When you SHOULD be resting, tell should to shut up.
Should ALWAYS has something to say.
Should, however, is forever getting you to do things you never wanted to, did not intend to do, wasn’t even considering doing.
Should brings nothing but guilt, shame, and ultimately fatigue with it.
If you have decided to rest, rest. If you have chosen to be still, be still. If you have considered and believe it’s time to let it go, let it go.
Should oft times comes from the expectations of others. Yet, they have not considered. Don’t let THEIR judgements and expectations force you into a corner of shoulds.
Do as you please. Do when you are ready. I can’t tell you how many lectures I have gotten on how I should grieve the loss of my twin.
Only another twin can understand what being a twin is like. Only another twin can truly speak to where I am. Sure wish I had one to talk to. I think I may reach out on Tiktok or somewhere to find one who understands.
Be encouraged.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: You can do so much more than you give yourself credit for.
As usual, he gets beat up most of the time and then comes back at the end.
I feel like Rocky, I have been getting pounded lately.
Ow!
Still, I fight on.
Why? Because, God whispered something to me the other day. He said that He knew THIS would happen way back then. So, I can do THIS now.
Ah.
Aha!
I don’t want to do THIS, beloveds. I don’t want to live through THIS. THIS is just too damned hard. Crapola. Heckamiah Jeremiah!
I’m giving it my all. Still, beloveds, I don’t know HOW to get over THIS mountain. I don’t know HOW to do THIS, without mom, without sis.
Beloveds, how in the fresh hell do I DO my THIS?
How?
I can’t even use anger to get through THIS. Life won’t allow it. God reminds me trying to get through THIS using anger, will do nothing but allow anger to choke off all the love, joy, peace, laughter and life still waiting for me.
Holy Toledo.
Ah, God, how do I get through THIS.
The ONE thing that gives me hope is the knowledge that God KNEW THIS time was waiting for me. He has been waiting for me. Right HERE. Right NOW. Waiting, right here, when I thought He had ran off and left me. He had simply ran up ahead to lay down as many pillows as He could get His Hands on.
All around I see nothing but hard. Yet, in the midst of the hard, I see His Hand Made Pillows. Stitched with His Love. Sewn, carefully, by His Shaky Hands. Bathed, with His Tears.
Beloveds, I just stopped by to encouraged someone. Starting with me. I’m not telling you to pretend your hard is not breaking you. It is. It is revealing the diamond, the gold, the precious resilience buried deep within you.
Now, I don’t know, beloveds, why the hard has to be THIS hard. I DO know the hard can be overcome.
Keep going. Keep moving FORWARD. You are NOT alone. You never have been. I love me some you. As does He.
praying for us all, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: There is so much more for us, beloveds. How do I know? Cuz, we still here!
I know it feels as though you have lost too much to continue. You have not. You won’t find out this is true if you quit now. One step.
*Cassandra turns from the mirror and continues to bet on her try*…
willing to lose, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: This may seem odd to some…
I’m no longer afraid to lose. I spent ALL of 2024 and half of 2025 terrified of losing. Afraid of losing the little I had. Petrified of losing the small bit of comfort I had.
Fighting THROUGH grief has, at least, taught me to SEE loss for what it truly is: A loss. Simple as that.
Losing does NOT mean that I am lost. I’ve just lost my breath. I’ve just lost my footing. Those things CAN be regained.
The main reason I share my struggles is in the hope that someone, somewhere can see that they are NOT alone. That they CAN get out of bed. That they CAN find joy in the midst of trials.
Be encouraged. 2026 has just started. Let’s make it a good one.
I get up. I wander around. I gather the scrapings left from the bus that ran over my face late last year.
I look at this life called me and laugh. What in the fresh hell is THIS? What, in the name of all that is holy, did God leave me HERE, at this time, at this spot, at this moment?
Crapola. God knows I enjoy a good mystery. Now, I have to stick around and find out. You got jokes, God. But, nothing is funny, at the moment. What do I DO with me now?
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: I want to tell the whole world to kick rocks. I want to hide, in this pain, forever. I want this hurt to punish me for not being there, at the end, for my twin. Her last hours were spent without me there. Just like mom.
I don’t understand why life has me HERE when everything happened over THERE!
I made a promise to myself that I would encourage others at my toughest moments. Why? Because, I could not imagine how folks, with little or no hope, made it through tough times.
