Category: Music

Dear 55: I have fallen. I don’t want to get up, today.

Dear 55,

You will be here, in a few weeks.

I want to be angry, with you. So what!

Mom won’t be here.

Dammit.

I found I am fighting anger, today. Anger, at mom. For leaving me to have to fight with sad, who wants to visit, who I can NOT allow to stay around. I have things to do. I have a life to pretend, er, live.

Fresh hell.

55, how the hell am I supposed to celebrate you? I feel like I am 5, without mom.

I fought with the night. ALL night. Now, me and day are arguing. I am TIRED DAMMIT!

It’s not your fault, 55. It’s not even mom’s fault. It was her time to go.

It’s just that forever is such a long time. I can barely hold the word, in my heart. Not, today.

I look at my shattered laptop. I looked at my heart, now shattered. What do I DO with it? This, my heart? Who will care for it? I am alone. Yet, not.

I must go, 55. I have work, to do. I have to get up, today. I HAVE to. Crap.

going on while wanting to punch something in the face,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: The heck if I know. Keep going. Oh, yea:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Note 2: It’s okay, to hurt. Let someone know when you are not okay, okay? Asking for Your Friend…

So amazing!

I am listening to ‘So Amazing’ by Clark Anderson. Beautiful song. It’s on the soundtrack from the movie The Hurricane.

When I heard it, for the first time, was in the theater and was in the ending credit. Stopped me. In my tracks. Had to sit and listen 👂 to the end…

Life has been super tough, lately. I have been doing my best to encourage myself. Have felt alone. Have wished for hugs. Have wished for many things.

Early this morning, God woke me. Just would NOT let me sleep. I wandered into my super early online prayer group and heard exactly what my heart needed!🥰♥️

I wandered, to my balcony, and found a pleasant breeze! Ah! A wonderful relief after months of 100 plus temperatures. I made some Instagram videos to post, later.

I wandered, back inside, and began tapping encouragement to folk I shall never meet. I wonder if MY words even matter. To them. No matter.

All I have to give, is yours. I so hope you receive this care. I wrapped it special, for your eyes and hearts. I pray they are enough.

Be encouraged. If I could take away all that wounds you, I would. I shall ask The One who can! Be well.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I find myself restless. Too many hurting hearts. Too few folk who fight for and love them.😥

When Is Now

“How much longer will you continue to say not yet?” Tabitha Brown.  What an absolute beautiful follow up to yesterday’s post about getting out of our own way, I swear I can’t make up the timing of when these messages come through. We are clearly being told: We are the ones holding ourselves back. We […]

When Is Now

Beloveds, I just HAD to share this blog! So timely! EVERY time my heart ♥ has needed encouragement, she ALWAYS knows what to say. Amazing! Be encouraged. She is right! Let’s get to doing thangs, aite?🥰😂

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Uh, oh, yall. My heart so full of love, today, I fear I am fixing to make it rain, up in yall inboxes.😁💯♥️💋🤷‍♀️

Start fresh.

I woke.

Early.

Refreshed.

Ah.

Feels good.

I have left yesterday, with yesterday.

Me and today, have thangs to do.

As do you.

Get to doing your thangs.

Uh, oh!

I feel silly wanting to get all up in me, today.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Laugh.

Live.

Love.

Start fresh.

Forget what happened, yesterday.

You and today, got thangs to do.

Get to it.

getting to it with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: What the world you still doing here?! Get going. Love someone, today. Start with you. Asking for A Friend…

Lesson learned.

So, that just happened!

*pout*

*Cassandra stares at her now water bed, after spilling water, evvvvvverywhere!*…hhmm…*Cassandra kisses a last nap goodbye*

*pout*

The Universe told me to change the sheets.

Lazy, I told The Universe, I would change the sheets on Saturday.

The Universe got jokes, today.

Sheesh!

Lesson learned.

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Are you kidding?! Best change the sheets, when told to do so. Also, keep on keeping on, no matter what!

