Category: walking

Blah blah blah…

Blah. Blah. Blah.

That’s how my try feels, today. Blah. Blah. Blah. I’m getting on my own nerves. I am annoyed thinking who the world wants/needs to be encouraged EVERY blasted day, Cassandra!?

When I get to thinking this way, I hurry up and get to encouraging someone. Someone, somewhere needs to be uplifted. That someone was me, yesterday.

Yesterday was Foreverday. Forever waiting. Forever seeking. Forever wondering where in the fresh hell are these stupid dreams of mine already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I grew discouraged. I grew anxious. Then, I grew up, got up and kept it moving. My good habits just will NOT allow me to mope for long anymore. Life is just too short.

I am super crabby because I am missing mom so much this week. I want to literally take my heart and sit it on a shelf until it stops hurting. I am tired of carrying ’round this broken heart of mine.

I am currently singing myself some old love songs. I am loving on me whilst waiting on The Universe to show up for me. Ah, God, I am missing mom…*sigh*.

How is YOUR heart, beloveds? What is your heart dreaming of? Are you giving your heart permission to dream? If not, do so. If you are, be encouraged. Your dreams shall find you.

Until then, beloveds, I hope all is well with your today.

hopeful for us all,

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I wanted to give up today. I almost did. I am angry. I am sad. I am angry at a world that has embraced hatred, misogyny and racism. As a black woman, my heart aches. As a human soul, my heart hurts. For all of us.

I hurt for those who look like me. I hurt for those who hate folk simply for looking like me. I hurt for all who can’t hear beyond their silos. I hurt for those who have closed their ears and arms.

I almost turned off my light. I yelled at The Universe. I asked what possible use my small light has done or ever has.

I thought of putting down my pen. I thought to go silent. Ha! I REFUSE to turn off my light, meager though it may be.

I REFUSE to stand on fear. I CHOOSE:

Love.

Faith.

Hope.

Joy.

I laugh, through these tears. I wade through discouragement/disappointment and look for the gifts this hard has presented.

Ah, beloveds, keep looking UP. Keep moving FORWARD. Keep shining YOUR light. You are having more of an impact than you know.

I made myself get out of bed. I made myself something to eat. I washed the dishes.

I feel as helpless as I did when mom passed away. I thought I would never be able to move past her passing. I have. I wish she were here to remind me everything really will be alright.

These times were meant to pass. Find the beauty in your moments. Life is more than world politics, even though it seems we are all doomed and consumed by it. Lies!

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Keep pushing through.

When you don’t know what to do.

Keep pushing through.

When you don’t know how

Keep pushing through.

When hard is reeeeeeaallly hard.

Keep pushing through.

You are getting there! You can make it! You got this!!

Celebrate your try. You are doing all you know. Be encouraged. You got this.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Be sure to enjoy your day. Do something you enjoy. Spend some time with someone you love. Make a friend. Bring someone some coffee. So something outside your comfort zone.

Recovering from this tornado is forever forcing me outside my comfort zone.  I appreciate it but it’s awfully nerve wracking.

Promise yourself you won’t fall back on old habits when life is taking to long to give up your bounty.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.

Your mistakes are NOT a mistake. Neither are you!

I don’t know why folk find it so difficult these days to admit to making a mistake.

We ALL make mistakes. We all take wrong turns. Nothing wrong with that. How the world will we learn unless we get lost every now and again?

Folk are no longer willing to look foolish, I guess. Nothing wrong with looking foolish as you learn and grow. How the heck else are you going to grow, beloveds, unless you make a million thousand seventeen mistakes and learn from them?

Just know as you walk through your days, making a million mistakes, that you are NOT a mistake. Your mistakes are not a mistake. They are necessary in helping to build a more knowledgeable you.

Cut yourself some slack, as you learn. Cut others some slack, as they learn and grow. I have no earthly idea when it became socially acceptable to toss folk aside when they make mistakes. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeez, people! Enough with that already!

I have only messed up about ten times so far, today. Of course, it’s not even noon…hahahahahahahahaha!!

Laugh at your mistakes and keep it moving, beloveds. You have much too many a thang to do then to beat yourself up over the learning process. Life is a journey that hopefully never ends at one particular place. That would be boring.

I am proud of my pasta concoction I made yesterday. It was/is scrumptious! So much so, I am wondering what other food catastrophe, er, dish I can conjure up.

I am hoping you are out there living, cutting up and tearing up the status quo! I am doing my best to do so.

excited about the journey ahead,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: If you are trying, you have already won the day…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

The more I have lost.

The more I have lost.

The more I have gained.

The more possessions I have lost.

The more priceless memories I have gained.

The more friends/ friendships I have lost.

The more humanity I have gained.

The more I am mocked, for the way that I love.

The more compassion I have gained.

The more I have given.

The more I have lost:

Fear.

Bondage.

Apathy.

In their place, I have gained:

Freedom.

Love.

Truth.

Beloveds, keep on being the light that you are. Yes, you may lose some things. That said, you will gain so much more than you could ever use.

