Category: Writing

Tell fear no.

Fear: Give me your joy.

Me: No.

Fear: Trust me.

Me: No.

Fear: Give up.

Me: No.

Fear: Stop believing.

Me: No.

Fear: Stop asking for your dreams to come true.

Me: No.

Fear: Think of me first, last and always.

Me: No.

Fear: Don’t trust Him.

Me: Shut it!!

Fear: K…

Tell fear no, beloveds. Don’t waste time trying to convince it you are not afraid of it. Tell it to kick rocks and keep it moving. Stand. On FAITH. Standing on fear only makes it stronger and you feel weaker.

You are not.

You are:

Loved.

NOT alone.

Nuff said,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Psalm 27:5 says: Fir in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; In the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock.

Ah, God, my times are troubled. Help me not to fear this fear that is trying it’s best to best me. I’m afraid, God. Of what may come. Of what has come. Be with me as I try. My try seems terribly insufficient. I need Your Grace. I need You to open the windows of heaven and pour out a financial blessing large enough to drown out all these bills that won’t stop billing. Asking for me and a ton of friends…..

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

I can’t. I can. I will.

I can’t right the wrong(s) of the world.

I can love the world regardless of how the world responds.

I will.

I can’t change the past or what folk did in the past.

I can do my best to create a better future for the world.

I will.

I can’t.

I can.

I will.

We all make the world a better or worse place.

By our choices.

By our actions.

By our inaction(s).

I feel hopeless sometimes.

I feel helpless at times.

I feel hopeful always.

Yet, I try.

doing what I can,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Feeling awfully hopeless. Feeling quite a bit helpless. Feeling a tad hopeful.

I keep wondering when my change might come. Earlier, I cried knowing there is a chance my change will never come. Not as I imagine it should or shall or should.

I did NOT want to get out of bed. I stayed in bed. ALL day. I did NOT want to get up. I got up. I made me make coffee. I made me make me turn on the laptop. I made me make me turn on some uplifting music.

Finally, I made me make me get on here to tell you:

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Ah, beloveds. Keep going. Keep walking. Rest when needed. Rinse. Repeat. Be sure, beloveds to turn up the music. Loud. Dance through this hard. Ah, God, why does life have to be so lifery right now?! Asking for many friends…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Rest now, God said to me.

God: Rest now.

Me: I can’t.

God: Rest. Now.

Me: I don’t know how.

God: Rest.

Me: I’m afraid to.

God: Why?

Me: I’m afraid I will/have run out of time.

God: I got you. Rest now.

Me: K.

Today, I rested.

Finally.

FINALLY!

What made me rest?

Finally being honest.

With me.

With God.

With fam.

With friends.

Fam understood.

Friends, seemingly or so I thought, either pretended I didn’t share or ignored me. See, beloveds, folk have been used to me keeping MY hurt/hard to myself, whilst bearing THEIR burden/hard so THEY could keep on keeping on.

God has been trying to get me to stop doing this for years.

Life has been trying to get me to stop doing this, for years.

The Universe has been trying to get me to stop doing this. For years!

What led me to stop doing this?

Sheer:

Exhaustion.

Fatigue.

Anger.

Frustration.

Resignation.

Acceptance.

Release.

I released ME, beloveds. I don’t blame THEM. I was the one who was forever toting water that was meant to be toted by others.

Now, I tote mine. And, I support others as they tote their own.

The main purpose of this blog, beloveds, is to gently try and pry the bucket from your willing hand(s). Put it down, beloveds. Back away. Rest now.

Rest.

Now.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Beloveds, you do NOT owe anyone anything. Yes, you love. Because, you CHOOSE to love. You don’t love simply to win/earn love, in return. Love shall ALWAYS love. It’s all Love knows.

Stop paying rent, beloveds. You do NOT have to perform to be seen, heard, loved and value. I see you. God sees you. The folk who truly care, sees you.

Lift up your head.