I see glimpses of me, mixed in with all this grief. I see smudges of sunlight and hope. I’m trying to figure out HOW to get there.
In the meantime, beloveds, I turn on the light. I make a cup of coffee. I get out of bed.
Beloveds, if you are struggling just now, get out of bed. DO something. Anything. Take out the trash.
Whatever you do, do NOT allow yourself to stay in a dark and unproductive place.
See, loss is just testing you. Loss wants to show you, well, YOU. Loss brings out the REAL us.
Loss speaks to the heart of us. Loss asks us who/what we think we are:
Loss: How much are you worth? Who is going to love you now that I have taken everything? Has any of your efforts meant anything apart from what you can and have given?
Beloveds, we are here to provide more than a paycheck to the world. We are more than a paycheck.
At my lowest moments, sis ALWAYS encouraged me to keep trying. Sis let me know how much I meant to her and others.
I just stopped by to encourage someone who was wondering WHY they are HERE.
I don’t know your HERE. I’m sure it’s being a pain. I DO know we SHALL get past HERE. How do I know? Cuz, God has sent us over THERE. We can’t get THERE til we finish up HERE.😎🧱🎯
I tell myself that nobody understands. I tell myself all kinds of dumb things. I tell myself….
I think I need to tell myself to shut up, beloveds.
I refuse to allow my pride to keep love away. I have done that more than I would care to admit. Dummy me. I am trying not to be quite so dumb. I have failed. Spectacularly. It’s a good thing failure is not fatal. I think….hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I’m trying to laugh. I have to. I ran out of Kleenex….hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
I really did run out of Kleenex. Four boxes. Smh.
I just stopped ’round to encourage folk to NOT push love away. Us humans do some silly stuff from time to time.
I wanted to give a bit of love, today. I needed some, for myself, but didn’t want to sit around waiting for love to come and find me. I am doing my best to love as many folks as will stop by. I appreciate your stopping by today.
Be encouraged. Make today amazing. Love someone. Starting with YOU.
Note: Keep going, beloveds. I have been up for hours. Hoping. Dreaming. Believing. Ah, wombie, help me through these next moments. What do I DO with all this hope when ALL seems lost? Asking for many friends.
Don’t give up, beloveds. Not just yet. We have thangs to do, remember?
Failure contains soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many nuggets, laughter, blessings, experience, tenacity and so many other good things.
I have failed at least fifty million thousand bajillion and 17 times already. Wow. 2026 is starting with a bang.
Failure does NOT make us failures. Failure is just an interesting way of falling flat on our faces…hahahahahahahahahaahahaahahahaha!!
failing graciously(NOT!) Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Have an amazing day. I have had fun digging laughter and joy up from underneath all this failure. Goodness and gravy!
I can NOT tell you how many times I have wanted to throw in the towel and tell the entirety of the world to kick rocks! Ack. Smh.
Keep going, beloveds. If I have to, you certainly have to….
So long as you understand the opposite can feel just as real and true.
Our feelings can be all over the place. They have their use. They are important. They just can’t have the last, the only, the all knowing say.
We must take them into account. We must also acknowledge our feelings can and WILL lead us astray if we don’t add counsel, sound judgment, knowledge, humor, etc. to the equation.
Just remember, just because we feel some kind of way doesn’t make it so.
I’m feeling a bit left out. That’s okay. I think…lol.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Feel what you feel. Then, remind your feels who is in charge…hehe.
Life: You were never meant to, beloved. How would you be able to truly live if the outcome was predictable and predetermined?
Me: Isn’t it, tho?
Life: You tell me.
Me: Ah.
Life: Aha!
*Cassandra begins to look at life in a new/different way*
pondering life, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life is what WE make it. The last few days have been unbelievably painful/sad. My misser just won’t stop missing my twin. My hoper just won’t stop hoping for a gentler/kinder/easier 2026.
Keep going, beloveds. Am currently jamming to some uplifting music. I am also fixing to turn my motivational videos on. I also need to call my friend. I avoided his call. I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know what to tell me.
Today, I know:
“Get up, Cassandra. You got thangs to do”.
Ah, God, I am doing my best to encourage as many as I can with all this hard. Yikes.
I do still love You, Father. I am amazed that I am NOT angry with you for letting sis go home. She was ready. I’m not. Too many unknowns in the playoffs and there are 9 job openings in the NFL. Also, I have to get back to work and figure out how to NOT fail so spectacularly every other five minutes.