Tomorrow, I  turn the page on another year. 55 years down. 55 to go! I pray that my light shall continue that I can love my brother, my sister.

Be encouraged. Don’t give up on the promise of you, beloveds. Call me foolish. I truly believe in the greatness within us all. Let’s all strive to listen to the better angels speaking to us all to do better and to be better.

I spend my birthday alone tomorrow. Yet, not. I wish…

Take care of that precious heart of yours.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I love you, beloveds. Ah, that I be loved, eh? I hope…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I found aha! on the other side of fear.

Aha!

I understand!

Finally!

AHA!💃🙌

Fear kept visiting me. EVERY day. Every frustrating day!

At first, beloveds, I was confused. I tried to dismiss it. I tried to deny it. I tried to outrun it.

I prayed. I cried. I cried and prayed. I prayed and cried.

Still, stupid fear visited every, frightening, unknown, unsettling unsettled day.

I thought the fear stemmed from not having a new job. Nope. In tracing it back, the dumb fear was with me at my old job.

The fear was there long before the tornado uprooted my life.

This fear has chased me all my life. I tried all I knew to drown out this fear. This fear made me desperate to find/experience/earn:

Approval.

Recognition.

Validation.

Love.

Safety/security.

Fear of not having these things caused me to pursue them, relentlessly. I tried to find them in:

Jobs.

Hard work.

Sports.

Writing.

Church.

Friends.

Society.

My parents divorced when I was very young. My dad used to pick us kids up on Sundays for his visitation. He had us from 1 to 5 pm.

After a while, he would come later and later. Eventually, he stopped coming. I never knew why. I just knew I sat and sat and sat. I sat on the stoop waiting.

The longer I waited, the more worthless I felt. Until, I felt no worth at all. My heart was empty of a father’s love.

The empty heart of a child, grew into the empty heart of a woman. A woman, now grow, filled with sadness and the emptiness that stemmed from a father who didn’t love her(?)

That woman, grew into one who tried everything, to make herself all things, for all people. In order to win/earn/receive:

Approval.

Recognition.

Validation.

Love.

Safety/security.

One day, God knocked on the door to her heart.

Go away, she said.

Why, The Father asked.

I don’t trust You. How can YOU love me when my father would/could not?

God: Will you trust Me enough to find out?

Me: I’m afraid.

God: I know. Will you trust Me anyway?

Me: I’m afraid You will hurt me. I’m afraid You won’t show up for me.

God: I know. Will you trust Me anyway?

Me: No.

God: I’ll come see you tomorrow. Maybe then…

Gently, He saught me. Eventually, He caught me. Eventually, He taught me.

Taught me how to love. Taught me how to love ME. Taught me that I was worth it, that I was worth it, that I was worthwhile.

Now, I spend as many days, as I can, sharing this awesome message with as many folk as I can wrap my heart around.

Tomorrow is my birthday. The day I was born. There is only ONE me. A priceless soul.

As are you, beloveds. You are precious in His sight. You are a wonder. You are wonderful. You are wonderous.

Live, KNOWING that you don’t have to spend another moment ‘paying rent’. You don’t have to apologize for being you.

Lift up your head. Open your heart. Be ready to be filled with all the love your heart can hold.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: You are worth it. You are worthwhile. You are worthy.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.

Beat it to the sunrise.

Fear has been trying to rear its ugly head.

Reality has been encouraging me to give in to the fear.

Doubt has been lying to me about the unknown.

The Universe has been silent/observant.

All the while, I question God. All the while I question myself. All the while, I wonder if I am going to make it. Meanwhile, all is silent. Ack. Ow!

Still, I absolutely REFUSE to allow fear to manifest itself into my day, into my choices, into my heart. I beat it to the sunrise. I arise. I work on me. I am proactive. I am probative. I question my EVERY action to ensure I am walking by FAITH, in LOVE, carrying hope and laughter around with me.

Beloveds, I hate these last months have happened as they have. I hate the tornado ripped through and tore up everything in sight. I hate I am living a new normal. No, hate is NOT the word. Rather, challenging is the word I now choose.

Words are powerful. I am doing my utmost to get the word hate out of my vernacular. Words are so easy to say. We say sooooooooooooooooooo many negative things when it comes to our lives:

“I hate when I do this”.

“I could never do that”.

We have NO idea what we are capable of. Why, then, do we so easily set limitations on our try? I’m trying not to.

November has come calling. I have NO idea where January’s rent is coming from. Ah, God. I hate, er, find this situation challenging…lol.

It has been super interesting living in the MOMENT. Before, I would be flipping out by now. I would be carrying on about how I am going to make it.

I have NO idea how. I just know Who. I just know I will make it. Some kind of way. I shall continue to encourage and love folk, along the way. Some may love me back. Most probably won’t. I’m no longer lamenting those who don’t or won’t.

Life is short. I REFUSE to live anymore if it blanketed and ruled by fear.

My birthday is tomorrow. I am looking forward to what the day might bring. I am looking forward to what the future might mean.

