Enjoy the hard. Make your dreams happen. https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cwn820fq2cr/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Making this snippet was quite delightful. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did making it.
HEEYYYY!
😁
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
#HereForIt
Heart check time!
Time for you to STOP and tend to YOUR heart.
You have spent your life tending to others. Take a breath. Take a break.
I had to take a break, yesterday. Healing is NOT easy or simple. Doable but yikes!
Am still working on the third piece of…nevermind. Taking a breather from THAT hard and scrounging round, in my heart, for other things to inspire or work the last nerves, know what I mean?
Work is STILL working my nerves. Tech issues that are even driving the tech team up 10 walls. Issue had to be escalated higher.
I am learning sooooooo much about ME as we work through this. It’s like my lagging and stuck system has been an example of how my life is going: lagging, unable to move forward due to things outside my control, needing assistance from a Higher Team, to diagnose and fix the ROOT CAUSES of things.
In the past, I used to get sooooooooo angry with God, with Life, with The Universe, with EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY, when things were difficult.
Instead of embracing the hard, I stared at hard mountain and:
Told myself this or that was just too hard, to attempt. So I didn’t try.
Fussed, er, asked God, WHY, why, why and why this, that and the other thing. So, I wouldn’t try.
Cried, er, wondered aloud to Life, WHY, why, why and why was LIFE DOING BEING SO UNFAIR?! So, I refused to try.
Lamented, forlornly, to The Universe as to WHY, why, why and why this, that and the other thing happened to ME?! SO, I was too tired to try.
After a while, I found myself too afraid to try.
So, I tried. Hard. For, others. For, work. For, family. For, friends. For, ministry.
I do NOT regret those tries. I just wish I had believed enough in ME, to try so hard FOR me.
I do now.
I don’t regret the time it took.
Why?
Because that is simply how long it took me to find the COURAGE to face…ME!
I have been astonished with how loving and giving and receiving my heart has been, to me.
We are so many things, all at once. Our bodies house our heart, mind, soul and spirit. The work is getting them all the get some act right and start working WITH one another and not fighting me.
Anywho, whilst I am waiting for tech, to reach out, I figured I would reach out and do a heart check.
Be encouraged, beloveds. As you keep moving forward, give yourself the time and space to breathe and PROCESS.
I am, now, beginning to feel and process things, as an adult, that I stored away, as a child and angry adult. Now, I can breathe and reflect and unpack.
It has not been fun. Yet, I am at peace. And, as I process and move FORWARD, I am enjoying the hard. It keeps showing me different parts, of ME, I had no clue was there.
I am enjoying meeting me.
Enjoy who you are, beloveds. ALL of you. Forgive yourself for not being where you thought you should and could be. You are EXACTLY where you are. Period. Why you are there is besides the point.
If you are not satisfied with WHERE you are, use the dissatisfaction to your advantage. Start asking yourself why. Start reaching out to The Universe.
I mean it. Literally. Ask, outloud:
“Universe, why are you pestering my heart for?”
Then, ask YOU, what you want and NEED for The Universe to give YOU?
What do YOU want and need?
You will be amazed at what your heart will tell you. IF you find the courage to ASK and LISTEN.
This should scare the holy crackers out of you. If it does not, beloveds, your heart is still sleep. Wake him/her/it up, then ask.
In the meantime, cut yourself some slack whilst living, in the meantime, between your dreams and reality colliding.
Be encouraged. Tell someone, starting with you:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU!
One step.
One step.
One step.
asking with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
“It wasn’t worth going to jail over”. Words spoken, from a father’s lips. Spoken, aloud, after being asked, FINALLY, why he had not fought for a daughter, after an unspeakable had been unspeakably done, to an innocent child.
An innocent child, no longer innocent.
An innocent child, now hopelessly angry, at a father, at a mother, at The Father, at the whole damned world.
An innocent child, now damned, living in a damned angry body, that no longer felt like home. A body, that no longer felt, her own.
Homeless, now angry, an innocent child, continued through a world containing no champion.
Champion-less, an innocent child found more ‘less’, piled on top of ‘after’, leaving a mess, in it’s wake.
A wake, which left an innocent child, wading desperately, in the tsunami her life had just become.
After.
Birth.
After, ah, after, hearing a father’s now impossibly impossible words, to hear, to forget, an innocent child, now grown, fought to:
Matter.
Live.
Love.
Laugh.
Move.
Have her being.
Wishing, as before, for a before, to forever sweep away after.
After, ah after, you pursue me, still.
After…birth…it wasn’t worth going to jail over.
I was over:
Everything.
Everyone.
God.
Life.
Especially mine.
A life, no longer mine, ever after, belonging to after and it/you were not worth…going to jail for.
An innocent child’s heart ♥, a fully grown woman’s heart ♥, hopeless, jailed seemingly for all eternity.
To be continued…
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: My father taught me many lessons. He gave me my love of 📚 books/reading. He also taught me to fear men/God. Hang in there, beloveds, I promise you shall cheer, by journey’s end.
In the meantime, KNOW there IS an other side of unspeakable unspeakables. There is. Ah, beloveds, there is. You are NOT damaged goods. You are NOT hopelessly hopeless. You SHALL recover and love for the rest of your days.
You know the drill:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU
“I should have kept the afterbirth and thrown the rest away” – words spoken, from a mother’s lips. Words that could never be. Words that should have never been…said.
