God: Give it here.

Me: I’m afraid.

God: Give it here, anyway.

Me: I’m afraid I will disappoint You.

God: Give it here, beloved.

Me: I’m afraid I will disappoint me.

God: Give it here. Now!

Me: K.

*Cassandra timidly hands over her doubts and fears.*

doing it afraid,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I had to confront fear today. I was terrified. I did what I had to do. I cried.

I told God that I was tired of this financial fight. I told God 55 was weighing me down. I told that I was tired of fighting my way out. I just wanted out. Dammit, I just want out!

My try just would not leave me alone. My try tells me to keep fighting. My try tells me that this fight will be over soon. My try tells me that it is not the outcome that I need to hold onto. It’s all in the try.

Most give up because they feel to see the point. The point is not obtaining the dream. The point is not reaching the destination. The point is our willingness to get to the start line. Knowing, we may never reach the end goal. Yet, going anyway.

Go anyway, beloveds. After I dealt with my fear, I felt such piece. God would not allow me to wait until peace came before I acted. He told me to act. He graciously gave me the space to confront and defeat my fear.

I told fear to kick rocks. I did what needed to be done. I can live with the outcome. I don’t know what my future holds, beloved. I just know that I trust God with my future. With me.

It’s okay to be afraid. Do it anyway. You’ll be glad you did. It’s okay to be discouraged. Take discouragement with you and do it anyway.

I wish I could tell you that my battle ended successfully. The fight still rages. I finally…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

• 📫 BE HONEST WITH THEM. FOR, ME. ❤️‍🩹Beloveds,I have been thinking about honesty.Not the kind we demand from everybody else.The kind that requires us to sit with ourselves long enough to tell the truth about what is happening inside us.👀Because sometimes the hardest person to be honest with is yourself.Sometimes we know something hurts, but we keep calling it fine.Sometimes we know we are tired, but we keep calling ourselves lazy.Sometimes we know we need help, but we keep calling needing help weakness.Sometimes we know something has changed, but we keep trying to live as though nothing did.And sometimes we are so busy trying to make everybody else comfortable with our reality that we stop being honest about our own.❤️‍🩹I have had to learn this in ways I never wanted to learn it.My life changed.My body changed.My speech changed.My independence changed.The amount of effort required to do ordinary things changed.And there have been moments when I wanted so badly to be the Cassandra I remembered that I became impatient with the Cassandra who was actually here.But she deserves honesty too.She deserves tenderness too.She deserves patience too.She deserves to be loved without having to pretend that everything is easy.🪑So I am learning to tell the truth.I can be grateful and tired.I can have faith and still have questions.I can laugh and still hurt.I can celebrate progress and grieve what changed.I can be strong and need help.I can love people and still need boundaries.I can forgive somebody and still acknowledge what happened.I can believe God is with me without pretending every part of this journey feels good.Those truths do not cancel each other.They can sit in the same room.Sometimes they can even sit in the same chair.👀🪑And maybe somebody reading this needs permission to stop performing too.You do not have to tell everybody everything.Privacy is not dishonesty.Boundaries are not dishonesty.Taking time before you speak is not dishonesty.But beloved, please find somewhere you can tell the truth.Even if the first place is inside your own heart.Say:This hurt me.I miss what was.I am angry.I am afraid.I need help.I don’t know yet.I changed my mind.I need more time.I am proud of myself.I survived something difficult.I am learning.I am healing.I am still here.🔑Because honesty can be a key.A key that unlocks shame.A key that loosens the chain of pretending.A key that lets grief breathe.A key that allows joy to be real instead of performed.A key that makes room for healing.And sometimes the truth is not:”I have figured everything out.”Sometimes the truth is simply:”I am trying.”And beloved?Trying counts.❤️‍🩹I am learning not to require perfection from myself before I offer myself compassion.I am learning not to make recovery another place where I have to perform.I am learning that one difficult day does not erase every good day that came before it.I am learning that needing rest does not erase determination.I am learning that receiving help does not erase independence.And I am learning that being honest about what hurts does not mean I have stopped believing that healing is possible.It means I stopped requiring myself to lie on the way there.👀So be honest with them when honesty is safe.Be honest with the people who love you.Be honest with the people helping you.Be honest about what you need.Be honest about what you cannot do today.Be honest about what you are learning to do again.But before all of that—Be honest with you.For me.❤️‍🩹Because I want you here.Not the polished version.Not the pretending version.Not the version exhausted from convincing everybody that everything is fine.YOU.The learning you.The healing you.The laughing you.The crying you.The figuring-it-out-as-you-go you.There is room for that person here.🪑Pull up a chair.You don’t have to resolve everything before you belong.You don’t have to perform strength before you are loved.You don’t have to have all the answers before your life matters.Your life matters right now.Exactly here.One step.One step.One step.🔑❤️‍🩹🪑Asking for A Friend,Cassandra#YourLifeMattersToMeNote: One step. One step. One step. You are loved. You are NOT alone. Keep on being…YOU!
• THE CHAIR.
• WEDNESDAY 🌎
• WEDNESDAY 🌎
• MOM, WOMBIE, LET’S LOVE THE WORLD TOGETHER. 🌎❤️‍🔥