I’m looking…

FORWARD.

UP.

WITHIN.

I got this. God has me. How much more secure could I ever be?

fearing not,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep standing on business. Keep believing in YOU.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.

When you feel helpless.

When you feel helpless.

Help yourself.

When you feel helpless.

Help someone else.

When you feel helpless.

Ask for help.

When we are in a weakened state, we often feel:

Helpless.

Hopeless.

Useless.

Of course, these are lies. It’s easy to believe the lie when our mountain looks soooooooooo big and unmovable.

When my mountain seems the most daunting, I reach out to someone to let them know they are loved and not alone.

Then, I DO something. Even if just a small something. Through this constant hard I am learning I can’t afford to lay down on fear or anxiety. The MOMENT I get to feeling anxious is the moment I leap out of bed.

I have been leaping out of bed well before dawn, these days…*shrug*.

If nothing else, beloveds, this hard may be encouraging others to keep on trying. I didn’t want to, today. So what? I got thangs to do. As do you.

My 56th birthday is Sunday. Wow. The majority of my ‘friends’ have long since taken off as I am sure they think I may ask them for money. I haven’t. I wouldn’t. It sure would have been nice to have that emotional support. I am supporting me as much as possible.

I am also leaning on and leaning into the love of my fam. I used to hide my hurt and be there for them. No more.

Anywho, I stopped ’round to give someone some of the support I could use.

If anyone would like to send some birthday cheer, feel free to email me: ttnette37@yahoo.com. I won’t put you on blast and would only reply back once with a thank you unless you would like to be an email pal.😁🥰

Take care of your heart and enjoy your weekend.

asking for A Friend,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I have never felt so helpless in my life. Yet, am content. Odd, eh? I am looking forward to seeing how The Universe is going to help me out of my financial mess…lol

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Be the reason why.

Be the reason why someone smiles.

Don’t be the reason for another’s struggle.

Be the reason someone laughs.

Don’t be the reason someone cries.

Be the reason a burden is lifted.

Don’t be the reason for the heavy load.

Life is tough for us all, beloveds. Determine to be one who is determined to be the reason that light shines in the darkness.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: There is so much going on it can be easy to believe our efforts will be in vain. EVERY try matters. EVERY word, spoken in love, matters. EVERY step towards light and life matters.

You can do much more than you think. Love folk. Especially the hard-headed ones. Yep, love even the folk who speak foolishness. In case no one has told you today: I love you. So does He.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

If this piece encouraged you, share it with someone please/thanks.

Ow!: Dealing with the unforeseen blow.

Ow.

Ow!

What a week this is turning out to be.

Wednesday, I sat through an interview that turned out to be a scam to drain my bank account…*sigh*.

Late Wednesday night, through the wee hours of morning, I had to sit through another really frightening storm system. Seeing all that red, on the weather radar, brought back memories best left forgotten. I called my big sis to see if she would talk with me as I waited for the storms to pass.

The storm passed after leaving tornado damage to a town a few rows over from me…*sigh*. Seeing the drone images of flipped over campers, homes with roofs ripped off, brought back feelings best left forgotten…*sigh*.

I told myself I was okay. I told myself everything would be alright. I told myself I would find a job. Told myself these storms would pass. Told sis I was really okay. Really, I was. I told myself I was okay. Really, I was.

Thursday, I rose. I made coffee. I did my self care. I prepared to write. I couldn’t write. I prepared to call my big brother, to see how he was and spend time regaling him with me being okay about coming up, on the end of the year and being job free still. I couldn’t call him. I prepared to call my twin to let her know how wonderful I was doing with waiting on things to turn around. I was all set to be super inspiring, uplifting and capable. I couldn’t call her.

Instead, I found myself taking to my bed. All day. All evening. All night. I tried to watch Thursday Night Football. I could not watch the game. I took back to my bed. I turned off the phone.

Day tapped me on the shoulder. Super early. Asked if I was ready to rise. I was NOT ready. I wanted to hide another day. I did not hide. I found myself rising. Again. I made coffee. I attempt to write. Again.

I don’t know what the future holds. I DO know Who holds my future. I wait. Patiently subdued.


Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep getting up, beloveds. The unforeseen blows tend to hit the hardest. They hurt the most. It’s okay to say Ow and take a day, as needed. Then, get up. Rise. Move FORWARD. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Sometimes, I would like to extinguish the flame inside.

Sometimes, I would like to extinguish the flame inside.

Sometimes, I want to run from this desire to be more and to do more. Sometimes, I wish the dreams inside would fade so I can lead an ordinary life and not filled so pulled to extraordinary way.

Sometimes, I wish I did not want more. Sometimes, I wish I did not want at all.

Sometimes, I wish my try wouldn’t try so hard. Sometimes, I wonder why I try at all.

Ah, sometimes, I’d like to walk away. Oh, sometimes, I want to run.

Only sometimes.

wondering what’s next,
Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I find myself unsettled. I wish I knew how to get back my familiar…sometimes.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!