For months, forever it seems, I had been raging. At God. At the damned tornado. At me. At God again. At me again. Rinse. Repeat. Ad nauseam. Ad boredeum!
Forever, I roared. Scared. Angry. Angry. AND scared. Angry for being angry and scared.
I was angry at God for being silent. I was angry at me for being too stupid to hear.
I felt stupid, stupid, sttuuuuuupppidd!!
This was no way for a positive, moving forward, be about being about person to feel. Was it?…
All the while, beloveds, I was encouraged to encourage folk. Okay, so HOW in THEEEE fresh hell was I supposed to encourage folk when I was questioning what in the actual hell I believed in?
God told me that was a me problem and to get back to being about being about it.
How dare?!
I felt like an imposter. I felt like a fool. How could I encourage folk to have faith when I had no idea where to find my own?!
God: Great question! Keep asking!
Me: Ah.
God: Aha!
I am finally getting the hint. I finally get it. Life will do its life things. We have to learn to adapt and to overcome.
Working through all this hard is working out all of the kinks in me. The hard is bringing out the best in me. The hard is bringing out my try. The hard is only making me want to try harder.
I have learned to use my age as my asset. that no longer view my 50s as a detriment. that never used to. I didn’t mind turning 50. I enjoyed it in fact.
The tornado stripped my confidence. I am fighting to get it back. In the meantime, I encourage you to stay confident. Keep trying until you get it. You will.
There are days when I believe I have finally gotten the point. There are other days when I don’t know what in the fresh hell is going on. I guess the point is that sometime life just not seem to have a point…lol
I’m just living in the meantime. I’m just enjoying me in the meantime. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your day. Enjoy your moments. Make as many of them count as you can.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Believe in yourself. Believe in your gifts. The tough times you are going through is growing you. Have an amazing rest of your day.
Note: We are NOT alone. Morning shall come. In the meantime, turn on the light. Be a light. Shine your light.
The world seems upside down. It’s not. It just feels that way, at the moment. These moments shall pass. All moments do. Make the most of yours. I’m doing the best I can with mine.
Don’t let the loudness of this present darkness fool or frighten you, beloveds. God is in control EVERYWHERE. Besides, karma is a true B for a reason!
Keep on being the person of integrity that you are. Keep on being the hopeful person that you have always been.
Keep on looking UP. Keep on moving FORWARD.
These times shall pass. Who will you be when they do?
For weeks, months really, I have been struggling to figure out HOW to start again.
There is so much I want to share. There is much I would love to say.
The trouble has come in the HOW. Not so much the what of things.
I spent the day drinking coffee and dreaming of the day where I could freely share ME and encourage a billion folk.
I paced the floor. Okay, I paced in my mind as the floor needs to be vacuumed and I am trying to pretend it’s not there.
Anywho, I pondered. I wondered aloud.
Out of the blue, God tapped me on the shoulder and whispered:
“Just give them you”.
Four words. Stopped me in my tracks.
Suddenly, all kinds of silly slogans came to my mind. Dumb thoughts I have been trying to squish down as who would seek out THAT?!😳
Apparently, God thinks MY that is what is required just now. Wow!
I had ALWAYS tried to keep my silly out of my writing. I enjoy phrasing things in weird ways that makes no sense whilst making all the sense in the world.
I enjoy removing commas for the sheer pleasure of breaking rules that were written by a somebody therefore anybody can rewrite or write over them. Whew!
I guess God just wants me to be…ME.
ME!
The me that was never asked out. The me that never went to prom. The me that never had kids. The me that will never be called grandma by blood relatives.
Yet, this me has been one that has cared for many, many others through being Certified Nurses Assistant caring for the elderly. A Youth Worker who cared for kids who had been physically, sexually and emotionally abused.
A me who has been a Correctional Officer. A me who spent more than 14 years happily assisting customers and stores.
A me who tells terrible jokes. A me who longs for unity with all. A me who enjoys football. A me who enjoys watching cooking shows from folks all over the world.
A me that I love. Now. I didn’t used to love me. I had learned to listen to all the lies that I was unworthy, not worth it and not worth while.
I was. I am. I always will be. So are you, beloveds.
I am an encourager. I am an intercessor. I am a goof. I am God’s Goofhead. As it should be.
It took years to learn HOW to love me some me. I endeavour to spend the rest of my life loving others and shouting love from the rooftops.
Ah, beloveds, if God spared me from that tornado to be ME, let me be me and say:
You are worth it.
You are worthy.
You are worth while.
Oh, that I could walk each and every one of you home!
I love you. I hope the best for you. I wish I could take away your every hurt. I wish that I could meet your every need.
Ah, God, folk need to be loved. They need Your Love. Love them. Be there for them. Let them know they CAN. Let them know they WILL!
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I’m walking you home in my heart!
Keep on being YOU, beloveds. This world needs what only YOU can give it.
We are in some mighty dark times. Only love will see us through. It will. In the meantime, be encouraged. I’m praying for us all. Even for those who think me the fool. I am. A fool for Christ.🤣❤🥰🙏🎤
I want to be a safe space for folk to be loved and cared for.
I will be.
I want to be the kind of person who will love those who don’t love me.
I will be.
I want to be a light.
I will be.
I want to be one who brings joy to the joyless.
I will be.
I choose to be a vessel of peace. I choose to be a safe space for folk to be loved and cared for. I choose to be the kind of person who will love those who don’t love me.
Note: I find my heart to full of sad to finish this note. Folk are so busy tearing up the world and each other in search of what they think are priceless things.
They trample over hearts for money. They would sell their souls for clicks and likes. Ah, that the world only knew the beauty of priceless things. I have many priceless things to give but few to give them to. Ah, God. What do I do with this love?
Hold fast, beloveds. The unknown can be absolutely terrifying if you focus on what you don’t know. Focus on what you DO know: You are loved. You are NOT alone.
Be encouraged.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Hang in there. There is sooooooo much negative noise in world right now. It’s hard to block out the foolishness. We must. We have too many thangs to do.
Let’s do our best to stay focused on our dreams. Let’s make them come true. Some kind of way! Let’s go!!!!
Note: My phone is silent. No job offers. No calls for coffee ☕. 56 is alone. Will 57 arrive with her in the same place? I don’t know.
Still, I give my all EVERY day. Why? Because we get ONE shot at this thing called life. Maybe my all will lead to a bit of something for me. Some day. In the meantime, I’m trying my best to give my something to someone. My something may be enough one day…
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 