Beloveds, get up. Enjoy your day. Embrace your day. Find the joy in there. Sis would be pissed if I spent ALL day in bed wailing about her being gone.
Be encouraged. In case no one has told you today: I love you and so does He.
The emojis saved my fingers but conveyed ALL my feelings after FINALLY finding out WHERE in the fresh heckamiah the stupid bugs were coming from.
Wtw?!
I had to have one of the back walls cut out to fix something going on back there. Then, after the stupid tornado, after they had to replace the roof, I was fighting Armageddon.
I was well equipped. Finally, I got a stash of bombs to go to actual war. First, I had to know where Thanos was hiding his army.
The other day, I was tired. Tired. Tiiiiiiiiiiired. I prayed. I asked God to show me where.
This is where, smh, I have gots to add a PSA…😳
Beloveds, do try to be a tad more specific when you ask God/Life/The Universe to reveal things to you. They got jokes. They can and DO deliver your answer in a variety of ways. Don’t go getting mad at them for giving you what you stupidly, er, hastily, er, not thinkingly asked for.
Back to my story…*sigh*
I prayed and asked to find out where the source of the bugs were coming from. I decided to do a load of laundry. I had music blaring loudly. When I went to put the laundry in the dryer, there was water everywhere! Fresh heckamiah.
Alas, beloveds, the dryer had danced it’s way out of it’s resting place. In its place was water, water, water, and more water. Steam started to come from the wall. The steam, I guess, stirred where the blasted bugs were hiding.
A Thanos battle ensured. Spray went every which a way. I hollered. I screamed. I raged at everything, at everyone, at all of life.
At least, beloveds, I knew where to put the bombs to get rid of these stupid bugs. See, maintenance is rebuilding all the apartments the tornado damaged. It’s a super old building. In tearing out the old, to replace with the new, old irritants, like these stupid bugs, have invaded my space.
I can’t be mad at these dumb bugs. They were here first. All I can do, now, is to keep on fighting until they decide to move on. A life metaphor. I think.
I HAVE to think that way. Why? Because I would move the heck out of dodge! I detest bugs!!!….*shiver*.
I just stopped by to encourage someone. Starting with me.
Don’t get mad when truth shows up in ways you did not expect. It may not be delivered on a bed of roses. It may be delivered on a pile of, uh-oh. Receive truth where it can be found. Don’t get mad when truth shows up to show you where the bugs are. Just get to fighting those bad boys when they show up…lol.
asking for A Friend, Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Life sure has been lifing. That’s okay. I’m still being about being about it. I don’t recognize this me. The me I am becoming. I look at her with curiosity. This me. This particular shade of me has been more resilient, more shaky, more unsure, more humble, more peculiar, more grateful than I would have thought or suspected.
Ah, me, what do I do now? Asking for a friend.
Be encouraged, beloveds. We can do so much more than we ever imagined.
I’m living for ME. Not for sis. Not because she died. She died. I will miss her for the rest of my life. Still, my life was meant to go on without her HERE. I still love her. She still loves me. I just have to love her in a different way.
Beloveds, lay down the weight of anger at life having given you a loss. Yes, loss hurts. Still, WE are here. Still, we have opportunity to grow, to love, to laugh, to rejoice.
We can STILL do all the things we wanted. Without some loved ones. Without some things we thought we would take with us. That’s okay. We have what we need to advance, to love, to grow.
Keep going. Keep moving FORWARD. Keep looking UP. It’s hard. I’m not saying it’s easy. I AM saying it is doable. How do I know? I fight my way out of bed EVERY day. I fight on. Why? Life needs me. Life needs YOU, beloveds.
The world NEEDS what only we can share. The world NEEDS our words. The world NEEDS our joy. The world NEEDS our resilience. The world NEEDS our dreams. The world NEEDS our light. The world NEEDS…you get my point.
Now, beloveds, get on out there and LIVE. For you. Let those who have done their time, rest. Then, get on with YOUR life. We have to, beloveds. We have to.
There are so many moments, in EVERY second, of EVERY day, when I wonder how, in the name of all that is holy, I will find the want to to even want to keep it moving, without mom, without sis.
Then, my want to lets me know how much I very much want to. I do. I want to live. I want to experience joy. I want to find out what is around the next corner.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 