Open your heart and watch The Universe fill you with so much love you can’t but share it.

I love me some you. As does He. Love some you, will you? Asking for Your Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

God, can you take it back?

Me: Can you take it back?

God: What?

Me: The tornado.

God: Why?

Me: Because, my life is now before and after. Before the tornado I felt. After the tornado I couldn’t/can’t feel. Anything. Everything.

God: I understand.

Me: I don’t. I’m not sure I ever will.

God: Trust Me?

Me: I do.

God: Then TRUST Me!

Me: K.

I find myself stupidly, beloveds, wanting to ask God to take back the tornado. Literally. Yes, I KNOW this is irrational AND impossible.

I want to be writing of other things. Random things. Dumb thing like singing in my underwear.

I don’t want to be telling you to hang in there all the while wondering what in the fresh hell are we holding onto and what for?!

Be encouraged, beloveds. Hard times truly do happen to good people. To all people.

Hard times do not discriminate. Hard times could care less what color you are let alone how much money you have in the bank.

The one thing I hold on during this time is this:

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

I have to keep telling myself this. Outloud.

I AM LOVED!

I AM NOT ALONE!!

I have never felt so:

Lost.

Alone.

Bereft.

Confused.

Afraid/sorta/kinda/maybe just a smide?

I have also never felt so:

Loved.

Not alone.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing!

I won’t lie and say my faith has not been tested. And, surprisingly so. For me, or so I thought, my faith would never be in doubt or in question, during this latest hard.

Ha!

Tell THAT to the tornado that tore through and snatched all of my:

Confidence.

Belief that such a thing would not befall me.

Knowledge that everything would remain the same after every storm.

God would storm, loudly, and would make sure I could SEE His Hand in such a terribly dark and hard place.

Nope, He sure did not show up and show out. In fact, the opposite has happened. God sits. Silently. Quietly. Watching. Watching. Watching and doing I have not the first clue what!

Watching my faith.

Watching my try.

Watching MY actions.

It’s NOT what happens, beloveds, which determines our faith. It is what we allow/choose/make happen within us.

We can choose to be:

Bitter.

Angry.

Hopeless.

Or, we can choose to be:

Prayerful.

Hopeful.

Resourceful.

Resilient.

Joyful.

I can not tell you how many times, beloveds, I bargained and bartered with God to turn back the hands of the clock!

Ah, God. Why did You take my mom?

Oh, God. WHY did You ALLOW this happening to happen?!

Ow, God. WHY did you not tell me that my before will now forever be my after?!

Before the tornado…

After the tornado…

I hate those words!

I am making peace with my now. It’s a slow process. It’s frustrating. It’s sad. It’s stunning.

Still, I sing.

Badly.

Still, I dance.

Awkwardly.

Still, I enjoy my coffee and yaks with mom and The Father as I lament these happenings.

Still, I write.

Still, I hope.

Ah, God. I hope!

Hope with me, beloveds.

For you.

For me.

For others.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My heart is at peace. Though stirred, I KNOW all shall be well. I think. I hope. Ah, God. Hurry. We are tired. Be there for us. Asking for many friends…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: Keep pushing through.

Keep pushing through.

Even when frustrating things happen.

Especially when frustrating things happen.

Due to the tornado, our infrastructures are all tore up. The power has been going off and on, again. Ack.

Right now, we are in an ‘it is what it is’ phase. Maddening.

I am doing my utmost to not scream and throw things, in frustration.

I am doing my best to stay PATIENT and UNDERSTANDING.

With me.

With my current circustances.

Be good to you, beloveds, as you work your way through your new normal.

NOTHING is normal for me. Not anymore. I wish I had known that my old would never again be.

Now, I have a new. This new is unfamiliar. Ack. Ah, God, what in the fresh hell do we DO with ourselves as we work with and through this new normal? We did NOT ask for this. We did NOT want to go this way.

Yet, we go. Why? Because, You need us going this way.

