst waiting for the lights to come on,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Day who cares…*pout*. Hang in there, beloveds. Make sure to laugh today. No need in pouting over whatever you are pouting and fretting over. Someone have a cup of coffee for me. Asking for a friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 4: Shut it up, Cassandra!

“Shut it up, Cassandra!”

Yep, beloveds, both God AND me told me to shut it!

I had just started fussing, deservedly so I gallantly told myself. I was hot. I was tired of waiting for the sun to come up. I was tired of waiting for the lights to come on.

I was tired of waiting…

SHUT IT!

WAIT!

PATIENTLY!

I shut it.

I wait.

Patiently.

Geeeeeeez.

🥰🤣😳

If God protects us from the tornado, beloveds, shall He not also ensure we make it AFTER the storm has passed?

He shall. Be encouraged. Until your lights come on:

Rejoice.

Sing.

Laugh.

KNOWING that all IS and ever shall be alright.

encouraged with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I love you. Nuff said.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 4: You will figure it out when you need to figure it out.

Day 4.

Day 4!!

Whew!

Me and the heat have been boxing 🥊 for four days. The winner has yet to be determined. Tell that to my gasping, heaving, half naked Buddha self. 🥰🤣😂

I am figuring things out. I have alloted myself 10 percent daily of my writing phone so I can listen to music and prepare pieces.

At midnight,  the dark was so dark I wanted music for company. Battery 🔋 told me I had already used my ten percent for the day and had to wait for tomorrow.

Sssssshhhhheeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuutt!

I have my work chair situated in front or the air conditioner that does not work so I can coax a bit or breeze from the wind who is currently saying no way to that.

Sssssshhhhheeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuutt!

I have been rereading ‘The Master Stroke’ by Elizabeth Gage. An EXCELLENT read!🥰 I am reading 📖 it slowly. Savoring EVERY page.

I have been wanting to get back into reading. I stopped reading after mom died. I can’t even tell you or me why that has been.

Last year, I began to restock my library. I didn’t start reading. Too busy. Too tired. Too don’t ask me…*shrug*

In darkness, I contemplated what I would do when the lights came on. I decided to keep living, in the darkness. I took God with me.

Now, as I await the return of lights and ‘normal’, I bring ‘normal’ into THIS darkness. I write. I sing. I pray. I 😂 laugh. I talk to God about THE dumbest things. Like I have ALWAYS done.🥰🤣

Keep on living, beloveds, no matter what happens. Life is short. Life is good. Even when it’s hot, dark, and no idea what comes next.

being about it,


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Lift up your head. You matter. Ah, beloveds, get on out there and live! Open your heart. Speak your truth. Be. Do. Laugh. Launch out. You can do this thing called life. You can. Doing this with you…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 3: God, I can’t do another day.

Me: I can’t do another day of this. It’s hot. It’s dark. I’m alone.

God: You can. I’m right here with you.

Me: It’s hot. I’m tired.

God: I know. Tell me a story. Make it a good one! Make sure you throw some good food products in there!

Me: K. Once upon a time…

hanging in there(I 🤔 think),


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When life hands you ANOTHER tornado…whew!❗️🚨❤️‍🩹😳🌪

I was telling God I can NOT believe I am in the aftermath of another tornado. Hurricane Katrina was no joke. We had no power for 9 days. No water to flush the toilet. No food.

I am trying to use lessons learned, then, to help me, now.

Now and then…geeeez!

Keep using your thens to help your nows, beloveds. These times are not here to break us. What the hell they ARE for is up for debate.🤣🥰

Am in battery saving mode. It will be interesting posting these when the lights come on.

Ah, God. Hurry. I can’t do another day…


One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 3: God, why am I still here?

Me: Why am I here? STILL?!

God: Why on earth would you ask?

Me: Why!? What USE am I? What GOOD am I doing? I am:

Old.

Fat.

Alone.

55!!

Broke.

Broken.

😥😥

God: You are many things to Me and others. You are:

Loved.

Seen.

Cherished.

Heard.

Valued.

Know yet not, beloveds, your value has nothing to do with your production or lack thereof, in YOUR eyes. My Eyes see you much differently.

Me: How so?

God: Great question! Keep asking. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack. Know that I love you and am right here with you, in this present darkness. Tell me another story.

Me: K. Once upon a time…

wondering what to do with me now,


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: When sudden change comes upon suddenly, beloveds, hold on. Be encouraged. The world has turned upside down for me. Thanos has snapped his fingers. Ah, beloveds, the avengers SHALL show up for us. He promised. I believe God. Nuff said. In case no one has told you today: I love you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 3: No reason to stop.


No reason to stop.

No storm shall stop me from pursuing my dreams.

No reason.

No!

I shall:

Press forward.

Press on.

Press through.

In the dark.

In the light.

In the rain.

I have thangs to do!

doing thangs,


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep going, beloveds. We got thangs to do. Be encouraged. Though your steps falter, though your heart quivers, though your shoulders slump, lift up your head!

We CAN.

We WILL!

When this battery dies, I shall write, STILL, in my ♥ heart. I shall continue to endeavor to ever pen words of encouragement and love. Ah, beloveds, be encouraged. I love me some you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Day 3: Afraid not, I’m afraid.

Fear: Aren’t you afraid?

Me: Afraid not, I’m afraid.

Doubt: Don’t you Doubt things will work out?

Me: Afraid not, I’m afraid.

Anger: Don’t you want to tell God to kick rocks for not protecting you?

Me: Afraid not, I’m afraid.

Fatigue: Don’t you want to give up on this dream fulfillment foolishness already?!

Me: Afraid not, I’m afraid.

Fear/Doubt/Anger/Fatigue: Well, why in the hell not??!!😠😡🤯😱

Me: Because, God has NOT given me a spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind. More than enough for me. Anymore stupid/unnecessary questions?

🎤 drop.

Nuff said,


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be encouraged. Tell fear and the like to take two seats and kick rocks. Stand on your faith. You can do this…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!