Words that shaped EVERY step, every way, of life, or lack thereof, moving forward.
After.
Birth.
Two words, which bore:
Pain.
Doubt.
Helpless.
Hopeless.
I spent many years, decades, trying to wipe the ‘less’, from the mess, thereafter, I felt my life was.
It, was worthless.
Therefore, I, was worthless.
After, birthed a lifelong pursuit, to earn love back:
From, God.
From, Life.
From, mom.
From, the whole damned world.
My world, now damned, became a damned fight to let this world know I was worth a damn!
Dammit!
I matter, my heart shouted!
Do you, doubt jeeringly stated, EVERY step, there…after.
After, ah, after!
After, I prayed for a do over.
After, I prayed for a before.
A before, where after, had never been spoken.
A before, where after, had never happened, and had never, 💔 broken, this ♥ heart, of mine.
To be continued…
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Hang in here, with me. I promise you shall cheer, by journey’s end. Til then, KNOW beloveds, that you are NOT the things that have happened upon you. You are NOT the pain, inflicted upon you. You are NOT your pain.
Remember alway:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being… YOU
Adjust… https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cwhk5okI52O/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Adjust…
Your attitude.
Your days is in YOUR hands, beloveds. Make the grass as green as you like! You don’t need someone else’s day/life. Live yours. Enjoy, today. Okay? Asking for a Friend.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: What the world you still doing here waiting for the note?! Get to writing your own bestseller of a life!
I want to quit.
So what?
I’m TIRED, of reaching out, only to hear silence, only.
So what?
I’m EXHAUSTED, from trying to exhaust every option.
I started this piece, days ago. I quit on it, days ago…lol.
Actually, was saving it to finish up, today. I needed a break.
In fact, I put the brakes on my try, for a bit.
It’s important, beloveds, to take the time to get off the world, and rest, just a bit.
I rested. Restlessly. I told myself I got thangs to do! Still, my heart demanded that I be still. It can be soooooooooooooooo hard, to not use effort, to get what I want and need. Yes, it takes full effort and try but the TRY is the point. The outcome, is not up to me. ALL I can and must do is to try and wait, patiently, for the outcome to live and move and have it’s being.
I am watching the third round of The Tour Championship. The first two days, folks were making birdies every where. Today, they are all pressing, stressing, and shooting their way OUT of winning. Pressure can and will do that, won’t it?
I am learning, to not put pressure on the outcome. I am learning to just ask, try, work and be all I can be and leave the rest to God, to Life, to The Universe, to fam, to friends, to my job, to my community, to respond in whatever way They/they need to. Takes the pressure off Them/them, off me, off TRY.
Leaving peace, in place of, stress.
Leaving joy, in place of, try.
Leaving hope, in place of, doubt.
Leaving laughter, in place of, tears.
I want to quit.
So what?
I CHOOSE.
Keep going, beloveds.
Take your feels with you, if need be
going/growing with you,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Remember:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU.
Today, I will.
Nuff said.
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Keep your promises, today. Especially ones you made to YOU. Either you will or you won’t. Enough wasting ⌚ time with wondering. Do or don’t do. Enough waiting for others. Love on you. Now. Today. You have everything you need to have an uproariously, joyful and joy-filled day.
Don’t get mad at God, Life or The Universe if you choose to wallow in happenstance. Be sure to happen, to your day.
Leave the day impressed with all you have done to shape, sharpen and reshape your world. You are NOT a dame or damsel, in distress. Start causing havoc on ALL the things holding you back. Get going…
Yesterday is over.
Whew!
Time to:
Turn, the page.
Start, a new one.
Another day has arrived.
We can write whatever we want.
We can BE, whatever we choose.
We can be any character we choose, in THIS day.
Forget about yesterday. It did what it did.
Focus on THIS day. YOUR day. Doing that thang only YOU can do.
Haven’t you learned yet, beloveds?
These tests, though trying, are just…tests.🤷♀️
So, I spent most of yesterday in frustrated/sad/mad tears?
So what?
I wrote, still.
I enjoyed my ☕ coffee, still.
I laughed with my friend, still.
I annoyed, er, cut up with my big bro, still.
I watched old TV shows, still.
Old TV shows watched me sleep, still.
I tiredly ate a half can of tuna and crackers, still.
Long story short, beloveds:
I LIVED, with intention, still.
We get ONE day. And, we know not if we will have the day, in it’s entirety. Snatch some kind of joy from EVERY day.
Keep doing that thang that only YOU were born and called to do and be. If YOU were not crucial, why the world would the world be wasting so much of it’s time trying to convince you of the supposed nothingness you are?!
Turn the page on yesterday.
Today has arrived, present(s) in tow.
leaving yesterday behind,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Whew! Nuff said. Keep collecting diamonds…
Ladies, you are more… https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwPHmFuIJy3/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Your turn, ladies.
You are more…
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
So, I am here, tearing things up…*shrug*.
Trying new things, to encourage folk and try to navigate in this space.
Yikes!
Egads!
*shrug*.
Be encouraged.
tearing things up,
Cassandra
#YourLifeMattersToMe
Note: Don’t wait until you figure out how. Do something and let The Universe steer you in the right direction.
Remember:
You are loved.
You are NOT alone.
Keep on being…YOU.
One step.
One step.
One step.
Why Can't I Be Loud?! 