Why? The heck if I know. I no longer ask why. Now, I just ask for grace.

Gimme grace, Lord. Asking for a friend.

Geeeeeeeeeeez, beloveds. WHEN is this hard going to be not so hard?

wondering/waiting/wandering a bit,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I was ready to throw something. Instead, I decided to work on a few more pieces. I am doing my level best to make as many positive choices as I can. Goodness and gravy already.

Be encouraged. Keep going. Laugh a bit. Cry if needed. Rinse. Repeat. We got this. God has us all. Be encouraged. I love you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

It’s not your job.

Healing folk.

It’s not your job.

Restoring folk.

It’s not your job.

Changing folk.

It’s not your job.

Lying to folk.

It’s not your job.

Persuading folk.

It’s not your job.

Saving folk.

It’s not your job.

Entertaining folk.

It’s not your job.

Raising folk

It’s not your job.

Believing for folk.

It’s not your job.

Having faith for folk.

It’s not your job.

Solving problems for folk.

It’s not your job.

Changing the past for folk.

It’s not your job.

Being what others could not be for folk.

It’s not your job.

Giving folk what folk need to give themselves.

It’s not your job.

Beloveds, you are NOT the world’s:

Entertainment committee!

You are NOT here simply to fulfill every need and want of others. Hooey with all that!

Yes, we love. We love because that’s what love does! We do NOT love to get love in return. Yes, we all want to be loved in return. And, if you are in a relationship where you are the only one giving, get the heck out of there and find folk who will return the favor!

We are NOT the caretakers for the world. Folk can and need to take care of themselves. Yes, we support. The operative word being SUPPORT. We do NOT do what folk need to do for themselves.

And, part of loving folk is loving them enough to walk away, when needed. Part of loving folk is allowing them to make fifty million thousand mistakes and to laugh with them as they learn and grow.

Enough already with a world that wants to take no responsibility, one which does not want to dole out a good boot to the rear and a world which is waiting to be waited on. Enough with THAT!!

Don’t be as most, beloveds. Get up and live your life. Get on out there and give some boots. Get on out there and love some folk. Get out there and allow some folk to love you back. Do this remembering but one thing:

IT’S NOT YOUR JOB!

loving with you,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Okay, after that rousing speech yall supposed to be out there loving folk and kicking folk in the hiney so they can get some act right acting right. Asking for A Friend.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Keeping it real: Hard times…

Hard times…

Teaches you to fight.

Hard times…

Forces you to fight.

Hard times…

Reveals your fight.

So get up and FIGHT, beloveds!

Stop fighting against the fact things are hard.

Stop fighting with God because things are hard.

Stop fighting with Life for being so damned hard.

Get in there and fight!

For:

Your dreams.

Your values.

Your family.

Your job.

Your community.

Your faith.

Your voice.

Your causes.

Anybody can quit.

Just about everyone makes excuses.

The world gave up on you long time ago.

So what?!

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Keep going. Hard times or not. Yes, this message gets old. I am tired of saying it to myself, let alone you. SMH. Keep going. We got thangs to do….

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Don’t dim your light for others.

Don’t dim your light for others, beloveds.

Don’t pick up your love toys and go home when folk have not enough bandwidth for you.

Don’t run away and hide your heart when others do the same. That’s a THEIR problem, not yours.

Too often, we allow what others do to determine what WE do. I have been doing my utmost to not allow circumstances or how others do, to determine how I shall:

Act.

Respond.

Try.

We all have our journeys. We don’t all travel at the same speeds. None of truly know the heart of another.

All we can do is be us and allow others the opportunity to love and get to know us.

I am doing my level best not to pick up my love toys and go home. There are ooodles and ooodles of folk who are longing to play with a loud, old lady like me….lol.

Keep on being you, beloveds. You are just right for many. Yet, you won’t meet your many until you get out there and wade through all the wanna bes, the nots and the what the hells.

