God, can you take it back?

faith, God, Hobbies, Music, Poetry, Running, Song, walking, Writing 2 Minutes

Me: Can you take it back?

God: What?

Me: The tornado.

God: Why?

Me: Because, my life is now before and after. Before the tornado I felt. After the tornado I couldn’t/can’t feel. Anything. Everything.

God: I understand.

Me: I don’t. I’m not sure I ever will.

God: Trust Me?

Me: I do.

God: Then TRUST Me!

Me: K.

I find myself stupidly, beloveds, wanting to ask God to take back the tornado. Literally. Yes, I KNOW this is irrational AND impossible.

I want to be writing of other things. Random things. Dumb thing like singing in my underwear.

I don’t want to be telling you to hang in there all the while wondering what in the fresh hell are we holding onto and what for?!

Be encouraged, beloveds. Hard times truly do happen to good people. To all people.

Hard times do not discriminate. Hard times could care less what color you are let alone how much money you have in the bank.

The one thing I hold on during this time is this:

I am loved.

I am NOT alone.

I have to keep telling myself this. Outloud.

I AM LOVED!

I AM NOT ALONE!!

I have never felt so:

Lost.

Alone.

Bereft.

Confused.

Afraid/sorta/kinda/maybe just a smide?

I have also never felt so:

Loved.

Not alone.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confusing!

I won’t lie and say my faith has not been tested. And, surprisingly so. For me, or so I thought, my faith would never be in doubt or in question, during this latest hard.

Ha!

Tell THAT to the tornado that tore through and snatched all of my:

Confidence.

Belief that such a thing would not befall me.

Knowledge that everything would remain the same after every storm.

God would storm, loudly, and would make sure I could SEE His Hand in such a terribly dark and hard place.

Nope, He sure did not show up and show out. In fact, the opposite has happened. God sits. Silently. Quietly. Watching. Watching. Watching and doing I have not the first clue what!

Watching my faith.

Watching my try.

Watching MY actions.

It’s NOT what happens, beloveds, which determines our faith. It is what we allow/choose/make happen within us.

We can choose to be:

Bitter.

Angry.

Hopeless.

Or, we can choose to be:

Prayerful.

Hopeful.

Resourceful.

Resilient.

Joyful.

I can not tell you how many times, beloveds, I bargained and bartered with God to turn back the hands of the clock!

Ah, God. Why did You take my mom?

Oh, God. WHY did You ALLOW this happening to happen?!

Ow, God. WHY did you not tell me that my before will now forever be my after?!

Before the tornado…

After the tornado…

I hate those words!

I am making peace with my now. It’s a slow process. It’s frustrating. It’s sad. It’s stunning.

Still, I sing.

Badly.

Still, I dance.

Awkwardly.

Still, I enjoy my coffee and yaks with mom and The Father as I lament these happenings.

Still, I write.

Still, I hope.

Ah, God. I hope!

Hope with me, beloveds.

For you.

For me.

For others.

asking for A Friend,

Cassandra

#YourLifeMattersToMe

Note: My heart is at peace. Though stirred, I KNOW all shall be well. I think. I hope. Ah, God. Hurry. We are tired. Be there for us. Asking for many friends…

One step.

One step.

One step.

You are loved.

You are NOT alone.

Keep on being…YOU!

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Published by Cassandra S.

Published

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