Category: God

After…birth: A father’s love.

“It wasn’t worth going to jail over”. Words spoken, from a father’s lips. Spoken, aloud, after being asked, FINALLY, why he had not fought for a daughter, after an unspeakable had been unspeakably done, to an innocent child.

An innocent child, no longer innocent.

An innocent child, now hopelessly angry, at a father, at a mother, at The Father, at the whole damned world.

An innocent child, now damned, living in a damned angry body, that no longer felt like home. A body, that no longer felt, her own.

Homeless, now angry, an innocent child, continued through a world containing no champion.

Champion-less, an innocent child found more ‘less’, piled on top of ‘after’, leaving a mess, in it’s wake.

A wake, which left an innocent child, wading desperately, in the tsunami her life had just become.

After.

Birth.

After, ah, after, hearing a father’s now impossibly impossible words, to hear, to forget, an innocent child, now grown, fought to:

Matter.

Live.

Love.

Laugh.

Move.

Have her being.

Wishing, as before, for a before, to forever sweep away after.

After, ah after, you pursue me, still.

After…birth…it wasn’t worth going to jail over.

I was over:

Everything.

Everyone.

God.

Life.

Especially mine.

A life, no longer mine, ever after, belonging to after and it/you were not worth…going to jail for.

An innocent child’s heart ♥, a fully grown woman’s heart ♥, hopeless, jailed seemingly for all eternity.

To be continued…

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My father taught me many lessons. He gave me my love of 📚 books/reading. He also taught me to fear men/God. Hang in there, beloveds, I promise you shall cheer, by journey’s end.

In the meantime, KNOW there IS an other side of unspeakable unspeakables. There is. Ah, beloveds, there is. You are NOT damaged goods. You are NOT hopelessly hopeless. You SHALL recover and love for the rest of your days.

You know the drill:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU

Afterbirth.

“I should have kept the afterbirth and thrown the rest away” – words spoken, from a mother’s lips. Words that could never be. Words that should have never been…said.

Words that shaped EVERY step, every way, of life, or lack thereof, moving forward.

After.

Birth.

Two words, which bore:

Pain.

Doubt.

Helpless.

Hopeless.

I spent many years, decades, trying to wipe the ‘less’, from the mess, thereafter, I felt my life was.

It, was worthless.

Therefore, I, was worthless.

After, birthed a lifelong pursuit, to earn love back:

From, God.

From, Life.

From, mom.

From, the whole damned world.

My world, now damned, became a damned fight to let this world know I was worth a damn!

Dammit!

I matter, my heart shouted!

Do you, doubt jeeringly stated, EVERY step, there…after.

After, ah, after!

After, I prayed for a do over.

After, I prayed for a before.

A before, where after, had never been spoken.

A before, where after, had never happened, and had never, 💔 broken, this ♥ heart, of mine.

To be continued…

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Hang in here, with me. I promise you shall cheer, by journey’s end. Til then, KNOW beloveds, that you are NOT the things that have happened upon you. You are NOT the pain, inflicted upon you. You are NOT your pain.

Remember alway:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being… YOU