Be encouraged. Enjoy you. God does. The Universe cracks up whilst thinking of you in all of your goofness.

Embrace ALL that is you. ALL of it. I mean it.

asking for a friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: I love me some you. Love someone today. Starting with you.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Recovery: Intermittent Power Outages.

Fresh hell!

The power keeps going out.

Intermittently.

Frustratingly.

The surge has gotten my television acting a fool. Again! It took hours to get it back going. For it’s own safety, and mine, I have decided to leave it off before I chuck it over the balcony and onto the wasteland now known as the yard. Crap!!!

I have to laugh to keep from crying. It is much too hot for a headache from tears that won’t wash away these darned power surges.

I keep reminding myself life can be just like these dumb surges: Intermittent. Slow. Annoying. Frustrating. Getting in the way!!!!

Instead of beating the telly to death, I beat the fresh hell out of some eggs and made some scrumptious eggs, hamsteak and potatoe thingamajigs.

Instead of letting life frustrate you, come and have some breakfast with me. Don’t forget the coffee and desert.

wondering what in the fresh hell all this life nonsense is about,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: Don’t let life get you down, beloveds. Find some joy in there. Dig out a few laughs. Turn on some music. Read a book. Get some fresh air. Do a chair dance with me. We got thangs to do. Life is too short lamenting about power surges you can do absolutely nothing about. Let God do His Work. You be about yours. Let’s go.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

Real talk: You can if you want to.

You can, beloveds.

IF you REALLY want to!

You can:

Be consistent.

Work hard.

Succeed with consistent hard work and effort.

You can, beloveds.

You can reach YOUR goals.

You can fulfill YOUR dreams.

Oftentimes, beloveds, we go with gutso, for all others. For us, though, we go:

Timidly.

Fearfully.

Full of doubt.

Often angry.

Seemingly ALWAYS impatient.

It’s time to take another look, beloveds.

At US.

At our try for OUR dreams.

Yep, it’s time, beloveds, for us to put on our big girl pants, our big boy jeans and get to work FOR us.

Enough procrastinating.

Enough self-sabotaging.

Enough self-doubting.

Let’s get out there and try, beloveds.

Just try.

The outcome is not for us to worry about.

I am learning this with EVERY failure.

I am learning this with EACH no.

I am learning this with ALL detours.

I am learning this with ENDLESS heartaches/heartbreaks.

Yet, I learn.

Beloveds, we are exactly where we are supposed to be at this point in our lives. God, The Universe and Life have taken EVERYTHING into account. Especially, our doubt and unbelief. In us. In Them.

My want to sooooooooooooooooooooooo wants to.

My world has been turned upside down.

Suddenly.

Immediately.

Irreparably.

Now, I go. Towards a future in which I have NO idea what/where/when anything shall be.

Right now, my job is paused.

Right now, my finances are at zero.

Right now, my strength is at it’s lowest ebb.

Yet, I am hopeful.

Still.

Why?

Because, I am loved.

Because, I am NOT alone.

Ah, God. Thank You, for being silent among all this loud. In Your Silence, I am finding my voice.

Ah, Cassandra. Everything really will be okay. We SHALL find the way eventually. Some kind of way.

I am doing more and more pieces. Why? Because, I have no idea when the next tornado may come and take me with it.

Life is short, beloveds.

This IS your time.

These ARE your moments.

Go, beloveds.

It’s okay to go afraid.

Just go.

There is sooooooooooooooooooooooo very much love and joy just waiting to embrace you. Let them in. Let Them. In.

asking for Your Friend,

Cassandra

Note: Beloveds, God called me, when I was eight years old. Called me to bring messages of hope to my fellow men/women. I have been doing my best. All these years. I shall continue to do so, til the last breath leaves me. Let my last words be these then:

God SEES you.

God LOVES you.

God CARES DEEPLY for you life.

As do I.

Be encouraged.

Keep going.

Keep looking up.

Keep reaching out.

You CAN.

You WILL.

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!