Yesterday, was hard. So what? Today, is a new day. Laugh, in this day. Love, in this day. Start with you. Move on, to me. Then? Beats me. Let’s go love on folk, shall we?

Keep believing in YOU!

Keep believing in YOU! https://www.instagram.com/reel/CySBQVeusfj/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

I have to tell you this piece had ME fired up!

Keep believing in YOU, beloveds.

caring for your life,

Me

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: How you needing a note after that?!

Thanks.

Thanks, wombie.

For, watching my back.

Thanks, fam.

For, loving me.

Thanks, friends.

For, caring for a blockhead, like me.

Thanks, Father.

For, loving me, mess ups and all.

Thanks, Universe.

For, believing I could ask and receive.

Thanks, me.

For, trying.

Thanks, beloveds.

For, taking the time, to be loved by a goofhead, like me.

I thank you.

all my love,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: It’s good to give thanks. Who are you grateful for? Let them know. Love someone. Start with you. And the people said:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Dear 55: May I tell you the truth?

Dear 55,

May I, tell you the truth?

You will be coming soon, for me. I look forward to your coming.

That said, I don’t want to celebrate you with fanfare. Truth be told, all I want to do is spend the day alone. Doing nothing. I don’t want to cake. I don’t want balloons. I don’t want a special meal. I just want silence. All day.

I don’t know why. Correction, I didn’t know why. Until, today. It’s because mom won’t be here to celebrate with me. Ah, mom.

I don’t know why that is. Mom wasn’t here for my 50th birthday. Still, I celebrated. I’m not sure why I don’t want to celebrate this year. At least, not around people. I guess it’s because the one person I want to spend the day with is no longer here. Sigh.

I still don’t know how to do this life without my mom. I feel so inadequate to the task. I’m trying to be a big girl. All I want to do, however, is to be a little girl crying for her mom. I can’t do that. I have a life to live. Mom of one that for me. I want that. For me.

Dear 55, I wait for you. What shall we do with my day? Ask mom for me, would you please?

Sigh,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: there are no words…

Note 2: it’s okay to miss loved ones. Yet, we have to keep on living. Life is short. Live it well. I don’t know what I will do on my birthday. Who knows what the day may bring…

I told disappointment it’s okay. It’s not. But that’s okay.

I told disappointment it’s okay. It’s not. But that’s okay.

I’m disappointed.

Again.

Initially, I told myself that it was okay. That I was okay. It’s not. I’m not. But, that’s okay.

I will be.

I will try, again.

When, I’m okay.

It hurts, today.

Again.

But, that’s, okay.

I will be, okay.

Crap!

disappointedly here,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was certain, today would be the day. I was certain, something I had been hoping for would be available, today. It wasn’t. At first, I started to tell myself, it was okay. It wasn’t. It’s not. And, that’s okay.

I must admit, beloveds, there are days, when remaining hopeful, is awfully difficult. Today, is one of those days. I want to cry. I don’t have time. I have to work. So, I was good to myself. I turned on some uplifting music. It soothed my soul. Yet, my heart remains broken. Still, I am hopeful. Maybe, tomorrow.

One step.

One step.

One step.

Keep going. Even when it’s hard. Especially, when it’s hard.

I was feeling extra pitiful. I was listening to some beautiful piano music. I looked up at the screen and saw the Scripture:

Romans 12:12 – rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.

I admit it. I wanted to pout. I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to carry on about feeling picked on. I wanted to hide in bed, eating mini brownies for the rest of the day.

I did none of those things. I got to work.

I prayed. I rejoiced. I remain steadfast. Sigh.

I want to tell my try to kick rocks. My try, you see, just won’t let me give up on me in my dreams. Crap! Sigh…

I wish…

I hope…

I dream…

Dreaming still…

The Universe said ask.

The Universe: Ask.

Me: I am afraid.

The Universe: Ask.

Me: I may fail.

The Universe: Ask.

Me: I will.

asking,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Hhmm…